WOMAN THOUGHTS (women only please)

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
M

MissCris

Guest
#21
#21
Question 1: How would you like to be treated by your special man? Not a bunch of rules, etc., but how you honestly would like to be TREATED :)

I want to be treated like an equal. Different than he is, but equal.
I want to be treated like I matter, and like I am worth the effort (whatever kind of effort it may be...).
I want to be treated like what I do is important, and what I have to say is worth hearing.


Question 2: How would you like to be treated by men in general?

I just want to be shown respect (and I'm just talking the most basic and simple type here) and common courtesy. I used to think, "If you wouldn't say it to/about your mother, then don't say it to/about me"...but then, I've seen the way a lot of "men" treat their mothers, so that's not really anything to go by anymore.
Honestly, there have been times when guys have treated me like I am entirely invisible- shutting doors in my face, talking about the most vulgar things while I'm standing right next to them...
Why? How hard is it to just...I dunno, be decent to a fellow human being?


Question 3: How are you conducting yourself in order to bring what you would like to see in Questions 1 and 2 come about?

This...I don't really know how to answer, given my situation right now. In general, I guess, I try to treat everyone the way I'd like to be treated- you know, Golden Rule and so on and so forth.
If I figure out a better answer to that, I'll come back to it :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
J

Jullianna

Guest
#22
#22
MissCris said:
Question 1: How would you like to be treated by your special man? Not a bunch of rules, etc., but how you honestly would like to be TREATED :)

I want to be treated like an equal. Different than he is, but equal.
I want to be treated like I matter, and like I am worth the effort (whatever kind of effort it may be...).
I want to be treated like what I do is important, and what I have to say is worth hearing.


Question 2: How would you like to be treated by men in general?

I just want to be shown respect (and I'm just talking the most basic and simple type here) and common courtesy. I used to think, "If you wouldn't say it to/about your mother, then don't say it to/about me"...but then, I've seen the way a lot of "men" treat their mothers, so that's not really anything to go by anymore.
Honestly, there have been times when guys have treated me like I am entirely invisible- shutting doors in my face, talking about the most vulgar things while I'm standing right next to them...
Why? How hard is it to just...I dunno, be decent to a fellow human being?


Question 3: How are you conducting yourself in order to bring what you would like to see in Questions 1 and 2 come about?

This...I don't really know how to answer, given my situation right now. In general, I guess, I try to treat everyone the way I'd like to be treated- you know, Golden Rule and so on and so forth.
If I figure out a better answer to that, I'll come back to it :)
Click to expand...
You can tell a lot about a man by watching how he treats his mom, huh? That's a good rule. If he can't say a thing in front of his mom or Pastor (including tone of voice), he shouldn't be saying it to us.

I think a woman's relationship with male authority figures in her life says a lot about her too. We should probably have the same rule. If I wouldn't want my dad/Pastor to hear some of the stuff I say, the WAY I say it, I probably should not say that stuff either. :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#23
#23
I just read something in the guy's thread that I would like to address.

I've heard a lot of guys say that they wish we would say what is on our minds more and/or that women expect them to be mind readers. Here's the thing... I can't speak for any of the other ladies, but growing up I was told/shown by people that it is "unladylike" to be aggressive in certain ways.

Like...if we say what we actually mean/want, we come off as being demanding, controlling, etc. So a lot of the time we will hint around at a thing a time or two rather than just coming out and saying it. Then some guys take it as nagging I think. Sometimes it's like we can't win, you know? *shrug*

I don't know. Maybe it's all about what Cristen and I were just talking about. Say what you mean/mean what you say, but just watch HOW you say it/ask it and watch the tone of voice. Maybe putting it in the form of a question will make it seem like less of a demand. Just something I'm pondering...

