We're single and severely aching, hurting inside. Let's sit down and have a chat.

[cyphercat]

The hurt is going to happen. There is no comfort. You might as well sit down and sit through it.
I thought it wouldn't hurt us anymore to have a chat about our condition.

God is there. God is standing right there. And you will hurt.
In the pit of your stomach, a melancholic condition which you might believe is because you lack a significant other or because you are lonely is there. It is dark, black, and is as legitimate as any other pain.
It is crippling, makes it hard to interact nicely with people.
It pulses, it comes and goes.
It's above your heart. In my body, that pain is right above my heart to the left of it. It pulses dull and loudly.

God cares, and is right there. And you will ache. God is not going to send you a husband or wife to circumvent the pain.
You're going to have to sit through this without relief.

And it will come back another day.

You're not going to find the remedy in a boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends. Sexual intimacy and marriage are not the solution. Stop looking for them.
If you're hoping for a spouse, stop. You will save yourself even more pain and tears later.

Everyday, wake up, and tell yourself, "I am not going to find a spouse today."
Think about the next year of your life. You are not going to find a spouse. So stop flirting. Stop going places because you hope you'll find a spouse there. If you're going to church to find a spouse, pick a different church where you know you won't find a spouse.
Don't spend too much time on your appearance.

Maybe we brought this on ourselves. Maybe this hurt is because we stored up so much emphasis on a spouse. We might have been thinking that today would be the day we would find a spouse. And we stored days and days of hope.
That hope will find its way out of our body in our tears.

Hurt, and weep.
It will be over and we will go through it again.
Let's go through it. Let's leave God alone and go through it.
Let's just get it over with.

 

[IloveyouGod]

Sorry, are you suggesting that singles are being hurt for not finding a spouse and that God is standing right there watching them being hurt, yet He won't do anything? Therefore you are suggesting to leave God alone and go through it ourselves?

That's what I understood from what you wrote. I really hope I'm wrong. And if I am, I apologize.

 

[cyphercat]

Sorry, are you suggesting that singles are being hurt for not finding a spouse and that God is standing right there watching them being hurt, yet He won't do anything? Therefore you are suggesting to leave God alone and go through it ourselves?

That's what I understood from what you wrote. I really hope I'm wrong. And if I am, I apologize.

I'm saying that we store up hope that we will find a spouse. When we lose our delusions and start to see reality, that we're not guaranteed one, then that hope starts to leave the body in the form of aches and tears. So in that sense we are responsible for the heartache.

Second, the best thing God can do is let our bodies go through it. In the end, we've gotten through the pain and we're better. God was next to Christ while he was being beaten. God is next to martyrs in foreign countries who are being tortured and killed by Muslims. God is next to people who stored up hope that they would find a spouse, but must suffer the loss of that hope when they realize they aren't guaranteed one.

 

[biscuit]

The hurt is going to happen. There is no comfort. You might as well sit down and sit through it.
I thought it wouldn't hurt us anymore to have a chat about our condition.

God is there. God is standing right there. And you will hurt.
In the pit of your stomach, a melancholic condition which you might believe is because you lack a significant other or because you are lonely is there. It is dark, black, and is as legitimate as any other pain.
It is crippling, makes it hard to interact nicely with people.
It pulses, it comes and goes.
It's above your heart. In my body, that pain is right above my heart to the left of it. It pulses dull and loudly.

God cares, and is right there. And you will ache. God is not going to send you a husband or wife to circumvent the pain.
You're going to have to sit through this without relief.

And it will come back another day.

You're not going to find the remedy in a boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends. Sexual intimacy and marriage are not the solution. Stop looking for them.
If you're hoping for a spouse, stop. You will save yourself even more pain and tears later.

Everyday, wake up, and tell yourself, "I am not going to find a spouse today."
Think about the next year of your life. You are not going to find a spouse. So stop flirting. Stop going places because you hope you'll find a spouse there. If you're going to church to find a spouse, pick a different church where you know you won't find a spouse.
Don't spend too much time on your appearance.

