Rebellion

[Markus75]

I'm confused about my wife and the mariage we have. A couple of months after marriage (4.5 years ago) she started to play games with me and has since then been in complete rebellion against me. I don't know why and I still don't know what is true about her past.

She claims to be a christian. So does her mother who wants full control over us. My wife has never submitted to me but follows her family instead. For awhile, life can be normal but then suddenly she starts rumours about me in the ladies prayer group or slanders me to her friends.She quite often uses her size and acting skills to get peoples empathy. She is 5'3" and I'm 6'4"...

She is not interested in planning together. When I talk about how to raise our 4 year old daughter, she is not interested and just blurts out that she don't like boundaries.

When everything is going fine then something pops out of her and she messes up my life. Worst of all is that she enjoys it. Most important thing for her is that I have to submit to her mother and brother in law who wants to be a leader although he is completely uneducated, hindu and constantly asks me to help them understand documents, tax receipts etc. The ironic thing here is that I moved to Canada 5 years ago but they have been here 20 years.

I believe that manipulation and control is not Godly but has a different source. Same thing about rebellion.

My wife does not want divorce because it looks bad. Neither is she interested in following me or planning a future together. If a relative or a friend, all of them non-believers invites us to their place or comes for a visit, it is extremely important that I come along as a husband.

I have been praying the last three years that God will set my wife free but she refuses to go for marriage counselling or prayer.

I don't know what to do anymore. We live separately right now. I stay in touch with her and try to keep a good relation for the sake of our daughter.

Is there any biblical reason for me to leave her?

Pls, give me your input!

 

[Drett]

Did she start after she became pregnant ? Just wondering if there is a medical reason for it.

 

[Lucy68]

What is her cultural background? You said her brother is Hindu?

If she has watched her mom manipulate family members, she may have learned the same technique. She may not even know she's doing it.

The Bible speaks of divorce in cases of adultery. But even then, we are encouraged to try to heal our marriages. Will she definitely not consider marriage counseling?

 

[Drett]

What is her cultural background? You said her brother is Hindu?

If she has watched her mom manipulate family members, she may have learned the same technique. She may not even know she's doing it.

The Bible speaks of divorce in cases of adultery. But even then, we are encouraged to try to heal our marriages. Will she definitely not consider marriage counseling?

If she copied it from her mum then I would talk to your father in law. He might be able to give you some insight.

 

[overcomer2]

Is there any biblical reason for me to leave her?

Pls, give me your input!

Well, you have left her if your not living together. But do you mean do you have basis for divorce. I would say, why? The bible tells you do not seek for a wife and do not put your wife away. Your wife is not being a wife. Build your life without her until she decides to follow. If she chooses to divorce that is between her and the LOrd. I believe your covenant with her stands in the eyes of the Lord. Be a Father, that you must do pray for you are still head of the household even with rebellion present.

 

[Ariel82]

sounds like a cultural thing she has.

I'm guessing she is Indian. I have few friends who are Indian and before I meet and married my husband I dated an Indian boy. His mother expected to be able to control everything about our lives even though we weren't even engaged to be married.

she actually had the "no having sex before marriage talk" with me. which was kind of weird because we were in college and I wasn't even thinking about that type of stuff.

However,I know from experience that Eastern society and rules of politeness operate differently than most Western society. I would have hoped you spoke with your wife before marriage about these issues?

I do think you need to stand firm as the man of your house. You shouldn't let other men or family members push you around on key ideologies but for the sake of peace and diplomacy ask for their "advice" and opinion on small matters to make them feel important and included in decisions. Like if you want to buy a new grill or something.

I don't know I'm kind of just shooting in the dark and feel like i"m just talking to fill empty space.

My main point is I think its right that you stand up and express your wishes. Tell your wife that you want to be a strong man and husband. that you want to build something special with just you and her and your daughter. though you care about the rest of her family, certain decisions should be made just between the two of you and she should not always seek their approval in everything she wants to do. Show her in the Bible where it says

Matthew 19:5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

In the same regard, the WOMAN must leave her parents house and influence and join with her husband. so that they might fulfill the holy commandment of marriage and become one cohesive working unit. One unit that work together to raise a beautiful and godly daughter and show the world what true love really means.

At least that is what I would try and do in your position. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Just know God has plans, we might always understand them and enjoy the time you get with your daughter. they grow up way too fast.