Then again...if the other person is not actually listening to what you say, it probably doesn't matter how you say it, does it? Whether you are male or female :(
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#24
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#24
1) I would like to be treated with love and respect by the special man in my life. It is a wonderful (and humbling, for me anyway) experience to feel cherished. To me, being "cherished" is far different than being worshipped. I do not want to be an idol in a man's life, but I do want to know that I am wanted, loved, and hold a special place his heart. When he opens the car door, when he grabs my hand as we walk together, when he can tell that I'm stressed and gives me a hug, when he listens to me when I need a friend, when he somehow manages to disagree with me WITHOUT belittling me or my opinions...I feel cherished.

To be clear, though, these are things that make me personally feel cherished. Women have a lot in common but we're not identical. I think a man needs to be patient enough to observe and discover the specific things that makes HIS lady's heart smile. :)

2) when it comes to men in general, I would like to be treated like a sister, with gentleness, purity, and love. Men of all ages at my church treat women this way and it is such a blessing!

3) I try my best to treat men in general like dearly loved brothers. I do my best to listen, respect, and encourage them. I try not to belittle their God-given masculinity. Thinking of them as brothers also allows me to behave in a rather easy-going manner, but I still try to act like a lady. :)

When it comes to my special man, all of the above applies, but of course I go a little further. I listen to him when it's clear he needs someone to listen, and I try to give him his space when it seems like he needs it. I surprise him with little gestures that make him feel loved, because he is. I behave like a lady and I treat him like a gentleman. It's a never-ending cycle because the more selflessness and love he shows me, the more I long to reciprocate, and vice versa.

Edit: about saying what we mean rather than playing mind-games with men-- YES. This is so important. It took me several months to learn this but I realized my pathetic communication (saying "fine" when I'm not, etc) was actually confusing and hurting him because he really wanted to comfort me if I wasn't fine, or he wanted to apologize if he offended me. He taught me that he can't fix what he doesn't know is broken. I have learned to express exactly what I mean, and he appreciates it SO much.
 
Last edited:
J

Jullianna

Guest
#25
#25
Loveneverfails said:
1) I would like to be treated with love and respect by the special man in my life. It is a wonderful (and humbling, for me anyway) experience to feel cherished. To me, being "cherished" is far different than being worshipped. I do not want to be an idol in a man's life, but I do want to know that I am wanted, loved, and hold a special place his heart. When he opens the car door, when he grabs my hand as we walk together, when he can tell that I'm stressed and gives me a hug, when he listens to me when I need a friend, when he somehow manages to disagree with me WITHOUT belittling me or my opinions...I feel cherished.

To be clear, though, these are things that make me personally feel cherished. Women have a lot in common but we're not identical. I think a man needs to be patient enough to observe and discover the specific things that makes HIS lady's heart smile. :)

2) when it comes to men in general, I would like to be treated like a sister, with gentleness, purity, and love. Men of all ages at my church treat women this way and it is such a blessing!

3) I try my best to treat men in general like dearly loved brothers. I do my best to listen, respect, and encourage them. I try not to belittle their God-given masculinity. Thinking of them as brothers also allows me to behave in a rather easy-going manner, but I still try to act like a lady. :)

When it comes to my special man, all of the above applies, but of course I go a little further. I listen to him when it's clear he needs someone to listen, and I try to give him his space when it seems like he needs it. I surprise him with little gestures that make him feel loved, because he is. I behave like a lady and I treat him like a gentleman. It's a never-ending cycle because the more selflessness and love he shows me, the more I long to reciprocate, and vice versa.
Click to expand...
I love, love, love this :)

You are right about different things meaning different things to people. Things like holding hands, having a man introduce me to his friends/family as his lady, being led into a room on his arm/with his hand on the small of my back, being greeted with a loving word or a kiss on the cheek.... these are the things that let a woman know she is cherished and that her man is happy to be with her.

Telling her that she is beautiful to YOU when she is covered with baby spit up, sweat, has blood on her uniform (that's unique to some of us, but you get the picture) means a lot. We know we don't all look like Barbies. As superficial as it may seem, we don't need to know that we are beautiful to ALL men, but it touches us deeply to know that our own man finds us to be beautiful...and I don't just mean on the outside (but I do mean that too).

