need help with a relationship situation...

stephmarie · Dec 19, 2013

Hello everybody...I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and we were friends for 8 years. I've always believed in God and prayed etc. He did not and unfortunely took a turn for the worst and got into some things...I always told him he needs to pray and God will lead him out of his addiction..long story short we went thru EVERYTHING together and I saw him in his darkest of days, even when he was in rehab and then uturnwhich is a christian rehab program which thank God worked! I prayed and cried every night that God would save him and stuck by his side no matter what because I truely feel attached to his soul and he agreed it was a feeling not in this world..after years of waiting he finally turned his life around and is clean! Our anniv. Was feb 7th everything happened on the 7th for us and that's Gods number.. I was christianed on the day he was born. We saw each other growing up but didn't have the nerve to talk to one another, both not supposed tok be born but lived and both caled mircle babies..and when he is clean we are AMAZING together and both agreed we were soulmates and just the feeling together I can't even explain he is truely my other half...he moved to tenn and is going to school to. Become a pastor and I was supposed to move out there in jan and everything was going great..all of a sudden one day he got cold towards me and said God tells me to leave you...like what? And everybody is in shock and now he is just a jerk but says we can still be "friends" like what? It doesn't make sense why would God do this? Or if its even from God? I honestly don't know..and am completely heartbroken and do nothing but cry everyday

I feel like my heart and soul got ripped out of me I can't take the pain...can someone shed any light on this situation? I've prayed and God just tells me to wait

plus he's supposed to be back in jan for a visit with his family..and its honestly going to kill me knowing he's 5 mins away

ChosenbyHim · Dec 19, 2013

stephmarie said:

Hello there Stephmarie, I read your post and I must say you have quite a testimony there. Since you are seeking for help regarding this situation, what I give and share with you as advice and help, you may not like hearing it, but it is important that someone gives you an honest answer.

And here it is: from reading what you shared in your post. I think that this guy has found another lady. I think he may be pursuing relations with another lady up there in Tennessee. And that's why the sudden change in how he treats you and his attitude toward you. And that guy can act spiritual all he wants to with his reasons for the sudden change in attitude toward you. But the truth of the matter Stephanie is that there is a big possibility that he has become interested in another lady. Stephmarie, I am sure this is very hard for you to consider. But that's how men are unfortunately. And Stephmarie, I strongly recommend and suggest for you to ask him the next time you get to talk with him, just ask him if he has started talking to another lady. And if he has, well then you know the very reason why he has changed his mind regarding the relationship that you and him were once in. I really hope this helped you Stephmarie.

ChosenbyHim · Dec 19, 2013

And Stephmarie, after you find out the truth, you are going to just have to find ways to get your mind off of thinking about him. Because the more you dwell on what could have been regarding you and him, the more it is going to drain you emotionally and it will just add to the depression and sorrow.

Also take this time to Draw closer to God. Spend more time in reading and studying the Holy Bible. Ask God in prayer to give you the strength to move on and to live for Him and serve Him. Fill your calendar with things to do. Keep yourself occupied. Because the busier you are, the less likely you will be able to dwell on the past situation regarding you and this guy who you recently broke up with.

Ugly · Dec 19, 2013

From what i see most people who say 'God told me' aren't really hearing from God. The more likely scenario is something changed that caused a change in his own mind. who knows what or why. Only he knows.

Another thing. There is no 'other half of you'. God did not create us as half an individual. And, in reality, the very concept you're stating is founded in paganism. All of these things in your past, the similarities, don't mean anything really. Its easy to make it seem so, but in reality, it means nothing, proves nothing.

This is the problem of commitment. Nothing is guaranteed. People can make promises, but at the end of the day its up to what they are feeling now, regardless of the past you share. If i had to guess (which is all i'm doing) i'd say he has probably fallen back into his past. The sudden change in personality by becoming a jerk, drastic changes in your relationship.

Theodore · Dec 19, 2013

stephmarie said:

Hi,

I would like to say that I am glad that you prayed and helped him to change, you have done something that even the strongest of women could not have the patience or heart to do by be there through everything.

