My Wife finally admits her unhappiness

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MitchMitch

Guest
#1
#1
I feel crushed, confused and a whole bunch of emotions right now. I am days away from having MY first child with my Wife and I have been excited from day 1, I mean bubbling with joy lol I've prepared along time for it. I noticed months back as I prepared by purchasing things for the baby early and how my Wife would literally seem very unhappy or not as enthused (not nearly) but would try to kill my joy because she was so unhappy. Here's the thing though SHE'S the one who pushed to have this baby! So I eventually got on the idea but she has been so depressed seemingly, understanding of her hormones and sickness, but when I'm excited and celebrating my unborn child she's looking at me like I'm stupid for celebrating. Personally I feel she should be happy alone for the fact that so many men my race & every other race are walking out or care very little for their families. On top of that she has a toddler whom I've taken in as my own, I mean I am a man who meets the needs of my family. So Fast Forward. We got into it today she finally admits to me that she is just not happy about this pregnancy. She claims its because her first pregnancy was bad the guy did her wrong etc and she's afraid I'll do the same. (???) I am dumbfounded. Any advice?
My biggest concern now is that my child now will be depressed and other stuff because my wife has been this entire pregnancy.
Pray for the well-being of my unborn child please.
 
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savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#2
Sep 26, 2013
138
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#2
when she sees her and your newborn baby, she will do nothing but gaze at this new child, i believe its like "getting cold feet" but before the baby is born, just keep supporting her as a good husband should, just hold on, her feeling will change and all those fears will be just a passing faze, you being not the other person who've hurt her she'l have to come to it herself, you just keep being the loving husband you are and oneday and with the Lords help she'l see the true you. my husband has had to do that for me, keep praying for her, all the best with your new arrival
 
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jennymae

Guest
#3
#3
savedandIknowit said:
when she sees her and your newborn baby, she will do nothing but gaze at this new child, i believe its like "getting cold feet" but before the baby is born, just keep supporting her as a good husband should, just hold on, her feeling will change and all those fears will be just a passing faze, you being not the other person who've hurt her she'l have to come to it herself, you just keep being the loving husband you are and oneday and with the Lords help she'l see the true you. my husband has had to do that for me, keep praying for her, all the best with your new arrival
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I totally agree. At this point some of us will act like this, and it hasnt got anything to do with you. You just got to support her and tolerate her fits. It is now she really needs you:).
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#4
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#4
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was scared. I had another baby who would only be 1 when she was born. I was a hormonal emotional scared person. It got better once I had her and settled into a routine. But she's very hormonal right now and after the baby is born she will be for a while. If I were you after the baby is born ask the nurses about post postpartum depression and have them talk to her about it. If you talk to her she might get defensive. It really isn't you, it's a lot right now. Being pregnant, whacked out hormones, another child. It's a lot of stress. It will get better. I will pray for you and your family. God Bless you.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#5
#5
She is probably very emotional and insecure and scared right now. She is expecting the worse and she might be suffering from post partum depression. I would see about getting some help for her if she is.

However, it might be that she isn't eating right and she needs more vitamins and good food. Its hard to eat big meals when you are close to giving birth because there is not alot of room in the stomach with the child pressing hard.

If your only concern is the baby's health, I can see why she would feel insecure and unloved. Personally I would feel more like a means to an end than a beloved spouse if my husband was more concerned about my baby's health than my own state of happiness and well-being.

by the way I wouldn't worry about the baby's health too much. Depression does not cross over the placenta, unless she is using drugs or not eating right.

my suggestion to you is to find ways to show your love: making her dinner, helping clean the house, telling her how much you love her, etc.

find out how to love her without expecting anything in return.
 
biggiestomp

biggiestomp

Banned
#6
May 9, 2010
362
6
0
57
#6
MitchMitch said:
I feel crushed, confused and a whole bunch of emotions right now. I am days away from having MY first child with my Wife and I have been excited from day 1, I mean bubbling with joy lol I've prepared along time for it. I noticed months back as I prepared by purchasing things for the baby early and how my Wife would literally seem very unhappy or not as enthused (not nearly) but would try to kill my joy because she was so unhappy. Here's the thing though SHE'S the one who pushed to have this baby! So I eventually got on the idea but she has been so depressed seemingly, understanding of her hormones and sickness, but when I'm excited and celebrating my unborn child she's looking at me like I'm stupid for celebrating. Personally I feel she should be happy alone for the fact that so many men my race & every other race are walking out or care very little for their families. On top of that she has a toddler whom I've taken in as my own, I mean I am a man who meets the needs of my family. So Fast Forward. We got into it today she finally admits to me that she is just not happy about this pregnancy. She claims its because her first pregnancy was bad the guy did her wrong etc and she's afraid I'll do the same. (???) I am dumbfounded. Any advice?
My biggest concern now is that my child now will be depressed and other stuff because my wife has been this entire pregnancy.
Pray for the well-being of my unborn child please.
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Well dude, it is time for you to be the encouraging one. In times like this, and i understand it's a hard one, we must look past our own feelings to continue on encouraging the other person. Mainly your wife. If you the one who's filled with happiness and joy, then pray to the Lord in keeping you to stand strong.

