does it kinda make you want to eliminate your friend's list altogether...

[secularhermit]

This week I spent a night with one of my friends. He told me many things I know, because he was giving his brother´s wife a historic account on things he didn´t know (or tried to change) (they have different fathers, same mother).

Life is full of such things abbiejean says, but you probably think something is missing in your life (I have thought the same, also).

In a nutshell, my friend, being the first, was kicked out from his "home", because her mother wanted to remain with his brother´s dad. He grew feeling that hurtful sensation that he wasn´t loved that, by the moment his grandmother died, she gave him a ring and told him: I´m sad I´m dying, because NOBODY loves you (she sealed his mind -he said- with something he considered a curse).

He grew old with those emotional scars. That feeling was killing him alive and, this week, he retold those things I know in front of his brother, for his brother´s wife sake (both are pastors).

Once he was healed (God healed him) he started to help people to heal their hurt hearts, with many things I won´t tell here. In fact, I know many people who go to see him to understand why there is that emptyness in their hearts.

I´m happy the way you are. I won´t lie telling you I don´t miss you (because I have missed you).

I think I´ve started to build my firewalls since 2011. I had them, but something went wrong when I gave some access and I don´t want to be hurt and I just started to understand why girls (or women) are the way they are.

This is an old man who knows the boy inside him!

Recently I used to think Netlog served me to find those friends I thought I needed and, wanting to be honest, I knew I didn´t need a friend, but a woman, and I knew more things I never planned, so I wrote, in my profile:"I want no one who is not a commited Christian..." and I was kicked out (Thanks GOD)

That rejection could be dued to things no one knows. It runs both sides, because each human being has expectations, desires, hopes, etc. and REAL needs.

Pityfully, when some things are publicly vent, there is a public reaction, and there´s no doubt someone might feel guilt or hurt.

If you ever want to write to me, whatever the reason, I can give you one of my e-mails.

It is me who asked to be asked.

 

[biscuit]

when someone drops you as a friend- when you don't know what you've done wrong or why? for some reason it hurts my feelings. i guess i'm sensitive. i'm sure i'm too sensitive, but that's the effect. it could be just how i was made, i don't know if it's something i can change. i know it could seem quite juvenile, but i think it has more to do with sensitivity than immaturity. maybe i'm wrong, i don't know.

any opinions, methods of dealing with things like this for sensitive people, or suggestions from anyone at all ?

In disguise it was probably a blessing.

 

[secularhermit]

it's okay. i didn't change any avatars, but i added pictures. i wish i had more pictures of friends or other things, but i've just been alone in this room too long. i guess i feel like i can only really count on myself but more than that, of course my Loving Creator.

it makes me nervous that my life is beginning to open up, away from the computer. so much change, but i will love to bring the focus off myself so much.

i'm really not as self-interested as it may seem. just lonely :S

i remember looking through an ex who had really hurt me, his new girlfriend's pictures... several times. thinking she's gorgeous. what is it that i didn't have? it's best the relationship ended, but it made me want to compete with her, even though she doesn't see my cc account, or even know who i am. it's hard not to feel bitterness, and to forgive those from my past. it wasn't a healthy relationship, and neither were many.

i definitely have abandonment issues. and those stem from some of the most important male figures that were or were not in my life.
i seek attention and approval. validation.

it's all about insecurity and not as much about self involvement as it may seem.

there, an open book. my heart with the moat and crocodiles in it. perhaps i'm getting to the point where i need to let the drawbridge down. i'm trying

I´m aware you are introvert... But, since you mentioned, many people try (or tried) to compete to "deserve" the attention they thought they needed, even at my age.

Allow me to tell more about my friend:

When he was sent OFF, he called his dad. He needed a place where to sleep, because some neighbors gave him some room, but was molested and abuse by those girls who were older than he was.

When he went to his dad´s, he founded out the woman his dad had was too attentive with him... His dad was 50 and his wife 19 years old... That girl wanted what he gave her (same way Absalom gave his father´s concubines).

That story was new for me.

he told me how that ugly and MUNDANE relationship ended up. I´m happy his dad never knew what his son did and, of corse, that girl failed and left his dad to live with another. It wasn´t love! It was NOTHING but lust, and it never last and it worths nothing, but to run from those who lied.

