How do you decide to have feelings for?

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cyphercat

cyphercat

Banned
#1
Jun 22, 2013
380
5
0
#1
I form feelings for a lot of females.
If I'm attracted to a girl, and would like to be with her, I can't help it, I form feelings.

It's going to happen! What are feelings?
For me, they're something like this:
'This girl is attractive. I really like <insert list of features, traits, personality caveats, facets of individual beauty> about her. If I was in a relationship with her, we would talk and it would make me happy. I could make her happy by caring about her and providing a friendship that would benefit her life. Just thinking about her brings about something inside of me that tells me that to be with her would give me this feeling of euphoria. We share a similar faith. We could walk the road together. I could bring to her life something that would enhance it. She could bring to my life something that would enhance it. Maybe one day, I could be in her presence. See her face to face.'

And there's something in me that lives on. That something rejoices when she is around. It's another opportunity to interact with her! And just interacting with her brings me a measure of happiness!

But it feels wrong to have these feelings about more than one person. But what am I going to do?
I'm not dating the girl I have feelings for!
So do I just stop and talk to this girl alone until I've found out there's no chance for us?
What if she says no, and I decide to see if God wants us to be together?
What if I wait?

How many people do you carry around feelings for?
How do you deal with liking 4 or 5 girls or guys at the same time and wanting to be with them?
How do you live with having feelings for one girl and not knowing if she feels the same way?
 
cyphercat

cyphercat

Banned
#3
Jun 22, 2013
380
5
0
#3
AAAPlus said:
Picture with a caption saying "Take a cold shower"
Click to expand...
Interesting.
I've heard that a man who develops feelings for a girl, which are sexual in nature, and the result of sexual arousal, should take a cold shower to nullify those feelings.

The feelings I'm talking about are those feelings you develop when you like a girl, and want to be in a relationship with her. To test this theory, and see if they are the feelings you are referring to, I'll take a cold shower and see what happens to them.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#4
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#4
In all seriousness though, if you have these feelings for several girls, what risk is there in pursuing it? You know you can only marry one, so if one shoots you down you have several more to take a shot at. When it comes down to it though, the fact that you're so girl-crazy is probably indicative of a bigger underlying intimacy issue that you should probably deal with before starting a relationship.
 
cyphercat

cyphercat

Banned
#5
Jun 22, 2013
380
5
0
#5
AAAPlus said:
In all seriousness though, if you have these feelings for several girls, what risk is there in pursuing it? You know you can only marry one, so if one shoots you down you have several more to take a shot at. When it comes down to it though, the fact that you're so girl-crazy is probably indicative of a bigger underlying intimacy issue that you should probably deal with before starting a relationship.
Click to expand...
I wonder what that could be.
I've talked to probably 3 psychiatrists and several doctors about girls.
I've not been in a romantic relationship for 6 years.
I don't intentionally sit around saying, "Oh, this is the part of the day where I arouse feelings in myself and cause myself to desire a girl to be in a romantic relationship with me."
I can execute some self control with respect to the feelings that I feel when I see this or that girl.
What I can't control is why my mind still allows me to feel this way when I continually say, "Don't feel that way" or when I actively work against feeling that way.
I can put up every barrier against falling in love. I do. But something still gets through.
 
A

AmmiAmmiel

Guest
#6
#6
Well, I myself have bad my fair share of failed relationships. And typically it was do to the fact that I pursued my feelings without caring about how God feels about it. So now I'm very cautious when I get feelings for someone. I know now that I should start with a friendship, that way I can reveal things about myself to her without worrying about her breaking up with me. And I'll be able to find out if she's worth being in a relationship with. To be honest, if your feelings aren't so strong so as to want to marry her, then don't pursue them!
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#7
#7
I know me personally, if I have feelings for someone.....it's not a decision I make. I either do or I don't, and I'm 100% powerless to feel any other way.
 
