Betrayed by Husband. Need Advice from People Who Have Been There.

[jkern]

I found out a little over a month ago that my husband of 11 years betrayed me. When I found out he said she was moving about 150 miles away and he would no longer be seeing her, But he still wanted to be her friend and call or text her. I said that I didn't want that, so he agreed. However he persisted in communicating with her. He would even text her while I was in the room. I would catch him on his cell phone and he would lie saying that it was someone else. I checked his phone while he was asleep and discovered that it was still going on. I left him. after about 4 days we talked and I decided to come back. He called her and put her on speaker phone at two separate times to let my daughter and son-in-law and then me hear him break it off permanently. He changed his phone number and I believe he hasn't had any contact with her since then. But I still have days where I have doubts about a lot of things and there is alot of things that I can't believe he did if he loved me. I just need some help from people who have been or are in my shoes.

 

[scottyR00]

Hi friend
I too have been betrayed by my spouse, so I can relate. I am still going thru it. Would not mind talking to other about this issue. Sorry to hear about yours. I will be praying.

Sorry for a short message, but I have to get to bed soon. Hopefully I will get to talk to you later.

In Christ...
--Scott

 

[jkern]

Thanks for the reply. It is encouraging to know that I am not alone. I realize that there are plenty of others, but I feel so alone sometimes. You are the first person online that I have actually communicated with about this horrible situation and I really appreciate it. It helps to just be able to get it off my chest with someone who has suffered this as well.Thanks for the prayers. I need them. I will pray for you as well.

Thanks,
Julie

 

[scottyR00]

Hi Julie:
Just read your email. I'm at work so i have to keep it short. I will send you a more lengthy email later tonight when I have more time.

It is a horrible situation, I know. I went thru almost 5 months of this type of mess and finally, my wife filed for divorce. I know what you are going thru. My wife hooked-up with an old boyfriend on MySpace and Facebook. Not to blame these social websites, however, they do make it way too easy to get in-touch with people you should not be getting in touch with.

talk to you soon...
--Scott

 

[broken]

My wife cheated on me. I elected to stay in the marriage as I believed that there were relatively few incidients. I'm pretty sure there were two, I know for a fact there was one by her own admission. The point is I believed her (and still do) to be repentant. THat is, not a lifestyle choice for her but a couple of collosal mistakes. I chose to forgive. It takes a long time to get over this kind of thing. It has been several years and I still have moments when I doubt her motives for being in this relationship. So don't be hard on yourself, it will take a long time to get past. I"ll be honest with you, I'm still not over it. I don't know that when that kind of trust is broken it ever can be restored completely. So I still have my moments of distrust concerning her, but they are few and far between now. Unfortionately, I'll never be able to forget it happened. Fortionately, I can forgive and we can move on.

 

[Harley_Angel]

I honestly can't imagine anything more crushing than to have your trust for the one you love completely obliterated. I see it all the time, being a military spouse, especially when the boys deploy, their wives act almost like they don't have a husband. I wish, with all my heart, these things didn't have to happen, because the hurt and pain you must have felt, and the ongoing pain you suffer from wounded trust has to be difficult. The mere thought that my husband would cheat on me makes my stomach churn and I have to pray to make God make those thoughts go away. My prayers are with you, and your family. Just remember, a lot of people cheat, not because they dont' love you, or because they love that person, but because the physical temptation is just too much. That "other person" is really just a fresh piece of meat, and once the excitement is gone, so is the passion and the need to cheat. But you are the wife, and have years of memories, and children, and so much to share with one another. If in the end, he came back to you, and he worked so hard to make sure you saw he broke it off, then I wouldn't worry anymore. The fresh meat spoiled, and now he's back with the person who really means something to him. I'm still sorry you had to go through that. Please let me know if you ever want to talk.

