17 years in marriage, loss of sexual interest

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Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#41
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#41
I can't apologize for my response. After I had 4 children, I had only gained about 10 lbs. When I got sick with asthma and Rheumatoid Arthritis and was put on large doses of prednisone. I gained 80 lbs and my husband stood by me. That is what a good husband does.

God was good, and I was able to get on different meds, and lose most of the weight. But it is so affirming to know that my husband loves me just the way I am. That is what this discussion is all about. It is not about libido, but honesty and faithfulness and "till death do us part."

I have prayed for this young man since I posted. I pray that he is a Christian. I pray for him to see his wife as a person, and not a body to have sex with. I pray he will realize that he is also aging, and may not look exactly like he did 17 years ago. I pray for love in the marriage. And I trust God for the results.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#42
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#42
Donkeyfish07 said:
I didn't disrespect you or dismiss you dear.....I understand the way you feel about the issue, I'm not saying your emotions are invalid.....my disagreements are purely based on nothing but logic
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I discussed my THOUGHTS on the matter, not my feelings. By mislabeling my IDEAS as mere fleeting emotions, you are, indeed being dismissive. You are employing the common argumental fallacy of discrediting your opponent instead of specifically addressing the topic.
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#43
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#43
Angela, you keep asking him if he is a real Christian??? Did you know that even men who Love God get tempted.


Angela53510 said:
This post really upset me. Is your wife nothing more than a body? Is a relationship only about sex with the ideal model?

I gained a lot of weight when I got sick, but my husband still loved me and cared for me. It sounds like you are just looking for an excuse to walk out on your wife. And then the next woman, when she ages and loses her youthful body.

You are being selfish and self-centered. Think about what you can do for your wife. Take her out for dinner. Bring her presents. Romance her. Start remembering about the commitment you made for better or for worse.

I really am shocked when I read this kind of post. Are you a Christian? Because a real Christian man would always look for the good and find ways to love his wife.

If you are not a Christian, then you need to check out the claims of Christ on your life. I have been married for 33 years, with ups and downs, and 4 children. We have sometimes stayed together because of our promise to each other, but mostly because we love each other. And that does not mean sex, it means everything!!

Read 1 Cor. 13. It sounds to me like you need to lose the shallow, sexual selfishness and man up and love your wife the way she deserves to be loved.
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K

kim12345

Senior Member
#44
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#44
Angela, He was asking for Help not to be crucified


Angela53510 said:
This post really upset me. Is your wife nothing more than a body? Is a relationship only about sex with the ideal model?

I gained a lot of weight when I got sick, but my husband still loved me and cared for me. It sounds like you are just looking for an excuse to walk out on your wife. And then the next woman, when she ages and loses her youthful body.

You are being selfish and self-centered. Think about what you can do for your wife. Take her out for dinner. Bring her presents. Romance her. Start remembering about the commitment you made for better or for worse.

I really am shocked when I read this kind of post. Are you a Christian? Because a real Christian man would always look for the good and find ways to love his wife.

If you are not a Christian, then you need to check out the claims of Christ on your life. I have been married for 33 years, with ups and downs, and 4 children. We have sometimes stayed together because of our promise to each other, but mostly because we love each other. And that does not mean sex, it means everything!!

Read 1 Cor. 13. It sounds to me like you need to lose the shallow, sexual selfishness and man up and love your wife the way she deserves to be loved.
Click to expand...
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#45
#45
Angela53510 said:
I can't apologize for my response. After I had 4 children, I had only gained about 10 lbs. When I got sick with asthma and Rheumatoid Arthritis and was put on large doses of prednisone. I gained 80 lbs and my husband stood by me. That is what a good husband does.

God was good, and I was able to get on different meds, and lose most of the weight. But it is so affirming to know that my husband loves me just the way I am. That is what this discussion is all about. It is not about libido, but honesty and faithfulness and "till death do us part."

I have prayed for this young man since I posted. I pray that he is a Christian. I pray for him to see his wife as a person, and not a body to have sex with. I pray he will realize that he is also aging, and may not look exactly like he did 17 years ago. I pray for love in the marriage. And I trust God for the results.
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Which, again, is why he came seeking help. He acknowledged the problem in his thinking, owned up to it and reached out for help. Scolding and questioning his salvation is what he got back. Sounds to me like he is working at making his marriage good. Maybe all people can't be as magically wonderful as your husband, but at least this guy is trying. But i see that none of this matters. He didn't do it right the first time, and that's all that matters.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#46
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
34
#46
HIVLTG, I don't know if you are coming back or reading responses anymore, so this post may go missed. I know, also, that I am only a 23 year old single female, so maybe my advice should be taken with a grain of salt, I don't know, but here it is:

Pray. Pray for your wife, pray with your wife, and pray by yourself. Ask God to reveal to you the heart issues that you or your wife may have through all of this. Ask that He help guard your heart and mind when you see a young lady, that He would help you to stop your thoughts from wandering and to focus on your wife or on Him instead. Be open to His leading, in how to treat your wife, how to treat yourself (avoiding self-loathing) and how to get through this time that you face of feeling that loss of sexual attraction. Be honest with God in how you're feeling; He knows anyway and it will help you to get it off your chest to Him if you are open with Him.

If you're concerned for your wife's health and weight, take walks with her and your kids. Hold her hand. Play games outside with them. Laugh with them. Remember the woman you married and take her as she is; what and who she was then, and what and who she is now.

As I said, maybe that's not helpful at all. But those are just my thoughts.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#47
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#47
J-Kay-2 said:
Ms. Fenner: Not sure what rule you broke. I have been reading through
the posts I missed, and you have been wise and loving in your comments.
I don't think every woman got upset with him. I think we probably thought
what if she was turned off by him because he was overweight ? But that
wasn't what he came on for.