Do not assume or get into the thinking game, which the devil plays so well. So let's take the idea of there being another woman in the picture out of the thoughts. Questions to ask.... Is there things you say or do that he does not like and has mentioned them to you?did you tell him you want to talk about it?ask him if the reason is do to the fact you two are not married? Does his addiction start up when he is talking to you because he wants to see you more or he feels he needs to impress you? Did you read some scriptures and pray to God, asking for an answer or a reason? Is he apart of a group that may be influencing his decisions? Do you feel deep inside that he has fully changed or is there any bad habits that still surface? ask him if he loves you?

Tell him, that you would like a better explanation other than God said so.
Tell him, that you want to see a counsellor to fix it.
Tell him, that what he is doing is hurting you.
Tell him, that if this is what he wants to say the words" I'm letting go of you"

In my opinion some poeple get soo caught up in the Lord that they forget about the bounds they have made before. He may realize that your relationship together should of been marriage first so he wants to do things the right way now but since he has already had his history with you he has a responsibility unless you tell him you do not want him anymore. However, he did say that you can be friends so if he is starting over I advise you to be the bestest friend he could ever have and always keep communicating with him. If he is seeing someone else it is not right and he is definitely not the man God has in mind for you.

Theodore · Dec 19, 2013

stephmarie said:

Hi,

I would like to say that I am glad that you prayed and helped him to change, you have done something that even the strongest of women could not have the patience or heart to do by be there through everything....oh and I also do believe that people can become our halfs because you feel what they feel and worry when they worry just like one flesh.

Do not assume or get into the thinking game, which the devil plays so well. So let's take the idea of there being another woman in the picture out of the thoughts. Questions to ask.... Is there things you say or do that he does not like and has mentioned them to you?did you tell him you want to talk about it?ask him if the reason is do to the fact you two are not married? Does his addiction start up when he is talking to you because he wants to see you more or he feels he needs to impress you? Did you read some scriptures and pray to God, asking for an answer or a reason? Is he apart of a group that may be influencing his decisions? Do you feel deep inside that he has fully changed or is there any bad habits that still surface? ask him if he loves you?

Tell him, that you would like a better explanation other than God said so.
Tell him, that you want to see a counsellor to fix it.
Tell him, that what he is doing is hurting you.
Tell him, that if this is what he wants to say the words" I'm letting go of you"

In my opinion some poeple get soo caught up in the Lord that they forget about the bounds they have made before. He may realize that your relationship together should of been marriage first so he wants to do things the right way now but since he has already had his history with you he has a responsibility unless you tell him you do not want him anymore. However, he did say that you can be friends so if he is starting over I advise you to be the bestest friend he could ever have and always keep communicating with him. If he is seeing someone else it is not right and he is definitely not the man God has in mind for you.

OnThisRock · Dec 20, 2013

Speaking as a woman, and through two deep experiences with men in my life, I can tell you what has helped me. I had to give both of them back to the Lord. The first one, I asked the Lord to close my heart if He wanted me to move on. He did this pretty quickly (with some grief involved) but He kinda did so REALLY LOUDLY and confirmed over and over me to move on. God even sent some really cool men into my life to help me get over him

. The second man, I had to immediately give back to the LORD, and get back to doing God's work, and asked for God to take over. I still think about this one, but have to keep giving that back to the Lord, and pray when God says so. I do know I was suppose to be in this man's life for a season. Recently God said, to let go of the past. I trust that and do not want anything or anyone to hold me back from my future, so I know HE knows what is best. Just know that the Lord knows what is best for you. Who knows what HE is saving you from at this time, or the cool things that ARE in your future. In all things, and in all advice, SEEK what the Lord would want you to know. SEEK God's wisdom on it. He will give in time.

Ask Lord the questions you need. I have heard of different scenarios, but God will reveal.