Finally.... knowing that a man is actually interested and listening to what you say (not what he thinks you are saying) is nothing short of awesome.

These things are precious...and...ummm...FREE :)
 
L

lav

Guest
#26
#26
i see that you were being most likely, diplomatic. ( ? ) though i find many people use links here, and have their own ways of communicating. i apologize, i feel like communication is an issue for me. i've been through a great deal of abuse, i know... the reader may be thinking ' well, you probably act like a victim, '

the problem is when you are forced into the position of victim, before you even know the difference . . . as in wrongful treatment before you are capable of the maturity and discernment of an adult, and it sadly carries on into your adult life, to only know the role of victim and to be marginalized for various and specific reasons i may give myself a sickness over were i to go in depth and describe the events in my life which culminated to me being on the 'victim' side of abuse, and not the perpetrator.

a terribly difficult cycle to be redeemed- yet all things are possible through Christ, so i am trying my hardest... to let that go and be empowered, it's just when you've been on the losing side of abuse.... when, you're left with very few choices in your frame of reference to dealing with others.

i'm sure we have all received improper treatment, it's just when it becomes a patterned cycle, where problems arise and individuals can become hyper-vigilant in protecting their right to express themselves and be heard with respect and understanding.

but honestly, i have found there is not a whole lot to expect in this world in the ways of empathy.

i am sorry, if i over-reacted. it was just my sincere way to express the best answers i could to the questions asked.

shalom
 
Last edited:
J

Jullianna

Guest
#27
#27
lav said:
i see that you were being diplomatic. i apologize, i feel like communication is an issue for me. i've been through a great deal of abuse, i know... the reader may be thinking ' well, you probably act like a victim, '

the problem is when you are forced into the position of victim, before you even know the difference . . . as in wrongful treatment before you are capable of the maturity and discernment of an adult, and it sadly carries on into your adult life, to only know the role of victim and to be marginalized for various and specific reasons i may give myself a sickness over were i to go in depth and describe the events in my life which culminated to me being on the 'victim' side of abuse, and not the perpetrator.

a terribly difficult cycle to be redeemed- yet all things are possible through Christ, so i am trying my hardest... to let that go and be empowered, it's just when you've been on the losing side of abuse.... when, you're left with very few choices in your frame of reference to dealing with others.

i'm sure we have all received improper treatment, it's just when it becomes a patterned cycle, where problems arise and individuals can become hyper-vigilant in protecting their right to express themselves and be heard with respect and understanding.

but honestly, i have found there is not a whole lot to expect in this world in the ways of empathy.

i am sorry, if i over-reacted. it was just my sincere way to express the best answers i could to the questions asked.

shalom
Click to expand...
No problem, lav. :) I've been a victim of verbal abuse myself, so I get where you are coming from. :) I pray healing into your life.

Welcome to the forums. :)
 
L

lav

Guest
#28
#28
Jullianna said:
A lot of people would rather read here than visit other sites.

How would a man go about making you feel cherished? Can you be more specific? The guys read that and I don't know that they really understand what we mean, you know?


What specifically about your behavior are you wanting to become more Christlike to bring about what you desire in a relationship?
Click to expand...
in reference to question 3) i stated that i would like to know Christ more, so how could i tell you what specifically about my behavior that it is that i am wanting to become more Christlike in to bring about what i desire in a relationship, when i am in the learning stages and do not know exactly what that/any or all of those things are yet ?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#29
#29
lav said:
in reference to question 3) i stated that i would like to know Christ more, so how could i tell you what specifically about my behavior that it is that i am wanting to become more Christlike in to bring about what i desire in a relationship, when i am in the learning stages and do not know exactly what that/any or all of those things are yet ?
Click to expand...
Welcome to the family of God. I pray that He will reveal these things to you. :)
 
L

lav

Guest
#30
#30
Jullianna said:
A lot of people would rather read here than visit other sites.

