Older women and younger men

[seoulsearch]

Hi Grace, sorry I'm a bit late to answer your thread.

And here's where I can be called out as a total hypocrite. I always complain about older guys hitting on me; but every now and then, a younger guy will try to talk to me, and I'm much more attracted to younger (depending!) than older. This will sound strange, but I feel safer around someone younger or about my age. Because I look younger than I am, older people often dismiss me as a cute kid and talk down to me. Younger people talk to me on a more even level.

Actually, I always feel in-between. I'm not a parent which I find is rare in most places at my age. Without a family, sometimes I feel frozen in time. I'm still in that stage of trying to figure out my life and what God wants me to do with it, whereas someone with a family or established career already has a fairly clear direction.

Over the past 3 years, at different times, I've been asked out by guys who were 21, 22, and 26 (not at the same time, of course!) Nothing worked because of things that could happen with anyone (one was into drugs, another, alcohol, and the third had too much going on to ever be available) but we were also at very different stages of life.

I try to be open-minded about a person as an individual rather than age... but like anyone else, I have preferences, too. I could easily see marrying someone, say, 5 years older or younger... But beyond that, I actually prefer younger, but probably not quite 21!! LOL!!

 

[mystdancer50]

I will admit that I only skimmed the first post and didn't read anyone else's posts (yet), but I just had to say I could never be with a younger man. That has always been my mindset. The godly man I marry has to be older than me. He can't even be the same age. Strange? Possibly. But here's the deal: I'm sure some of you have noticed my passionate stubbornness on other threads as I post...well, if my husband were younger than me, I would just know that he was clueless and I, being older, was far wiser and I would, therefore, blissfully ignore him until he left me. Seriously. He would have no say in my life, which would be wrong since he's supposed to be the headship and I am supposed to submit to him.

So, yeah, no younger men for me. And, I will only go about 10 years older than my own age, too. I used to say 20 years, but that would be my mom and dad's ages, respectively, and that is just plain weird, you know? Yup.

 

[Calmador]

New thread since this is a bit of a side street from the original "married by age 50" thread by Seoul.



Im glad you mentioned this Reece. This is something I have been pondering. I've in the past (eHarmony or whatever) been approached by younger men (in their 20s) and I admit I was curious, a bit amused at my own expense, and incredulous. What would a guy in his 20s see in a woman my age, with teenage daughters no less! I am probably doing them a grave disservice by dismissing them out of hand, and I feel bad about that. My first reaction is just to assume they are being friendly. That pretty much has to be it, right?? I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. Not the age itself so much as the difference in life situations. I dunno... thoughts from anyone on younger men and older women?

(Having said that, I know several couples with significantly older women and younger men, and they have all been successful. So I know it's not impossible. Maybe it's a pride thing? I feel like my husband should be at least as old and wrinkly as me. Haha.)

My reply copied and pasted from another thread...

"The word of God says... Judge not by appearance but judge rightouesly... This applies to many things or as others put it... preferences. This means we should'nt judge by race.. or prefer by race. We shouldn't judge by weight, height... or anything else physical.

In the book of Samuel it says... mankind looks at the appearance but God looks at the heart... repeating the same lesson.

If men and women choose there own way.. go figure that you won't be satisified. You'll just be in ongoing craving...

I think the idea of "preferences" is a very vague idea which can easily allow a worldy viewpoint into things. Preferences are okay among certian things but not everything. Like, can someone say, "I prefer rape and murder". Its that persons preference.... should it be okay? Of course not, hence I'm saying preferences is a vague word that can allow sinful and evil ideas as acceptable. And I think prefering people of a certian race, age, weight is sinful because of the above verses. "Judge not by appearance but Judge rightouesly." If we are not judging rightouesly than I think its sinful.

I'd say judge by maturity instead... by behavior... by the heart."

 

[Jullianna]

I have considered dating someone who was a lot younger, but when I thought about what I might be robbing him of, it seemed selfish. I do have a couple of friends who are married to men who are around ten years younger and it has worked well for them, but most such relationships I've seen have crashed and burned after the novelty wore off. One or both end up getting hurt and that's unacceptable to me. If I really don't think a relationship could work long term, I let it pass.

 

[seoulsearch]

By the way, I don't think of myself as a cougar.

Maybe more of a leopardess... (Just kidding!!)

If you see me club a man and drag him back to my cave(ette) by the scruff of his neck... I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Nothing to see here... move along.

 

[ServantStrike]

I have considered dating someone who was a lot younger, but when I thought about what I might be robbing him of, it seemed selfish. I do have a couple of friends who are married to men who are around ten years younger and it has worked well for them, but most such relationships I've seen have crashed and burned after the novelty wore off. One or both end up getting hurt and that's unacceptable to me. If I really don't think a relationship could work long term, I let it pass.

