If A Woman Isn't Married By Age 50, Will She Be Alone Forever?

[seoulsearch]

Hey everyone,

I'm interested in your opinions. As many of you know, I've been single for a very long time and have not been in a relationship for about 10 years for varying reasons.

I've spent several years on Christian dating sites and many of you also know my complaint is always the same: when I was 12, 25-year-olds tried to talk to me. When I was 16, it was men in their 40's and 50's.

Now that I'm almost 40 myself, I am bombarded by "smiles" and emails from men ages 55-89. I specifically write in my profile that I am looking for my own age range, and that, "I have many dreams in this life, but becoming the next Anna Nicole Smith is not one of them."

I have personally never encountered older Christian men on dating sites who are looking for women in their own age range. They all seem to want women 10-40 years younger than them, and often chew me out because I'm not interested in an older man. (I realize different things work for different people and that's fine... But I DON'T think I'm wrong for not being interested in men that much older than me, either.)

When I was 25, people told me I was young and had so much time. But here I am, nearly 40. Another 15 years could easily pass by. And, I was talking to a beautiful, successful single woman in her mid-50's who was telling me that all the men she meets her age are "looking for 25-year-old Barbie's." I completely understand. I'm starting to get to the age myself where men are considering ME "too old," unless they're 65, and I'm thinking that if I don't find someone by age 50, all hope is lost.

Recently, a 55-year-old man wrote me and said, "You look really young... and not bad... FOR YOUR AGE." Interestingly, he had no pictures of himself in his profile.

My mother is in her 60s' and beautiful. I always wonder, if she didn't have my dad, should she abandon all hope of finding another husband? (Unless, of course, she was willing to marry an 80-year-old... whom I doubt would be available, because they're too busy writing women MY age.)

I realize these are age groups far beyond most who visit this particular Singles Forum... But I'm curious to hear what everyone out there, and most especially singles in this age group (50 and older) have to say. I would love to know that there are men out there who actually want to marry women who are their own age (or even older) instead of being young enough to be their daughter.

Give us ladies some hope that even as we get older, we still stand a chance.

*Pauses a moment... and only hears crickets chirping in the night.* Yup, I was afraid of that.

I'm really hoping that the statement I'm making are merely a stereotype and that I will be proven wrong, MANY times over. Here's to wishful thinking!

Ladies and gents, tell us about your experiences, expectations, and, if you are willing to share, reasons for your choices.

 

[seoulsearch]

My basic question is...

If men who are 55 are looking to date women 35-40... who does that leave the 55-year-old women to date?

 

[Liamson]

When I was 18 I dated a 24 year old. When I was 27 I dated a 24 year old. When I'm 55 I'll probably date a 24 year old.

hahahahaa



on a serious note... I have no idea.

 

[Fenner]

My Mom was widowed at 45, she married again at 70. She was picky and I'm glad she was.

 

[seoulsearch]

When I was 18 I dated a 24 year old. When I was 27 I dated a 24 year old. When I'm 55 I'll probably date a 24 year old.

hahahahaa



on a serious note... I have no idea.

I am NOT making a comparison by any means, but you reminded me of an interesting point.

I know this isn't the best example, but I always think of Tom Cruise. When he was in his 20's, his first wife was Mimi Rogers (considerably older than him). In his 30's, his second wife was Nicole Kidman (a bit younger than him, but not extreme.) As he approached 50, his third wife was 26-year-old Katie Holmes.

Yup. I know he's not a Christian. But I see the same pattern with Christian men as well. (Incidentally, when I was 25, my husband left me for a 19-year-old.) And I'm not trying to point fingers and say that men are somehow evil for this.

I'm just saying... that as a woman... it's downright depressing. Because it gives us a VERY limited shelf life.

And I feel as if my expiration date is about to pass by!!

 

[Fenner]

My thought on the subject is, I think you can find love at any age.

 

[seoulsearch]

My Mom was widowed at 45, she married again at 70. She was picky and I'm glad she was.

Awesome story, Fenner. Thank you for a glimmer of hope!

I guess all I have to do now is sit and wait. *grins* I can see my autobiography now... "I Found Love... At Shady Pines Retirement Home."

Just kidding!! Loved your story!!

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I just wanted to share that my cousin who is 38 just got married for the first time. They seem to be very happy together.

Also, older men may be LOOKING for much younger women, but that doesn't mean they are going to get one. Wishful thinking and reality are worlds apart, as we all know!

 

[Crimson_Lark]

I know how you feel completely but Seoulsearch are the men who go after the 24 year old the kind we want?

From the little I know about you, you deserve so much better.

 

[seoulsearch]

I just wanted to share that my cousin who is 38 just got married for the first time. They seem to be very happy together.

