Dating sites: your thoughts on them..and would you pay?

[Chey60]

I had been on dating sites on and off since 2009. I have made alot of friends that have lasted for a long time.. but only one "romance" which was the Ex I speak of recently.
I haven't been on them for a time.. I am not against them, I feel they are no different than going to singles events or even the grocery store and is one more outlet to meet people. OF course I have stated my faith and beliefs up front..
but I just haven't really wanted to peruse the same old free sites..
and never wanted to pay for the pay sites..

Recently a friend of mine from church told me she got onto one of the pay christian sites and has met someone really nice and others (except my brother who doesn't want me near them) tell me that if I am serious about wanting to meet someone that is worth it, that pay sites are the way to go..but I don't know
I am just not sure that I want to go that far to meet new people ..and I know God can bring someone into my life when it's time..no matter where it is..

so what are your different opinions on dating sites..

 

[Liamson]

I haven't met a lot of Content people on dating sites.

There is the sort of Home Shopping Network aspect of it. A profile and the match criteria are almost too detailed and read like a competitive product market. Think Amazon.com for the exchange of people. Accessible from the convenience of your living room and if you so choose, your bath robe. All you need is a couple of good photos and a list of reasons why someone should find you attractive.


In a sense I see it as a lot like shopping for a job by dropping an Application to a Job search website, not knowing what position or where you are going to work.

I guess, in a way it probably is a good way to market one's availability but, my experience is that I don't get matches and the one's I do get will take anybody who puts in the effort.


Its not for everyone, but there seems to be a lot of everyone there. Its certainly not for me but, I have seen enough success stories to give it a little bit of credit. I have also seen a lot of stories where the girl is a pot smoker or the guy is looking for sex even when their profiles read to the contrary.

Caveat Emptor

 

[Chey60]

I haven't met a lot of Content people on dating sites.

There is the sort of Home Shopping Network aspect of it. A profile and the match criteria are almost too detailed and read like a competitive product market. Think Amazon.com for the exchange of people. Accessible from the convenience of your living room and if you so choose, your bath robe. All you need is a couple of good photos and a list of reasons why someone should find you attractive.


In a sense I see it as a lot like shopping for a job by dropping an Application to a Job search website, not knowing what position or where you are going to work.

I guess, in a way it probably is a good way to market one's availability but, my experience is that I don't get matches and the one's I do get will take anybody who puts in the effort.


Its not for everyone, but there seems to be a lot of everyone there. Its certainly not for me but, I have seen enough success stories to give it a little bit of credit. I have also seen a lot of stories where the girl is a pot smoker or the guy is looking for sex even when their profiles read to the contrary.

Caveat Emptor

Totally agree with all of your points!
well put..
it has worked, it has been successful..
but like you, other than the quality male friends I have made online, it hasn't for me (well except the brief relationship with my recent ex)
I do find the "home shopping thing" however to be good AND bad..
bad for the reasons you mention.. no effort to get to know someone and weed them out is involved, except for as you also said..the ones who lie on their profiles..but kind of good because at least you don't have to date a bunch of people before you find someone with MOST of the criteria you are wanting to accept in a person..
I did find one site I really thought was good because people didn't lie lol.. not the men I read about on there anyway, there were questionairres and you could skip the things that were inappropriate or no one's business until you really got to know them etc..and you match based on that.. . they flat out would say "yea I am a christian this much but I want to sleep with you on the 5th date" great to weed people out..based on their answers.. and their beliefs so I didn't even have to meet them to find out I didn't like them in the first place, (meeting was scary to do sometime and would take a long time before doing..I might have met in person maybe 5 men from online in 5 years (one of them was the man that i broke up with earlier this year)..
but there was just not very many men to my liking on there and my standards except for the height requirement are really not so out of the way for anyone to be.
I tried one that started with a Z recently.. for about a day..
just..NO.. and I won't be rude and say why..but no.

Yea. I think in the past couple of months I have rejoined and deleted my profiles on about 3 different sites..because I keep regretting it once I rejoin..

I guess there is good and bad and no it's not for everyone

 

[Liamson]

I have a profile on Jdate because if you make a profile you get a really awesome personality test profile thing.