We cant control how another person feels. But what we are called to do is being that light. Even if your child might pick up the feelings of your wife as she goes through this pregnancy, your child don't have to pick up on any added stress that may come from you being brought down.

I know it may sound like a cliche... but this seems to be as the Bible says, bearing each others burdens and picking up ones own cross. I pray that you stand strong in the Lord. Your wife may be dealing with a lot of emotions right about now. Just as you might be on top of your joy and happiness. Be strong. This to shall pass!
 
T_Laurich

T_Laurich

Senior Member
#7
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
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#7
Woman are like a prized jewel... Just keep polishing her with love, kindness, and reassurance...

Offer to pray with her about this everyday... I would also encourage you to try to keep the love between you two alive... And not transfer it into the child... E.g. Once a week go on a date with her... Just you and her, something where you can sit down and talk and reconnect... Don't go to the movies for 2 hours and then go home... Make sure you can keep that love kindled....

Also ask her, in a time that is best suited, what you could do to make her feel more loved, or happier... Or relieve the load off her shoulders (Note this can be taken the wrong way if said at the wrong time.)

Also you said you have a toddler already???? Just a word of advice from a person who has a step-father... Don't try to replace their father, but instead try to love them more than you love your own child, sounds oxymoronic but make sure that kid knows he is loved like a son... And not just provided for.... When you just love the child like a father, you become the father in love... And not because you pay the bills... (I know you might not be doing this, I just figured I should touch on it just in case)
 
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Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#8
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#8
Please try and love your wife. She sounds like she is not so much worried about you, but about past circumstances, combined with hormones and being a bit fearful about being responsible for the life of yet another human being.

Go out of your way to do things for her. Rub her back, (that would be first on my list) do errands like shopping which get very difficult near the end. Bring her flowers. It sounds like you have been shopping for the baby, but not for her! Not that you don't love her, but she is just magnifying what she sees to something out of proportion.

Maybe every day, you should do one special thing for her, before and AFTER the baby is born. Love your new baby, including changing diapers and doing laundry. Clean the house up. If you don't think these are masculine things to do, I assure you that no man is tough enough to carry a baby to term and go through childbirth. So helping her, when bending, standing and just existing is hard, is a very manly thing to do.

In time, when the hormones have settled back to normal, you can go back to your normal routine. But do be on guard for post-partum depression. That is where the real manliness comes in. Being very aware of your partner's needs and emotions could avert some real tragedies.

I will pray that you will be able to win over your wife with devotion and love. And that this birth and baby will be all you hoped for or dreamed about!
 
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intercessorginger

Guest
#9
#9
Please take your wife to a good gynecologist. Some women experience hormonal issues which can cause depression and much worse. A good Doctor can diagnose this. Run don't walk!
 
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tdrew777

Guest
#10
#10
I like all of the above. But more than that, I like your attitude. Be the Man! The man gives his life for his wife, just like Jesus did for the church.

But Jesus didn't die for us after we became holy. He didn't forgive the sin of the world after the world believed. God demonstrates his love for us, in the while we were still enemies Christ dies for us.

Check out the hormones, pray that she'll come around. And she probably will. But even if she doesn't, you be the man!!!

Don't treat your wife like a queen because she might turn around. Treat her like a queen no matter how she responds. God will be with you.
 
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DeborahW

Guest
#11
#11
You seem like a wonderful man and I pray for you both. I don't have much to add to what everyone here has said.

But I have been pregnant a few times. I generally loved being pregnant. But I've always had moments of fear and feeling overwhelmed. Of whether I could handle two in nappies at the same time. And of just feeling tired of being so pregnant. The point I want to make is that my mood didn't change the babies. One was fussy. One was colicky. One was serene. The easiest pregnancy was the hardest baby. The toughest pregnancy, the one where I had a sick toddler screaming the whole time, was the easiest baby anyone ever saw. So just because your wife is having a hard time doesn't mean the baby will be difficult. And even if it is, it is still the most precious thing you'll ever have.
 
ThomistColin

ThomistColin

Banned
#12
Nov 30, 2012
2,396
26
0
#12
Do not stop celebrating. You are right to, but also look to your wife. Celebrate her, she is your Eve, she is to be flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone. Look upon your wife as Christ looks upon you. So keep celebrating the child, but also celebrate the woman who made it all possible.
 
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chatter23

Banned
#13
Oct 12, 2013
481
0
0
#13
Enabling a woman and treating a mean and selfish woman like a queen is destructive to her spirit. a man needs to put his foot down and she will see a man instead of a wimp that fears her. If she is emotionally ill it is because she is an angry selfish human being. scripture says there are many sicknesses among Christians and no one understands why.
That kind of enablement is not Christian it is destructive to her and the child she has no respect for the man.
 
