Courting vs. Dating. Which are you for doing when you meet someone special ? Why? :-)

[GreenNnice]

Courting is:
Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. (from gotanswers.org)

Dating is with a different schematic for a relationship, one that presents the two liking each other with more liberty in the relationship. A lot of people like to say, 'Oh, I don't date, I just develop friendships with someone I like.'

What does this mean, to be friends rather than, let's call it 'dating friends.'

How does the Lord figure in your decision? What power do you give him to help you make your decision of how you're going to go about a relationship with the opposite sex?

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I did so a poll so you can choose what you prefer. You can also say in your responses here if courting or dating is a conviction thing for you, you will do it NO MATTER WHat. Or, the one of the other is just a preference.


In the poll, too, I put a 5th choice, I thought that it could lend some perspective to the overall poll and really tell what we think of dating and courting The Lord leads.

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[wisebeardman]

I dont do ether.

 

[mystdancer50]

I am all about courting and courtship. I am also very, um, rigid in my courting mentality. I shared it elsewhere and freaked everyone out, so I'll refrain here. Suffice it to say, my entire desire is to honor the Lord in courtship and pursue radical purity.

 

[GreenNnice]

I dont do ether.

There is a 5th choice........................... just for you, bro

I am all about courting and courtship. I am also very, um, rigid in my courting mentality. I shared it elsewhere and freaked everyone out, so I'll refrain here. Suffice it to say, my entire desire is to honor the Lord in courtship and pursue radical purity.

"Radical purity," yeah, I like that idea, mystydancer, amen.

That probably means you're going to put that you are not liking either courting or dating choices, so, you and wisebeardedone could be making the same choice, I'm guessing

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I've never "courted"....I had no idea people still did that.....I thought that died out in the 20's

 

[mystdancer50]

There is a 5th choice........................... just for you, bro



"Radical purity," yeah, I like that idea, mystydancer, amen.

That probably means you're going to put that you are not liking either courting or dating choices, so, you and wisebeardedone could be making the same choice, I'm guessing

I won't date. I will never casually date. I will be courted or nothing. The call that God has placed on my life is not very well received by other Christians. Radical purity is just as extreme as it sounds...for good reason.

 

[colalella2891]

This one has been done too:

http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/73075-should-christians-date-court.html

And I'll do either one.

 

[ServantStrike]

Courting without hand holding?

I'd be concerned if holding hands or a quick hug is a problem. Otherwise I usually lean towards serious-as-a-heart-attack style methods.


I'd go for more of a hybrid style.

I will date some one (briefly, like one date) if that is what is required to get to know them. Otherwise I'm already going to be focused on marriage as the end result. They on the other hand aren't going to know about it until at least a month or so in, so I can gauge their responses, and full defenses aren't coming down until about 6 months in. Then they'll get the full details (I love you, I intend to marry you, I knew this after the first date because if I didn't think you were marriage material I would have ditched you at the restaurant).

 

[wisebeardman]

There is a 5th choice........................... just for you, bro

that dont really fit ether.

 

[GreenNnice]

Courting without hand holding?

I'd be concerned if holding hands or a quick hug is a problem. Otherwise I usually lean towards serious-as-a-heart-attack style methods.


I'd go for more of a hybrid style.

I will date some one (briefly, like one date) if that is what is required to get to know them. Otherwise I'm already going to be focused on marriage as the end result. They on the other hand aren't going to know about it until at least a month or so in, so I can gauge their responses, and full defenses aren't coming down until about 6 months in. Then they'll get the full details (I love you, I intend to marry you, I knew this after the first date because if I didn't think you were marriage material I would have ditched you at the restaurant).

I would really depend my 'style' on the girl, what does she feel best with, 'courting' or 'just friends.'
I voted 'neither,' that's fine.
I am just wondering if a peck on the cheek counts as kissing

Note: I've read JOsh Harris' book, "I kissed dating goodbye."

It's a great read.

And, for all girls, I reco 'Passion and Purity' by Elizabeth Elliot. I've read it too. Twice, even .

The Lord leads, Hisservantstriker, wisebeardedone, we need to do things that will be making us become more the man that God wants us to be Doing things His way is what we should all want to do, especially taking a step toward marriage, so many things can go wrong on that path to union that we really will be better off, MUCH!, by leading that girl by His Godly example given us in Scripture and, therefore, placed on our hearts in treating her from first knowing her through then going out and doing things to giving her the ring

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yes, Hisservantstriker, I would agree, with DK , that not even hand holding seems a little 'past' times,like 1920s. So does the parents going on date with us everywhere, but, that's OK, if the Lord puts peace in my heart for that. I may be just the candidate for that, He knows infinitely better than I : )

 

[MartyrNdaMaKn]

I see courtship as a good thing, because it shows character and gives the person your fond of the insight that your in it for the long haul. God's way or no way.

