Lovesong Poetry

[Scary]

I'm afraid God is going to give me
someone I don't want to be with.
I'm afraid I'm not going to love them,
I'm afraid I'm not going to be attracted to them,
I'm afraid they are going to be cold,
I'm afraid they are going to be dominating,
I'm afraid they are going to be mean to me.
I'm afraid its not going to be better than what I had..

There are now so many tormenting thoughts,
I keep thinking of who I would be good with,
or who will be good for me.
I don't want them, I don't want to be with them..

I am seeking God while I am alone,
but when I am seeking out God's love,
I feel like my worries about who I want
to be with intervene, and I can't look at
God because I begin to get anxious
about who I will be with..
I am still tormented with these pressures
to be with someone who is Christian,
I want a Christian...maybe I"m just picky..

what If I don't want what God wants,
because i don't know what he has for me..?
I know God is sovereign
and will do what he will,

I know its not good to be alone,
but whats with all this pressure
to be with someone..?
​

 

[Scary]

Trust
by: Lowanla (me)

Trust God
because he is your friend
he has never let you down
he knows your heart
don't take your gaze off of him
because he will never let you go
don't be afraid, don't be dismayed,
He won't force you to do anything
that you don't want to do,
he has a plan for you.
Its gonna be something you
are going to love.
Don't look to the right,
don't look to the left,
keep your eyes on Jesus
even if you don't know the whole truth.

I belong to God.

God take my worry, take my fear,
take my hurting, let me know you are near.

My problems are so tiny and trivial, but they are yours to hold,
they are important to you, I am important to you.
I am someone special to you.

I trust you God, with my heart..
I trust you with my soul,
I trust you with my life,
I trust you with my mind.

I trust you with my future.
I wish I could know and experience,
and see your face, I wish I could
see Heaven fill this place..

I seek Christ all the more,
even when I am tempted
and tormented by dreams,
they try to lead me astray,
but they drive me upward toward
that kingdom far away.
​

 

[Scary]

I woke up this morning, and this song popped in my head,
I'm listening to it now, makes me feel happy, makes me feel loved.
It reminds me not to worry about my little problems Jesus is really coming back, I'm excited, I'm going home,
to be with the Lord forever. I feel so happy.

[video=youtube;dbPGsZQX6KI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbPGsZQX6KI[/video]
​

 

[Scary]

I forgive you
I love you

​

 

[Scary]

I did give up
i did quit
thats why I am
pushing you away
I don't want you

I can't do this
I can't wait for you
I have to move on

I waited all this time for you, but
You never waited for me..
you have someone,
who probably really loves you
whom you are taking for granted
Whom you are hurting..
i was too stupid to not see how
unfaithful you are

Go be with her
the one you want
stay away from me
i will never come to see you
I refuse to wait for you

Why should I wait for you?
You treat me like I am worth nothing
you make me feel second rate
i am never gonna be good enough for you

If you really loved me
i should have been the one
but I am not
And now I don't want to be

so you are on your own
deal with her alone

Ill be with the man God chooses for me
I will learn to love him
and I will love him
because my will is not my own
i will learn to be happy
And I will be happy

it doesn't take much for me
to be happy​

 

[Scary]

I'm sorry

I was too harsh on you

when I told you I gave up
and that I quit
I was just so frustrated,
tormented bitter, and angry​

mostly heartbroken..

So I am sorry that I hurt you
with my words

I can't go back and do the things I use to
anymore, because I believe in Jesus
and I am trying to do the right thing.
I am trying to live a life that pleases God.

I know my past is not a clean one,
and that I am far from pure, and i'm not perfect,
but I don't see myself better than you.
Its just so heartbreaking to do things your way..

it hurts so much..
I feel so rejected, used and hurt,
I feel like I am the adulterer the other woman
the prostitute, the harlot,
the one the man would hide in shame
from his wife

I've been tormented with these thoughts
that constantly attack my mind

I hate when I am reminded of what I've done,
I hate being called a whore or a harlot, or even
worse names.. these are tormenting..

I feel God is mad at me because I have
entertained this idea..