I did it as a part of my Marriage and Family Course research paper.


Personally I would be more inclined to post an ad on Craigslist for an Group Activity or Volunteer event, in the hopes of meeting someone than I would be inclined to make a dating profile again.

I feel like for people with an open mind about a lot their expectations OR really high expectations, it can be a very rewarding experience. But I can't take it seriously, which isn't fair to the people who do.

 

[JesusChica1991]

I have nothing against dating sites. I've used a couple before. However, some of them are legit scams. Zoosk is terrible. Don't do it...ever. Never NEVER Use Christian Mingle...some of the companies are owned by secular companies who sponsor the secular dating sites like BigFish...and other sites meant exclusively to match people based on sexual interests. As I said, I have nothing against them. But use wisdom. Some people treat CC like it's a dating site even though it is not what it's meant to be and some members can be quite creepy. Whatever you do, just be careful.

 

[Richie_2uk]

You will be surprised to know that most of the dating sites are connected to each other. or the same company but with a different name. Why pay for love? why pay a website that automated by a computer and not a real person? It's a huge money making scam, and people are falling for it. Yes you will hear the odd few success stories. But if they do an actual survey on how many success stories. you will find its really not much at all. Plus most people who join a dating site is for the chat feature. people just love to chat. They make up a profile, and give all this and that about they looking for this and that. but they are in the chat more than they are searching. Plus dating sites are a playground for trolls and fake profiles to groom victims.

So Dating sites to me are of no interest. And I feel sorry for those who join theses sites for false hopes. and pay money for an automated computer to match your profile with certain people.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

If you are going to use a dating site, definitely go for a paying one. The paying ones might still have problems, but the free ones are a total joke. I figure a paying site is about the cost of a date or two. I've only dappled in a couple (Christian Mingle and eHarmony) when I was in a funky lonely mood.

Christian Mingle had some nice features, such as the color personality test which was really accurate. You could see what color other people were, and read about how the colors got along together, including strengths and weaknesses they might experience as a couple. I thought that was valuable. Also a longer survey on how you felt about anything from who pays the bills to whether children should be spanked, and you could see how well other people matched with you based on those results. (And then share the individual results with people if you felt like things were going somewhere.)

eHarmony has a neat lay-out and is very up-beat, maybe too much so sometimes. I like that they match you with people they feel you'd fit well with, and you aren't bombarded by just whoever wants to talk to you because they like your photo. eHarmony sends you matches everyday unless you choose not to get new matches (which I recommend). You can either choose to communicate with them, or not. I met several very nice people there, and went on one day which turned out nicely.

I think I've got it out of my system now. Who knows how I'll feel in another few months. Ideally, it's best to meet someone in your own town. But in MY town, that isn't really an option. Plus I needed to get my toes wet a bit so I wouldn't be so terrified of being single, and it worked for that purpose as well as to meet different and interesting people and get a better idea of what I need in a future spouse.

 

[AlwaysBlessed]

Suggested:
Christian Crush (if around certain parts of the US) and/or
ChristianCafe
Both are excellent, tend to have very genuine people, in my experience.

 

[mystdancer50]

God specifically told me, "You won't meet your husband online." So, He was telling me that I am not to be involved with dating sites at all. Ever. I was in the past, before He told me this, and never, ever met anyone that wanted the truth of the thing. In other words, I put that I am a strong, Christian gal who loves the Lord with all she is and wants a relationship with a man who has God first in his life, even loving and choosing Jesus over me. This was, of course, mixed in with all the wonderfulness that makes me, me, like hobbies and whatnot. Crickets. That's what I heard. Crickets.