Maybe we brought this on ourselves. Maybe this hurt is because we stored up so much emphasis on a spouse. We might have been thinking that today would be the day we would find a spouse. And we stored days and days of hope.
That hope will find its way out of our body in our tears.

Hurt, and weep.
It will be over and we will go through it again.
Let's go through it. Let's leave God alone and go through it.
Let's just get it over with.

I truly understand your pain but you must understand that Jesus died for you so that you could be free. He took a giant step for mankind, and you must take the initative to start a relationship with Him to solve your problems. He is there waiting for you knocking on the door ... and all you have to do is to open the door and allow Him in your life.

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in, and will sup with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20)

 

[cyphercat]

I truly understand your pain but you must understand that Jesus died for you so that you could be free. He took a giant step for mankind, and you must take the initative to start a relationship with Him to solve your problems. He is there waiting for you knocking on the door ... and all you have to do is to open the door and allow Him in your life.

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in, and will sup with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20)

I am zealous and on fire for Christ.
This is for those inevitable times where the hurt comes.
What comfort can I expect? How can I expect comfort when the solution is to sit through the pain?
This is a message to others who are hurting to this extent:
"I am hurting like you are.
Here is what I am doing about it.
I invite you to join with me."

 

[IloveyouGod]

Yes, we cause this pain for ourselves because we keep resisting God's plan for us. If God wants us to be single for now, then so be it. That's what's BEST for us cuz it's God's plan.
And yes, God doesn't leave us. And although we are causing this pain for ourselves, yet, still, He's standing there aching for us. But like I said in other threads, sometimes God interrupts our happiness/plans/health for a greater goal. God uses us for His glory. It's not about us, it's about Him and ONLY Him.

I'm saying that we store up hope that we will find a spouse. When we lose our delusions and start to see reality, that we're not guaranteed one, then that hope starts to leave the body in the form of aches and tears. So in that sense we are responsible for the heartache.

Second, the best thing God can do is let our bodies go through it. In the end, we've gotten through the pain and we're better. God was next to Christ while he was being beaten. God is next to martyrs in foreign countries who are being tortured and killed by Muslims. God is next to people who stored up hope that they would find a spouse, but must suffer the loss of that hope when they realize they aren't guaranteed one.

 

[Shouryu]

God cares, and is right there. And you will ache. God is not going to send you a husband or wife to circumvent the pain.

Ohhhh. We have a prophet among us! Which are you? Elijah? Elisha? Nathan? Daniel? I'm glad you're here to tell me my future. It's funny, I spend a good chunk of time in the Word, and perhaps not as much in prayer as I should, but I do pray...and the Big Guy Himself never bothered to tell me yes or no on this one. All I keep getting is, "Wait and see." But now you've made everything so much clearer.

You're going to have to sit through this without relief.

*frowns* I thought Christ was my relief. I thought Christ was my Sabbath, my rest. Man, I have been TOTALLY deluded this whole time. All this joy and thanksgiving that I've found in my Saviour...you mean to tell me that it's all a LIE? That I HAVEN'T been released from my pain? That there ISN'T freedom in Christ?


Aw man, I don't even know what to do now.

And it will come back another day.

Uh...oh, I thought...it was...back right...now...because you said so. You said I had no relief, so clearly, if I don't...then the pain never left. If the pain never leaves...how can it come back?

You're not going to find the remedy in a boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends. Sexual intimacy and marriage are not the solution. Stop looking for them.
If you're hoping for a spouse, stop. You will save yourself even more pain and tears later.

*tilts head to the left*


What if we weren't actively looking? Because, you know...we had that whole...completeness and joy in Christ business going on already? Do we still need to gear up for the pain and tears...that, uh...we're already supposed to be having?

Everyday, wake up, and tell yourself, "I am not going to find a spouse today."

Howwwww about I wake up, and...don't say ANYTHING about a spouse at all? Whaaaaat if I told you that you could wake up and not have your existence defined by whom/what you don't have, but rather, have your existence defined by Whom you DO have?