I don't want to entertain this idea..
I don't want God to be mad at me,

and maybe that's not your intention
to make me feel that way

I don't want to be an option or a choice,

I will be your friend, I will pray for you,
that you succeed in life,
and everything good happens for you..

I just can't live with the torment..

I use to be that person 'the harlot, or the
used woman, or the whore'

whatever you think I am ..

I don't want to be that person anymore.

I hate myself, I hate my life...

I hate me..

I wish I was never born.

because I am these things..

I don't want to be anymore.

God keeps tormenting me,
reminding me, and I'm trying to so hard to be good..​

 

[Scary]

Okay sorry I had that little pity party there,

I apologize for making you feel bad for saying I have
given up on you, and for quitting on you

I want to let you know, I won't stop praying for you,
don't give up on yourself, just keep seeking Jesus,
he has never given up on you,
he will never give up on you

so hopefully this is a better apology than the last one.​

 

[Scary]

A New Me
by: Lowanla (me)

Death was my name
I came from the grave
dragging my feet
I was unwanted
I was only an option
cursed because I deserved it
mistreated because I was never worth it
and Hell was my home
I was a living corpse
wandering the streets
with no life all alone
and the dead pulled me down
with them
to take my life they would eat
and thrive
and I was bled
and I was spent
they stole all my life energy

It had become my time
the day I would die
for me the world would never miss or cry
I had no reason to live
me I could not forgive

Then brighter than the sun
Jesus appeared
in anger and splender
pure innocent without sin
he knew my name and he loved me
I didn't love him, I didn't trust him
for I was dead and he was alive
but he wanted me to be by his right

He lay down his life
not in suicide
but in passionate sacrifice
he died, for me, he died..

why?

because there is no one else perfect
no one could fit the bill
no one in this world could
ever match what he had to spill

He died for Lowie

His pure blood fell like rain
upon my rotting flesh
and suddenly I become royal,
I was alive breathing and beautiful

I had to unlearn everything
I had learned when I was dead
I am forgiven, I am redeemed
that person I use to be is dead
I am a new me​

 

[Scary]

I deserve better​

 

[Scary]

Pointless meaningful dreams
by: Lowanla (me)

I had this dream of you
I was just another person in line
whom you would see
a passerby
I had only got one weak little cheek kiss
a friendly hug,
and then that was it

Wait.. Is that all I get?

i was forced to move a long
and then the moment was gone
it was then I realized
I'm only passing by

pointless meaningful dreams
can reveal so much about a situation
you never ask me to stay
I'm just passing you so goodbye
i wish you a happy life
​

 

[Scary]

I think a lot of you
I believe you deserve better too
No matter what the past
I still know this about you
I think you are good enough
You are important
you are someone

there is a lot of good about you
you made me feel better when I was sad
comforted me when I was mad
And you made me feel special
you made me feel loved
you made me happy
I am reminded of these things
about you

It's hard to let go
if I'm holding on to you
it's for these reasons

Even though I get angry
i will always pray for you
It's God that tells me to
he reminds me of all the
good about you

So Even though I might be justified
in stating my own case
and defending my right

I still feel bad
if I made you feel bad
i think a lot of you
if anything happened to you
i'd be devastated I hope you can believe it
I do love you

it breaks my heart to let go
this is the hardest thing I have to do
because it feels like you won't let go..
even if I have a glimpse that you might love me
Its the the worst feeling in the world
and it hurts so much right now​

 

[PopClick]

A New Me
by: Lowanla (me)

Death was my name
I came from the grave
dragging my feet
I was unwanted
I was only an option
cursed because I deserved it
mistreated because I was never worth it
and Hell was my home
I was a living corpse
wandering the streets
with no life all alone
and the dead pulled me down
with them
to take my life they would eat
and thrive
and I was bled
and I was spent
they stole all my life energy

It had become my time
the day I would die
for me the world would never miss or cry
I had no reason to live
me I could not forgive

Then brighter than the sun
Jesus appeared
in anger and splender
pure innocent without sin
he knew my name and he loved me
I didn't love him, I didn't trust him
for I was dead and he was alive
but he wanted me to be by his right

He lay down his life
not in suicide
but in passionate sacrifice
he died, for me, he died..

