Staying Single

[Art05]

I see the generations before me. People were married from the ages of 16-24.

I am now 24; I am not married, I've never had a girlfriend, and I don't even know a girl that would be a possible mate. I'm poor, with enough money to get me by, and with not much of a future ahead of me. "So that's you", you may say. But! ....

As I've been noticing for some time now, many, many people are going through this same thing! In this generation, we have 30 year old singles still waiting for marriage! They are sad (like me), they are tired of it (like me), and they see others, and are embarrassed (like me). We are discontent -- discontent Christians. What a shame to be married at 40, only to never even see your own grandchildren!

So perhaps, by the time I am 30, the chances of me ever being married will be gone? Is this where our Christian zeitgeist regarding matrimony is headed?

So, can this be considered the will of God, then, for us?

So then, should be view singleness with the loneliness and the sadness that we associate it with? Should we begin something that the majority of the generations before us never saw, a blessed singleness?

Of course, we always hear our pastors preach on marriage as almost a necessity (and they were married at a young age, of course), but perhaps there must be a new trend. A new view on marriage and singleness. Perhaps we should stop wanting to be married, and instead remain single, for the glory of God. "For I would that all men were even as myself", Paul wrote; so we see that marriage is not necessary, and it was not even done by that man whom God chose.
[h=2][/h]Well, what do you all say?

 

[Liamson]

Here is a video you should watch...
[video=youtube;H_6gPtCUB_4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_6gPtCUB_4[/video]

 

[AAAPlus]

I see the generations before me. People were married from the ages of 16-24.

I am now 24; I am not married, I've never had a girlfriend, and I don't even know a girl that would be a possible mate. I'm poor, with enough money to get me by, and with not much of a future ahead of me. "So that's you", you may say. But! ....

As I've been noticing for some time now, many, many people are going through this same thing! In this generation, we have 30 year old singles still waiting for marriage! They are sad (like me), they are tired of it (like me), and they see others, and are embarrassed (like me). We are discontent -- discontent Christians. What a shame to be married at 40, only to never even see your own grandchildren!

So perhaps, by the time I am 30, the chances of me ever being married will be gone? Is this where our Christian zeitgeist regarding matrimony is headed?

So, can this be considered the will of God, then, for us?

So then, should be view singleness with the loneliness and the sadness that we associate it with? Should we begin something that the majority of the generations before us never saw, a blessed singleness?

Of course, we always hear our pastors preach on marriage as almost a necessity (and they were married at a young age, of course), but perhaps there must be a new trend. A new view on marriage and singleness. Perhaps we should stop wanting to be married, and instead remain single, for the glory of God. "For I would that all men were even as myself", Paul wrote; so we see that marriage is not necessary, and it was not even done by that man whom God chose.
Well, what do you all say?

The cultural norm has shifted. And much of that cultural shift has permeated its way into Christian culture as well. People are getting married later on average. In fact, the average age for a man to get married (counting first marriages only) these days is 29. That means half aren't even married by 29.

Our generation seems to mature much more slowly than previous ones. That's just a fact of life.

I definitely wouldn't say there's no hope for you. Quite the opposite, actually; as far as relationships go, you're just teeing off. And today I would say there's a MUCH better chance of getting married from 30-35 than 18-23.

I used to be more or less where you are right now. By the time I turned 22 I was ready to meet that girl I would marry. And I did meet her then...although we didn't even start dating until three years after that.

So don't worry! Just pray it in and be okay with where God has you right now.

 

[mykim]

at least you are still young. I am 28, almost 29. Never been in a relationship and never will. I wish i had a woman in my life, but i know it won't happen.

also, being single in a sex crazed world is really really tough.

 

[MySavior]

Im 27, been single 5 years, never been married and no kids.
Im really bein in a relationship but its really hard to find someone but I think 30 would be a good age to be in a relationship and get married.

 

[Liamson]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_6gPtCUB_4


Well, the imbed didn't work but the link is here^

It talks about why men aren't marrying, the cultural reasons, and the future implications of this trend.

 

[MySavior]

I see the generations before me. People were married from the ages of 16-24.

I am now 24; I am not married, I've never had a girlfriend, and I don't even know a girl that would be a possible mate. I'm poor, with enough money to get me by, and with not much of a future ahead of me. "So that's you", you may say. But! ....

