Why Shouldn't Women Make "The First Move"?

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alexis

alexis

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#21
Dec 5, 2013
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#21
Art05 said:
And so you've brought up something that I've noticed ever since ... well, ever since I came on here.

Women (Christian women), I've noticed, are considerably bolder online than offline; they begin conversations (whereas offline, they would probably only stare at the poor guy and remain silent), they pursue men, they even give out their phone numbers (yes, Christian women). And yet these are the same women that say they would never ever pursue a man for a relationship, affirming that the hunt belongs to the man, while they are the prey.

Now, why is that?
Click to expand...
This like why don't Christian Women date nice guys, infers that your observation is absolute fact. Seems like lots of questions asked that already make a statement.

Example:

Why don't Christian women date nice guys? Implies they don't
vs.
do Christian women date nice guys, why or why not? Open question with no implication or assumption that the asker already knows the answer

Why shouldn't women make the first move? Says everyone thinks they shouldn't....
vs.
should women make the first move, why or why not?

I only point this out because the answers might be more open and easier to accept if the very question did not infer we already feel a certain way.

Everyone as Rachel said my be bolder online. She answered this well.
I'd like to add though that it's not nescerily true. I don't date and won't anytime soon. I believe in being courted for marriage. I'm not ready for that... What's my point? Well I have had guys say pretty rude things online in regards to "dating" and usually nicely answer them saying I'm not like that or interested. While that may be bold but a couple of these things have been pretty uncalled for. The sort of thing I would be likely to pepper spray a guy for in person. Online is safer, there is no physical threat thus things can be bolder or more laid back.

As for the thread I think the issue is simple. Relax put all your effort into honoring Christ. Girls if we do this in time the right man will come along and court us, if he doesn't, it's better to be single than with the wrong guy. For the gents... Approach Christian girls with humility and kindness. Be upfront in your intentions. Still seek Christ first, never go looking for that girl. God will bring her into your life. If He doesn't it's not His will and again you are better alone than with the wrong person..

Just my thoughts none of it is the rules.. It's not gonna be the same for everyone. I'm going to assume the way to get my attention is not the same as getting Rachel's
accept I'm sure you have to put God first
 
I

Isdaniel

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#22
Oct 14, 2013
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#22
I thinl eve mae the first move hmm look what happen :)
 
I

Isdaniel

Banned
#23
Oct 14, 2013
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#23
alexis said:
This like why don't Christian Women date nice guys, infers that your observation is absolute fact. Seems like lots of questions asked that already make a statement.

Example:

Why don't Christian women date nice guys? Implies they don't
vs.
do Christian women date nice guys, why or why not? Open question with no implication or assumption that the asker already knows the answer

Why shouldn't women make the first move? Says everyone thinks they shouldn't....
vs.
should women make the first move, why or why not?

I only point this out because the answers might be more open and easier to accept if the very question did not infer we already feel a certain way.

Everyone as Rachel said my be bolder online. She answered this well.
I'd like to add though that it's not nescerily true. I don't date and won't anytime soon. I believe in being courted for marriage. I'm not ready for that... What's my point? Well I have had guys say pretty rude things online in regards to "dating" and usually nicely answer them saying I'm not like that or interested. While that may be bold but a couple of these things have been pretty uncalled for. The sort of thing I would be likely to pepper spray a guy for in person. Online is safer, there is no physical threat thus things can be bolder or more laid back.

As for the thread I think the issue is simple. Relax put all your effort into honoring Christ. Girls if we do this in time the right man will come along and court us, if he doesn't, it's better to be single than with the wrong guy. For the gents... Approach Christian girls with humility and kindness. Be upfront in your intentions. Still seek Christ first, never go looking for that girl. God will bring her into your life. If He doesn't it's not His will and again you are better alone than with the wrong person..

Just my thoughts none of it is the rules.. It's not gonna be the same for everyone. I'm going to assume the way to get my attention is not the same as getting Rachel's
accept I'm sure you have to put God first
Click to expand...

Who make the first move in the animal Kingdom ? Male or female ?
 
A

Art05

Guest
#24
#24
alexis said:
This like why don't Christian Women date nice guys, infers that your observation is absolute fact. Seems like lots of questions asked that already make a statement.

Example:

Why don't Christian women date nice guys? Implies they don't
vs.
do Christian women date nice guys, why or why not? Open question with no implication or assumption that the asker already knows the answer

Why shouldn't women make the first move? Says everyone thinks they shouldn't....
vs.
should women make the first move, why or why not?

I only point this out because the answers might be more open and easier to accept if the very question did not infer we already feel a certain way.
Click to expand...
No no, I disagree with you. I think everyone "get's it" anyways, so there really isn't a need to say this. I'm allowed to be rather informal, and so I don't worry about the style of my grammar. Plus, the view that you've given is held, I feel, by a majority, and so I phrased the question as I did.