Do you suppose he really wants us [ all Christians ] both male and female
to pray for him NOT to give into the desires? Is he asking us to pray he can
love and desire his wife as he once did?

Only those without sin can cast the first stone. I don't think we have cast
stones at him. Maybe he had hoped the men could help him get past this
time in his life.

I think we forget there is so much temptation everywhere men and women
turn, some men just need to be reminded ' DO NOT LOOK .'
I am with you, I hope he will get help he needs.

Asking the Lord to please keep His hand upon the O/P and lead him on the
right path ~ Only the Lord is going to get him seeing it through spiritual eyes.
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There is a funny thread in the singles forum about New Rules, of course they aren't serious, but one of them is no derailing of threads. So I was kidding. :)
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#48
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#48
yeah, the op's post struck a nerve definitely...most of us married peoples do not look like we did when we first married. And true, our relationship should not be based on physical appearances. The fact is that as we age, we change...physically, mentally, and emotionally. And our marriage relationship changes. Whether we roll with those changes or against them, is up to both the husband and wife.

I do admire this man's honesty. You know, it has to be hard to admit those feelings. Praying that the Holy Spirit can and will take him to the next step :).
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#49
#49
Misty77 said:
I discussed my THOUGHTS on the matter, not my feelings. By mislabeling my IDEAS as mere fleeting emotions, you are, indeed being dismissive. You are employing the common argumental fallacy of discrediting your opponent instead of specifically addressing the topic.
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I didn't realize we were supposed to be opponents, lol
 
A

Art05

Guest
#50
#50
This is ridiculous. I feel really sorry for the man that posted this. Perhaps there should have put "For Men Only" on the title, so as to receive compassionate advice and fitting counsel, and would have kept himself from being berated by a bunch of carnal women that seek only to defend (through the operation of satan) their fellow womankind (as if they knew this woman, or as if all women were the same); they are neither helpful nor do they seek to help, but only to outpour their angry, emotional ignorance. How laughable it is, to have these women point out what real men are! Pathetic!

Ladies, learn to stay out of things that you cannot help in; learn to keep quiet where you would cause damage if you were to speak!

LORD! CHRISTIAN WOMEN NEED SERIOUS HELP!
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#51
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#51
Art05 said:
This is ridiculous. I feel really sorry for the man that posted this. Perhaps there should have put "For Men Only" on the title, so as to receive compassionate advice and fitting counsel, and would have kept himself from being berated by a bunch of carnal women that seek only to defend (through the operation of satan) their fellow womankind (as if they knew this woman, or as if all women were the same); they are neither helpful nor do they seek to help, but only to outpour their angry, emotional ignorance. How laughable it is, to have these women point out what real men are! Pathetic!

Ladies, learn to stay out of things that you cannot help in; learn to keep quiet where you would cause damage if you were to speak!

LORD! CHRISTIAN WOMEN NEED SERIOUS HELP!
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There is a restricted mens forum, where this probably should have been posted.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#53
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#53
Art05 said:
This is ridiculous. I feel really sorry for the man that posted this. Perhaps there should have put "For Men Only" on the title, so as to receive compassionate advice and fitting counsel, and would have kept himself from being berated by a bunch of carnal women that seek only to defend (through the operation of satan) their fellow womankind (as if they knew this woman, or as if all women were the same); they are neither helpful nor do they seek to help, but only to outpour their angry, emotional ignorance. How laughable it is, to have these women point out what real men are! Pathetic!

Ladies, learn to stay out of things that you cannot help in; learn to keep quiet where you would cause damage if you were to speak!

LORD! CHRISTIAN WOMEN NEED SERIOUS HELP!
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How long is sexism going to continue to thrive among believers? Anytime a woman voices an opinion, men rise up to label us as emotional and try to silence us. If you disagree, then have a conversation about the issue. Stop attacking the messenger.
 
A

Art05

Guest
#54
#54
And they're still at it! I hope the man who began this thread never comes back! Oh, how few 'believers' follow that commandment of the Spirit, which tells us to forbear one another in love! God help those whom they choose to counsel!
 
A

Art05

Guest
#55
#55
Grace-Like-Rain said:
There is a restricted mens forum, where this probably should have been posted.
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Oh, amen. I guess the poor guy didn't know. Imagine the needless personal attacks he would have prevented!
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#57
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
34
#57
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#58
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
34
#58
Ugly said:
Actually, there is no mens forum.
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I think she was referring to the men's group that ServantStrike came up with as a spin-off of zaoman's idea. Not exactly a forum, but it's a private communication place.
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#59
#59
Art05 said:
And they're still at it! I hope the man who began this thread never comes back! Oh, how few 'believers' follow that commandment of the Spirit, which tells us to forbear one another in love! God help those whom they choose to counsel!
Click to expand...

Well Art, when I posted, oh I am J-Kay-2, I did take up for him and I am female.
Feel free to go back and read things I said. It is a situation where one has to
look at both sides of the coin since it was brought to this forum.

I wonder, what would it would have been like if a woman wrote she is no longer
turned on by her husband because he gained 100 lbs since she wed him ?
Something one never knows when they marry because we can't see down the
road to our future. But you are young yet and still slender. I assure you no
matter how many times you say you will not change in your physic, you can't
be certain. Men become more masculine with muscle growth. Women become
more shapely as they mature.

More of us hope this couple can get help to work through this issue he has to
deal with. Your expressing your compassion for him is commendable. BTW
you would be surprised how many men have come to a woman topic and give
their opinion. I guess that is why God made Man and Woman ~
 
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