should the church match singles

[gloglo]

Often we are told to wait on the lord; Ask and it shall be given. God will give us what we need. Now I have found that in many churches there are many people of a mature age 30+ who are single and would love to be in a relationship. Do you think the church should always try to fix people up especially those who are getting on?

 

[WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest]

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were dating and matching there. He overturned the tables of dating profiles and the benches of the match makers. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of dating.’

[Please no one take offence to my changing of the above scripture, I do it only to make my point ^^]

 

[starfield]

I agree with WhiteWolf. Church is not meant to be a matchmaking site. However, if perchance one meets their prospective spouse in church and begin courtship, praise God, but matchmaking shouldn't be conducted.

 

[Aerendyl]

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were dating and matching there. He overturned the tables of dating profiles and the benches of the match makers. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of dating.’

[Please no one take offence to my changing of the above scripture, I do it only to make my point ^^]

For many christians it's important that their (future) spouse is christian, or even from the same denomination. So searching for someone in your church is logical in my opinion. But I don't think church should actively make the matches. I'd rather see it this way: the church gives opportunities, but you are the one who has to take them. Meet people in church, chat with them, invest in it. Don't expect the wind to blow the love of your life into your arms.

 

[Ringer]

I'm going to have to fully disagree with the three posters in front of me, respectfully of course and answer the Opening post about this.

Should the church make an effort to mesh singles?
ABSOLUTELY.

Now you can say all you want about how church should be a "safe" place and a "place of prayer," but let's be honest here... people need family. In the Bible, you will notice that men happen to find their wives through chance and happenstance, why? Because God was responsible for it.

To say that a church shouldn't focus on matchmaking is correct, however churches should make an effort in singles ministries. Many people need a family for support, many people would be much happier, you could just separate the church service from the singles ministry and take away the stigma of "needing" a singles ministry by encouraging people to meet each other.

Why take away a potential avenue for God to bless someone, and it's not like you have to do it during church but I do think the elders of a church, or the community should make an effort to play and have matchmakers for single adults who would like to request the community for help. It's hard enough as it is finding a relationship, so having people who know you set you up on blind dates is something that is worth trying.

Now, I'm not advocating that it will save anyone nor am I saying this should be the focus on going to church, but it can sure help people who are frustrated with not being in a relationship, and you never know if God will decide to bless the hands of the matchmakers...

Unless you believe God is the Universe and is a metaphor or something, I don't see why a church wouldn't want to make a singles ministry of some sort. Families tend to stay at church and be happier overall.

 

[RonnieT]

Tough debate . I can a sure you alot of people are scared off by devoted. Christians intact if U went on a dating web site and started reciting bible scriptures im sorry to say U might scare alot of people off. So why not on a site for devoted christians can U not seek love , every one shares a very common intrest and are more likely to find someone who share the same intrests , values and of course religion cause lets face more fights and arguements are started over differences in religion than most. And remember the title of this forum ( Single christians )

 

[Chey60]

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were dating and matching there. He overturned the tables of dating profiles and the benches of the match makers. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of dating.’

[Please no one take offence to my changing of the above scripture, I do it only to make my point ^^]

Remember Jesus only did that because though the people were bringing their own doves and such to sacrifice, the "sellers" were telling them their sacrifices were not worthy so that they could sell them the "worthy" sacrifices.. this is what angered Jesus, that they were using and taking advantage of the people..hence' den of thieves"

Anyway I digress..
my pastor and his wife set up a widow who had lost his wife about a year before.. several of us women were interested in him but they chose the one they felt was the best one ..and they suggested the girl finalize her divorce (she was separated for 2 years) and that she start being like Ruth where she was placed in front of him.. she began attending some classes he was teaching and then before you know it he became interested in her with the staff's approval..
so I guess in that case they did match make..but this doesn't often happen in the church.

 

[Descyple]

My church tried to set me up with a woman once, but she was at another church.

I think they just wanted to get rid of me.

 

[Shouryu]

My church tried to set me up with a woman once, but she was at another church.

I think they just wanted to get rid of me.

Hey man. *jabs an elbow into 'Scyple's ribs* Good to see you around. ^_^

 

[Huckleberry]

my pastor and his wife set up a widow who had lost his wife about a year before.. several of us women were interested in him but they chose the one they felt was the best one ..and they suggested the girl finalize her divorce (she was separated for 2 years) and that she start being like Ruth where she was placed in front of him.. she began attending some classes he was teaching and then before you know it he became interested in her with the staff's approval.

RUKM?

Seriously no offense to you, sister, but I find this appalling at best.

Literally SMH.

 

[jctraveler]

i find the idea, in and of itself, pompous. i also think that if it were practiced on a larger scale within a congregation that there would be at least two negative aspects that could not be controlled. first; there would, from time to time, be marriages that should never have occurred. second; when a divorce occurs, and it will, it will cause division in the congregation.