cyphercat

cyphercat

Banned
#8
Jun 22, 2013
380
5
0
#8
Donkeyfish07 said:
I know me personally, if I have feelings for someone.....it's not a decision I make. I either do or I don't, and I'm 100% powerless to feel any other way.
Click to expand...
You know what, I think I've decided what I'm going to do.
Just deal with the fact that I have feelings for girls, do nothing about it, dont' mention them anymore, and deal with the consequences.
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#9
#9
cyphercat said:
You know what, I think I've decided what I'm going to do.
Just deal with the fact that I have feelings for girls, do nothing about it, dont' mention them anymore, and deal with the consequences.
Click to expand...
Why do nothing about it? God made us this way for a reason. Also, what do you mean by consequences? You make it sound like it's a bad thing
 
cyphercat

cyphercat

Banned
#10
Jun 22, 2013
380
5
0
#10
Donkeyfish07 said:
Why do nothing about it? God made us this way for a reason. Also, what do you mean by consequences? You make it sound like it's a bad thing
Click to expand...
Everything has consequences. I like to use the word because it sounds more formal. Breathing in air is a consequence of contracting your lungs. Chewing up food is a consequence of pressing down with your teeth while food is in your mouth.

I do nothing about it because it does not matter whether or not I have feelings for a girl. The consequence of having feelings is that I may have a broken heart if those feelings are not reciprocated.
I will eventually choose one woman, and will have to deal with feelings that are not reciprocated by the other girls I had feelings for.
So I will go forth from this point, have feelings for whatever girls I like, and choose one, and deal with only choosing one.
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#11
#11
cyphercat said:
Everything has consequences. I like to use the word because it sounds more formal. Breathing in air is a consequence of contracting your lungs. Chewing up food is a consequence of pressing down with your teeth while food is in your mouth.

I do nothing about it because it does not matter whether or not I have feelings for a girl. The consequence of having feelings is that I may have a broken heart if those feelings are not reciprocated.
I will eventually choose one woman, and will have to deal with feelings that are not reciprocated by the other girls I had feelings for.
So I will go forth from this point, have feelings for whatever girls I like, and choose one, and deal with only choosing one.
Click to expand...
Keep at it brother, you'll find a good woman if you look hard enough. They're everywhere
 
cyphercat

cyphercat

Banned
#12
Jun 22, 2013
380
5
0
#12
Donkeyfish07 said:
Keep at it brother, you'll find a good woman if you look hard enough. They're everywhere
Click to expand...
Thanks.
They usually start showing up when I start showing interest in girls.
Paul says not to seek. Jesus says seek and you will find.
I don't seek, but I don't stop myself from simply talking to girls anymore.
If I like a girl, I tell her first thing. If I'm attracted to a girl, I let her know.
I'm having some success with this. And wow, does it help my confidence.

I know I'll end up with a special girl. I don't know when, but I don't care anymore. Everything today is all I need.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#13
#13
If only it was as simple as deciding...


[video=youtube;h3TxALGVFok]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3TxALGVFok[/video]
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#14
#14
Hello there Hellooo, good to see you out of the chatroom for once :p
 
I

IloveyouGod

Guest
#15
#15
IF your feelings for a girl are build on shallow reasons such as her looks for example, then your feelings for her will also be so shallow, even if you think they are not. And it will be for a limited time till another girl shows up n' attract your feelings/attention more. I'm not saying that's your case. I'm saying IF that's the case.
IF your feelings are build on shallow reasons, it might also explain why you have feelings for more than one girl, because there are a lot of girls who are good looking, sexy, "Appear" to have nice personalities until you get to know them well n' find out that they don't!!

I suggest you watch that thread here titled When God Writes your love story. It's also a book that you can read if you want. But it will help you a lot I think.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#17
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
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#17
I don't think you choose your feelings. If we could, then I would choose to stop liking the guy I've been trying to stop liking for...well, a while. :)

You do choose, however, what to do with them. You can dwell on them and let them consume your thoughts, as it seems like you are doing, or you can acknowledge that they're there and then move on. If you dwell on them too much or become obsessed, then the fall will feel hard if they aren't reciprocated. If you take them as they are and know that it's not the end of the world if they aren't reciprocated (because nobody is obligated to like anyone back) then you're able to roll with it more.

Though I, personally, think there's a bigger issue if you're deeply attracted to 4 or 5 girls at the same time. :-/ That seems a little unhealthy.
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#19
#19
IloveyouGod said:
Yup, but we should make our minds control our heart feelings, not the opposite. :)
Click to expand...
In my world, that's impossible. I just try to keep my heart pure.....then it's ok to dive in with reckless abandon :p
 
I

IloveyouGod

Guest
#20
#20
OK, what do you do to make your heart pure Donkeyfish? :)


Donkeyfish07 said:
In my world, that's impossible. I just try to keep my heart pure.....then it's ok to dive in with reckless abandon :p
Click to expand...
 
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