How would a man go about making you feel cherished? Can you be more specific? The guys read that and I don't know that they really understand what we mean, you know?


What specifically about your behavior are you wanting to become more Christlike to bring about what you desire in a relationship?
Click to expand...
in regards to question 1) this is the best explanation i have come across, in the most practical wording... to demonstrate what i want in this regard. i could not put into my own words better, what Mark Driscoll has to say on this topic,... i agree in basically all if not most of what he has to say and could not word it more concisely or succinctly, or with the same emotion and logic in my own words.

it's up to the individual man or woman if they care enough to seek out and spend the time watching what is explained in the afore mentioned sermon.

in regard to question 2) i hope the prospective male, or simply male friend in general, would read the bible enough to know what that statement declares.
if they do not, why should i waste my time with them ?
 
Last edited:
L

lav

Guest
#31
#31
Jullianna said:
Welcome to the family of God. I pray that He will reveal these things to you. :)
Click to expand...

thank you, i was saved when i was 16.
i will be 29 tomorrow at 10:06 in the evening. that is close to 13 years
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#32
#32
Ladies, I just want to say that I appreciate that you seem to understand what it means to offer something constructive here rather than being negative or gossiping about what's going on in the men's thread. :)

Bless you for that! Seriously! You are setting an excellent example for others. :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
J

Jullianna

Guest
#33
#33
lav said:
thank you, i was saved when i was 16.
i will be 29 tomorrow at 10:06 in the evening. that is close to 13 years
Click to expand...
I hope you have a blessed birthday tomorrow! :)
 
L

lav

Guest
#34
#34
Jullianna, God bless you. peace of Christ upon you.

your sister, though imperfect ... yet made perfect undeservingly,
in Christ.









peace shalom.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#35
#35
lav said:
Jullianna, God bless you. peace of Christ upon you.

your sister, though imperfect ... yet made perfect undeservingly,
in Christ.









peace shalom.
Click to expand...
Nice meeting you too! If any of us are anything at all, it is only because of Him, huh? :)
 
P

persNickety

Guest
#36
#36
Question 1: How would you like to be treated by your special man? Not a bunch of rules, etc., but how you honestly would like to be TREATED :)

As a companion, respectful of my opinion and feelings. Desire to be with me, not just live together, but to go out and spend time together. Have fun. Laugh.

Question 2: How would you like to be treated by men in general?

 Desire to get to know me, listen to be, initiate contact. Put effort in. The opposite of these have hurt me deeply in the past.

Question 3: How are you conducting yourself in order to bring what you would like to see in Questions 1 and 2 come about?

I guess not be so quick to be the one who initiates things? Don't settle for any guy? I really don't know. Expect respect? In the past, I have given respect and loyality but have not received it. End up being a convenience.
 
L

lav

Guest
#37
#37
to Jullianna ;


you betcha ! <3
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#38
#38
Jullianna said:
I'm going to make a reciprocal thread for the men, but I would really like to see some honest answers from the ladies without a free for all. Thanks :)

I was thinking it might be more constructive to use past hurts as a learning experience rather than getting all negative about it, you know? Let's all learn from one another in a more civilized way, please?

Question 1: How would you like to be treated by your special man? Not a bunch of rules, etc., but how you honestly would like to be TREATED :)

My greatest desire is to be treated with love. I want to be treated like his best friend, his confidant, his other half , his encourager, his lover, and his girl. I desire to be with a man that makes me feel wanted and needed, a person who will direct and correct me, who will encourage me, who will be honest and share with me. I need someone to treat me like a gift from the Lord, just as I see him.

Question 2: How would you like to be treated by men in general?

From men in general I want them to simply treat me like a daughter of the Lord.

Question 3: How are you conducting yourself in order to bring what you would like to see in Questions 1 and 2 come about?

As others have said, I try my best to treat others how I want to be treated. Beyond that I am trying to live my life according to God's will. I pray that the Lord will use and direct me how to treat others. I try my best to treat others as children of God, created by His hands.

