Curiosity Killed the Cat

[CatHerder]

Okay, summarized version since I rambled.

Basically can you tell if a woman respects herself simply by looking at her? So basically it's about a person's body language. Is she slouched and have a frown on her face? Or does she have a naturally good posture. Are these even indications whether someone respects themselves or not? If they are, can they attract the wrong kind of guy?







I'm starting to regret ever starting this thread...

Oh, don't feel that way....misunderstandings and derailments are part of the fun!

Anyhoo - I "read" people all the time. I do take in body language, dress, choice of speech, tone of voice and all that stuff as well as what they actually say during conversations.

With body language, as Fenner said, a woman may slouch due to back problems. Also with younger women and teens especially - if they are buxom or have developed early they may slouch due to being uncomfortable with their body's changes. Tall women may slouch to compensate for their height. A lot of this I chock up to a certain phase in their life.

 

[ServantStrike]

Okay, so, I posted this in the Streams thread, but I'm deciding to post this in a separate thread after someone suggested I do so.

Here it is:

I'm going to ask kind of a different guy/girl question - it may vary from guy to guy, but I'm curious.

Do guys realize simply by looking at a woman that she respects herself? Like, in the way she presents herself. For example, when you walk into a room, she has good posture, but it's not forced, she's not ramrod straight. It's very natural. So it's basically how she carries herself, and not just modesty/immodesty. Not wanting to go into that issue. If so, do you see it right off the bat? Or would you not notice until approaching/talking to her, assuming that you do approach her and engage in conversation with her.

Sometimes it's readily apparent if someone respects themselves or not, but usually I have to get to the talking stage or not to understand that.

There are a few warning signs though:
-dresses like she's about to go stand on a street corner (so she's displaying her goods to try and get men's attention)
-uses a lot of self deprecatory comments about herself (not humor, literally just tears herself down all the time)
-throws herself at men (similar to the first, but it's in her mannerisms and now how she dresses)
-is in a dating relationship but isn't happy, and feels the need to mention it (is she trying to get someone better to ask her out or)?

This question purely out of curiosity and I'm asking simply because I was watching a romance movie (last non-Christian romance movie I'll ever watch. Yuck. Ick. Blech!!) and a girl was complaining about how guys treated her once before and why she looked at them so cheaply. As I said. Last time I'll ever watch that kinda movie. As in...never ever ever. Ever. I mean, there were no graphic scenes. But I still wasn't a fan. It was kinda like, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But you're really hot. JUST KISS ME ALREADY!!"

You mean kinda like hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe?

Great, now that's stuck in my head again...

 

[lil_christian]

Sometimes it's readily apparent if someone respects themselves or not, but usually I have to get to the talking stage or not to understand that.

There are a few warning signs though:
-dresses like she's about to go stand on a street corner (so she's displaying her goods to try and get men's attention)
-uses a lot of self deprecatory comments about herself (not humor, literally just tears herself down all the time)
-throws herself at men (similar to the first, but it's in her mannerisms and now how she dresses)
-is in a dating relationship but isn't happy, and feels the need to mention it (is she trying to get someone better to ask her out or)?





You mean kinda like hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe?

Great, now that's stuck in my head again...

Yeah, I agree. Sometimes the way someone dresses can be an indication. Though sometimes you can dress very modestly and not have any respect for yourself, or even others.

And yeah, I've seen girls just tear themselves down in front of others.

And yes, exactly like that. I'd prescribe peppermint oil for the headache that the song may give you and play your favorite song on loop to completely get rid of it.

 

[Liamson]

I actually made a thread about this a few years ago. Don't bother digging for it, its probably not worth it.


Basically there is a handful of things that go into body language and posture and appearance that reveal much more about a person than just confidence.


I think there are scales, sliding scales like a spectrum.


Bad End______________________________________Good End

Anxious______________________________________ Confident

Self-Conscious ________________________________Comfortable

Bitter_________________________________________Self Assured


And body language is a good indicator of this. Like when you see a woman who is full of light and life, and one who looks like a turtle.
Turtling | The Only Book On Body Language That Everybody Needs To Read

But really its just an external indication of whats going on inside...

 

[kayem77]

From what I've observed in social contexts outside of the internet realm, I've noticed that the average looking girls who keep to themselves, and don't talk much unless talked to, usually receive less male attention. I attribute this behavior to shyness usually, though not sure if it is insecurity. But I wonder if guys translate shyness to mean insecurity all the time.

 

[Liamson]

From what I've observed in social contexts outside of the internet realm, I've noticed that the average looking girls who keep to themselves, and don't talk much unless talked to, usually receive less male attention. I attribute this behavior to shyness usually, though not sure if it is insecurity. But I wonder if guys translate shyness to mean insecurity all the time.

So, would you say that most girls are insecure?

 

[kayem77]

So, would you say that most girls are insecure?

No, in my experience, most girls like sharing in different levels. Many don't like talking in front of a large group, but are okay with talking to a small group, or with approaching one person. I'm talking about the girl who never shares anything about herself in a social context, unless someone directly asks her something. I'm wondering if guys see these girls and think they're insecure.

 

[ServantStrike]

So, would you say that most girls are insecure?

I'd say that most people are insecure, male or female.