"I believe in being courted for marriage." ~ And why do you not believe the other? What's wrong with the other?

lol In a way, my question refers to you haha
 
Descyple

Descyple

Senior Member
#26
Jun 7, 2010
3,023
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#26
No woman should ever make the first move with me, because if you do, then you'll never get rid of me!!!

Don't give me a glimmer of hope, ladies. You've been warned!!!
 
alexis

alexis

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#27
Dec 5, 2013
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#27
Art05 said:
No no, I disagree with you. I think everyone "get's it" anyways, so there really isn't a need to say this. I'm allowed to be rather informal, and so I don't worry about the style of my grammar. Plus, the view that you've given is held, I feel, by a majority, and so I phrased the question as I did.

"I believe in being courted for marriage." ~ And why do you not believe the other? What's wrong with the other?

lol In a way, my question refers to you haha
Click to expand...
Hmmmm my grammar policing did not slightly sway thee...
You make a good point and by the way off subject but some girl will really be happy to be with you someday. (to clarify this is not flirtation Art understands me, just don't want others thinking it inappropriate)

I do think for me courting is best. Chaperoned dates (when I get older) to prevent temptation and make sure that all my boundaries are respected.
As for others I think if you want to go on one on one dates that's your choice.

Also want to clarify I would approach a guy and initiate conversation. Just if he wishes to pursue a relationship he then has to ask me, state his intentions, hopefully getting to know me. Then set up oppropriate activities with a chaperone. Though I'm cool with helping him find things to do.

I know I'm way crazy wanting chaperoned outings or "dates" but it's in my heart what seems best..
Again I don't think this is for everyone... actually I know only one person who for sure likes this idea.
 
alexis

alexis

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#28
Dec 5, 2013
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#28
Descyple said:
No woman should ever make the first move with me, because if you do, then you'll never get rid of me!!!

Don't give me a glimmer of hope, ladies. You've been warned!!!
Click to expand...
Haha this is so funny.... Oops is acknowledging you in even the slightest of ways giving you hope?! :rolleyes:
 
I

Isdaniel

Banned
#29
Oct 14, 2013
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#29
Who make the first move in the animal Kingdom ? Male or female ?
 
Descyple

Descyple

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#30
Jun 7, 2010
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#30
alexis said:
Haha this is so funny.... Oops is acknowledging you in even the slightest of ways giving you hope?! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Normally "acknowledgment" would give me hope from other women, but since you're so young Alexis, you're safe (I've got pimples older than you!!!).
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

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#31
Feb 18, 2013
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#31
alexis said:
Hmmmm my grammar policing did not slightly sway thee...
You make a good point and by the way off subject but some girl will really be happy to be with you someday. (to clarify this is not flirtation Art understands me, just don't want others thinking it inappropriate)

I do think for me courting is best. Chaperoned dates (when I get older) to prevent temptation and make sure that all my boundaries are respected.
As for others I think if you want to go on one on one dates that's your choice.

Also want to clarify I would approach a guy and initiate conversation. Just if he wishes to pursue a relationship he then has to ask me, state his intentions, hopefully getting to know me. Then set up oppropriate activities with a chaperone. Though I'm cool with helping him find things to do.

I know I'm way crazy wanting chaperoned outings or "dates" but it's in my heart what seems best..
Again I don't think this is for everyone... actually I know only one person who for sure likes this idea.
Click to expand...
You're not alone, sweetheart. :) I believe in courtship. There's a thread in the ladies' forum where I posted a pretty clear description of what courtship looks like in my life right now.

As for the part of your post that I have made bold, I completely agree, and I was actually just about to post something on that subject. You beat me to it! :)

When I initiate a conversation with a guy, I do not view that as "making the first move". I call that being friendly, and possibly initiating a friendship. I do that all the time, but I take great care to make sure I don't come across as flirty, though I know I ultimately can't control how other people perceive my intentions. I am a huge fan of being friends with someone before entering a relationship, so to me, "making the first move" is when one person makes it known to the other that he/she is interested in being more than just friends.

According to the above description, I have never, nor will I ever "make the first move".
 
alexis

alexis

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#32
Dec 5, 2013
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#32
Isdaniel said:
Who make the first move in the animal Kingdom ? Male or female ?
Click to expand...
As someone who lives in remote country with tons of nature I have trouble answering this.. Generally the male pursues the female, however sometimes male animals have to compete to gain the females favor and then she chooses a mate...
 
alexis

alexis

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#33
Dec 5, 2013
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#33
Descyple said:
Normally "acknowledgment" would give me hope from other women, but since you're so young Alexis, you're safe (I've got pimples older than you!!!).
Click to expand...
Yes after I sent that I feared it seemed inappropriate, though it was meant in fun of course..
Maybe one of the more mature ladies will notice you...

don't know how anyone could overlook your good nature humor and love for Christ!
God bless
 
Last edited:
Fenner

Fenner

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#34
Jan 26, 2013
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#34
I sort of made the first move on my husband. I knew there was something there, so did he, but he was really shy. So I called him. He lived 2 and 1/2 hours away at the time so we didn't immediately go out on a date and this was 1996 there was no Skype so we emailed and talked on the phone. When he came home from school for break we went on a date.