As I've been noticing for some time now, many, many people are going through this same thing! In this generation, we have 30 year old singles still waiting for marriage! They are sad (like me), they are tired of it (like me), and they see others, and are embarrassed (like me). We are discontent -- discontent Christians. What a shame to be married at 40, only to never even see your own grandchildren!

So perhaps, by the time I am 30, the chances of me ever being married will be gone? Is this where our Christian zeitgeist regarding matrimony is headed?

So, can this be considered the will of God, then, for us?

So then, should be view singleness with the loneliness and the sadness that we associate it with? Should we begin something that the majority of the generations before us never saw, a blessed singleness?

Of course, we always hear our pastors preach on marriage as almost a necessity (and they were married at a young age, of course), but perhaps there must be a new trend. A new view on marriage and singleness. Perhaps we should stop wanting to be married, and instead remain single, for the glory of God. "For I would that all men were even as myself", Paul wrote; so we see that marriage is not necessary, and it was not even done by that man whom God chose.
Well, what do you all say?

My advice is brother, find a Christian woman that yall can love, trust and never hurt each other.

 

[mystdancer50]

My advice is to focus on God.

For me, the only times that I was sad or lonely was when my focus wasn't on God and His will and timing and plan, but rather was on this world and all that goes on around me. I can recall one night in particular where I was deeply sorrowing and lonely and when Jesus offered to comfort me, I refused Him. In the morning, after a long and miserable night, Jesus told me, "I would have comforted you, but you wouldn't let Me." I have never made that mistake again.

Some still marry in their teens, some in their twenties, some in their thirties, and some even in their sixties. God never does things the same way.

I, personally, am good either way. Either God has marriage for me or He doesn't. A few weeks ago, I was pondering how some people just seem to really struggle with being single and I told God that I didn't understand what the big deal was. He revealed to me that I am confident and calm and rested and in no hurry for anything whatsoever because I know what His plans are for me in the realm of marriage. So, yeah, it's in His hands and I can fully rest.

This is what He wants for all His people. If you don't know what He has for you, ask Him. I promise you He will tell you. Ask Him plainly and simply. He will respond. Then, once He responds, rest in His truth. If the answer is yes, ask for the patience to wait on His timing. If the answer is no, ask for His ability to seek Him first and not long for something that isn't to be yours...or isn't to be yours yet. The vital thing that must be settled in your heart before you ask is your willingness to accept His answer, even if it isn't what you want to hear. Otherwise, even when He answers, rest and peace and contentment will still elude you.

I am 33 years old, single, never had a boyfriend, and there are no prospects in my life...nor have there been for many, many years. And this does not bother me one bit. It took me some time to get here, I'll admit, for when I was a teen, I so desperately wanted a boyfriend and to marry. I am so glad that God works on His timetable and not mine. I would be divorced now if I'd married then.

Just some of my thoughts...God bless.

 

[Pipp]

I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship... When I was younger it really bothered me , but now honestly I'm ok with where I am. Do I still want to get married ? Heck yeah ! Do I wish I'd meet my someone special tomorrow? Most definitely. But if I don't I'm ok. I used to wonder if I was being punished by remaining single while EVERYONE else I know gets married and has 4 kids by now , but I trust God enough to know that he has his reasons. There are things I'm able to do for him single right now that I might not be able to do if married. Keep faith brother

 

[mystdancer50]

The 'contentment while single' must be a 30 and above thing, eh, Pipp?

 

[Ugly]

Why would someone who had kids in their 40's never see their grandchildren?
See, it's false thinking like this that leads to the constant stream of 20-something woe is me i'm single posts that get tiresome.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

The 'contentment while single' must be a 30 and above thing, eh, Pipp?

First comes denial, then comes acceptance?

 

[mystdancer50]

For some, I imagine denial is key to acceptance. In my twenties, I would constantly say that I didn't want to get married. Then, during a church service one night, the pastor was preaching on lying to God. I went to the altar and asked God, "Do I lie to You?" I expected Him to pat me on my head, Daddy's little girl and all, and say, "No, sweetie," But that is not what happened. Instead, He told me, "You lie to Me all the time."

