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There could be many factors as to why you're having a tough time.
Personally, I don't have an issue dating a man with kids. It's a good way to see what kind of father and man he is. The question is WHY is it a turn off for you? If you don't want to date a man with kids, that's your choice. But if I were you, I'd be doing some introspection right about now.
Personally, I don't have an issue dating a man with kids. It's a good way to see what kind of father and man he is. The question is WHY is it a turn off for you? If you don't want to date a man with kids, that's your choice. But if I were you, I'd be doing some introspection right about now.
S
At your age, there are plenty of childless men; you just have to look in the right place. (I suggest a college campus, or, naturally, a church.)
Generally, STEREOTYPICALLY speaking, people who are raised to not be sexually promiscuous (church) are not going have kids, since they aren't doing the baby-makin' dance. Similarly, someone who is career focused (college) is going to be doing whatever they can to avoid having a major direction change in their life until their training is done and their career path is set. After 25, however, having a year or two career experience (and real paycheck), young professionals are far more likely to procreate since their parh is set.
Remember, this is a broad generalization, but stereotypes exist for a reason. There are lots of exceptions, be it by choice or by accident.
Generally, STEREOTYPICALLY speaking, people who are raised to not be sexually promiscuous (church) are not going have kids, since they aren't doing the baby-makin' dance. Similarly, someone who is career focused (college) is going to be doing whatever they can to avoid having a major direction change in their life until their training is done and their career path is set. After 25, however, having a year or two career experience (and real paycheck), young professionals are far more likely to procreate since their parh is set.
Remember, this is a broad generalization, but stereotypes exist for a reason. There are lots of exceptions, be it by choice or by accident.
J
At your age, I can see why you might have reservations about it. Should something deep develop between you, that's a lot to take on at 22.
It's a personal choice. Some people like being around children, some don't. Some don't want to help raise someone else's children should a relationship develop. Having been a child in a blended family, I can tell you that it's not easy, but when it does work, it can be such a blessing.
I always wanted more children, but it didn't work out that way, so I would have no problem at all dating someone with children. I DO think it is a good idea though to take your time in introducing your kids to people you date. If children become attached to someone a parent is dating and it doesn't work out, that's pain that did not have to be.
It's good that you are giving this careful thought, shuri. A lot of people don't give it ENOUGH thought. Keep in mind though that there are a lot of fantastic guys out there who have children, and Aimee is right in saying that watching how a man cares for/communicates with his children says a lot about him.
It takes a lot of patience and understanding to become involved with someone who has children. You need to understand that their responsibility to their kids has HIGH priority and give them room to do what they need and want to do for their kids. God will honor the sacrifice you make out of consideration for those children.
It's a personal choice. Some people like being around children, some don't. Some don't want to help raise someone else's children should a relationship develop. Having been a child in a blended family, I can tell you that it's not easy, but when it does work, it can be such a blessing.
I always wanted more children, but it didn't work out that way, so I would have no problem at all dating someone with children. I DO think it is a good idea though to take your time in introducing your kids to people you date. If children become attached to someone a parent is dating and it doesn't work out, that's pain that did not have to be.
It's good that you are giving this careful thought, shuri. A lot of people don't give it ENOUGH thought. Keep in mind though that there are a lot of fantastic guys out there who have children, and Aimee is right in saying that watching how a man cares for/communicates with his children says a lot about him.
It takes a lot of patience and understanding to become involved with someone who has children. You need to understand that their responsibility to their kids has HIGH priority and give them room to do what they need and want to do for their kids. God will honor the sacrifice you make out of consideration for those children.
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B
Say what, Miss.?
Were you born yesterday to not understand that children living in split households have enough problems of their own?
The children, most definitely, do not need your indifference to their permanent existence in their single-parent's life. Why does life have to be always about YOU??
Pardon me for breaking this to you, but you really need to stay away from Dad's with children because you'll traumatize them further with your Ego. ...just sayin'.
Were you born yesterday to not understand that children living in split households have enough problems of their own?
The children, most definitely, do not need your indifference to their permanent existence in their single-parent's life. Why does life have to be always about YOU??
Pardon me for breaking this to you, but you really need to stay away from Dad's with children because you'll traumatize them further with your Ego. ...just sayin'.
R
Say what, Miss.?
Were you born yesterday to not understand that children living in split households have enough problems of their own?
The children, most definitely, do not need your indifference to their permanent existence in their single-parent's life. Why does life have to be always about YOU??
Pardon me for breaking this to you, but you really need to stay away from Dad's with children because you'll traumatize them further with your Ego. ...just sayin'.
Were you born yesterday to not understand that children living in split households have enough problems of their own?
The children, most definitely, do not need your indifference to their permanent existence in their single-parent's life. Why does life have to be always about YOU??
Pardon me for breaking this to you, but you really need to stay away from Dad's with children because you'll traumatize them further with your Ego. ...just sayin'.
She's just stating her preference from her point of view. Nowhere did she state that her point of view is the only one that exists.
B
Relena, the OP has made up her mind that she doesn't "want to be involved with someone who has a child." It is, therefore, egotistic of her to consider a single Dad just to fulfill her wanting to be in a relationship.
In other words, "I want a relationship even though I don't want the children part of the relationship." ...and that, my dear Relena, is ego. ...just saying.
In other words, "I want a relationship even though I don't want the children part of the relationship." ...and that, my dear Relena, is ego. ...just saying.
I understand, you are young. I mean older than me but still young.
When I am older and allowed and ready to date, I will take into account we marry who we date.
now here's the issue with men with kids for me. I want my marriage to be husband and me! If he has children unless widowed then that means I'm now in a relationship with those children's mother. That may sound weird but I don't mean relationship like romantic but a connection that involves personal interactions.
