Praying hard for my friend today. Things in her marriage are much, much worse- and dangerous- than I ever knew. I'm thankful and humbled that she chose to finally open up to me this morning...but my heart is seriously breaking for her right now and I hate that I'm so stuck where I am and can't be with her and help her right now. It's so painfully difficult to just trust God through things like this...having faith that he will take care of her and her three little boys...when all I really want to do is cry and yell at God for allowing this to happen to such a wonderful person who has been there for me/with me through everything for more than half my life.
And at the same time, I feel horrible because I have all these things going on in my own life and I can't just ignore them to take care of her...my own struggles that don't even compare to what she's going through, and yet seem so incredibly hard to handle. I know you can't make comparisons between these things; just because somebody else is going through something worse, doesn't negate anyone else's suffering. Hard is hard. I can only thank the Lord that my own situation isn't worse, and hope He'll take care of my friend.
I'm having a rough time wrapping my mind around my life right now. So much bad, so much good, so much confusing and overwhelming, so much right and natural and easy, so much difficult and scary. I honestly have no idea how to cope with most of it. I feel like every day there's something new and different that pops up and adds to it all, like this morning hearing what my friend told me...or when I find out there are more things I have to get in order when I thought I was done, or events that I'd forgotten about that will throw a wrench into everything.
I feel a strange sense of peace, a lot of the time...and yet there are so many moments where I panic, freeze, feel like I'm never going to get where I'm going. When I doubt that I'm even going the right direction- again, all I can do is pray and have faith that I'm choosing the right path, that if it's the wrong path, maybe I won't do too much damage.
All I know with 100% certainty is that no matter what, God's got this under control. No matter how much I may or may not screw up in this life, He's still there, He's still got me and my babies, and He's not leaving us.