 

[Sunnie82]

Hi,

As I was reading your post, my face turned really hot, and I started to feel really sick. Your post is all too familiar for me, as I too have been in your shoes. (tear) I secretly joined this group to find people that have been in my shoes, and sadly, there are. For me it was 2 years ago. I married my high school sweetheart, and thought that I knew him pretty well. We had been together for 10 years, married for 3 years. We were both virgins on our wedding day, and I was really proud of that, and he just threw it all away. I find it so hard to move on with the forgiveness. I forgave him 3 days after i found out, but sometimes I don't know if I truly have forgiven him. He too wanted to have contact with her to be her "friend" (sorry, I'm not that stupid.". I called her numerous times and she continued to lie and say that they were only friends. I knew in my gut that there was more to it. When I first found her number in his wallet, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and I new that my marriage and everything that I believed in was a lie. I'm still here with him, two little boys caught in the middle. I have contemplated divorcing for a while now, but I don't want to break my vows, even though he did.

I think that I am more hurt with his family being so forgiving towards him and no one spoke out against his actions (to defend me). They all just seemed to shrug their shoulders and blamed it on the generational sins. No one on my side knows, because my family strongly believes in marriage and keeping your vows, and my hubby would be ex-communicated with.

I hope that we can talk more. ( I don't have anyone to talk to)

thank you for sharing. I hope that you will become stronger through this.

 

[loveschild]

I was married to a cheat. It never got better until I threw him out. I pray things are good for you.

 

[iwant2serve]

I myself have been on both side of the issue. I have a stronger marriage with my wife of 20 years. We go through all kinds of relationship issues and believe that it will never happen to us. Well it does but we have to forgive and allow God to heal the hurt in both sides. Trust takes time to rebuild so let that be your work not worring about the other person but letting your heart heal. Allow God to deal with your spouse as He deals with you. Remember this it is all satan's work to destroy what God has joined together. Because marriage is a union and that is what satan hates because our God is all about union in family. So recognize the author of it and let your fight be with him not the person.

 

[ladybug6919]

To you all who have been hurt by a loved one:

These are hard times for you and God is all that will get you through this. He will guide your steps, He will lead you and give you the grace and mercy only He knows how to help in times of trouble. Try not to worry or be affraid. And remember that in these trials and tribulations you are being stretched and molded to be more like Him. He is having His way in a time where He can pull you out of this rut and make you stronger and more reliant on Him. He will get the glory in the end. Remember daily to stay in His word, and that He will not give you more than you can handle. I know you are questioning everything in your mind about yourself, your insecurities are growing and you feel as though you are drowning in thoughts that bring you down deeper. Remember who created you! Dont listen to the lies of the enemy! He is a defeated liar! Claim it out loud! " I have defeated you Satan! You are rebuked! I claim a victory in the name of Jesus Christ! No weapon formed against me shall prosper!" Say it daily! You will have a testimony in the end of this crisis that shows all your strength and courage that God gave you! You will win, by leaning on Him. Of course I have been there or I would not speak to you all with such passion. I know this can work! Marriages are broken mostly because we dont turn to Him for advice. He will be there waiting, you just need to meet with Him. Go and live well. Your spouses will see this change and strength in you that they will want and desire. You cannot contol how other people act or treat you but you can control how you treat and act. God will help you with that. I know that if your spouses see your strength they will want what you have, after all it is their weaknesses that brought them to the point of betrayal. It has only to do with whats happening on the inside of themselves, not you. It's not you! You are what will get them through this awful time. Be strong. Draw your strength from God daily, hourly, every minute if need be. I know He will get you through! Ask for His guidance and wait and listen. May God be with you and bless you and your families!