It hurts, but gave US unforgetable lessons to teach and to avoid.

 

[secularhermit]

" (...), so i try to make myself feel better with sharing a picture of my surfboard, or a painting i made. things i used to do..."

What else have you stopped to do, LAV?

 

[secularhermit]

Very frequently, I delete people that don't even have the courage to say "hello" to me in real life or on line. I deleted and blocked someone lately who I thought was my best friend because when i would text or call her, she always claimed to be "too busy" with school and her boyfriend. I have school, work, and an internship site I have to be a part of every week. She pretty much has no excuse.

There are some people who don´t like to feel obligued, particularly when IT IS US who asked something we´re not actually giving, but being demanded.

i often delete my clients phone numbers and, when they´re sending me text messages not realted to my job, they feel hurt when I don´t know their names (particularly if they don´t SIGN what they wrote.

Believe me! The same aplies for FB. Teens or those who like (or pretend) my sons asked me to befriend, and those who show pictures in bikinis or tangas are left behind (if I see them too showy and SELFISH, I´d better run from them).

I´m not obligued to do things I don´t do. I care my children don´t make my mistakes. And I don´t correspond with no one I have nothing as common ground.

But people cannot be deleted! It´s me who run.

 

[J-Kay-2]

I have had to look up and see if I was in the Singles group by accident.
Here I am, older than dirt, enjoying the communication between friends.
Thanking God I don't have to live alone. Why did I come here? Oh, yes,
friendship. LAV you sound a little down. SecularHermit, you are just what
she needed. How lovely the stories you both have shared. It is interesting
to read the lives of others. You have made me feel all soft and fluffy inside.
I like nice people, being honest and truthful. I find it interesting to see
the outer shell or firewall coming down. I am one who tends to run into a
cave and hide for a while. Enough about me. I am too open for my own
good.
Bless your wonderful Thread. I pray healing and love will abound here. ~ J~K~2

 

[secularhermit]

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Here is a matchmaker... Ha! Ha!

Just see how brave LAVly is.

 

[lav]

i didn't mean to come off as shallow. i'm just still young, and i guess i'm almost out of my twenties. i don't think a picture with a hat and sunglasses is really THAT terrible.

along with the things i wanted to share that i enjoy. i love photography and i used to like running and being more active.

my illness and my past haunt me to this day, until i break free and remember the person who is really inside, i can't help seeming whatever way i seem. i am just trying to SURVIVE!

there was a huge emphasis placed on beauty in my family. i come from a family of artists mostly, and teachers and some doctors.

it's hard because i have had a lot of traumas in my life, and abuse. intense abuse. that led to me having manic depression and a few other diagnoses i am recovering from. i hate to go over and over these things, but it's what's got me to where i am, what i'm trying with God to overcome, and sometimes i am prone to slight superficiality and glibness, in the place of many deep dark battles of the soul and of despair i can't even come close to describing.

if i were to tell my story, which i may... at some point, there would be parts at all hardly believable.

i am not here to compare my pain with others, as there is no point. everyone has their share of troubles and scars.

the thing is, people who know me, really know me-- know that i am loyal and that i don't lack depth or compassion, or the ability to give even when i'm going through a lot. so, i guess in knowing this, it's all that can really matter.

i can't come on here, and expect people really know the person that i am, just by looking at my profile or what i present here and there. i admit, i am needing more real life experience and to get back to the things that make me happy.

i have all kinds of dreams and interests. this is just a one dimensional representation of who i am, when i am trying to make the best of the cards i have been dealt in my life.

i find no reason to have to sink deeper, but i enjoy having the last hoorah of my last year of my twenties, and pleasing myself to a degree in order to lighten my own spirits.

my grandfather who was my best friend shot himself when i was 13. i lost my dad whom had been absent from my life because he chose alcohol over me even though he lived about 50 min. away. i began to look for him and found him when i was sixteen. i found him a year later, and he died after that. one year later. the only time i spent with him that i remember him being sober, was when i snuck up on him after i'd found him. we embraced and said we loved each other. though all was not forgiven in full on my behalf.

i was angry with him and wrote him a letter about aa. i ended up calling him and APOLOGIZING ( gee, doesn't seem i was the one who needed to do this ) and telling him that i loved him and forgave him. he died some weeks later.

i went to his funeral on my senior prom.

i have been abused mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically by more than one man.

i have had many difficulties in my life, and traumas that i don't care to continue going into.

i have had deep sadness in my life, and if it takes a picture where i feel i look pretty to cheer myself up, i have no problem with that.