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konroh

konroh

Senior Member
#14
Sep 17, 2013
615
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#14
I agree a woman wants to see a strong man, but also a tender man. Jesus wasn't a wimp by any means to go against the leading religious and political authorities of His day and not back down. But He was man enough to love so sacrificially that He gave His life for those He loved. A strong man, but a tender man.
 
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chatter23

Banned
#15
Oct 12, 2013
481
0
0
#15
konroh said:
I agree a woman wants to see a strong man, but also a tender man. Jesus wasn't a wimp by any means to go against the leading religious and political authorities of His day and not back down. But He was man enough to love so sacrificially that He gave His life for those He loved. A strong man, but a tender man.
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Christ was not one who would treat an angry person like a queen either. He corrects her.
 
4

4Hizcall

Guest
#16
#16
:( praying for you and your family. I'm sorry to hear that your wife is unhappy. :/
 
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MitchMitch

Guest
#17
#17
Ariel82 said:
She is probably very emotional and insecure and scared right now. She is expecting the worse and she might be suffering from post partum depression. I would see about getting some help for her if she is.
If your only concern is the baby's health, I can see why she would feel insecure and unloved. Personally I would feel more like a means to an end than a beloved spouse if my husband was more concerned about my baby's health than my own state of happiness and well-being.

by the way I wouldn't worry about the baby's health too much. Depression does not cross over the placenta, unless she is using drugs or not eating right.

my suggestion to you is to find ways to show your love: making her dinner, helping clean the house, telling her how much you love her, etc.

find out how to love her without expecting anything in return.
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Thank U for your input. Truthfully if you believe it or not I have done all of these things. I am not a perfect husband but I bring her dinner most of the week, sometimes tried cooking it myself. Take her out ALL the time, I even shop for her and the other child on my own, in other words I literally have gone to women clothing stores, places where I can't even pronounce the names and have gotten her expensive things, if I think she likes it I get it same with the toddler. 9x out of 10 she wants to return it all for some crazy reason but hey I don't fight her on it. Point is my concern has in no way only been my unborn child's health, I have a window of opportunity to briefly summarize a small problem so I'm not able to joy down every detail. Personally I think yea she is mentally becoming unstable or hormonal or something, if I am the problem or still not stepping up enough then I can accept that, but believe me man I am one hard working dude when it comes to trying to keep my Woman happy, but all like to no avail; no matter what I do, what I buy her, what I bring her home, she's constantly fighting me, I literally have bite marks to prove it lol! Hormones. Just doesn't seem typical.....or is it?
 
konroh

konroh

Senior Member
#18
Sep 17, 2013
615
21
18
#18
The other aspect of this is that you have to love her in the way she wants to be loved. She may like gifts, but she may just prefer you to talk to her or show her affection. Search The Five Love Languages, there's also words of affirmation and acts of service. You've got to speak her language.

That being said your wife does sound like she's abnormally incapable of accepting love right now, and that's a different story. She needs fresh understanding of God's love for her, counseling in dealing with her past and her outlook, and perhaps medication. My wife was a zombie for a full year during pregnancy and breastfeeding. She woke up one day and said, "I've been a zombie." It didn't help that I didn't understand what she was going through, I saw that she'd checked out, so I just coasted. I did support her but not knowing what she was feeling meant I just waited it out, and her resentment for me grew. We've had to work through this and recognize how dramatic it is to bring someone new into our family is. I hope you have strength and support through this.
 
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JoyofLord

Guest
#19
#19
Because the pregnancy has brought up feelings of the past and contributed to her depression and thoughts of unhappiness, assure her you are not going anywhere and maybe buy her a little something as well to celebrate her new motherhood. Words are powerful and sometimes we need to hear them. I will pray for all of you :)
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#20
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#20
Has she always been a negative person? People just have different types of temperaments...it's not always hormones doing strange things.

The thought of having a newborn can be depressing when you consider how much attention a new born needs...24/7. Maybe this is getting her down. Encourage her with ideas of how she can have some "me" time...maybe joining a gym that has babysitting...or scheduling a class and finding a babysitter for short periods of time. If you're already doing A LOT for her, be careful about doing too much and becoming resentful yourself. There are lots of options out there....discuss with her (without resentment) about things she can do. It helps to have something to get excited about when there's something major coming up.

Don't let her negativism affect your excitement for the baby! That baby will always feel your love and commitment, no matter what anyone else does. You may be the most positive influence he/she will have. Thank God for that. Spouses have different parenting skills and probably the biggest challenge in a marriage is juggling those differences.

Praying for you....wisdom, patience, and discernment for you and your family.

Be involved with a church....children really respond to learning about Jesus :). I still remember the framed picture of Jesus I got in Sunday school (I was 5 yrs old) when my mom took us to church for a couple of years. I also remember learning 'the Golden Rule'. Although I didn't return to church for 30 years, that early bible learning stayed with me! Praise God for those godly church women who taught us little ones :).
 
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