Actions speak louder than words

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
I tried to go to sleep. Can't. My stress has had stress babies and they keep stomping me awake. :/

Mostly I have a huge question in my mind.

Ladies, you know how we women will go out of our way to learn about stuff like football or cars or books or whatever as a way of growing closer to a guy? As a romantic gesture that we are truly interested in him and in getting to know more about him?

Why does it seem like that is rarely reciprocated? Is it just me? Why are some guys so dead set against romantic gestures? Terms of endearment? Asking about something WE are interested in? Never once have I ever had a guy want to learn more about ballet. :) (Not gonna hold my breath on that one or anything...just sayin' :rolleyes:)

What is so wrong about putting the love you profess for someone into action?
Does it make some guys feel less manly to DEMONSTRATE the feelings they SAY they have for you?
Is it a control issue?

Guys, do women ever make you feel this way?
Does it happen to men too?

I'm going to go drown my stress babies in a glass of chocolate milk and try to sleep again.....
 
V

Victoria72

Guest
#2
#2
I don't experience that much because I just accept the fact that I will never like sports and men will never like shopping. I'm not trying to be callous with my answer but this is the best way I can explain myself.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#3
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#3
There is a man who, along with his wife, taught a couples class at my church for a number of years. His wife is an avid collector of antique tea sets. She would often host tea parties and even go to tea events with her girly groups to a local place that specializes in etiquette lessons and all that froo froo stuff. For one of their anniversaries, he researched the process of a formal English tea and made a reservation, then they went on their date.

They told those of us in the class about this later. She was absolutely gushing, and he admitted that the whole process was kind of fun, but not something he would want to do that often. She loved that he entered her "world" a little bit.

You're right. It should go both ways.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#4
Aug 2, 2009
24,643
4,304
113
#4
Jullianna said:
I tried to go to sleep. Can't. My stress has had stress babies and they keep stomping me awake. :/

Mostly I have a huge question in my mind.

Ladies, you know how we women will go out of our way to learn about stuff like football or cars or books or whatever as a way of growing closer to a guy? As a romantic gesture that we are truly interested in him and in getting to know more about him?

Why does it seem like that is rarely reciprocated? Is it just me? Why are some guys so dead set against romantic gestures? Terms of endearment? Asking about something WE are interested in? Never once have I ever had a guy want to learn more about ballet. :) (Not gonna hold my breath on that one or anything...just sayin' :rolleyes:)

What is so wrong about putting the love you profess for someone into action?
Does it make some guys feel less manly to DEMONSTRATE the feelings they SAY they have for you?
Is it a control issue?

Guys, do women ever make you feel this way?
Does it happen to men too?

I'm going to go drown my stress babies in a glass of chocolate milk and try to sleep again.....
Click to expand...
How about some soothing Bryan Adams acoustic with harmonica and a live audience. Will that help? :)

[video=youtube;-ebtjgK8NNU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ebtjgK8NNU[/video]
 
Last edited:
S

Shouryu

Guest
#5
#5
*shrugs*

I got into NASCAR in a big way for The Ex. (Since I like cars in general, it wasn't too much of a fight.) I learned to speak Seinfeld (she had a major thing for that show). And I HATED jogging, but I did it with her when I could. She hated eggs and fish. Guess what I never ate for almost seven years, unless I was alone? I went with her to a Mark Chestnutt concert, and bought her tickets to see Brooks and Dunn (they're almost rock and roll sometimes, so that was okay).


I think a lot of guys do SOME reciprocating. Thing is, we tend to choose what we're going to dabble in. There are just SOME things, in our eyes (in my opinion) that we may never come around to, and that's okay. And for a lot of guys, we feel the same way...you might not ever come around to really appreciating a particular sport, but you might really get into playing Pokemon with us. We don't have to get into EVERYTHING that we enjoy...maybe just a little here and there.

I guess the question is...are the guys you're thinking of ASKING these women to study up on football or cars or books? Or are the women choosing to do so of their own volition?
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#6
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#6
I get what you're saying Jullianna. I've never thought of that as a romantic gesture. I always considered it a selfless interest in someone else. We do this for our children (learn about and encourage their interests). We do this for our friends. Of course we would do this for men that we are interested in forming a relationship with. If that interest isn't reciprocated, I would have to wonder if their interest in me also isn't reciprocated. That lack of interest in things that are important to me would sure be reason to examine where the relationship is going.

Maybe that one guy you meet... the one who is interested in knowing more about what YOU are interested in, if for no other reason than that you enjoy whatever it is... maybe that guy will be the keeper.

Having said all that, I have had men spend time learning about my interests, asking me questions about my art or business or ministry work. Those men are out there. :)
 
R

rose1200

Guest
#7
#7
Hi there ,
good luck with sleep, it's very frustrating when you can't, seems to make it worse.
I have been in self-destruct mode for most of my life, allowing the wrong sort of men
in my life, eventually I gave up on these men who lied, cheated & thought nothing of
hurting me.I know now it was the great deciever who had deluded me.
I'm now with a manly tradie ,(who's not perfect), but loved his mother (can be a good sign)
treats me with respect, is sensitive, watches cartoons, has a conscious & gives me his
honest opinion when I ask for it. He also tries not to look at attractive women as he
knows I have issues with this.He never pressures me but gently reminds me.
I did challenge God to send me a man as I'd given up on finding one on my own,
I somehow had the idea that nice guys were wimps.
Look for personality traits such as honesty, compassion, caring, generosity
someone who doesn't put me down, laughs at my jokes, is nice to animals.
I guess it comes down to someone who's also self-assured of & doesn't worry
about what other people think.Pray for the right person, they may not be
what you want , but may be what you need.Also watch if they're as good
as their word & a Christian man wouldn't go amiss ?!?;)
 