Think about the next year of your life.

Ugh. My bands are going to get SLAUGHTERED at contest in May. Don't even get me started on sight-reading.

You are not going to find a spouse.

THUS SAITH THE LORD! Turn your ears to Cypher, for he hath been given all of Yahweh's plans! The very moment of Christ's return shall be revealed to us if we listen to his every word!

So stop flirting.

*looks at Gracie, frowns...looks at Red, frowns...looks at Arwen, frowns...looks at Catlynn, frowns...looks at Ames, frowns...looks at Holly, frowns...looks at Rach, frowns*


*pauses*


*tries to think of anyone who ISN'T on CC that he's currently flirting with*


*smoke begins to trickle from ears*

Stop going places because you hope you'll find a spouse there.

*pauses*


*tries to think of places he goes where he hopes to find a spouse*


*high-pitched whine starts to emit from overheating brain*

If you're going to church to find a spouse, pick a different church where you know you won't find a spouse.

If you're going to church to find a spouse, you're going to church for all the wrong reasons. I mean...that's a whole other can of worms right there.

Don't spend too much time on your appearance.

There's a level of professionalism expected in my workplace, you know. Maybe Yahweh doesn't care about my appearance, but the parents of my students and the superintendent of my district sure does.


Wait, does this mean that God DOESN'T want me in my current job? Is my current job too demanding of my appearance? Man, you think God would have said or done something to let me know to quit...oh wait, that's why you're here, right? Mouthpiece of God's plans for my life, after all. Got it. Letter of resignation, first thing in the morning. "I regret to inform you that the demands for professional dress among the staff can no longer be met, therefore, I will be vacating my position immediately. I know this puts you in the WORST possible position, having to replace an established director in the program that he built with only a few scant months before the first contest...but I just can't bring myself to put on a clean shirt in the morning. Thanks for the opportunity!"

Maybe we brought this on ourselves. Maybe this hurt is because we stored up so much emphasis on a spouse.

Yeah, that's exactly it. When you wake up everyday thinking that the government is supposed to drop fifty million bucks in your lap, every day kind of turns out to be a major disappointment. Funny thing about that, though...if you wake up everyday thinking that you were a terrible sinner who is SUPPOSED TO GO TO HELL...but you're not, by the grace of God, suddenly, every day is a blessing.


YOU control your perspective. No one else does.

We might have been thinking that today would be the day we would find a spouse.

*blasts a short, obnoxious laugh, then stifles it*


Mmmhmmm...fffft...uhhh, no. Because that's not where I choose to focus. If YOU choose to focus on that, then it's YOUR fault you're disappointed everyday. So all this pain you talk about that IS happening, won't ever stop, yet will somehow come back without ever going away? That's a pain you CHOOSE to feel. You might not have chosen to fall in the pool, but you chose to stay in there instead of climbing out and drying off.

And we stored days and days of hope.
That hope will find its way out of our body in our tears.

OR...instead of tears, you realize that your hope is stupid, because your hope is in the wrong thing, and you just let go of them all, and instead of them finding their way out in tears, a giant weight is lifted from you and you feel joyful and complete in Christ, like you're supposed to?

Hurt, and weep.
It will be over and we will go through it again.

Only if you're too stubborn to actually let the Word of God get through your skull.

Let's go through it. Let's leave God alone and go through it.
Let's just get it over with.

You know how people will post a picture of someone all squinty-eyed with the caption, "I see what you did there?" (Various examples abound, which is why I am not posting one.)


This would not be one of those moments.


A picture of something flying over my head would be more apropos, I suppose.

 

[ServantHood]

Ohhhh. We have a prophet among us! Which are you? Elijah? Elisha? Nathan? Daniel? I'm glad you're here to tell me my future. It's funny, I spend a good chunk of time in the Word, and perhaps not as much in prayer as I should, but I do pray...and the Big Guy Himself never bothered to tell me yes or no on this one. All I keep getting is, "Wait and see." But now you've made everything so much clearer.