I have not specifically asked God about dating sites for others. I think I do this because, honestly, I kind of see this as a 'gnat' issue that I don't want to fight people over, so I'd rather just say these couple of things and let them do as they like, rather than have a definitive answer from God:

1. God told me no.
2. We are not to be like this world. So, if the world is all for finding love online, shouldn't we, you know, do the opposite and trust God fully and just let Him bring us together without the use of modern technology? Who truly gets the glory in the end? "We met through ChristianMingle.Com and it was true love at first Skype. Oh, yeah, and God is good." (I know that's sarcasm...sorry. I don't actually say it like that...though I may think it.)
3. There were recent reports that a man was using a Christian dating website to meet women and then date rape them, which brings many things to mind, but I mainly think, "What in tarnation were you doing alone with a complete stranger in a car so that he could, in fact, do that to you?*" and, of course, the standard, "Just how Christian are Christian date sites, anyway?" We all know you can be whoever you want to be online. No one checks if you truly attend church or not or are even the person you post yourself as photo-wise.

So, all that being said, I firmly believe that one shouldn't use a dating website to find 'love', whatever that is in this day and age. Another reason that I hesitate to ask God to give me a straight yes or no answer in regards to this is because how do you then face those that have managed to make a good 'match' online? "Oh, by the way, God says that we shouldn't do that so your relationship is invalid." Yeah. I don't think that would work out well.

Just a few of my snarky thoughts. I don't judge folks that date online. I just don't personally believe we should, but I refuse to seek God to get His absolute answer on this one way or the other. Yup. So, it's all good. Or is it? Bwah ha ha ha ha ha.

Sorry...felt I need a little madness to this rant...carry on.

*Just a note before anyone attacks me...I am not saying they deserved to be date raped by making this statement. One must use common sense when meeting ANYONE from an online situation. Why would you meet someone alone that you've never met before in person?

 

[Chey60]

God specifically told me, "You won't meet your husband online." So, He was telling me that I am not to be involved with dating sites at all. Ever. I was in the past, before He told me this, and never, ever met anyone that wanted the truth of the thing. In other words, I put that I am a strong, Christian gal who loves the Lord with all she is and wants a relationship with a man who has God first in his life, even loving and choosing Jesus over me. This was, of course, mixed in with all the wonderfulness that makes me, me, like hobbies and whatnot. Crickets. That's what I heard. Crickets.

I have not specifically asked God about dating sites for others. I think I do this because, honestly, I kind of see this as a 'gnat' issue that I don't want to fight people over, so I'd rather just say these couple of things and let them do as they like, rather than have a definitive answer from God:

1. God told me no.
2. We are not to be like this world. So, if the world is all for finding love online, shouldn't we, you know, do the opposite and trust God fully and just let Him bring us together without the use of modern technology? Who truly gets the glory in the end? "We met through ChristianMingle.Com and it was true love at first Skype. Oh, yeah, and God is good." (I know that's sarcasm...sorry. I don't actually say it like that...though I may think it.)

While I see your point.Often God's answer to us isn't His answer to everyone.
God CAN do alot of things.. God can bring you a job when you are jobless but He won't often do it with you just sitting in your living room not actually trying to walk in faith and find one.

Therefore, if you are careful and wise and take time and do things right.. It can be a good thing to meet your mate online if you can actually meet your mate at all

I put everything you do as well, on my profiles when I have been on the sites...and I will say that though I still attract the wrong men in general..
there are so many men that love the fact that I am sold out for God.. I have had men tell me they are praying that a man finds me..because I am a good thing.. to calling me angel and never being rude...and just being nice..

of course it has also brought out the bad boy agnostic, atheist or back sliders who Satan thinks he can use to lure me in to another awful relationship.. is he that forgetful about me? knowing that I am a million times bitten a billion times shy?
like I said I don't often get on them but sometimes I do..just to be friends with men often.. because as I said a million times, I get tired of nly being friends with girls..
This site has helped with that because I can interact with both men and women... as friends and it's nice


anyway I still agree with Liam.. while it's not his thing.. it's not a sinful or a bad thing..
no more than going to the grocery store or the movies alone is..
you have to be careful as a single in EVERY situation especially a single woman and woman of God.

and just prayed up

 

[arwen83]

I've paid on eharmony. I need to see what the guy looks like. If I can picture myself with him.

 

[Chey60]

I've paid on eharmony. I need to see what the guy looks like. If I can picture myself with him.