Theodore · Dec 20, 2013

OnThisRock said:

I hope you are not sleeping with these different guys that you say"God" is providing you with. In the bible it says that no man is perfect and that Only God is perfect. So if you are in a relationship there are going to be imperfections that you may need to work on. You may need to get more serious about the idea of a relationship and what damages can be caused to you spiritually. Yes, it seems fun and feels good to not think about one guy because you are with another but that is only feeding into what your body and mood wants, not what God wants. If God puts a man in your life there is no way he would tell you to let him go, God does not make mistakes like humans do. I think once you start to see that every decision that makes you feel happy is not always from God and that yes sometimes we will feel like running out of a situation but it is our actions that prevail, you will have that perfect guy and know what to do. Till then I say keep seeking guidance and reading those scriptures!

Theodore · Dec 20, 2013

Theodore said:

I hope you are not sleeping with these different guys that you say"God" is providing you with. In the bible it says that no man is perfect and that Only God is perfect. So if you are in a relationship there are going to be imperfections that you may need to work on. You may need to get more serious about the idea of a relationship and what damages can be caused to you spiritually. Yes, it seems fun and feels good to not think about one guy because you are with another but that is only feeding into what your body and mood wants, not what God wants. If God puts a man in your life there is no way he would tell you to let him go, God does not make mistakes like humans do. I think once you start to see that every decision that makes you feel happy is not always from God and that yes sometimes we will feel like running out of a situation but it is our actions that prevail, you will have that perfect guy and know what to do. Till then I say keep seeking guidance and reading those scriptures!

By the way, God is love and he does not close hearts so I hope you are getting your messages from the right place....

stephmarie · Dec 20, 2013

Thanks everybody for the responses..I really do appreciate the feedback

.....it just doesn't make sense cause I was even planning a trip there then the next day its like..."oh I've prayed about it and God doesn't want us together..there's perfect people out there for the both of us though" and it was honestly a complete 360 cause a couple days later he was crying on the phone to me asking not to leave and he will be better cause he did something dumb and I got mad cause he just got kicked out of rehab for a reason still nobody knows...but anybody would get mad when I have waited years and the moment you get out you go out with your friend and get drunk? Like really? Now he just thinks that "according to his mom" its better to push me away so he doesn't hurt me anymore...and the life he lives down there isn't for me..but shouldn't I be the one that chooses that? Not him? Like I don't know we were fine now all of a sudden this...I pray everyday about it cause I just don't get it

secularhermit · Dec 20, 2013

stephmarie said:

Are you endorsing GOD that evil and painful check? : "It doesn't make sense why would God do this? Or if its even from God?"

How do you know it is GOD and not YOUR HOPES? : " I've prayed and God just tells me to wait "

Fortunately I haven´t lived an experience like that, but I have been hurt (and I have hurt many, too)

Someone here has said "there is no warranty" and it is US who usually changed OUR minds. Prayers help to change our minds.

There are many people in lines waiting to give and to receive love and I know many are influenced by this X-mas season.

secularhermit · Dec 20, 2013

I see here a bipolar person: "... it was honestly a complete 360 cause a couple days later he was crying on the phone to me asking not to leave... ".

Be strong! You can read, here and there, the odd things others have faced.

YOU are not alone!

secularhermit · Dec 20, 2013

If he was in rehabilitation, I can guess something went wrong when someone is kicked off: "... he just got kicked out of rehab for a reason still nobody knows... " He can give you HIS VERSION and, if you want to know, ASK THOSE PERSONS what was the reason.

Could you ask them, instead of him?

OnThisRock · Dec 20, 2013

Theodore. You are completely inappropriate, do not know me, and I suggest you get your mind out of the gutter before you respond to women of GOD like you do. It will save you alot of pain and avoiding offending women. That was uncalled for.

kenthomas27 · Dec 21, 2013

To be painfully honest, your boyfriend sounds pretty immature and a bit cowardly. He doesn't even really want to face you - doesn't appear to have the ability to confront his issues. Not good traits for a future church leader. I couldn't say what his reasons are for his change of heart and that doesn't really matter. What matters is that he did have a change of heart and he's not man enough to clean up his own mess - just wants to move.