 

[oapercy]

I found out a little over a month ago that my husband of 11 years betrayed me. When I found out he said she was moving about 150 miles away and he would no longer be seeing her, But he still wanted to be her friend and call or text her. I said that I didn't want that, so he agreed. However he persisted in communicating with her. He would even text her while I was in the room. I would catch him on his cell phone and he would lie saying that it was someone else. I checked his phone while he was asleep and discovered that it was still going on. I left him. after about 4 days we talked and I decided to come back. He called her and put her on speaker phone at two separate times to let my daughter and son-in-law and then me hear him break it off permanently. He changed his phone number and I believe he hasn't had any contact with her since then. But I still have days where I have doubts about a lot of things and there is alot of things that I can't believe he did if he loved me. I just need some help from people who have been or are in my shoes.

Hi, Such is life. This is why every woman must hold close to Jesus whom men betrayed though he loved them much and came with a gift for them - the comforter( the holy Ghost). Only the betrayed can feel truly the hurt of Christ on the cross of Calvary, and only them see the vanity of this world and thus move closer and closer to Him. The reward with him for you is Love- not only for you but for your husband, for his heart is in the hand of Jesus and he will turn it to you sooner. you only need to forgive him for the love of this Jesus whom our fore- fathers nailed on the cross yet he forgave them all and sent the promise, the comforter to their children.

Then, talk to Jesus (in a prayer), invite him into your home, tell him you give your husband to him to possess. And the Holy Ghost will take over from there.
Rejoice!

oapercy

 

[oapercy]

I was married to a cheat. It never got better until I threw him out. I pray things are good for you.

Hello Dear,
You threw him out! I mean you lost him to the devil.You could have shown him the love of Christ for he died for this one also ( a kind of work for Christ) ,and sincerely speaking, if you stood in the gap for him, continuing to forsake all your comforts and bearing all the pain and shame, and calling upon the LORD, you would have gotten a testimony.

I could imagine the horrific experience you had. I want you to realise the devil is behind all this. He did not want you to enjoy the treasures there ? They all went with him. How I wish you let Jesus manifest his knock on him the second time. I know this is costly for us to do but there lies our love for Him- to carry our cross following Jesus and watch a little while that the victory had been on our side .For he love to see his word come to pass- making our enemy our footstool.

Please, learn the lesson .Getting the promise requires moving closer to the Master. This demands calling upon him , showing to him you practise all you have heard of him, and waiting for the promise ( the time lapse- could be days, months, years). We as christians are first heavenly beings. Every thing and situation we have must be used to preach Christ. He always wins and you will win again, amen.

oapercy

 

[JLBSTORM]

I am too one who has been betrayed by the one I gave my heart too. I let it happen 5 times, each time I took him back believed in him, gave him everything, my heart, encouragement, love everything a woman should give, but he still betray me..

I am one who knows first hand EVIL does exsist in this world, but so does GOD and I will over come as u will. Listen to your heart, even when it is hard to bear to leave sometimes that is what is needed.... Mine beat my heart up so much I didnt know if I could live anymore, but yet here I am knowing GOD is here and I will be ok....

Listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg

Keep the faith but dont let the devil beat you either.

 

[loveschild]

I was married to a cheat. It never got better until I threw him out. I pray things are good for you.

Someone wrote me on how I was wrong to have thrown my husband out. I wasn't close to God then. I sure wasn't with the man God wanted for me.

 

[imoss]

A wise man once said we teach others how to treat us... this is truth. You can forgive him but can you forget? Part of forgetting is accountability for as long as it takes. There can be no missed time where you dont know where he is, there can be ABSOLUTELY no contact... this means deletion from friends lists and cell phone this woman is no "friend" thank you very much, she has been sent from satan to tempt your husband and break down your family unit. As long as your husband does not acknowledge the reality of this your marriage is in peril. You guys need to communicate. Dobson wrote a book on marriage "Love must be tough" I'd recommend reading it & perhaps get some church councelling to help your family survive this so satan doesnt win. Again dont let satan steal your joy. Praying for a calm confidence of who you are and just how beautiful and special you are & the confidence to know that you and your husband can overcome ANYTHING with God at the head of your household. God Bless and restore your beautiful family.