I think most of us want to see them
When I have posted my profiles I have put in there specifically, no photo, no reply..
because I feel like they are being "peeping Toms" if they will not show their faces..
like what have they got to hide..

 

[mystdancer50]

While I see your point.Often God's answer to us isn't His answer to everyone.
God CAN do alot of things.. God can bring you a job when you are jobless but He won't often do it with you just sitting in your living room not actually trying to walk in faith and find one.

Therefore, if you are careful and wise and take time and do things right.. It can be a good thing to meet your mate online if you can actually meet your mate at all

I put everything you do as well, on my profiles when I have been on the sites...and I will say that though I still attract the wrong men in general..
there are so many men that love the fact that I am sold out for God.. I have had men tell me they are praying that a man finds me..because I am a good thing.. to calling me angel and never being rude...and just being nice..

of course it has also brought out the bad boy agnostic, atheist or back sliders who Satan thinks he can use to lure me in to another awful relationship.. is he that forgetful about me? knowing that I am a million times bitten a billion times shy?
like I said I don't often get on them but sometimes I do..just to be friends with men often.. because as I said a million times, I get tired of nly being friends with girls..
This site has helped with that because I can interact with both men and women... as friends and it's nice


anyway I still agree with Liam.. while it's not his thing.. it's not a sinful or a bad thing..
no more than going to the grocery store or the movies alone is..
you have to be careful as a single in EVERY situation especially a single woman and woman of God.

and just prayed up

Yeah. That's why I say "God told me no" and then I give my opinion for the rest of it, stating that it is, in fact, my opinion. As I mentioned, I'd rather not really deal with this issue, which I have actually been asked about a couple times. Though I personally feel that God's answer would be no to this, I would rather not ask Him directly. I know what He said to me, and so I obey, and then I just tell others why I am personally against online dating for Christians, but continue to tell them that God hasn't told me yes or no for everyone in general and I like to keep it that way. This is just one issue I'd rather not get in the middle of, you know?

Unfortunately, I kind of feel like God isn't content with my cop-out in this area...so, sigh, I may have to just sit down with Him one day and hear from Him, be it yay or nay. I can truly accept either answer...I just don't want to have the answer, you know?

I feel like John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank sometimes: "Look, I don't want to get into a semantic argument, I just want the protein."

 

[AAAPlus]

My thoughts on dating websites, having dabbled in them in the past and met up with several girls from them:

I found that the ones you pay for weren't really worth it for me. I only used the free trials of those websites (eHarmony, Match, and Christian Mingle) just to see who it would come up with. After I entered my criteria of a Christian girl around my age (I was between 20 and 23 when I used them) who isn't into drugs or drinking, and within 25 miles, there was typically only one or two girls who would make it through the filters. Funny enough, one of them was my ex from years before. I wasn't about to commit to a $240 contract just to talk to two girls.

The free websites (plenty of fish and okcupid) yielded a few more results. Maybe it was just that girls around my age at that time were not in a spot to pay that much money for something that is also available for free.

What advantage does paying for it really give? Okcupid offers lots and lots of really cool features and searches, and it's free. Where does the money you pay eHarmony go? Do they somehow use it to buy better people for you to fall in love with? No. The only advantage any dating website has is the people who are on there. So everyone can decide to either use the free one or pay for one, and you'll find people who chose the same option.

It's worth mentioning that afterward, I decided meeting through a website wasn't for me. I met my wife at church and we were friends for years before we started dating.

 

[Chey60]

Yeah. That's why I say "God told me no" and then I give my opinion for the rest of it, stating that it is, in fact, my opinion. As I mentioned, I'd rather not really deal with this issue, which I have actually been asked about a couple times. Though I personally feel that God's answer would be no to this, I would rather not ask Him directly. I know what He said to me, and so I obey, and then I just tell others why I am personally against online dating for Christians, but continue to tell them that God hasn't told me yes or no for everyone in general and I like to keep it that way. This is just one issue I'd rather not get in the middle of, you know?

Unfortunately, I kind of feel like God isn't content with my cop-out in this area...so, sigh, I may have to just sit down with Him one day and hear from Him, be it yay or nay. I can truly accept either answer...I just don't want to have the answer, you know?

