RUKM?
Seriously no offense to you, sister, but I find this appalling at best.
Literally SMH.
I left some things out..
she knew the man and his wife already before the wife passed..
the pastor's wife was best friends with this wife that she loved and also knew this girl that she favored
had gone through losing a first husband through death and then being walked out on by a man who used to serve in our church on the praise team..and began practicing sin and becoming involved in things he should not have.
She stayed separated for 2 years and I am not sure why because she was not hoping for reconciliation from what she told me but maybe she was content in being alone and didn't have a need to divorce at that time? and he wouldn't do it for some reason..which I found odd and thought maybe they might reconcile one day perhaps.
I think she is the one who initiated talking to the pastor's wife about wanting to finalize the divorce so she could move on and possibly meet someone..so that is when the pastor's wife suggested it..
She had begun to be involved in a class on finances the widower taught and I believe she already had been somewhat interested because when she thought I was, she didn't like it (this was the only negative I can find in this whole story actually)... I know that she did counsel with the pastor's wife and the Ruth thing, being placed in front of him could have been her own idea with their blessing..I am not sure how that played out and I apologize for wording as if I knew for sure..that is my fault.. I assumed this but didn't know until I just reread this that I had actually written it :/
I just know once she attended the classes she had made a remark to me about him and it made me believe she was "after him".. a couple of weeks later, she was going out with our assoc pastors alot..and unbeknownst to me until the day they sat in church together for the very first time and held hands (this was the first any of us had seen them together) none of us knew that they had been meeting together with those pastors outside of church.
Apparently the widower went to the assoc pastors for counsel when he felt a liking for this girl.. (lady) and wanted to pursue her but in "order" as he is an elder in the church.
that was why the meetings outside of church at restaurants.so they could get to know one another in the company of prayerful accountability partners that they chose..
it's not as awful as my short message sounds.. though I was hurt at first, I am over it now and they are so very happy together..
it's not as appalling as it seems.. put yourself in the place of the widower..and reread this story I just wrote and see if maybe it would sound more appealing rather than appalling to you?
again I apologize for my QUICK story and the shortsightedness I showed from not putting in other details.. it was not my intention to do that..I just didn't think it out.