 

[JesusLives]

If I were you first thing I would do is PRAY, PRAY, PRAY - asking for God's guidance in this situation since you said your wife refuses to go to counseling. Then I would have a private family meeting with my wife and remind her how much you love and cherish her and that you are the head of the household as ordained by God in the family set up. Not that you want to lord over her but that you have a child and you want to raise that child in a Godly household. I would explain to her how much she has hurt you and that you don't want outside interference from her mother or other family members. Your family matters are private between you and God. I would develop a family worship and prayer daily and take all matters to the Lord in prayer. If your wife refuses and does not want to continue as a family then continue to have your worship with God in Bible study and prayer. I would take my child to church with me and be the best Father and example at how to build a relationship with God to my child. We lead by example. I will say a prayer for you and your situation - Dear Father in Heaven - Please be with Markus75 in this hurtful situation. Please touch his heart and bring him peace and comfort in knowing that You are able to work out this situation for the best. Help Markus75 to be a good example to his child and wife and to have patience in dealing with his wife's family. I ask that you soften his wife's heart so that she would listen and work things out with Markus75 according to Your will. Give him strength to do the right thing and help him to build a strong relationship with You. In Jesus Name Amen

 

[presidente]

I'm confused about my wife and the mariage we have. A couple of months after marriage (4.5 years ago) she started to play games with me and has since then been in complete rebellion against me. I don't know why and I still don't know what is true about her past.

She claims to be a christian. So does her mother who wants full control over us. My wife has never submitted to me but follows her family instead. For awhile, life can be normal but then suddenly she starts rumours about me in the ladies prayer group or slanders me to her friends.She quite often uses her size and acting skills to get peoples empathy. She is 5'3" and I'm 6'4"...

She is not interested in planning together. When I talk about how to raise our 4 year old daughter, she is not interested and just blurts out that she don't like boundaries.

When everything is going fine then something pops out of her and she messes up my life. Worst of all is that she enjoys it. Most important thing for her is that I have to submit to her mother and brother in law who wants to be a leader although he is completely uneducated, hindu and constantly asks me to help them understand documents, tax receipts etc. The ironic thing here is that I moved to Canada 5 years ago but they have been here 20 years.

I believe that manipulation and control is not Godly but has a different source. Same thing about rebellion.

My wife does not want divorce because it looks bad. Neither is she interested in following me or planning a future together. If a relative or a friend, all of them non-believers invites us to their place or comes for a visit, it is extremely important that I come along as a husband.

I have been praying the last three years that God will set my wife free but she refuses to go for marriage counselling or prayer.

I don't know what to do anymore. We live separately right now. I stay in touch with her and try to keep a good relation for the sake of our daughter.

Is there any biblical reason for me to leave her?

Pls, give me your input!

Why isn't your wife living in the same house with you? Is she living with her parents? Are you paying for her house? If she's staying with her folks, walk over to her house, announce that your wife and daughter are going to live in your house and your wife is going to sleep in your bed. She can visit, but her mother had better not try to make decisions for your family. Maybe you could do this after your daughter has come to see you. Have someone watch her, then go make the announcement when the girl is not with you and not around. Your wife may be more likely to come with you. If you can work it out with your FIL to back you up on this before you go and do this, that may work out best. You could both put your feet down at the same time, have him gently kick the daughter out.

I'm guessing a bit about the living situation. Where is your wife staying?

 

[Markus75]

My wife is Fijian, ex-hindu. I'm from Finland. It's a long story but to make it short, we met in a church, kept in touch, fell in love but I still have my doubts. When I met her family I sensed the extreme control and stoneage mentality. They gave us one week to decide about marriage.

Her father is not alive. Mother claims to be a christian. Her sisters husband who is a hindu, is now the head of the family.

I sensed that this will never work out. Even as two christian adults, 30 and 33 years old, we could not even go to a coffeeshop so that we could be able to talk and plan. Mother denied us pre-marital counselling and insisted on us moving into their house. I said no to marriage twice, then the hindu brother in-law beat her up while sister is watching. After that she escapes to me and I take care of her. We decide to marry anyway. Same brother in-law tied to split us by consulting witchdoctors to put hexes on us.

She and her family lied to me about her previous marriage that was arranged. I still do'nt know the truth. She has a lot of baggage though. The same brother in-law tried to rape her 2004. Mother forces her to move back into the same house after a week so that everything looks good.