 

[secularhermit]

Now I´m crying, Mrs J-Jay.

How long does it take to be finnaly found to laugh at these things which gave us some spiritual joy?

Here, too often, my love ones said we´re going to meet in havens to have a party, to meet and say those things we haven´t had the time to say here, on earth.

Hope you tto enjoy a moment like that.

 

[secularhermit]

What made you beautiful, for me, is that software I heard of, LAV. Beauty is like that an OLD child like me saw on Snow White an that "beautiful" Queen... There´s vanity, restless egotism and, what I liked most is what I knew from you, when you reacted when you felt rejected in a thread... Then I knew you ARE real, not a faked "character" (and you were so coherent) that I won´t tell here (Things can be cracked, like a jar).

 

[lav]

you are totally forgiven dearest hermit. i have nothing at all against you. i really do care and love you as someone i think to myself IS a friend, and IS someone very much like myself.

i want to laugh too. i'm sorry for going into detail, i just seem to always feel the need to defend myself. maybe i should not have, but i really have a lot of love to share with the world. a kind of agape, nothing lustful or transitory.

i hope one day to show this, and reveal the person i am on the inside. i am a great lover of film and short films and documentaries. it has always been my dream to tell a story.

tell the tender moments of life, that i don't always share, because i find them so very sacred, so far from this world- feeling that they need protection, just as i have.

in my best apology, to not have meant to drive the point home so hard... it is something i am working on, too.
forgive my insensitivity towards others here. forgive my foibles and my shortcomings. the truth is, i want to love you all... and sometimes, i really feel as if i do.

i lastly want to say, i await the time in heaven. i hope to be there with all of you. freshly washed and new by the blood of the Lamb. ready to laugh and smile and leave this somber, aching world behind.

your's truly, and always-
Lav.

( michele )

 

[J-Kay-2]

@LAV ~ Stay with the direction you are headed. Heaven and Jesus awaits.
@SecularHermit ~ We are going to have a wonderful time with all who love
Jesus and Heaven is waiting for us.
Sooo, @LAV... all these things you have endured on earth will be forgotten
when you see Jesus face to face. What a day of rejoicing that will be.
@ S~ Hermit, our sister needs to know we know she is beautiful in her heart.
I have a photo of me with sunglasses... LAV..... Now should we show what
we look like in sunglasses ? Ummm, LAV, must I remind you I have silver
hair and only like 40 years older than you ?
@@ LAV, seriously, sorry you have had nasty life. It is a miracle you are
here sharing and helping others. It is the way God tells us it works...
The things we have gone through here on earth, helps us have compassion
for those who are going through what you did.
@@S. Hermit, thank you for being here for LAV and myself. You make us smile~

 

[lav]

and for the record, my dearest grandfather... he and my grandmother on my mother's side, have been my absolute BEST friends in this life apart from Christ himself.

i am struggling to get her to know, she is 93.

 

[lav]

@LAV ~ Stay with the direction you are headed. Heaven and Jesus awaits.
@SecularHermit ~ We are going to have a wonderful time with all who love
Jesus and Heaven is waiting for us.
Sooo, @LAV... all these things you have endured on earth will be forgotten
when you see Jesus face to face. What a day of rejoicing that will be.
@ S~ Hermit, our sister needs to know we know she is beautiful in her heart.
I have a photo of me with sunglasses... LAV..... Now should we show what
we look like in sunglasses ? Ummm, LAV, must I remind you I have silver
hair and only like 40 years older than you ?
@@ LAV, seriously, sorry you have had nasty life. It is a miracle you are
here sharing and helping others. It is the way God tells us it works...
The things we have gone through here on earth, helps us have compassion
for those who are going through what you did.
@@S. Hermit, thank you for being here for LAV and myself. You make us smile~

and so it is !

 

[abbiejean]

Michele (lav)...for you.