why?

because there is no one else perfect
no one could fit the bill
no one in this world could
ever match what he had to spill

He died for Lowie

His pure blood fell like rain
upon my rotting flesh
and suddenly I become royal,
I was alive breathing and beautiful

I had to unlearn everything
I had learned when I was dead
I am forgiven, I am redeemed
that person I use to be is dead
I am a new me​

This was so beautiful! ♥

 

[Scary]

This was so beautiful! ♥

Thankya very much!
Missed ya btw XD

 

[Scary]

you resent me
for everything I have said
Because you never wanted it to end.
because..you were really trying..
and I wasn't listening..
Im sorry I was just doing what i
thought was for the best

I thought pushing you away
was the right thing to do
I have humiliated and embarrassed you
And I was ungrateful for what you did
for me

And now you hate me
i don't blame you

I'm sorry

I'm cruel to you because
I'm afraid, I'm scared, I'm a fool and
I'm a coward if you haven't noticed..
I'm afraid to face this..

Anyway I won't make this too long

i am sorry
for hurting you with my thoughtless words

thats all I can say

i really am sorry for hurting you
​

 

[Scary]

Be Still
by: Lowanla (me)

Be still my long suffering heart
and ache no longer;
be put to death o my flesh
and desire no more.

I may not be beautiful enough for this world,
and I may be dejected from society,
I may be crushed in spirit,
I may be unwanted and undesired

Then I remember
if I am rejected, I am his, and I am accepted
if I am lonely, Jesus lives in my heart,
If I am killed on this earth, I will live Christ forever
If I am forgotten, Jesus remembers me

Jesus Loves me

------------------------

Stop Crying
by: Lowanla (me)

Stop crying
stop flowing tears
for years and years
I don't understand
why I can't move?
I don't understand why
I am being pulled forward
what am I suppose to do?

If I go I'll die
if I stay I'll live
don't move!
be a statue
be in silence
be second
be a woman

God where are you taking me with this?
if there are no tomorrows,
and I should live for today;
be like ointment to these wounds
to the end of my days
let me not see all of the pain
draw my heart to see your way

Jesus be my guide,
be my strength.​

 

[Scary]

The bad choice

it's for her attention
for her affection
for her love
that he'll do anything
use any girl
stupid enough to
Sacrifice her life

just a pawn in his scheme
used for these games
so she would love him
seduced by dreams
stupid me
Stupid me
stupid me

its for her
not for me
i was the bad choice
if she denied his heart
He would throw himself to me
the bad choice

I don't want anything..
I want to be left alone
​

 

[Scary]

home
By: Lowanla (me)

home is where God wants me to be
home is my place of safety
its not perfect and sometimes I feel stuck, but
home is where I am really happy

Home is where God has called me
home is where I shall plant myself
no one can force me out
because God has shut that door
God has something for me here
home is where I shall stand

Praise The Lord O my soul
thank you for your goodness
and everlasting kindness and goodness
And your faithfulness
thank you Jesus for loving me​

 

[Scary]

God allows certain things to happen
for certain reasons..
only because he has a plan,
he is in control.

The very air we breathe is his breath,
that is the very act of mercy.

Every single day we rise from sleep
is another day he granted for us to
be with him and worship him.
because there is none like him,
we were created for that reason,
to worship God, to believe in Christ Jesus,
he is the son of God.

Time is short, but God has time in his hands,
he is everything good,
and only good comes from him,
and everything he says is truth without fail.
He will do what he promised in the end.

He is long suffering and patient
he doesn't want anyone to perish,
but everyone to have everlasting life.
​

 

[Scary]

well I think I'm done talking
at least for the things that were bugging me
i had to get them out as this is my form of
clear communication
it's better then being alone in thought
it makes things easier for me..


i don't like when thoughts circulate, torment and confusion happen,
It brings me back to where I need to be, reality


now to refrain and practice some self control
​

 

[PopClick]

Thankya very much!
Missed ya btw XD

♥!

By the way, I can't quite figure out what your new avatar is! My best guesses are a jellyfish or squid, a painting of a lion, or smoke art. XD Will you enlighten me?