He revealed to me that, in order to crush the loneliness and be 'okay', I said the lie I stated above. He told me it was okay to admit that I desired to be married, to be loved and sought and pursued and known by a man of God. He told me to stop lying. Then, I faced two or so years of learning how to process the feelings and emotions I denied for so long.

My contentment comes solely from knowing what He has for me in this area. No muss, no fuss. I know what He has planned for me in the realm of marriage and due to this, I'm content being single.

 

[Chainhand]

I do know 30+ year old singles who aren't sad about it or tired of it. God will give us fulfillment and peace about what we are doing in life, but it takes submission and thankfulness on our part.

God bless you brother~~

 

[DorothyG]

I'm single and I enjoy it.

More time to focus on God and his love. My heavenly father will supply me with everything I need. If it's in God's will that I get married, then I'll get married but I am quite content with this single life.

I'll pray for you to find peace with your current situation.

 

[Liamson]

I dunno, the older I get the less women seem to want to have a naturally progressive relationship. Its like the clock is ticking and they have baby rabies. So for them its about projecting into the future when or how its going to work from start to finish.


I'm like, lets cross each bridge when we get there. Our dynamic will determine whether or not babies come into the equation.


I know I can't go back in time but part of me misses the dynamic for itself. The relationship for the relationship's sake. Maybe its a Christian Culture thing, to be always evaluating whether I'm making it through the hoops in a timely fashion toward the altar.


I'm in no rush to "settle down" especially if the biggest half of the equation is undetermined. Once we've got Love Trust Understanding and Friendship down, then we can talk about marriage, and eventually children. But I'm not a means to an end.

I'm not a ticket to marriage and the next step towards having a normal life. I do not put marriage on a pedestal as the end all of Christian Relationships. For me its Love, and in its highest and deepest form, Marriage is the Natural progression of a Deep Lasting Relationship.

The beginning of this could be at any time. But, I don't see it for me right now. But that is actually a good thing. I don't mind being single because the world is full of possibility.

 

[Bo]

In my experience, Christians are more often single then non-Christians. Probably because we are already in a relationship with the God of the universe.... Guys, remember, Paul said it is best to be single, not that its a sin to marry, but it is 'better' to be single... I want to get married too but hey its all about Gods will for our lives.

 

[Art05]

Thank you so much, everybody, for your sharing your mind! I honestly thought I wouldn't see many that agreed with what I posted, but it seems that I am right: there are many in the 27-30sum age that are not married, and have never even been in a relationship in their entire lives (just like me!).

I admit to you, that that doesn't make me anymore joyful. I want a mate, intimacy, love, trust, marriage, and maybe even a little girl. I desire these things.

Nevertheless, the our culture has turned, and perhaps it is the will of God for us (as a generation) to not hold marriage as high as we would in the past (yet we must ever hold it to the sanctity it deserves).

And I see that alot of men have answered, and are "in the same boat" as I am.

 

[Art05]

The cultural norm has shifted. And much of that cultural shift has permeated its way into Christian culture as well. People are getting married later on average. In fact, the average age for a man to get married (counting first marriages only) these days is 29. That means half aren't even married by 29.

Our generation seems to mature much more slowly than previous ones. That's just a fact of life.

I definitely wouldn't say there's no hope for you. Quite the opposite, actually; as far as relationships go, you're just teeing off. And today I would say there's a MUCH better chance of getting married from 30-35 than 18-23.

I used to be more or less where you are right now. By the time I turned 22 I was ready to meet that girl I would marry. And I did meet her then...although we didn't even start dating until three years after that.

So don't worry! Just pray it in and be okay with where God has you right now.

You're actually making alot of sense; if the average age has increased around 29, and I'm 24, then there is still opportunity. But, of course, if all marriages began on the age of a person (as if we were divinely arranged to be married as the common age of marriage of the age), then everyone would be married. My circumstances (described in my post) are the affecting factors to my singleness. That, and more.

But, what can you do?

 

[Art05]

at least you are still young. I am 28, almost 29. Never been in a relationship and never will. I wish i had a woman in my life, but i know it won't happen.

also, being single in a sex crazed world is really really tough.

Yes sir, it is very tough. Remember that your brethren in the world are facing the same trials and temptations that you are, and we are in the same position when it comes to relationships.

We need to stay strong; keep our head up and live life.