What does engagement mean?

[1still_waters]

I have always been lead to believe engagement meant something like this..

One
Guy: Hey we've been seeing each other a while, and I'm wondering if you know me enough, that you'd commit to getting married in the future? I'm certain I'd like you to be my wife.

Gal: Why yes, I've gotten to know you enough, that I'm certain about you enough, that yes, I will get married to you.

But the more I observe and talk to people, I'm being lead to believe engagement is more like this....

Two

Guy: Hey we've been seeing each other, and I'm wondering if you'd like to get engaged, and we can still see if we're possibly interested in marrying each other, but I'm not certain enough at this point to say I'd be married to you. Regardless of me not being certain about wanting to marry you, will you be engaged to me?

Gal: Why yes, I'm also not certain if I'd marry you or not, regardless, let's get engaged, and be engaged for a long time, so we can figure out if we want to get married.

Now don't get me wrong, in scenario one, people are more than free to back out. That's not what I'm getting at here, so please save that hot button Pavlovian rant for another thread.

So what's my point?

Is engagement for people who have a certainty about wanting to be married?
Is engagement for people who don't have a certainty about wanting to be married?

I have always thought engagement meant the first option, but so many seem to indicate it's closer to the second option.

But if it's closer to the second option, then why get engaged, and why ask someone to marry you, if you're not certain you want to marry them? If engagement is still a trial period, if it's still an investigation phase, then why proclaim yourselves committed to marry said person?

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Well I only proposed to 1 woman in my entire life & we were only "engaged" for like 6 months. We'd dated for a year & a half prior. I,personally would never use engagement as a holding pattern of sorts to string along or keep a woman that I liked with me,yet at bay (so to speak) until I was ready for marriage. (if that makes sense)

If I am asking a woman to get "engaged" You'd better believe (she should,I mean) that I am 100% CERTAIN that I want to marry her & spend the rest of my life with her!

 

[Stratocaster]

The people in scenario two are idiots.

There's also lots of people who do this same thing with dating. "Hey, I barely know you and I'm not certain that we're at all compatible. I would like you to be the most emotionally significant relationship in my life"

 

[1still_waters]

Think how crazy and double minded engagement is, if it's option two.

Guy: Will you marry me?
Gal: Yes

Under option two there is this whole odd contradicting subtext.

Will you marry me, becomes...Hey I'm totally not sure about marrying you, so let's take a good long time figuring it out.

Yes becomes...Hmm I don't know, but hey let's figure things out.
......
Then both go around stating to family and friends they are "engaged", because after all, he said "Will you marry me?" - and she said, "Yes". But Will you marry me doesn't mean will you marry me, and yes doesn't mean yes.

 

[maxwel]

"Engagement" means you've caught up to the enemy and begun the battle.

 

[ww_21]

I've always seen it as a promise/commitment to each other to be married..

 

[BananaPie]

Well, the more the world distracts itself away from God, the farther into oblivion the meaning of language falls. I'm not going to bother deriving engagement, but just for kicks, here's info I've gather over the years at various Women's Bible Study.

Fiancé. French word, etymology "a promise to trust;" the word has been in use since the 14th century to mean "betroth" as in "a promise to marry" or "there is truth in wanting to marry you."

Betroth. English word, etymology "be truth;" the word is associated with "true to marry" or "true pledge to marry" notwithstanding the dowry involved.

Prometido. Spanish word, etymology from the Latin "promittere" "to promise." A man in an engagement agreement to marry is referred to as "prometido" (promise) while the girl he is engaged to is referred to as "prometida" (promise). In Spanish folks would say, "Alicia es mi prometida," (Alice is promised to me), or "Ricardo y yo estamos comprometidos" (Richard and I are promised to each other), for examples.

Fidanzamento. Italian word, etymology "faithful, loyal, trusting;" (it's where the word "finance" comes from "faithful to pay the debt"), the meaning is "loyal to marry you."

All these words mean "engagement" in their respective languages. The emphasis of the Women's Bible Study has always been to consider we are betroth to Christ, who in complete truth has promised us loyalty, faithfulness. "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in mercy" (Hosea 2:19).

In conclusion, don't be vague in your heart. If you're going to use "big words" like engagement, then be a big boy, and marry the girl already. Otherwise, you have cooties like those second graders "under a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."

 

[zeroturbulence]

I like to think of the engagement as the calm before the storm..

Engaged couple:


Married couple:

 

[BananaPie]

Marriage is quite endearing to me, frankly. For as long as the spouse is honoring the marriage vows by living for Christ, marriage is sweet, and I'm game. ...just saying.

 

[Fenner]

I say it's the first scenario of the original post. If not then I'd say one of the engaged party probably isn't really happy and the other is happy cause they are having their cake and eating it too.

 

[GaryA]

The answer may be found in the common phrase:

"engaged to be married"

 

[Jullianna]

Engagement to me means he asked her to marry him and she said she would. You become a fiancé/fiancée, not boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

[Jullianna]

"Engagement" means you've caught up to the enemy and begun the battle.

[video=youtube;tpBFOYeJc6U]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpBFOYeJc6U[/video]

 

[djness]

Congratulations you are engaged! Get out of our forum...

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

It seems like for some people, it goes more like this:

"Gosh, how can we be only boyfriend and girlfriend? Surely what we have is more special than that!"

OR

"Uh, we've been seeing each other for two years... I feel like it's time to take this to the next level..."

In which case, they start an open-ended engagement, which makes them feel better about their relationship.

"We are more than friends. We are more than boyfriend/girlfriend. We actually love each other. And maybe one day we will get married."

This is kind of how I feel about open-ended, long-term engagements.

 

[Descyple]

Engagement means slavery isn't over yet!!!!

 

[IloveyouGod]

If engagement is slavery, then marriage is the execution!!
Gush!! no wonder why you're single!!

Engagement means slavery isn't over yet!!!!

 

[IloveyouGod]

Engagement is taking things to the next level. There's diamond involved and a commitment that after a short while there will be marriage. Usually engagement takes shorter time than dating period.

Although, it's not like black or white. Everyone is free to do what they feel comfortable doing. It's not a set rule.

 

[blueorchidjd]

Engagement usually means party or shindig with tiny cocktail appetizers.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Scenario one is the concept of engagement I subscribe to. Scenario two is ridiculous, IMO. Grace pretty well described my own observations on "engagements" like that.

Im glad bananapie included the various definitions across languages, as it adds some neat cultural perspective. In Chinese, the term used for engagement literally translates to "reserved for marriage", "reserved" being the same word as hotel or dinner reservations. There is an implication that marriage is definite and in the very near future.