*frowns* I thought Christ was my relief. I thought Christ was my Sabbath, my rest. Man, I have been TOTALLY deluded this whole time. All this joy and thanksgiving that I've found in my Saviour...you mean to tell me that it's all a LIE? That I HAVEN'T been released from my pain? That there ISN'T freedom in Christ?


Aw man, I don't even know what to do now.





Uh...oh, I thought...it was...back right...now...because you said so. You said I had no relief, so clearly, if I don't...then the pain never left. If the pain never leaves...how can it come back?





*tilts head to the left*


What if we weren't actively looking? Because, you know...we had that whole...completeness and joy in Christ business going on already? Do we still need to gear up for the pain and tears...that, uh...we're already supposed to be having?





Howwwww about I wake up, and...don't say ANYTHING about a spouse at all? Whaaaaat if I told you that you could wake up and not have your existence defined by whom/what you don't have, but rather, have your existence defined by Whom you DO have?





Ugh. My bands are going to get SLAUGHTERED at contest in May. Don't even get me started on sight-reading.





THUS SAITH THE LORD! Turn your ears to Cypher, for he hath been given all of Yahweh's plans! The very moment of Christ's return shall be revealed to us if we listen to his every word!





*looks at Gracie, frowns...looks at Red, frowns...looks at Arwen, frowns...looks at Catlynn, frowns...looks at Ames, frowns...looks at Holly, frowns...looks at Rach, frowns*


*pauses*


*tries to think of anyone who ISN'T on CC that he's currently flirting with*


*smoke begins to trickle from ears*





*pauses*


*tries to think of places he goes where he hopes to find a spouse*


*high-pitched whine starts to emit from overheating brain*





If you're going to church to find a spouse, you're going to church for all the wrong reasons. I mean...that's a whole other can of worms right there.





There's a level of professionalism expected in my workplace, you know. Maybe Yahweh doesn't care about my appearance, but the parents of my students and the superintendent of my district sure does.


Wait, does this mean that God DOESN'T want me in my current job? Is my current job too demanding of my appearance? Man, you think God would have said or done something to let me know to quit...oh wait, that's why you're here, right? Mouthpiece of God's plans for my life, after all. Got it. Letter of resignation, first thing in the morning. "I regret to inform you that the demands for professional dress among the staff can no longer be met, therefore, I will be vacating my position immediately. I know this puts you in the WORST possible position, having to replace an established director in the program that he built with only a few scant months before the first contest...but I just can't bring myself to put on a clean shirt in the morning. Thanks for the opportunity!"





Yeah, that's exactly it. When you wake up everyday thinking that the government is supposed to drop fifty million bucks in your lap, every day kind of turns out to be a major disappointment. Funny thing about that, though...if you wake up everyday thinking that you were a terrible sinner who is SUPPOSED TO GO TO HELL...but you're not, by the grace of God, suddenly, every day is a blessing.


YOU control your perspective. No one else does.





*blasts a short, obnoxious laugh, then stifles it*


Mmmhmmm...fffft...uhhh, no. Because that's not where I choose to focus. If YOU choose to focus on that, then it's YOUR fault you're disappointed everyday. So all this pain you talk about that IS happening, won't ever stop, yet will somehow come back without ever going away? That's a pain you CHOOSE to feel. You might not have chosen to fall in the pool, but you chose to stay in there instead of climbing out and drying off.





OR...instead of tears, you realize that your hope is stupid, because your hope is in the wrong thing, and you just let go of them all, and instead of them finding their way out in tears, a giant weight is lifted from you and you feel joyful and complete in Christ, like you're supposed to?





Only if you're too stubborn to actually let the Word of God get through your skull.





You know how people will post a picture of someone all squinty-eyed with the caption, "I see what you did there?" (Various examples abound, which is why I am not posting one.)


This would not be one of those moments.


A picture of something flying over my head would be more apropos, I suppose.