I know the picture says or implies our strength but I like to think of it as HIS strength. He bore all shame, all pain, everything on that cross. Before being nailed to that cross HIS back was ripped apart by beatings lashed out by a whipping. HE bore scars. HE took it. Praise God. As HIS daughter, HE has you covered. Rest in HIS mercy, HIS beauty. HIS grace.

He loves you. So very much.



Remember, HE does all things well. When HE starts a work, it is perfect. Those scars tell stories. Don't let satan lie to you and say you have no worth or because of this or that...child...God, the creator of ALL things, loves you.

 

[lav]

i also find great beauty in age. i think nothing wrong or imperfect of it. actually, it can and usually is much more beautiful than the fleeting charms of youth.

my grandparents have had difficulty with embracing their age. so much to tell in my story, it could leave us all snoring... but it makes more sense as i fit the pieces together in my mind.

my mother and i are trying to right the wrongs of our ancestry. to embrace the things that really matter, and to reach out and love as many and serve as much as possible.

thank you, everyone in this thread. there is one here i can't find the name as i type, i'll come back if i can... but really i want to say each person has helped today.

we are all special and beautiful. it is the TRUTH, and not just lip service.

thank you Heavenly Father,
thank you for all you are doing in all of our lives.
God bless all here.

goodnight


ahhh ! abbiejean , you were the one! what a blessing you are ! Love to you sister. love to you in Christ, thank you so much.

 

[secularhermit]

My I say, LAV?

Few years back I felt a total mess. I blamed GOD and, thinking He wasn´t loving me, I addressed my prayers to those I believed loved me. I called my Dad´s mother, my Dad´s name, my uncle, etc. I don´t how long I prayed thanking them for the gift I received from them. I told all those things I thought I could say, because I was sure GOD didn´t love me.

It was a sad night. I felt abandoned and fell asleep.

Next day, my mother phone called telling me: "What´s wrong with you?..." and I quickliy lied, but she gave me the complete account of the nightmare she had... Of course, it wasn ´t the way she saw it but, MY GRANDMOTHER, the one I loved, the one who loved me, gave her a warn, so my mom was alarmed and called me to see what was wrong with me, 100 km away from her.

When you recover, when you get better, you will be a blessing for those who feel rejected, hurt and, when they see you, deep in those big eyes I have seen, they will know you are true, and these will be healed because you were healed first.

Cheer up! (you are going to win)

 

[J-Kay-2]

LAV & Secular Hermit..... I did it. I posted my profile photo with
Sunglasses. Now.... I show you two .. you are my friends and I
am willing to show my 'elderly' face with lines. That is how much
I love you two.~ J~K~2
( Going to watch news now, logging off )

 

[J-Kay-2]

My I say, LAV?

Few years back I felt a total mess. I blamed GOD and, thinking He wasn´t loving me, I addressed my prayers to those I believed loved me. I called my Dad´s mother, my Dad´s name, my uncle, etc. I don´t how long I prayed thanking them for the gift I received from them. I told all those things I thought I could say, because I was sure GOD didn´t love me.

It was a sad night. I felt abandoned and fell asleep.

Next day, my mother phone called telling me: "What´s wrong with you?..." and I quickliy lied, but she gave me the complete account of the nightmare she had... Of course, it wasn ´t the way she saw it but, MY GRANDMOTHER, the one I loved, the one who loved me, gave her a warn, so my mom was alarmed and called me to see what was wrong with me, 100 km away from her.

When you recover, when you get better, you will be a blessing for those who feel rejected, hurt and, when they see you, deep in those big eyes I have seen, they will know you are true, and these will be healed because you were healed first.

Cheer up! (you are going to win)

View attachment 71008

S~Hermit, Not to take away from your help for LAV....
Question, is this a portrait of you and your girls ? It
is lovely ~ and loving ~ Gosh we are exposing ourselves.
God bless you sir. ~ So glad to see you and glad you are
friends with LAV.

 

[lav]

i have three children waiting for me in heaven!

tears come every time i think of them.


i love both of your pictures, and your ♡'s and abbyiejean's and ugly's too. everyone here. sorry if i'm starting to sounds too sappy, but i really am grateful for you. honestly. thank you for being brave!