R

rose1200

Guest
#8
#8
On reading my response, sorry I didn't use correct grammar, I was a little distracted.:rolleyes:
 
R

rose1200

Guest
#11
#11
Regarding the anxiety , a Christian recently told me that we should not
have to live it a state of anxiety,it stopped me in my tracks.
I prayed to the Lord , & others prayed for me my life seems to
slowly be improving day by day, last week I awoke feeling anxious
,cursed the devil , telling it to leave me & the house in the name of
Jesus Christ, & never return, guess what, I immediately began to feel
better & made the most of the day .
The devil wants us to feel all things negative, it wants to hurt God's
children - don't give it this pleasure, refuse to feel bad , or be afraid etc.
Good Luck & God Bless, keep your eyes focused on God:D
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I get what you're saying Jullianna. I've never thought of that as a romantic gesture. I always considered it a selfless interest in someone else. We do this for our children (learn about and encourage their interests). We do this for our friends. Of course we would do this for men that we are interested in forming a relationship with. If that interest isn't reciprocated, I would have to wonder if their interest in me also isn't reciprocated. That lack of interest in things that are important to me would sure be reason to examine where the relationship is going.

Maybe that one guy you meet... the one who is interested in knowing more about what YOU are interested in, if for no other reason than that you enjoy whatever it is... maybe that guy will be the keeper.

Having said all that, I have had men spend time learning about my interests, asking me questions about my art or business or ministry work. Those men are out there. :)
Click to expand...
Grace, I think you've come the closest to what I'm getting at. :) It's not really about taking an interest in what I like. It's the being selfless part, you know? If a guy would show the same sort of selflessness in some other way, I wouldn't care if he ever took any interest in something I liked. It was just an example of what I'm trying to say. Putting actions to your words. Not just SAYING how you feel, but putting something behind it.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#13
#13
rose1200 said:
Regarding the anxiety , a Christian recently told me that we should not
have to live it a state of anxiety,it stopped me in my tracks.
I prayed to the Lord , & others prayed for me my life seems to
slowly be improving day by day, last week I awoke feeling anxious
,cursed the devil , telling it to leave me & the house in the name of
Jesus Christ, & never return, guess what, I immediately began to feel
better & made the most of the day .
The devil wants us to feel all things negative, it wants to hurt God's
children - don't give it this pleasure, refuse to feel bad , or be afraid etc.
Good Luck & God Bless, keep your eyes focused on God:D
Click to expand...
Thank you, but I'm not anxious. I'm stressed from overwork and exhaustion. :) It's not the devil. It's my own stupidity for taking on too much work. :) This is just something that was on my mind tonight.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
Maybe I'm just not saying this well. Maybe I should try to sleep again and take another shot at it tomorrow :)
 
Gary

Gary

Senior Member
#16
Oct 23, 2011
246
14
18
#16
I'm just looking for someone to try my soup, since I make only the best!
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#17
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#17
I loved my husband dearly, but looking back, I realize that he was never really interested in anything that I was interested in, and he never tried to be either. I'd spend hours talking with him about his work, friends, dreams and interests. (Except football... I left that to him.) He wanted to start a business, I would build the website for him and design his business cards. He wanted to go into ministry, and I'd spend tons of time helping him fix up his youth room, make fliers, come up with ideas. I had many interests and passions too, but none that he showed an interest in. It's really depressing to think about now. But it does give me a better idea of what I need in a future partner. Genuine interest in me as a person, what I'm about, what gets me excited in life.

A lot of this might be simple compatibility - but some of it IS selflessness vs selfishness.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#18
#18
It's about LOVING (a verb) a person. Not just SAYING you love someone, but SHOWING it. We say it about our relationship with Christ all the time. Love is a verb. Jesus said that if we loved Him, we would obey Him. He was saying if you love me, SHOW Me. That's what I'm saying too. Words just don't cut it.
 
J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#19
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#19
actually, i consider the opportunity to learn about other interests from guys who were fanatics (or at least really good teachers) a bonus, instead of a negative. as we get older, i think it's really hard to develop new interests without being influenced by someone who has a passion for it (and the opportunity to see it through their eyes). it would be very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't muster the slightest interest for any of my passions (especially my horses).

an ex was a runner and a mountain climber, and now i enjoy both of those things. another guy i dated was a highly skilled/qualified scuba diver, and as a result, i know have a great deal of knowledge about that (including an expired certification).

i have had mixed results with guys immersing themselves in my world. one of the above guys really enjoyed riding with me and we spent a lot of time on trails all over this state.

i would consider a huge disadvantage if he didn't have any interests/hobbies/passions that i could have the opportunity to learn or share (of course i don't consider anything that revolves around a tv as a hobby).

and then there's always interests that i never really expect a guy to share. no one has expressed much interest in my calligraphy hobby...
 
Last edited:
J

Jullianna

Guest
#20
#20
I don't see it as a negative either. It's something I do out of genuine interest in them and the things that matter to them. It's been a wild ride. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.