Marrage and remarriage issue

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Toolman49649

Guest
#1
#1
I am in love with the sweetest woman (widowed) I know, we have been together almost 5 years. We have had a great relationship . Two years ago I asked her to marry me and she said yes.
When finding that in the years to come she would not be entitled to her late husbands social security if marrying before age 60 really unsettled her.
If we was to divorce, etc then there would only her social security for her in the future.
All we knew up to that point was love and faith between us. This primary issue has badly hurt our relationship. we are both 50 and I am convicted too deeply to remain only engaged until age 60. I know it doesn't sit right with her either.
Any thoughts would really help, thanks in advance
 
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TashMeyer76

Guest
#2
#2
Toolman - it looks to me as if material possessions seem to be the crux of the matter here. I do know though that in today's day and time social security and a form of income is very important in order to survive financially sometimes - but are you able to take care of her financially? If so, then why would she worry about that Grant not coming to her?

It is my opinion (and mine alone) Love should be the center of a relationship, if things outside of this center is able to infiltrate that which is so sacred then it leaves space for a lot of doubt, doubt that would inevitably result in the breakdown of communication and your relationship.

Find your Focus, Seek God in all matters and trust that the right thing will come to pass.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#3
May 17, 2013
15,050
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#3
Kinda hard to see why you would get married if you think divorce is possible in the future. There is no reason to think believers would get divorced. Where would we be if the Lord divorced us?

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#4
#4
TashMeyer76 said:
Toolman - it looks to me as if material possessions seem to be the crux of the matter here. I do know though that in today's day and time social security and a form of income is very important in order to survive financially sometimes - but are you able to take care of her financially? If so, then why would she worry about that Grant not coming to her?

It is my opinion (and mine alone) Love should be the center of a relationship, if things outside of this center is able to infiltrate that which is so sacred then it leaves space for a lot of doubt, doubt that would inevitably result in the breakdown of communication and your relationship.

Find your Focus, Seek God in all matters and trust that the right thing will come to pass.
Click to expand...
Neither of us have pensions but have worked to be debt free. I make good money and hope to make the best of my working days. It's a issue of what is the protracted difference in the future income. Seems odd but a tough fact of life.
I totally agree love should be the center. It's just the world would rather live for the generalizing of the issue. That seed of doubt has hurt us (her). Sorry to say. Please keep us in your prayers. Growing in Christ daily
 
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Jeshuvan

Pastor
Staff member
#5
Apr 15, 2012
221
2
0
#5
Christ should be the center and if u have faith in him, who will be there when u r 60.Social security may not.Do it Gods way,his will. Amen.
 
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SparkleEyes

Senior Member
#6
Mar 23, 2013
771
21
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#6
I disagree that possessions are her focus. I think security is. She has been counting on that social security for her future and she is hard pressed to give that up right now. :cool:
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#7
#7
notuptome said:
Kinda hard to see why you would get married if you think divorce is possible in the future. There is no reason to think believers would get divorced. Where would we be if the Lord divorced us?

For the cause of Christ
Roger
Click to expand...
I should have mention if I was to die. Thanks
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#8
#8
Thanks for your responses, I want to see it in her prospective as much as possible. Faith is everything. Time and prayers are needed I guess. Her advice seems to come from the older crowd. We was both shocked knowing about this , Thanks
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#9
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#9
I don't think that the Lord wants insecurity for either of you. Have you looked into a marriage in your church, under God, but not under our government that does not see marriage as God sees it?
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#10
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#10
Relationship issues aside... it is my understanding that if something were to happen to the marriage between the two of you, she would still be able to collect SS based off of either your income (if the marriage lasted 10+ years), or her late husband's (whichever is more).

(I am not condoning divorce by any means. Just wanting to clarify in case this helps to ease her mind.)


Retirement Planner: Benefits For Your Divorced Spouse
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#11
#11
RedTent said:
I don't think that the Lord wants insecurity for either of you. Have you looked into a marriage in your church, under God, but not under our government that does not see marriage as God sees it?
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Ideally thats fine with me. She mentioned it... if Gods good with it who am I to care. I didn't know what the pastor may think. Does anyone else have any imput with this ? BTW, She's Catholic and I'm a Baptist. We haven't brought this to our churchs.
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#12
#12
Grace, is this the case ? We have been under the impression that SS from her first marriage would be a done deal if she ever married again. PLEASE explain !
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#13
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#13
Toolman49649 said:
Grace, is this the case ? We have been under the impression that SS from her first marriage would be a done deal if she ever married again. PLEASE explain !
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I'm afraid all I know is what I've found via my own research on the internet, but as far as I can tell, if a woman is divorced, she is able to draw SS based on either her own SS, or that of her ex-husband. If she has been married multiple times, she may draw from whichever ex-husband has the highest amount, as long as the marriage to that man lasted longer than 10 years. I am unfamiliar with rules concerning widows. If she IS married (to you) she would not qualify to draw from her ex, of course.

(I know that this may be different for a widow, since she would claim the full amount of her deceased husband's benefits rather than only a portion, as the wife.)

You might try calling the SS administration and asking someone directly about your specific situation, just to see where things stand. The link in my post above explains it as well, though it isn't situation-specific for you. Sorry I can't be more help!
 
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Trokon

Guest
#14
#14
I strongly advise that you trust in Jesus seek Him,ask him in prayers and He will see you through.seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things will be added to you. What if you put all your focus on the SS and it do not work out the way you want it to? Just trust in Jesus and He will help you out.
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#15
#15
Thanks Grace. your very helpful. I guess I need to dig deeper. We have been very busy remodeling , moving and working to get to the bottom of all of this ! Thanks
 
Apostol2013

Apostol2013

Senior Member
#16
Jan 27, 2013
2,105
39
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#16
Well do what is best in the eyes of God and pray for the Holy Ghost to answer you in these matters try fasting and praying i know its convicting your heart to be in this situation do whats right a clean testimony is important
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#18
#18
Please keep us in prayer ! Thanks
 
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Toolman49649

Guest
#19
#19
Apostol2013 said:
Well do what is best in the eyes of God and pray for the Holy Ghost to answer you in these matters try fasting and praying i know its convicting your heart to be in this situation do whats right a clean testimony is important
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Thanks , seems like the best idea ! It's been on my heart too long!
 
J

ji

Guest
#20
#20
Toolman49649 said:
I am in love with the sweetest woman (widowed) I know, we have been together almost 5 years. We have had a great relationship . Two years ago I asked her to marry me and she said yes.
When finding that in the years to come she would not be entitled to her late husbands social security if marrying before age 60 really unsettled her.
If we was to divorce, etc then there would only her social security for her in the future.
All we knew up to that point was love and faith between us. This primary issue has badly hurt our relationship. we are both 50 and I am convicted too deeply to remain only engaged until age 60. I know it doesn't sit right with her either.
Any thoughts would really help, thanks in advance
Click to expand...
If you Love her,Love her till the end.
 
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