Honestly, this thread and question is a great reminder that there is effort required in all relationships and I can't just want, I need to make sure to reflect the love of Jesus with anyone I am around.

View attachment 67616
Click to expand...
Jullianna said:
I just read something in the guy's thread that I would like to address.

I've heard a lot of guys say that they wish we would say what is on our minds more and/or that women expect them to be mind readers. Here's the thing... I can't speak for any of the other ladies, but growing up I was told/shown by people that it is "unladylike" to be aggressive in certain ways.

Like...if we say what we actually mean/want, we come off as being demanding, controlling, etc. So a lot of the time we will hint around at a thing a time or two rather than just coming out and saying it. Then some guys take it as nagging I think. Sometimes it's like we can't win, you know? *shrug*

I don't know. Maybe it's all about what Cristen and I were just talking about. Say what you mean/mean what you say, but just watch HOW you say it/ask it and watch the tone of voice. Maybe putting it in the form of a question will make it seem like less of a demand. Just something I'm pondering...

Then again...if the other person is not actually listening to what you say, it probably doesn't matter how you say it, does it? Whether you are male or female :(
Click to expand...
This is another interesting topic in itself :) Communication is a huge piece in a relationship. Guys and girls think so differently, it's really incredible the more I think about it. It makes sense that we would think differently/see the world differently because when we are brought together and made one we can really have a better understanding and outlook on the world (it becomes bigger and a couple you can reach more people). However, it's getting to the point of being able to freely communicate with each other that is hard. :) I bolded the piece that I see all the time. I pray that I never do this because I am surrounded by people that do this. It aggravates me so much. I think we all need to practice expressing ourselves in love as well as responding to one another in love. It takes practice, but when we can do that, I think we will have less problems. Hopefully at least some of that makes sense :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
K

kayem77

Guest
#39
#39
Question 1: How would you like to be treated by your special man? Not a bunch of rules, etc., but how you honestly would like to be TREATED :)

I would like to be treated like a woman. Not like a child, not like a dude, but like a woman, which to me means that he would appreciate my opinions and feelings, considering me an equal though different to him . Being able to disagree with me respectfully and challenge me lovingly. I would like for him to make me feel special. As Loveneverfails said, I don't want to be an object of worship for him, but I want to know that he cares about me. If he knows me and pays attention to my feelings , he would know how to do that :) Oh, another one would be, acting like a gentleman. Being respectful to me and my family and friends, even if he didn't like them, would mean a lot to me.

Question 2: How would you like to be treated by men in general?
Respectfully, considering me a person with a brain, not an object or less valuable because of my feminity.

Question 3: How are you conducting yourself in order to bring what you would like to see in Questions 1 and 2 come about?
I try my best to be respectful to men, not saying degrading things about the opposite gender because, well, it's not fair and it's not Christlike to slander men, whom God created. I also try to be modest in my attitude towards them, not wearing immodest clothes, and not acting immodest towards them. So basically just treating them the way I want to be treated :). I believe that if I become more like Christ, I will in some way contribute to finding a man who is also striving to be more like Christ. I fail so many times, but I'm trying and I won't give up, and I know ther are also men out there trying and running the good race.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#40
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#40
Question 1: How would you like to be treated by your special man? Not a bunch of rules, etc., but how you honestly would like to be TREATED :)

Trying to put pen to paper on this is harder than I thought...mainly because I don't really have an ideal way...I want him to respect my values and never entice or pressure me to compromise them. He will be kind to me and not talk down to me.

Question 2: How would you like to be treated by men in general?

I would like to be treated like a woman, if that makes sense. Not talked down to and treated kindly.

Question 3: How are you conducting yourself in order to bring what you would like to see in Questions 1 and 2 come about?

Sadly, I am my own worst enemy here. I have such a horrid past when it comes to men that I am mean and cold most times. God is really helping me...I've come a long way with Him. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.