Your attitude is off the charts. I don't you understood a word he said, or is trying to project here. He is trying to help others who are in pain because of a breakup, how to deal with it. To leave it behind, and trust in God. If I read correctly and "UNDERSTOOD" him correctly, and the "MESSAGE" he is trying to get across. I see a brother who want's to help others that are in pain. And if that is the case, let the man give his helping hand. You on the other hand, very rebellious and ignorant gestures you are displaying, just by reading your text alone. It doesn't profit anybody what you just said. It's just a bunch of religious corrections that you decided to post up to tear somebody down, using his own words. Did God call you to do that? I believe not. It's time to stop hardening your heart, and give up that thing called pride, and walk where God walks. Have wisdom, understanding, discernment, and with all of this, first it has to be the fear of God.

 

[Shouryu]

Your attitude is off the charts. I don't you understood a word he said, or is trying to project here. He is trying to help others who are in pain because of a breakup, how to deal with it. To leave it behind, and trust in God. If I read correctly and "UNDERSTOOD" him correctly, and the "MESSAGE" he is trying to get across. I see a brother who want's to help others that are in pain. And if that is the case, let the man give his helping hand. You on the other hand, very rebellious and ignorant gestures you are displaying, just by reading your text alone. It doesn't profit anybody what you just said. It's just a bunch of religious corrections that you decided to post up to tear somebody down, using his own words. Did God call you to do that? I believe not. It's time to stop hardening your heart, and give up that thing called pride, and walk where God walks. Have wisdom, understanding, discernment, and with all of this, first it has to be the fear of God.

I've gone back and re-read the original post a couple of times.

You are absolutely right, and I was very, very wrong.

Cypher, please forgive me. I am sorry. I completely misread your intent with this post...and even if I hadn't, my reaction was unneccessarily sarcastic. I could list a million on reasons as to why I misread and reacted thusly (or I could list one, because there is only one), but in the end, the reason doesn't matter. What matters is that I recognize that I was in the wrong here, and I sincerely apologize.

ServantHood, thank you for calling me out. I am glad you were bold enough to do so. I am ashamed to admit that my vision gets cloudly from time to time, because I react too quickly. But I am glad you reacted as you did. Bless you both.

We're well past the 5 minute mark; but then again, my flaws have to be exposed if I am to be healed of them. To anyone else who read that completely off-the-target rant, I apologize. I still have plenty of work to be done.

Good night.

 

[zaoman32]

Oh my. CypherCat, good job on the post don't feel bad from others crap.

I see a lot of people here making similar statements. "If you just accept Jesus and follow him the pain will go away" "You won't with Jesus with you" "God will take away your pain"

I was born and raised in a christian home. Yes I've turned my back on God several times, but never for very long. I've always sought God for refuge, help and healing. And do you know what? Just because you have Jesus doesn't mean you're not going to feel like crap. Is there hope in God? Yes, the hope that when we die we go to heaven. Are our needs met? Absolutely. But never once does the bible promise that following Jesus will make life sunshine and daisies. It promises quite the opposite. Never once does the bible say God can't give you more than you can handle. If all he did was give you what you could handle then there's no point in seeking him for refuge, and the point of following him becomes moot.

God stands by. God knows and feels when we are hurting, it doesn't mean he zaps us with warm and fuzzy feelings. It means he's there for us to talk to. He's there for us to seek refuge. He can guide us to healing and possibly by a way (oh my!) that cyphercat mentioned.

 

[cyphercat]

Oh my. CypherCat, good job on the post don't feel bad from others crap.

I see a lot of people here making similar statements. "If you just accept Jesus and follow him the pain will go away" "You won't with Jesus with you" "God will take away your pain"

I was born and raised in a christian home. Yes I've turned my back on God several times, but never for very long. I've always sought God for refuge, help and healing. And do you know what? Just because you have Jesus doesn't mean you're not going to feel like crap. Is there hope in God? Yes, the hope that when we die we go to heaven. Are our needs met? Absolutely. But never once does the bible promise that following Jesus will make life sunshine and daisies. It promises quite the opposite. Never once does the bible say God can't give you more than you can handle. If all he did was give you what you could handle then there's no point in seeking him for refuge, and the point of following him becomes moot.

