Hi Hikikomori,
you might remember me from your introduction thread
. I suppose an initial clarification would be that despite some confusion that happens (due to the fact resurrection is often collapsed into 'going to heaven' though such a phrase itself never occurs in the NT), the traditional Christian view is no one is in 'hell' now (if we take this translation to refer to what is the final punishment shown in the imagery of Revelation 'the lake of fire and sulphur', 'second death', possibly 'Gehenna' depending on how one interprets the use of apocalyptic language how it is used by Jesus in the gospels, and whether this was a warning to Israel of His time about impending disaster if they didn't turn from their path which happened in the events of AD 70 and AD 135). That final judgement does not happen until the resurrection, when God through Christ completes His rescue of this world from all that damages it, all evil and de-humanizing actions and completes His purposes outlined in Genesis, of His rule over the earth via humans who are His image, reflecting fully at last His loving, wise, creative, dynamic and compassionate stewardship into creation and summing up the praises of creation back to God all through the truly human one, Jesus the Messiah in and through whom God reigns, the one through Whom all things were made in the beginning
. Only in that judgement that completes the judgement that began in the Passion (crucifixion) and resurrection is brought to it's fullness and the world is set to rights at last, and the creation breathes a sigh of relief as it finally able to be what it is meant to be, as the sons of God are revealed when Christ appears and the resurrection of the dead that started with Him is completed and well have the immortal, incorruptible, transformed bodies that He enjoys. Only then will there be a final judgement of the living and the dead as part of this.
There are number of views in orthodox Christianity that deal with what happens to those those judged to be outside Messiah and not redeemed at that point, the one that has grown to most prominence has been the eternal torment view, which has various ways of describing how that is, the conditional immortality view, which could be also termed the annihilation view (they are destroyed, sometimes after some punishment), and what has been more recently termed evangelical universalism (all will ultimately be restored, though some will need either refinement or the revelation of the destructive nature of their sins which will led to repentance). All views were held during the first 300 years of Christian church, and none have been ruled heresy (important not to confuse the universalism described above held by such church fathers as Gregory of Nyssa - often called the Father of fathers - with Unitarian universalism, pluralistic universalism etc) and today the orthodox and evangelical parts of Christianity are vigorously debating the issue and looking at the Scriptures again in debating the issue.
However this is not really a full answer for you, and to be honest, this is one of the hardest and most difficult areas of Christianity to face and discuss, because although it can be discussed academically which ever view you hold to (even if you lean to an inclusivist view - again this isn't pluralism - rather it takes as positive that people can follow the light they have, and God judges on this and that this can be taken as a positive statement and if they follow this in faithfulness through that, in the resurrection they will see in Jesus the target of their faith and embrace that, there is more to it, but I'm tired, and tend to this area
.
But as I said, this is a heart-reading and difficult issue, even with the universalism view (and it would depend on what the second death involved, but it wouldn't be fun). And I can see you personal concerns, which shows exactly why this isn't really a detached subject to discuss with most people, but rather one of to consider and discuss with deep compassion and consideration for the people and person you are talking to.
As such, I'm not sure if this is the best place to gain a personal understanding, and perhaps of other issues involved, your salvation, of the knowledge that in Jesus, the forgiveness of sins that He achieved for the nations, and the call to turn to believing faith in Him as Lord and Saviour of the world and such ideas. And I'm not sure where you are on that, I can certainly discuss more from my view on how things stand.
In anycase, I think more a discussion or talk with someone might help more, I don't mind if you want to pm me, and am happy to discuss these issues and ideas back and forth, perhaps even better find a experienced Christian near you can trust and who is both open to honest seeking questions, and is able and ready to compassionately walk beside you and you explore these things, as God guides you in all Truth.
And finally remember God is not a ogre, He does Love you, personally and He is drawing to Him, and you can trust Him (even as you are uncertain regarding Him
.]
Take care, and may God bless you with His wisdom, insight, love and compassion and guide you on straight paths to His heart in this difficult time for you, removing your fears
(Though I still am opposed to any kind of eternal torment)