We had met many times before this, so we knew each other, he wasn't a stranger to me, or I to him.

I'm glad I called him. I hope he is to. :confused:
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#35
Apr 18, 2013
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#35
The first move... hmmm.

Well MY first move is to play the accordion while doing the chicken dance.
That drives women wild.

I guess If a woman wanted to make the first move, and she had her own accordion...
that would be fine.

: )
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#36
#36
alexis said:
Hmmmm my grammar policing did not slightly sway thee...
You make a good point and by the way off subject but some girl will really be happy to be with you someday. (to clarify this is not flirtation Art understands me, just don't want others thinking it inappropriate)

I do think for me courting is best. Chaperoned dates (when I get older) to prevent temptation and make sure that all my boundaries are respected.
As for others I think if you want to go on one on one dates that's your choice.

Also want to clarify I would approach a guy and initiate conversation. Just if he wishes to pursue a relationship he then has to ask me, state his intentions, hopefully getting to know me. Then set up oppropriate activities with a chaperone. Though I'm cool with helping him find things to do.

I know I'm way crazy wanting chaperoned outings or "dates" but it's in my heart what seems best..
Again I don't think this is for everyone... actually I know only one person who for sure likes this idea.
Click to expand...
I agree. A Christian guy might not like the idea of a 'chaperone,' at first, AlexHis, but, the Lord will have a way of getting it through the thick skull of the man, of WE MEN, that His way is best. And, that does immediately add accountability to the relationship as I would have that 'chaperone' be a very good friend of the family, or, even pastor. And, the latter might weird the guy out even more, but, IF he is a Christian guy, he will respect those wishes and KNOW the Lord is in control of His life.

-----------------------------------------------
Answering the question of artyiste in the OP, regarding why the guy should make the first move and not the girl:

It's dangerous.

If you watch crime shows on tv, which is Hollywood, like, Law And Order, and, CSI, but, the words are as clear in our minds as day.
By asking out a guy, the girl is giving the WRONG guy, maybe, even a right, Christian guy who's weak in his faith, a reason AT SOME POINT in the relationship to take ADVANTAGE of her.

And, I mean 'advantage; in a sexual way :(

Because the words she said to him in the VERY beginning of the relationship were , 'We should go out together.'

That's it. Those are the words, or, VERY similar words that allow a guy to qualify FOR HIMSELF that it's OK to take severe, extreme advantage of the girl who ASKED HIM OUT .

Now, please, miladies, if this isn't something you want to hear, and, you are currently in a relationship where you have asked the guy out, great :) The Lord leads.

There are ALWAYS exceptions to the RULE.


And, God RULES, ALWAYS, in ALL WAYS, of our lives. So, what I say to do, for any girl going out with a guy, regardless of who asked who out, PRAY for the blood of Christ protection that protected the Israelites' first born when God sent the angel of death to the doors of the Egyptians' firstborn under Pharoah per Exodus explained, this the last thing God did, so, that, FINALLY , Pharoah let God's people (Israelites) go :)
 
U

Ugly

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#37
#37
Isdaniel said:
Who make the first move in the animal Kingdom ? Male or female ?
Click to expand...
So if we're going to follow your logic all the way through, not just up to the point that is suits you, then we are to base our humanity off of soulless animals? So we should be like dogs and force ourselves on whatever female, or non-dog item, every time we get a jones for sex? So we should just go around humping whatever, or whoever works. Because that's how some of the animals do it. Oops, looks like your logic failed.
 
Praus

Praus

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#38
Dec 21, 2012
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#38
Descyple

Descyple

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#39
Jun 7, 2010
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#39
alexis said:
Yes after I sent that I feared it seemed inappropriate, though it was meant in fun of course..
Maybe one of the more mature ladies will notice you...

don't know how anyone could overlook your good nature humor and love for Christ!
God bless
Click to expand...
No worries, Alexis, it's all in good fun.

But don't feel bad about me being overlooked by women here (on CC I've been overlooked more times than the hidden pictures in 3D Stereograms!!!)
 
Descyple

Descyple

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#40
Jun 7, 2010
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#40
alexis said:
Yes after I sent that I feared it seemed inappropriate, though it was meant in fun of course..
Maybe one of the more mature ladies will notice you...

don't know how anyone could overlook your good nature humor and love for Christ!
God bless
Click to expand...
By the way Alexis, you're statement (which I put in bold in your quote) is one of the funniest things anyone has ever said to me (and the best thing is you didn't mean it to sound funny - lol).

I feel especially inspired to write the following "real life" post:

You know you're getting old when..................... a 15yr old says to you "Maybe one of the more mature ladies will notice you".


So how about it, Mature Ladies, have you noticed me yet? Or is your cataracts getting in the way???
 
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