God stands by. God knows and feels when we are hurting, it doesn't mean he zaps us with warm and fuzzy feelings. It means he's there for us to talk to. He's there for us to seek refuge. He can guide us to healing and possibly by a way (oh my!) that cyphercat mentioned.

Your post is encouraging, brother. Paul had a thorn in the side and had to live with it.
I pray many other Christians wake up to this because it has changed me.

 

[cyphercat]

I've gone back and re-read the original post a couple of times.

You are absolutely right, and I was very, very wrong.

Cypher, please forgive me. I am sorry. I completely misread your intent with this post...and even if I hadn't, my reaction was unneccessarily sarcastic. I could list a million on reasons as to why I misread and reacted thusly (or I could list one, because there is only one), but in the end, the reason doesn't matter. What matters is that I recognize that I was in the wrong here, and I sincerely apologize.

ServantHood, thank you for calling me out. I am glad you were bold enough to do so. I am ashamed to admit that my vision gets cloudly from time to time, because I react too quickly. But I am glad you reacted as you did. Bless you both.

We're well past the 5 minute mark; but then again, my flaws have to be exposed if I am to be healed of them. To anyone else who read that completely off-the-target rant, I apologize. I still have plenty of work to be done.

Good night.

I just now noticed all of this.
All I know is that you're my brother in Christ.
I think you get the purpose of the thread. I'm saying "Here I am, your brother in Christ, and I'm going to sit with you while we both suffer".
That's pretty much it.
I appreciate your enthusiasm! Obviously you feel very strongly about this topic.
And I am not being sarcastic here. SO bear with me.
Thank you for replying.
Maybe we can pray for one another and see results.
And I don't mean for spouses, or maybe, if Christ wills it.
I want my daughter to avoid pornography, even though I don't look at it myself, it still can slip in there.
And I will pray for you, brother.

 

[ww_21]

Honestly.. I am single but not miserable about it. I think it took being hurt so much and being that broken for me to find my way back to God again and I would do it all the same way again if I had to. There was the initial pain where some days it felt so unbearable but I prayed about it, there are days where I did nothing but fast and pray and I am in such a great place, spiritually that I am okay with being single.

It has drawn me closer to God. I will be single for a long time and someone has to come 'REAL GOOD' to change that. I do however appreciate the essence of this thread- encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

[secularhermit]

Honestly.. I am single but not miserable about it. (...) I do however appreciate the essence of this thread- encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ.

May I ask if you moved and left as you said you would?

 

[Silvergirl23]

I agree but I gotta say lonliness is kinda a killer otherwise Eve would have never been created .

 

[cyphercat]

I agree but I gotta say lonliness is kinda a killer otherwise Eve would have never been created .

Well we don't know why God created Eve, other than God is quoted as coming to this conclusion, "It is not good for the man to be alone".
It could have been the physical exhaustion of naming every creature. It could have been that Adam wasn't capable of the minute variations that females can offer. Whatever the case, it may not have been loneliness or longing.

 

[cyphercat]

I agree but I gotta say lonliness is kinda a killer otherwise Eve would have never been created .

Also, Christ showed us a better way, and that is that we are complete. We have the Holy Spirit to comfort us.

 

[Praus]

The hurt is going to happen. There is no comfort.

In all seriousness, if I spend a few minutes reading posts on the Christian Family Forum then singleness seems like a really good idea.

 

[cyphercat]

In all seriousness, if I spend a few minutes reading posts on the Christian Family Forum then singleness seems like a really good idea.

Maybe you could elaborate.

 

[Praus]

Maybe you could elaborate.

So many posts about divorce, cheating spouses, crazy stepparent arrangements and so on. I'll stay single because it seems better than the alternative.