I am also saving myself for marriage so I assume there is a guy out there that God has planned for me who is doing the same.
Not that I know God's plan for me.
I agree with some of the other posters, seek people in different places. I'm not saying get rid of the people you know. I think though there has to be men interested in you that are with out child. It's a matter of finding them.
I will pray God sends you a really good man.
best wishes and all my love,
lexi
When I am older and allowed and ready to date, I will take into account we marry who we date.
now here's the issue with men with kids for me. I want my marriage to be husband and me! If he has children unless widowed then that means I'm now in a relationship with those children's mother. That may sound weird but I don't mean relationship like romantic but a connection that involves personal interactions.
I am also saving myself for marriage so I assume there is a guy out there that God has planned for me who is doing the same.
Not that I know God's plan for me.
I agree with some of the other posters, seek people in different places. I'm not saying get rid of the people you know. I think though there has to be men interested in you that are with out child. It's a matter of finding them.
I will pray God sends you a really good man.
best wishes and all my love,
lexi
I would like to mention an undeniable truth: One of the ways that Satan is trying to destroy these last few christian generations is with lonliness, adultery, & being unequally yoked. This means there will be repentant christians out there with children from these 'issues'. I know firsthand because my own son got caught up in it. He went through a horrible time with it, & now has a daughter from such a bad relationship. He currently is doing well & is working in our church.
We do have a choice to date & marry with or without children, but remember: those forgiven are NOT disqualified as a christian choice.
Lets not forget also that when an unbelieving spouse departs, neither is that "spouse that was left" disqualified. God may reward that spouse's suffering with a new godly spouse that truly cares for them.
We do have a choice to date & marry with or without children, but remember: those forgiven are NOT disqualified as a christian choice.
Lets not forget also that when an unbelieving spouse departs, neither is that "spouse that was left" disqualified. God may reward that spouse's suffering with a new godly spouse that truly cares for them.
If your stance is whether you should give guys who have children a chance, then I think it is better for BOTH of you to not start anything, especially when you find that as a turn off. I understand everyone has preferences and nothing's wrong with having personal turn on and offs. However, if you have to weigh between them and decide to start a relationship because what is turn on outweighs turn offs, then I don't think you are at a good starting line for that relationship. You take the person as a whole with all of his/her past because you love that person so much it is not even an issue. If you have to ask if you are willing to take or accommodate certain things in his/her life, then I don't think you are ready to make that relationship work and more importantly to flourish. There was a good thread not too long ago about how a marriage is not for you, not for your gratification but for your spouse and spouse's. I think the same principle can be and should be applied in any relationship including dating.
And like Aimee said, it is a good idea to look into why certain things come off to you as turn off because it could say something about your value and where you place your standard - whether it is of God or worldly. I ask that question sometimes in all honesty and usually it is because of my insecurities and part of my life not completely immersed in God. And lastly, I don't think finding guys with children as turn-off is why you are having a hard time finding a good guy. Again, look into why and it might shed some light on why you are having a hard time finding a good guy... or simply you are in a season where God wants you to be single for your sake.
And like Aimee said, it is a good idea to look into why certain things come off to you as turn off because it could say something about your value and where you place your standard - whether it is of God or worldly. I ask that question sometimes in all honesty and usually it is because of my insecurities and part of my life not completely immersed in God. And lastly, I don't think finding guys with children as turn-off is why you are having a hard time finding a good guy. Again, look into why and it might shed some light on why you are having a hard time finding a good guy... or simply you are in a season where God wants you to be single for your sake.
T
When I met my husband (to be) he had three children. I was very young but very much in love and loved his children because they were part of him. We later had two of our own. I was determined to have a cohesive family by making him the center of our family life.
The best compliment I ever had was from one of his young nieces telling me that she didn't know I was step-mother to his three until she was a teenager.
Me, personally, I don't think couples should marry for any other reason except that they are in love. We were married for 48 years before he passed away in 2010. It was a good life.
The best compliment I ever had was from one of his young nieces telling me that she didn't know I was step-mother to his three until she was a teenager.
Me, personally, I don't think couples should marry for any other reason except that they are in love. We were married for 48 years before he passed away in 2010. It was a good life.
U
I find it funny how many women complain that men aren't interested because they have children. And people are quick to defend the woman and the unfairness of the treatment and holding this fact against her. Yet the few times i've skimmed through this thread the standard is completely opposite.
Reminds me of the divorced men thread. How men get no support in their divorce, while women are constantly comforted. Seems that same double standard exists in other areas as well.
Reminds me of the divorced men thread. How men get no support in their divorce, while women are constantly comforted. Seems that same double standard exists in other areas as well.
R
Relena, the OP has made up her mind that she doesn't "want to be involved with someone who has a child." It is, therefore, egotistic of her to consider a single Dad just to fulfill her wanting to be in a relationship.
In other words, "I want a relationship even though I don't want the children part of the relationship." ...and that, my dear Relena, is ego. ...just saying.
In other words, "I want a relationship even though I don't want the children part of the relationship." ...and that, my dear Relena, is ego. ...just saying.
The choice to not have children is a personal one, and the choice to not help raise someone elses kids seems even more personal. I don't think it's fair to pick on someone for not wanting to.
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B
...I don't think couples should marry for any other reason except that they are in love. We were married for 48 years before he passed away in 2010. It was a good life.
"Before you agree to marry a boy, make sure you love his family and his whole family loves you more."
R
Thank you, Relena. Now, what sound advice do you have for the OP?
My advice to OP is don't get yourself into anything deeper than you can handle just because you're afraid of being lonely.
If you are open to dating a man with kids later on, make sure you are choosing it for the right reasons...
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