I feel like John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank sometimes: "Look, I don't want to get into a semantic argument, I just want the protein."

That's hard..
since it's not written out in scripture as "every man's sin"..
just like the romance novels..
it has to be one of "what good has ever come of it" type of thing.

Normally God doesn't give us answers for the whole church unless it's something obvious..
He will give us answers for people individually..

Maybe He hasn't wanted you to ask for "Everyone" because this is just a "for you" thing for now?

Lets take the romance novel question.
We can all safely say that it's dangerous because it hurts a relationship, it hurts the future relationship because they are all idealized behaviors that are not really that way in most situations..
I don't know of one good thing that has come out of a woman reading them..

yet I cannot say that for online relationships.

The same thing as you say that the world does it..
The world also watches movies..
not always bad ones..
does that mean I shouldn't?

and I have to say this..
you are wrong about where the world chooses to meet people..
most of the online people are not wanting to go to the place the world meets people..
which are nightclubs and bars..
Except for the lazy guys who don't want to HAVE to go anywhere to meet someone for their needs ..they j ust want to meet their needs..
this can be in anything and any place..
The world loves BBQ's and cook offs and Craw Fish boils.. do I not go to any of these because they do?
well I probably wouldn't go to one that is basically just a place to get drunk...I would draw the line..
what about going out to eat? the world goes out to eat at restaurants...does that mean we shouldn't?
The dating sites in and of themselves are not sinful.. but if we practice sin on them, we make them sinful to us..
as far as technology.. what about cell phones.. the whole world uses those.. do we not use them?
There are many things the world uses and loves that I would never use or love..
I am not trying to be argumentative.. but I will say.. there are many "words" I have given others from God..
there are some "Words" other's have given me..
and truly? the way prophecy works (Which is what it is when you ask God for something for a whole bunch of people) is
God never reveals something new to your heart.. but always just confirms something you already know.
therefore, if you were to "hear from God" that dating sites are a sin for everyone but He hadn't already spoken that to my heart in some form, even if I was in denial....
I wouldn't think you really heard from God for everyone

thank you however for wanting and desiring God's best for everyone

 

[mystdancer50]

Yeah, it is hard, which is why I just would rather be passive about it, you know?

I don't believe technology in itself is bad. I just don't believe that Christians should 'look for love' online. But, that's just me. As I've said, I'd rather not hear from God on this either way in regards to others. So...I don't ask Him.

 

[JoyofLord]

I have used a few dating sites and I have found the ones that are free have more scammers on them, I find the ones who have to pay are more genuine in looking for someone and not using you with regards to trying to get money and visa's etc. in saying that I have not found anyone who is really sold out for God, I have found more people interested in a lot of worldly stuff and not really interested in living a life for God. I think by faith I have put myself out there but at the same time I feel I have been able to minister more to these men than really find a mate - God works all things together for good for those that love him maybe you have been an inspiration to these guys by being on there with your profile too

 

[Jullianna]

I checked out one site out of curiosity a couple of years ago. I never logged in again. Not my thing (too impersonal), but it works for some people I hear. Or at least they think it does.

 

[LightningClap0002]

For me, I think that God has not called me to look for a wife. In general, I think that there are very few people who sign up for dating sites because they are led by God there. I'm sure that God might lead some people to them, but I can't think of anyone off the top of my head.

 

[Chey60]

I have used a few dating sites and I have found the ones that are free have more scammers on them, I find the ones who have to pay are more genuine in looking for someone and not using you with regards to trying to get money and visa's etc. in saying that I have not found anyone who is really sold out for God, I have found more people interested in a lot of worldly stuff and not really interested in living a life for God. I think by faith I have put myself out there but at the same time I feel I have been able to minister more to these men than really find a mate - God works all things together for good for those that love him maybe you have been an inspiration to these guys by being on there with your profile too

Great post..this is my experience too.. like I said before I have many friends from the online dating sites that are long lasting friendships.. which of course I might have to give up when God brings me my husband but until then I have ministered to them as friends (Not missionary date which includes romance) and it hasn't gone nor will it go anywhere else..