 

[Jezreel]

Someone wrote me on how I was wrong to have thrown my husband out. I wasn't close to God then. I sure wasn't with the man God wanted for me.

Even if you weren't inthe Lord, adultery still is a sin that you can get a divorce over. He was already lost to satan when you had him. Besides that, at the time, it probably did not feel like you lost much and it was a relief to not have to wonder all the time and have that insecurity and have to feel like you have to compete. My daughter got a call from a mother of a 17 year old girl who cheated with my daughters husband at work. He is 40 and she is 17. The age of 16 is the age in this state where it would have been a felony. He knows about the Lord but does not know him. It hurt the whole family but we have put it into God's hands and we are watching prayer being answered

 

[yenguccia]

Hello Dear,
You threw him out! I mean you lost him to the devil.You could have shown him the love of Christ for he died for this one also ( a kind of work for Christ) ,and sincerely speaking, if you stood in the gap for him, continuing to forsake all your comforts and bearing all the pain and shame, and calling upon the LORD, you would have gotten a testimony.

I could imagine the horrific experience you had. I want you to realise the devil is behind all this. He did not want you to enjoy the treasures there ? They all went with him. How I wish you let Jesus manifest his knock on him the second time. I know this is costly for us to do but there lies our love for Him- to carry our cross following Jesus and watch a little while that the victory had been on our side .For he love to see his word come to pass- making our enemy our footstool.

Please, learn the lesson .Getting the promise requires moving closer to the Master. This demands calling upon him , showing to him you practise all you have heard of him, and waiting for the promise ( the time lapse- could be days, months, years). We as christians are first heavenly beings. Every thing and situation we have must be used to preach Christ. He always wins and you will win again, amen.

oapercy

yes, the devil is the destoryer of all marriages and but God is the most powerful, merciful..and he will direct your path according to his divine plan..Fear not for I am with you says the LORD...

 

[imoss]

jkern, howsitgoing?

 

[navyairwarrior]

Someone wrote me on how I was wrong to have thrown my husband out. I wasn't close to God then. I sure wasn't with the man God wanted for me.

Lady, I don't know you. I'm not a christian. But if anyone has the nerve to judge you then they are not doing what God intended for them to do. It is no one's job to judge you no matter what you have done. Especially these people who have not been through the same thing as you. And guess what, no one has been through the exact same thing as you. You were right to throw him out. I think you should have done it sooner. I will say with all honesty, as a married man, if I actually cheated on my wife I don't think there is anything that could keep me from doing it again. He was no devouted to you or your god in the first place. You have this one life to live, don't live it being miserable and worried about this man who didn't care enough about your feelings in the first place. Take this opportunity to go do something good for the world and do not surround yourself with a cheating man and judgmental people. He obviously had no problem lying to you about it being over the first time. What is to keep him from doing it again? He will most likely only find ways to be more sneaky about it. Once the ice is broken it becomes easier and easier to do.

 

[imoss]

Lady, I don't know you. I'm not a christian. But if anyone has the nerve to judge you then they are not doing what God intended for them to do. It is no one's job to judge you no matter what you have done. Especially these people who have not been through the same thing as you. And guess what, no one has been through the exact same thing as you. You were right to throw him out. I think you should have done it sooner. I will say with all honesty, as a married man, if I actually cheated on my wife I don't think there is anything that could keep me from doing it again. He was no devouted to you or your god in the first place. You have this one life to live, don't live it being miserable and worried about this man who didn't care enough about your feelings in the first place. Take this opportunity to go do something good for the world and do not surround yourself with a cheating man and judgmental people. He obviously had no problem lying to you about it being over the first time. What is to keep him from doing it again? He will most likely only find ways to be more sneaky about it. Once the ice is broken it becomes easier and easier to do.

This reminded me of one of my favorite sayings. Do not judge another until you've walked a mile in their shoes... that way you'll be a mile away from them and wearing their shoes when you judge them.

All joking aside navywarrierdude is correct.