Friends, I have been praying, believe me! Anytime things are going well for me or us, she ruins it by slandering me or making up stories. I strongly believe that she needs deliverance prayer. I have set my foot down several times and even escorted the mother out of the home we lived in to show her that I'm am the head here.

My wife loves facebook and hindi movies about romance, drama, boy leaves girl cry cry cry etc...and she loves gossip. Especially if it gives her attention. Many church memebers don't dare to see me in the eyes because they swallowed her slander and later found out the truth.

She lives right now with her family.

I do understand culture. I have lived in the middle east, asia, several european countries. I have encountered many different scenarios when working in Health Care. We should both respect each others cultures but embrace the Word of God foremost. Her cousins are christian and modern and we interact normally but not with her family.

I'm focusing on rebuilding my own life now so that I can be a father to my daughter at least. I've tried to bring my wife for counselling numerous times but she refuses. I honor God and marriage but see little hope in a future with my wife. I don't know wether I should get divorced or stay in marriage. I'm not going to go though another 4 years of hell, losing my studies, getting arrested, false accusations etc.

 

[Ariel82]

wow that is a lot. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

one day she might realize how her actions are hurting you, her daughter and herself.

It is good you are focusing on rebuilding your life and making a more stable home for you and your daughter.

I can't imagine the drama and heartache you have had to deal with in the last few years. My heart cries for you and her and the brokenness of it all.

I don't really have any words to offer, just a few simple prayers:

Dear God give him the wisdom to see Your will in His life. Protect him and his little girl. Bind whatever evil spirits that wish them harm and allow Your light to shine in His life and Your peace and love to protect and guide them in this journey. Lord, we know you hear us even when we are too sadden to even find the words to cry out to you. Lord, we need You. Jesus, help us understand and know what it is You would have us do and say in this world and remind us that we are pilgrims passing through. Hebrews 11: 8-10

[video=youtube;9woerGYcsVU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9woerGYcsVU[/video]

 

[Markus75]

Thank you for your prayer Ariel82!

I confess that I have been very bitter and angry. Slowly I'm getting rid of hurt and bitterness. I chose to forgive several times. Unfortunately I have committed adultery in my heart. I meet women at work, starbucks, skytrain and we talk and I feel attracted to them. I'm not actively seeking another woman but I have weaknesses.

 

[RedTent]

I know what it feels like to know of what a good family your family could be and the people that God has chosen for you simply will have no part of it. Other posters have said that there is something you can do to change it. Sometimes there is nothing to be done but accept it.

I found it is very important to do like God does with us when we act like this toward Him. God never stops loving us, God never stops wanting blessings for us. God even tells us how to think of these people. God tells us to send this blessing to them: May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make His face to shine on you, and bring you peace. Numbers 6:24-26. God also allows us the freedom to choose what we will do about our relationship. God doesn't even interfere with the results of our actions. For instance, if we steal from others God will forgive but we still have to go to jail for stealing. In the same way we have to accept the actions of others, we cannot rule them so we decide how they will act.

Once you replace the thoughts about how terrible this is, and wondering whatever you can do thoughts, to just sending her blessings, you will be free to decide how you can live your life in the Lord. You energies and strength will be free to go to where you can truly build, like in being a Dad, and being part of God's family.

 

[Ace85]

Hi Markus, It sounds to me like a spiritual battle is happening in your family. Even though your wife and her mother say they are Christian, there are still spiritual attachments which would've come through their involvement in the Hindu religion. Also, if you have had curses put over you by your brother in law, you need to ask God to break those curses and to release you from that power. I suggest that you continue to pray for your wife and that God would bring her out from under the influences of the enemy. I also suggest that you cleanse yourself spiritually (sometimes, before looking after other people we have to look after ourselves) and get rid of anything in your house that is 'not of God'. It is common for Christians to pick up souvenirs etc that actually have religious value and bring curses into the home. Ask God to show you if there's something like that in your house.
May God help you in this time, and may He restore your marriage. All the best, and God bless!

 

[sandtigeress]

Do you know, why she slanders you ?
There may be one way, with her obsession (?) about looking good, in the eye of the world.
If she slanders you, she might look like the injured party, instead of the one leaving her marriage,
but on the other hand, she chose you, so with each slander, her status also goes down too,
first as beeing wife to someone, who .... and second later, when her lies are found out, people
know her as a lieer. So she has to understand, that there is no real benefit in slandering you.