Edificiation time. It strikes when you're least expecting it!

I see the term "robbing someone." You are incapable of robbing anyone unless they aren't in it for the right reasons to begin with.


You, along with several other women on here, seem to think that the man gets the raw end of the deal in a relationship with an age discrepancy. I happen to disagree. Provided he doesn't want children, many of the single women on this forum who are older would not be in any way shape or form robbing us youngins. You are very strong women in Christ. Seriously, no one is getting robbed except the other guy who can't date you in that situation.



Unless a man wants children of his own I don't really see any kind of issue with a 10 or even a 15 year age gap.

By the way, I don't think of myself as a cougar.

Maybe more of a leopardess... (Just kidding!!)

If you see me club a man and drag him back to my cave(ette) by the scruff of his neck... I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Nothing to see here... move along.

Bwahahhaa. I like your style.


It's good to see that some people still put the may-day in mayhem. Anything worth doing is worth over doing right?

 

[seoulsearch]

Bwahahhaa. I like your style.


It's good to see that some people still put the may-day in mayhem. Anything worth doing is worth over doing right?

I also used to joke that I put the "Ugh" in "ugly" not as a cut-down but more as a way of expressing being difficult.

You know, like I'd disagree with someone and they might try to mow me over but I'd do my best to stand my ground, and when they grit their teeth and told me I was impossible, it's like, "Yup. I put the 'UGH' in 'ugly'".

(And maybe the "ORN" in "ornery.")

 

[Tintin]

My reply copied and pasted from another thread...

"The word of God says... Judge not by appearance but judge rightouesly... This applies to many things or as others put it... preferences. This means we should'nt judge by race.. or prefer by race. We shouldn't judge by weight, height... or anything else physical.

In the book of Samuel it says... mankind looks at the appearance but God looks at the heart... repeating the same lesson.

If men and women choose there own way.. go figure that you won't be satisified. You'll just be in ongoing craving...

I think the idea of "preferences" is a very vague idea which can easily allow a worldy viewpoint into things. Preferences are okay among certian things but not everything. Like, can someone say, "I prefer rape and murder". Its that persons preference.... should it be okay? Of course not, hence I'm saying preferences is a vague word that can allow sinful and evil ideas as acceptable. And I think prefering people of a certian race, age, weight is sinful because of the above verses. "Judge not by appearance but Judge rightouesly." If we are not judging rightouesly than I think its sinful.

I'd say judge by maturity instead... by behavior... by the heart."

That verse isn't talking about romantic relationships, but about blowing people off as not worthy of God's love (maybe they're smelly, poor etc.) because of their position or circumstance. Please don't use Bible verses out of context. Having preferences isn't evil. But letting your preferences dictate everything (act as a sort of god) would definitely be sinful.

 

[Huckleberry]

What would a guy in his 20s see in a woman my age, with teenage daughters no less!

My first reaction is just to assume they are being friendly. That pretty much has to be it, right??

I dunno... thoughts from anyone on younger men and older women?

A woman your age? That's a bit dramatic. You're what...36? You're practically a kid.

What do they see?
Well, if they're in they're twenties, they're not thinking too clearly
If you're a single mom looking for men online,
I would surmise that they think they see an easy tryst.
They might have you figured as desperate.
Don't take any of that wrong!
I'm not suggesting or presuming anything about you!
I'm simply giving you a man's perspective.

 

[rachelsedge]

I think the idea of "preferences" is a very vague idea which can easily allow a worldy viewpoint into things. Preferences are okay among certian things but not everything. Like, can someone say, "I prefer rape and murder". Its that persons preference.... should it be okay? Of course not, hence I'm saying preferences is a vague word that can allow sinful and evil ideas as acceptable.

"I prefer rape and murder" is equal to "I prefer introverted men over extroverted men"? Okay...that doesn't add up.

As Tintin said, as long as your preferences don't dictate your life and make you exclude all else ("He's an extrovert, I will NEVER interact with him"), they shouldn't be too much of an issue.

 

[jimmydiggs]

New thread since this is a bit of a side street from the original "married by age 50" thread by Seoul.



Im glad you mentioned this Reece. This is something I have been pondering. I've in the past (eHarmony or whatever) been approached by younger men (in their 20s) and I admit I was curious, a bit amused at my own expense, and incredulous. What would a guy in his 20s see in a woman my age, with teenage daughters no less! I am probably doing them a grave disservice by dismissing them out of hand, and I feel bad about that. My first reaction is just to assume they are being friendly. That pretty much has to be it, right?? I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. Not the age itself so much as the difference in life situations. I dunno... thoughts from anyone on younger men and older women?