 

[Chey60]

RUKM?

Seriously no offense to you, sister, but I find this appalling at best.

Literally SMH.

I left some things out..
she knew the man and his wife already before the wife passed..
the pastor's wife was best friends with this wife that she loved and also knew this girl that she favored
had gone through losing a first husband through death and then being walked out on by a man who used to serve in our church on the praise team..and began practicing sin and becoming involved in things he should not have.
She stayed separated for 2 years and I am not sure why because she was not hoping for reconciliation from what she told me but maybe she was content in being alone and didn't have a need to divorce at that time? and he wouldn't do it for some reason..which I found odd and thought maybe they might reconcile one day perhaps.
I think she is the one who initiated talking to the pastor's wife about wanting to finalize the divorce so she could move on and possibly meet someone..so that is when the pastor's wife suggested it..
She had begun to be involved in a class on finances the widower taught and I believe she already had been somewhat interested because when she thought I was, she didn't like it (this was the only negative I can find in this whole story actually)... I know that she did counsel with the pastor's wife and the Ruth thing, being placed in front of him could have been her own idea with their blessing..I am not sure how that played out and I apologize for wording as if I knew for sure..that is my fault.. I assumed this but didn't know until I just reread this that I had actually written it :/
I just know once she attended the classes she had made a remark to me about him and it made me believe she was "after him".. a couple of weeks later, she was going out with our assoc pastors alot..and unbeknownst to me until the day they sat in church together for the very first time and held hands (this was the first any of us had seen them together) none of us knew that they had been meeting together with those pastors outside of church.
Apparently the widower went to the assoc pastors for counsel when he felt a liking for this girl.. (lady) and wanted to pursue her but in "order" as he is an elder in the church.
that was why the meetings outside of church at restaurants.so they could get to know one another in the company of prayerful accountability partners that they chose..

it's not as awful as my short message sounds.. though I was hurt at first, I am over it now and they are so very happy together..

it's not as appalling as it seems.. put yourself in the place of the widower..and reread this story I just wrote and see if maybe it would sound more appealing rather than appalling to you?
again I apologize for my QUICK story and the shortsightedness I showed from not putting in other details.. it was not my intention to do that..I just didn't think it out.

 

[Chey60]

i find the idea, in and of itself, pompous. i also think that if it were practiced on a larger scale within a congregation that there would be at least two negative aspects that could not be controlled. first; there would, from time to time, be marriages that should never have occurred. second; when a divorce occurs, and it will, it will cause division in the congregation.

I think this is relative to how close each individual is to the people setting them up.
In the case I mentioned (And forgot to mention earlier)
they were both interested in the other and did seek counsel to make sure this was something approved of by God and could work out..
Divorce should never be inevitable in a christian marriage ever..you should always go through premarital christian counseling first and figure out if you are able to commit to the type of person you are wanting to start a life with.
Then once you marry and make your vows, as a christian couple divorce shouldn't even BE an option..
if it is you must rethink your own relationship with God..

I just think ya'll are making WAY a bigger deal out of this than you should.
IF you are blessed to have elders and spiritual authority in your bodies (churches) that God has given you praise GOD they are watching over your souls...
that is what family is all about..
we are our brother's keeper.

And btw, just so you know as far as I know this is the first time this kind of arrangement has ever been done in our church.
I can't say I know of any other couples that our pastors have gotten involved in actually setting them up..

and the assoc pastors Wife apologized to me for how hurt I was once she found out that I had wanted to have a chance with this man..who btw would never have been someone , I later found out, that was for me.. so God saved me from that

 

[Chey60]

My church tried to set me up with a woman once, but she was at another church.

I think they just wanted to get rid of me.

awwww.!!! hahaha! you are funny

 

[posthuman]

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

IMO many churches are far enough away from the teaching of the Word as it is -- how would organizing the dating game change the focus of ministry?

 

[Liamson]

"We here at the First Episcopalian Methodist Baptist of Non-denomination Church have gathered to discuss the singleness of Brian.

First points of order are do we have any suitors tolerant of his less than noble characteristics?

That Emily girl from the young women and broken homes group, she seems like a good match.

Perhaps, but perhaps it is too soon for her. It was really sad what happened with her. When her stepdad's weed farm in the basement caught on fire she barely made it out alive. And she's gained so much weight since then. I always seem to catch her eating.

Who else do we have stuffed in the Brian file?


Well there is Amanda. She has been single, for as long as she's been eligible. I know she's a little shy and Brian is a little weird but, this could work out. Oh wait, is says on her sheet that she owns 3 or 4 cats. In Brians file we have a cat allergy. Dairy allergy, Peanut allergy and Gluten allergy. This poor man is one meal away from the grave.