Apart from that saying false slander and living as a christian (with god/jesus as lord of
ones live) is not possible at the same time.

It is good that your daughter has you, so that she has a chance to live a different life and sees that there
is a better way to live than by lies and manipulation.

As for biblical reasons:
There are not many biblical reasons for ending a marriage, but divorce is allowed.
But apart from freeing you for another relationship, there still is your daughter, for whos upbringing (by
showing her better values, showing her gods unconditional love, showing her a world,
where persons, do not have to be obejed, when they want something unethical ...) you are responible.
And your now wife will not be gone from your life, as her home system is highly toxic, she will always
need someone to come too, when she needs to leave there, even if by then, you are the former
husband and only a friend.

Apart from that, all I can say is pray for an open heart, on her side as on yours.
And pray for those oposing you, so that they might get a change of heart too,
and might even come to find jesus for themeselfes. Nothing changes a person so
fast for the better, than our lord.

 

[Ariel82]

Thank you for your prayer Ariel82!

I confess that I have been very bitter and angry. Slowly I'm getting rid of hurt and bitterness. I chose to forgive several times. Unfortunately I have committed adultery in my heart. I meet women at work, starbucks, skytrain and we talk and I feel attracted to them. I'm not actively seeking another woman but I have weaknesses.

I'm glad you are slowly getting rid of the hurt and bitterness. that you are choosing to forgive and that God is healing your heart. Healing is a slow process.

It sounds as if you have repented of your adultery. If you have you have to remember not only to forgive others of their transgression but KNOW that God forgives you if you come before Him with a humble and contrite heart.

I don't know what to tell you about divorce.

From the sound of it she really needs you and your prayers.

Probably doesn't think she deserves you (the mind of an abused person is very twisted) and is trying to chase you away so that she can prove that she was right (either that you don't deserve her or she doesn't deserve you.) It might make her feel better to believe lies about you because then she might not feel as unworthy?

It may not be true in her case but I've heard abused people speak in such illogical manner. They don't ever truly believe they can ever deserve love. They don't really understand God's unconditional love because no one ever shown them what it means to love them no matter what.

If you can find it in your heart to forgive and love her in this manner, perhaps she can repent and turn back to God and be healed?

Either way I will continue to pray for you and your family.

 

[presidente]

If she'd been divorced and didn't tell you about it until after, that is a pretty wicked thing to do to you. If you want to proceed with her, you may need to move away from her family with her.

 

[Misty77]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you spoken to your pastor about it? If she is slandering you, sinning against you, and unwilling to go to counseling, then this is actually where church discipline can come into play as laid out in Matthew 18. Talk to her one on one (as you probably already have). If she is unrepentant, then talk to the pastor or other church leadership to appeal to her with you. If she is still unrepentant, then her situation is to be brought before the whole church as a final chance for repentance. She will then be excommunicated until she apologizes and takes steps toward restoration.

On the legal side, separation should only be for a temporary, predetermined time. When that point has passed, you need a legal divorce so you can protect and provide for your daughter. A manipulative household is no place for a child. And always get your own attorney, no exceptions.

 

[Markus75]

I thank you my fellow believers for your input and prayers!

This is a spiritual battle. I know that splitting families is one of satans most common tactics. Unfortunately my wife and her family does'nt understand it. I'm here alone and have no support. I will not move together with my wife befoe she goes through full deliverance and marriage counselling. Her lady pastor is very busy but willing to counsel us. I believe that the first step is for my wife to move away from he family. She does not rule her own mind and the mother is constantly putting demands on her and wants attention. We have never been one...

I don't want to give up, neither do I want to continue such a marriage. I'm 38 and have a child, it's not the easiest thing to find a new wife either. Kind of a dilemma that needs to be solved not too late.

I pray for wisdom and protection.

 

[presidente]

Markus75, You could try getting a job overseas, maybe Saudi Arabia (where she'd stay home and not get into trouble ) and focus on spending time with her and your daughter while she is far away from her folks. Moving overseas gives her a reason to move out away from other family's control.

 

[Misty77]

Markus75, You could try getting a job overseas, maybe Saudi Arabia (where she'd stay home and not get into trouble ) and focus on spending time with her and your daughter while she is far away from her folks. Moving overseas gives her a reason to move out away from other family's control.

Your solution for marital harmony is to whisk his wife away to a country where she has no rights? Should we send someone to check your basement for Eastern European "wives"?