If you always go around comparing yourself to someone else, you'll come up lacking every time. No one can be the best at everything.

 

[Liamson]

No one can be the best at everything.

totally kidding btw.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

So, would you say that most girls are insecure?

My older daughter is very quiet and wallflowerish, but she's not insecure or even shy. Just very very quiet and observant. My other daughter is not so quiet, but she's more anxious and I would probably say more insecure even though she talks more. I'm not sure that the amount of talking or interaction really indicates confidence.

I view acting out, putting others down, etc as showing a sign if insecurity. Over-the-top make-up and clothing often as well.

 

[NightRevan]

Hmm reading people beyond a surface level can be quite difficult for me, and to be honest I don't really notice such things about either men or women (I can't say I don't notice if a women is attractive, though that can be because of a variety of things) but generally no, I don't really notice it for far off. I tend to notice more when they talk, or say learning about some on a forum here (though that can have misunderstandings without emotions, expressions and such), but I'm more intent on listening then talking (I can have difficulties in this area, getting to know you chats and social talks are hard for me, it always a difficult task for me to keep such conversations going, I always feel like I miss something, like a sound I'm not hearing and I have to work hard to socialise with people in this way, which is the way most natural to people lol).

So anyway, I tend because of this to attempt not to to take to many first impressions, but try to get to understand the person, who they are and try and relate, help or deal with them from there. In terms of ladies specifically, I tend to never really judge what they wear of how they carry themselves when I first meet them, as I don't know what their background is, views are, particularly outlook or quirks, and if they are perhaps an outsider like myself. So there it is, for what it is worth

 

[IloveyouGod]

Yeah lil_christian, that's exactly my point from a female perspective. If a man is confident in himself, you'll see it right away before even talking to him.
I've seen this myself.

Okay. Great answer!

I just remembered another example that kind of made me think up the question. A friend of mine told me once that he knew a girl who had some kind of skin issue (I forget what skin issue it was even.) and he said that he thought she was beautiful simply because she was confident in herself and everyone could tell she was confident in herself whether they talked to her or not.

 

[IloveyouGod]

I'd say you see confident in a man from his posture. His body language. You see wisdom n' decency from his words n' behavior with everyone.

And at any case, it's all a preliminary evaluation like I said before.

 

[Tmercy]

Learning to truly respects ones self is all about love, and sometimes it seems it takes a life time to learn that. But I will say this confidence that the guy portrays, the way he speaks or the absence of speech, the way he takes care of his appearance, the way he treats the women around him speaks respect or lack of.

 

[jeremyPJ]

I don't know if what I'm going to say will help here, but this is something I learned from a Facebook "friend". non-Christian. I went to HS with her...anyway she was complaining to me in a chat that she seems to attract abusers, cheaters, etc. And then she said openly on the board that she tends to be nasty and sarcastic to those she likes. If she's nice to someone, she doesn't like them. Stop and think about that, I sure did! After thinking on it a while, I realized that most of the undesirable people (male or female) I have met/tolerated in life, are just like that. Thought I'd share it here, maybe it will help. It opened my eyes...Thanks Lord!!! Everything has a reason.

 

[jeremyPJ]

so true Grace, that's always been my issue. I am a confident, smart man, however I don't talk all the time so people (usually common, shallow ones) think I'm weak or lack confidence, when I am all but. It's hilarious, I had a tough life when younger and can take care of myself quite well with bigger men in conflict. (I had to.) But I'm below average height, therefore I'm automatically misjudged by common non-Christian people.

 

[homwardbound]

From what I've observed in social contexts outside of the internet realm, I've noticed that the average looking girls who keep to themselves, and don't talk much unless talked to, usually receive less male attention. I attribute this behavior to shyness usually, though not sure if it is insecurity. But I wonder if guys translate shyness to mean insecurity all the time.

Is not shyness some sort of fear, not knowing who is who or hearing God clearly. Bad experiences that we don't want ever to be again?

 

[PopClick]

No, in my experience, most girls like sharing in different levels. Many don't like talking in front of a large group, but are okay with talking to a small group, or with approaching one person. I'm talking about the girl who never shares anything about herself in a social context, unless someone directly asks her something. I'm wondering if guys see these girls and think they're insecure.

A lot of people will respond to a person who is quiet in groups by trying to put them down. They think everyone needs to be talkative, otherwise they're scared to talk, stupid and have nothing to say, or passionless/uncaring about the topic at hand. What the insistent people often don't realize is that THEY may be the reason that the quiet person doesn't feel like talking much. They have already proven themselves to be pushy and judgmental, and who on Earth wants to share their thoughts with someone who is pushy and judgmental? /tangent

~~~~~

To the OP: Someone who appears to be insecure (like looking at the ground instead of looking people in the eye, someone who is overly apologetic, or who feels like they need a cluster of friends around them all the time) is sometimes more of a target for disrespect. Some guys see a girl like this and think that she's, um, "easy meat". (That's the best way I could think of to say it. ) They think that she'll melt at the first hint of someone paying attention to her. But in general, the people who seem to catch the most disrespect are the people who are overly flirty in the way that they talk, because they appear desperate for attention. And that sends a signal that they would be willing to put up with a lot of garbage, if the garbage came along with some attention.