(Having said that, I know several couples with significantly older women and younger men, and they have all been successful. So I know it's not impossible. Maybe it's a pride thing? I feel like my husband should be at least as old and wrinkly as me. Haha.)

I think for the most part younger men are unable to lead older women. By younger/older I mean significantly. I'm not talking about a few years. I couldn't even imagine attempting to lead a woman who was five years older than me.

 

[Tintin]

"I prefer rape and murder" is equal to "I prefer introverted men over extroverted men"? Okay...that doesn't add up.

As Tintin said, as long as your preferences don't dictate your life and make you exclude all else ("He's an extrovert, I will NEVER interact with him"), they shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Yes, comparing the preferences of rape or murder to other much more innocent preferences is silly and shows a lack of critical thinking.

 

[Jullianna]

Edificiation time. It strikes when you're least expecting it!

I see the term "robbing someone." You are incapable of robbing anyone unless they aren't in it for the right reasons to begin with.


You, along with several other women on here, seem to think that the man gets the raw end of the deal in a relationship with an age discrepancy. I happen to disagree. Provided he doesn't want children, many of the single women on this forum who are older would not be in any way shape or form robbing us youngins. You are very strong women in Christ. Seriously, no one is getting robbed except the other guy who can't date you in that situation.



Unless a man wants children of his own I don't really see any kind of issue with a 10 or even a 15 year age gap.




Bwahahhaa. I like your style.


It's good to see that some people still put the may-day in mayhem. Anything worth doing is worth over doing right?

What I could be robbing him of:

- Leadership perhaps?
- Time? Life happens quickly enough. It can age us mentally/emotionally before our time. While wisdom comes from it, it is a trade off. I was the much younger one in a couple and, as amazing as the ride was, there was a definite trade off. Worth it? Yes. But would everyone feel that way? I don't know...

But....I still liked your post very much. Edifying indeed. Thank you.

 

[ServantStrike]

What I could be robbing him of:

- Leadership perhaps?
- Time? Life happens quickly enough. It can age us mentally/emotionally before our time. While wisdom comes from it, it is a trade off. I was the much younger one in a couple and, as amazing as the ride was, there was a definite trade off. Worth it? Yes. But would everyone feel that way? I don't know...

But....I still liked your post very much. Edifying indeed. Thank you.

The leadership is the only one I can see as being legitimate, or perhaps children.

But you're welcome.

I don't say things to inflate people for no reason, it's true. You ladies on CC are for the most part very special. You wouldn't be cheating any one.


Me I'll cheat someone horribly. I snore like a lawn mower. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I also used to joke that I put the "Ugh" in "ugly" not as a cut-down but more as a way of expressing being difficult.

You know, like I'd disagree with someone and they might try to mow me over but I'd do my best to stand my ground, and when they grit their teeth and told me I was impossible, it's like, "Yup. I put the 'UGH' in 'ugly'".

(And maybe the "ORN" in "ornery.")

You're on Fire!!!

Where were you in the bad jokes thread...

Are you available to write scripts for a sitcom. I'll have my agent contact you if so.

Don't tell anyone, but I can't afford an agent, my cat will have to do.

 

[rachelsedge]

Me I'll cheat someone horribly. I snore like a lawn mower. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lawn mowers snore?

 

[ServantStrike]

Lawn mowers snore?

Yes. Yes they do.


They thrash a lot too. I do that as well!

Knowing my luck if I get married it will be to a woman who thrashes in her sleep too. We'll beat each other up at night and cuddle after work every day. Walking contradiction.

Hey o!!

 

[seoulsearch]

A woman your age? That's a bit dramatic. You're what...36? You're practically a kid.

I always find it interesting when people say, "You're just a baby." What they really mean is, "You don't know half as much about life as I do," and it's such a way of looking down at someone. I really hate the, "Oh you have plenty of time. You're only such-and-such years old..." answer.

As I wrote in another post--people told me that all the time when my husband left for someone else when I was 25. "What are you worried about? You have plenty of time!! You'll find someone in no time!!" But time always moves forward. And now I'm almost 40 instead of 25. Another 15, 30, 45 years could easily pass by in the same manner.

And when people tell me what a "kid" I am, I always reply, "Age is relative. My Grandpa is turning 96 this year and still lives independently--to him, you and anyone else under 80 are just toddlers."

 

[Jullianna]

It's very weird to me when guys who are only a few years older than my son (who is 22) flirt with me Makes me very uncomfortable

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I did get carded buying Nyquil at Wal-Mart today. That made me happy.

 

[KeeganGentle]

I've dated older girls twice, a twenty year old when i was fifteen and a twenty two year old this year. I think its about personal maturity rather than age.