It sounds from your message that YOU were the one that lead you both into rehab (in other words it was YOU who lead you both into confronting your problems) and it was you who created an atmosphere so that he could understand and accept a relationship with our loving God of Israel. He goes along for the ride and now HE wants to be the church leader?? My money's on you to be honest.

Heart pain is awful. Sometimes there's pain best walked out alone. I don't know your future with or without this boy, but if it's with him, and he wants to be a church leader of some sort, then I hope you teach him to man up.

Simiel · Dec 22, 2013

God called us to love. I don't know if y'all are married are not. But anyways Man nor women should be able to hurt you or make you feel different. God is your source of happiness joy peace etc. I think now a days we turn love into how does this person make me feel, what can I get from this person and how do I benefit from being with them. Love never fails and it's never about you. Love doesn't seek it's own or keep account of a suffered wrong.. Your hurting but when really you should be hurting for your other because he's in a dark place. If God had our definition of love we all would have been screwed. God didn't give up on us so don't give up on those you "love"

Lecrae · Dec 22, 2013

Ugly said:

From what i see most people who say 'God told me' aren't really hearing from God. The more likely scenario is something changed that caused a change in his own mind. who knows what or why. Only he knows.

Another thing. There is no 'other half of you'. God did not create us as half an individual. And, in reality, the very concept you're stating is founded in paganism. All of these things in your past, the similarities, don't mean anything really. Its easy to make it seem so, but in reality, it means nothing, proves nothing.

This is the problem of commitment. Nothing is guaranteed. People can make promises, but at the end of the day its up to what they are feeling now, regardless of the past you share. If i had to guess (which is all i'm doing) i'd say he has probably fallen back into his past. The sudden change in personality by becoming a jerk, drastic changes in your relationship.

Kind of going along with this, here is a video talking about "the God card" and how unbiblical it really is.

[video=youtube;S-88O5dyU08]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-88O5dyU08[/video]

Ugly · Dec 22, 2013

Simiel said:

God called us to love. I don't know if y'all are married are not. But anyways Man nor women should be able to hurt you or make you feel different. God is your source of happiness joy peace etc. I think now a days we turn love into how does this person make me feel, what can I get from this person and how do I benefit from being with them. Love never fails and it's never about you. Love doesn't seek it's own or keep account of a suffered wrong.. Your hurting but when really you should be hurting for your other because he's in a dark place. If God had our definition of love we all would have been screwed. God didn't give up on us so don't give up on those you "love"

The very first line in her first post is 'my boyfriend' and her profile says 'not married'.

Ugly · Dec 22, 2013

stephmarie said:

Sounds like you need to read up on the term 'RED FLAGS'. Because this guy is flying them high and hard right in your face and you have so mentally and emotionally given yourself to him you are ignoring the countless warning signs this guy is throwing at you. You may need to pull yourself out of this secular romanticism and unrestrained emotional ocean you're delving deeply into.
When someone says 'i'm doing this to protect you' there's usually a good reason. This guy is aware his life is bad and you're taking offense to his trying to keep you out of it? Why don't you wake up and look at the fact that this guy could very possibly be involved in bad things and thank God for keeping you out of it, rather than letting you run down there and get involved in things you may regret? You are blinded by emotion and have an almost codependent attitude towards this guy. He. Is. Bad. For. You. You may have chosen a long time of staying by his side, but how much more of your life are you willing to stand by someone who is not going to give you anything in return? Who is not going to change? And if he does change, its not going to be because of you. I know, i've been in this situation. But i spent even more of my life in it than you have in this. Guess what i've gotten out of it. Regret. That's all 16 years has left me with. Giving til i have nothing left and then regret. And i promise you from experience, that is a regret that doesn't go away.
For every day you think you need this guy, is a day in your life where you are not really living and are missing out on real opportunities.

Theodore · Dec 23, 2013

OnThisRock said:

Sorry that you feel offended. I did not say it as an attack.

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