Yes I move to remove her from his folder. We could have killed the man. Dreadful.

Lexi?

(Laughing) oh heavens no.

That poor woman is way out of Brians league. She isn't even in his file. No with her Engineering degree and drive, he would simply slow her down.

She has been single for years and comes to the prayer meetings every week asking God for a man.

When a suitable one walks through the door she will most certainly get first dibs. She needs a man of class who grasps her more refined life achievements.

Brian needs a simpler creature, someone who won't push him. Someone accepting. Someone with perhaps questionable taste in men. Someone willing to tolerate his little inventions and robotic nick-nacks. I mean, for heavens sake the man has more little whizzing and buzzing toys than any of my children."



My imagining how of how this works in churches

 

[jctraveler]

Divorce should never be inevitable in a christian marriage ever..you should always go through premarital christian counseling first and figure out if you are able to commit to the type of person you are wanting to start a life with.
Then once you marry and make your vows, as a christian couple divorce shouldn't even BE an option..
if it is you must rethink your own relationship with God..

while i agree totally that divorce should never be an option in a Christian marriage the facts state otherwise. divorce is rampant in the church and to think that there would not be divorces among those set up by the church is naive. the division that it would cause would be inevitable. the families and friends on both sides, in some cases, would have different opinions of who was at fault and those differences of opinions would cause division.

concerning the two things you mentioned in your response to me that have no bearing on the thread. i didn't make way too much of anything. i merely gave my very brief opinion on the topic. and my relationship with God is good.

 

[Chey60]

while i agree totally that divorce should never be an option in a Christian marriage the facts state otherwise. divorce is rampant in the church and to think that there would not be divorces among those set up by the church is naive. the division that it would cause would be inevitable. the families and friends on both sides, in some cases, would have different opinions of who was at fault and those differences of opinions would cause division.

concerning the two things you mentioned in your response to me that have no bearing on the thread. i didn't make way too much of anything. i merely gave my very brief opinion on the topic. and my relationship with God is good.

Ya'll means "more than just you"
at least it does to me..
and I don't think I ever questioned your relationship with God??

 

[Chey60]

"We here at the First Episcopalian Methodist Baptist of Non-denomination Church have gathered to discuss the singleness of Brian.

First points of order are do we have any suitors tolerant of his less than noble characteristics?

That Emily girl from the young women and broken homes group, she seems like a good match.

Perhaps, but perhaps it is too soon for her. It was really sad what happened with her. When her stepdad's weed farm in the basement caught on fire she barely made it out alive. And she's gained so much weight since then. I always seem to catch her eating.

Who else do we have stuffed in the Brian file?


Well there is Amanda. She has been single, for as long as she's been eligible. I know she's a little shy and Brian is a little weird but, this could work out. Oh wait, is says on her sheet that she owns 3 or 4 cats. In Brians file we have a cat allergy. Dairy allergy, Peanut allergy and Gluten allergy. This poor man is one meal away from the grave.

Yes I move to remove her from his folder. We could have killed the man. Dreadful.

Lexi?

(Laughing) oh heavens no.

That poor woman is way out of Brians league. She isn't even in his file. No with her Engineering degree and drive, he would simply slow her down.

She has been single for years and comes to the prayer meetings every week asking God for a man.

When a suitable one walks through the door she will most certainly get first dibs. She needs a man of class who grasps her more refined life achievements.

Brian needs a simpler creature, someone who won't push him. Someone accepting. Someone with perhaps questionable taste in men. Someone willing to tolerate his little inventions and robotic nick-nacks. I mean, for heavens sake the man has more little whizzing and buzzing toys than any of my children."



My imagining how of how this works in churches

LOL.. actually I think it's more like
"hey, I really like Brian, do you know him?" (to leadership)
"yes and you know he has mentioned that he is really desiring a wife ..you two would be great together....you know he is teaching a class that you would benefit from...you should go to it "
"ok"
now it's Brian's turn"
"hey, I have seen Sue around and I really think she is nice, she has been coming to my class and I wondered what would you think about it if she and I began talking? I know I am an elder, I want to be accountable do you think you could help me with this through prayer and counsel?" sure.. let us speak to her.. I know you are shy..and let's arrnage some meetings so the two of you can get together without being alone with one another that might lead to sin...
"absolutely"
They take them out after wednesday nights meetings and sit with them while they talk and get to know one another..
and then later they begin to talk more outside the church by their cars, on their own...
and a relationship has begun
waiting a couple of months they then sit together in church and hold hands showing the rest of the church their intention and making their relationship..public..

this is how I think the one in my church actually went.

 

[jctraveler]

Ya'll means "more than just you"
at least it does to me..
and I don't think I ever questioned your relationship with God??

i'm kinda new to this online forum thing. when you pulled my quote i thought you were referring to the things i said. no harm no foul