 

[wisebeardman]

well, truth is I gave up on the idea of relationships,marriage,kids,ect when I was about 15 or 16.. you know long time ago. In which because of that it has allowed me to see 48 of the 50 states, a good chunk of Canada and I been to PR once.

to be short, I have now spent so much time alone (and my entire life alone when it comes to women) I don't like being around people anymore. quite frank, people annoy me. So honestly if some female actually did want something to do with me I am so damaged from being alone so long it wont work, she is about 16 years to late.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I've figured something out about myself. If I go into it with a marriage mindset, I will freak out and bail immediately. It's sooo much pressure for me. But if I start out as friends, no pressure, just getting to know one another... I might be able to relax long enough to fall for someone.

So, I've always been a big fan of courtship, but at this point in my life I just can't meet someone for the very first time with marriage on my mind. I don't even know if I want to GET married unless or until I find the right guy, you know? So it's hard to be marriage-minded. I'm now "pro-friends-first".

 

[GreenNnice]

I see courtship as a good thing, because it shows character and gives the person your fond of the insight that your in it for the long haul. God's way or no way.

Yes, I think it could work for getting to a point of being married, as long as the friends and parents like you altogether as by so many hands in the pot, like best friends going out on dates with you and parents of both , it's an excellent recipe for something going wrong. But, I believe in the Lord's leading, and, if I could see he was leading to a courtship relationship before marriage then I would be 100% for it, for our God reigns. We should live like He's in charge ,whether we feel He is or not, because He is, and, not just in charge of some things in our life, but all things.

And, humbling us to a point of going out with a girl only with friends and relatives and parents of each other would be quite the experience to bring down most any guy, but, God would be doing it and it would be good because it would be from Him and He knows not only what's best for us, He know's what's even better yet, God knows what's perfect. And, His Spirit will lead us perfectly going out with her if we follow Him. The Lord leads.

well, truth is I gave up on the idea of relationships,marriage,kids,ect when I was about 15 or 16.. you know long time ago. In which because of that it has allowed me to see 48 of the 50 states, a good chunk of Canada and I been to PR once.

to be short, I have now spent so much time alone (and my entire life alone when it comes to women) I don't like being around people anymore. quite frank, people annoy me. So honestly if some female actually did want something to do with me I am so damaged from being alone so long it wont work, she is about 16 years to late.

OK, i get that. But, don't discount God's ability to work on your heart in this area, bro. I saw so many 'I's' in your sentences and it's important that we put God in there above all else, certainly, above ourselves. And, I do the same thing too. So, yeah, I heart you, 100% brother I pray God just keeps you going His way in life, being alone in Christ living, that is how Galatians 2:20 tells us we should live, 'In Christ alone.'

 

[Pipp]

My older brother courted his wife, my younger sister is being courted by her future fiancé, and I have full intentions on doing the same. Will everything be exactly the same for me as it is my 22 year old sister ?? Most likely not... I'm 30 years old. I'm with Grace on this one though... He MUST be my friend first.... there are too many weirdos ( and not the good kind) out there. Plus.. what would be more awesome than marrying your best friend ?? I also agree with ServantStrike... a quick hug isn't something to freak out over.. there is a difference in a quick hug and a fond embrace... lol

 

[starfield]

Courting is:
Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. (from gotanswers.org)

I think it's "gotquestions.org".

Okay, carry on....

 

[alexis]

My older brother courted his wife, my younger sister is being courted by her future fiancé, and I have full intentions on doing the same. Will everything be exactly the same for me as it is my 22 year old sister ?? Most likely not... I'm 30 years old. I'm with Grace on this one though... He MUST be my friend first.... there are too many weirdos ( and not the good kind) out there. Plus.. what would be more awesome than marrying your best friend ?? I also agree with ServantStrike... a quick hug isn't something to freak out over.. there is a difference in a quick hug and a fond embrace... lol

Pipp summed it up, he has to be my friend... Then pursue a chaperoned courtship. Of course I am talking several years from now!

 

[leelee]

I voted dating, I do not casually date but I would like to spend some time with the person just getting to know the real them without them having to try to impress my family and friends (who can be a scary bunch) but I also think dating across the pond is very different to here, generally over here you date one person and see how it goes and if you want to build the relationship whereas I know over there it is something that (should you choose to) can be with several different people. I have a friend over there who had a week of different dates and it was madness to me!

 

[Liamson]

Courting seems like some kind of pretentious facade of dating.

Hurr Durr Durr... Look at us we're COURTING.


Dating is for the peasantry, Courting is in vogue.

 

[Pipp]

Courting seems like some kind of pretentious facade of dating.

Hurr Durr Durr... Look at us we're COURTING.


Dating is for the peasantry, Courting is in vogue.

Oh yeah.... that's totally how we do it... we sit on our high horse and look down at the scum going on dates