Also, older men may be LOOKING for much younger women, but that doesn't mean they are going to get one. Wishful thinking and reality are worlds apart, as we all know!

I often wonder if this is why we are all single... Because we all say we want God's best and will never settle for anything less.

The thing is... what we think is God's best for us... and what actually is... are often worlds apart. So we all sit around lamenting the fact that we never find someone... But what may actually be happening is that we're not allowing God to change us into wanting what He wants for us.

So the woman who wants the man who doesn't exist keeps on looking... Overlooking the quiet but God-fearing janitor sitting in the corner.

And the 55-year-old man who dreams of showing off his 30-year-old bride to his buddies... Sits at home in front of his computer... Looking to find a reality that really doesn't exist... And doesn't pause long enough to notice the faithful 50-year-old woman in his own Bible class.

 

[seoulsearch]

I know how you feel completely but Seoulsearch are the men who go after the 24 year old the kind we want?

From the little I know about you, you deserve so much better.

Aw, thank you, Crimson.

The thing I fear though is that there actually aren't many men who DON'T have the 24-year-old fantasy. I even hear good married men say that if they were single men, that's exactly what they'd do (head for the internet to find someone 20 years younger.)

I know. It's like saying that all women care about in a man his how much money he makes, which is completely untrue. We women here at CC very often protest this particular stereotype.

I am daring to say that the "older men always looking for younger women" is more of a fact, and not actually just a stereotype, though I wish it was.

 

[nw2u]

While I don't like generalities, I think your question asks for a general answer. Everyone is different. All women are not the same. All women are not in the same circumstances. That being said..............All men are not the same, either.


Many women who reach the age of 50 will decide they do not want to be married again. They know that it takes time to get to know someone. They have found themselves free from all of the responsibilities they had throughout most of their adult life. I suppose I am speaking of the women who are widowed or divorced. I think that makes up a great portion of single women in their fifties.

These women have their own money. They have their own life. They don't have to care for anyone, but themselves. I think many men realize this. They take themselves out of the "market".

Edit: "They", in the last sentence meant women. As I read over it again, I realize it can also mean men. Again, I apologize for answering in generalities. It's not fair, but I think that's the kind of answer you seek.

 

[Liamson]

I've never been terribly attracted to people who are outside of my scope of maturity and experience.

If I was 40 I would probably date someone who is 40.


When I was younger I was much more mature than my peers.

Now that I'm older I'm actually much less mature.

But I know what my range is and to be honest I would rather have someone my own age than someone younger. The only limitation to any of this is that I don't want to be with someone set in their ways or who has lost all spark of curiosity. I don't want to be with someone who is bitter, or lonely or resentful or prideful.

I can't make up for anything they missed out on.

I can't change anything about them that they don't want to change about themselves.

I only want to see a future with someone filled with hope, joy and love. I'm not going to be with someone who has poisoned their own ability to experience these things with me through self neglect or baggage, which tends to come with age but, not because of it.

 

[Kia123]

I know a great woman who has amazing kids and is over 50 and has never been married, she takes it serious and is extremely picky

 

[chatter23]

Hey everyone,

I'm interested in your opinions. As many of you know, I've been single for a very long time and have not been in a relationship for about 10 years for varying reasons.

I've spent several years on Christian dating sites and many of you also know my complaint is always the same: when I was 12, 25-year-olds tried to talk to me. When I was 16, it was men in their 40's and 50's.

Now that I'm almost 40 myself, I am bombarded by "smiles" and emails from men ages 55-89. I specifically write in my profile that I am looking for my own age range, and that, "I have many dreams in this life, but becoming the next Anna Nicole Smith is not one of them."

I have personally never encountered older Christian men on dating sites who are looking for women in their own age range. They all seem to want women 10-40 years younger than them, and often chew me out because I'm not interested in an older man. (I realize different things work for different people and that's fine... But I DON'T think I'm wrong for not being interested in men that much older than me, either.)

When I was 25, people told me I was young and had so much time. But here I am, nearly 40. Another 15 years could easily pass by. And, I was talking to a beautiful, successful single woman in her mid-50's who was telling me that all the men she meets her age are "looking for 25-year-old Barbie's." I completely understand. I'm starting to get to the age myself where men are considering ME "too old," unless they're 65, and I'm thinking that if I don't find someone by age 50, all hope is lost.

Recently, a 55-year-old man wrote me and said, "You look really young... and not bad... FOR YOUR AGE." Interestingly, he had no pictures of himself in his profile.

My mother is in her 60s' and beautiful. I always wonder, if she didn't have my dad, should she abandon all hope of finding another husband? (Unless, of course, she was willing to marry an 80-year-old... whom I doubt would be available, because they're too busy writing women MY age.)

I realize these are age groups far beyond most who visit this particular Singles Forum... But I'm curious to hear what everyone out there, and most especially singles in this age group (50 and older) have to say. I would love to know that there are men out there who actually want to marry women who are their own age (or even older) instead of being young enough to be their daughter.

Give us ladies some hope that even as we get older, we still stand a chance.

*Pauses a moment... and only hears crickets chirping in the night.* Yup, I was afraid of that.

I'm really hoping that the statement I'm making are merely a stereotype and that I will be proven wrong, MANY times over. Here's to wishful thinking!

Ladies and gents, tell us about your experiences, expectations, and, if you are willing to share, reasons for your choices.

Are you happy and healthy, then be satisfied. Just go about your life and the right one might come along without looking for people you know nothing about, rapists are out there looking for anyone desperate.
What on earth are you doing. And if you stay single you might be better off. Most men on the internet have something wrong with them, spiritually, emotionally or God knows what. Even Christian sites have them.

 

[Liamson]

Are you happy and healthy, then be satisfied. Just go about your life and the right one might come along without looking for people you know nothing about, rapists are out there looking for anyone desperate.
What on earth are you doing. And if you stay single you might be better off. Most men on the internet have something wrong with them, spiritually, emotionally or God knows what. Even Christian sites have them.

"Rapists are looking for anyone desperate"

"Most men on the internet have something wrong with them"

 

[seoulsearch]

Are you happy and healthy, then be satisfied. Just go about your life and the right one might come along without looking for people you know nothing about, rapists are out there looking for anyone desperate.
What on earth are you doing. And if you stay single you might be better off. Most men on the internet have something wrong with them, spiritually, emotionally or God knows what. Even Christian sites have them.

1. What on earth am I doing...

Living life and following God's will as best as I can. I'm far from desperate, but I understand your concern. However, if I were desperate, I wouldn't have let 10 years pass without being in a relationship. I've simply been selective in how I spend my time and who I spend it with.

And, as a matter of fact, I HAVE talked to rapists. Part of what I've done in my time of being single, aside from church classes and so forth, was participate in prison ministries. I always believe in being cautious, but it's a very humbling thing when you talk to some in prison who have committed what society views as the worst crimes a person can commit--and God convicts you of the fact that in His eyes, your own sins are just as unacceptable to Him as theirs are.

2. Most men on the internet have something wrong with them...

I would have to respectfully, but very strongly, disagree.

Being someone who regularly participates in the internet community, I could never state that there is something wrong with entire groups of people who hang out here. After all... if one believes so many people (or a particular group) on the 'net have something wrong with them... What are they doing on the internet themselves, and what's wrong with THEM?

 

[chatter23]

1. What on earth am I doing...

Living life and following God's will as best as I can. I'm far from desperate, but I understand your concern. However, if I were desperate, I wouldn't have let 10 years pass without being in a relationship. I've simply been selective in how I spend my time and who I spend it with.

And, as a matter of fact, I HAVE talked to rapists. Part of what I've done in my time of being single, aside from church classes and so forth, was participate in prison ministries. I always believe in being cautious, but it's a very humbling thing when you talk to some in prison who have committed what society views as the worst crimes a person can commit--and God convicts you of the fact that in His eyes, your own sins are just as unacceptable to Him as theirs are.

2. Most men on the internet have something wrong with them...

I would have to respectfully, but very strongly, disagree.

Being someone who regularly participates in the internet community, I could never state that there is something wrong with entire groups of people who hang out here. After all... if one believes so many people (or a particular group) on the 'net have something wrong with them... What are they doing on the internet themselves, and what's wrong with THEM?

You have a right to disagree. If you can't see, well , that is your problem. Keep on looking if you are not satisfied with your life. Some people don't know when they are well off.

 

[rachelsedge]

Some people don't know when they are well off.

It also seems some people don't know when they are making unfounded accusations against CC members.

 

[seoulsearch]

You have a right to disagree. If you can't see, well , that is your problem. Keep on looking if you are not satisfied with your life. Some people don't know when they are well off.

I'm fairly content with my life. If you take the time to read through my post, I never said I was horribly dissatisfied and that I JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE. There were times when I had waves of feeling that way throughout the years but it's not quite as bad anymore.

I can definitely see benefits on both sides of the fences. I always like to say, "The grass may look greener on the other side, but no matter what side you're on, the grass still needs to be mowed."

And, I'm glad that I'm at a point in life where I do have a clear idea of what and who I do and do not want to be.

I hope I don't ever become someone who automatically tells people what their problems are without knowing anything about them!

You sound like someone very content to be alone in life... Kudos to you. I may be in your shoes someday. But, I plan to wear them just a little differently.

Ok... Hopefully, a LOT differently.