Need help understanding exactly what is being said

[NightRevan]

So basically, if I meet a woman whom I feel is able to satisfy my need for love and harmony, even without seeing she to eye in some areas, I should marry her?

Hmm, it would really mean what you meant by not seeing eye to eye, some differences make a difference in life and some differences don't, and a difference that would would be one concerning core values and views on issues that could mean the two of you would have different priorities in those areas that could lead to conflict over key decisions during your married life, over children you have and their future, and many aspects of your life. Core beliefs are not inert, or just academic as they say, they colour a person's whole approach to all matters of life and conduct, and what they deem most important, and if these are at odds the two of you will either be in conflict all your married life, or one will bow to the will of the other (neither of which is healthy). So it is important they two of you a walking in the same direction, and share the same core beliefs and principles, otherwise you will likely run into trouble (and not harmony, at least not a uncoerced, free and truly loving one).

 

[kennethcadwell]

I am in a relationship right now and she does not see every thing eye to eye like i do, but in the important aspect in belief in God, and Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior she does. But she was brought up that dear hunting is a sin cause her parents were raised and taught her that is killing God's creatures and is a sin. But i believe in dear hunting and the old testament speaks that if you hunt for food it is not a sin as long as you drain the blood which i do. And there are others that she does not know or has a different opinion of, but we sit down together and read the bible and discuss what we read together.

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

Hmm, it would really mean what you meant by not seeing eye to eye, some differences make a difference in life and some differences don't, and a difference that would would be one concerning core values and views on issues that could mean the two of you would have different priorities in those areas that could lead to conflict over key decisions during your married life, over children you have and their future, and many aspects of your life. Core beliefs are not inert, or just academic as they say, they colour a person's whole approach to all matters of life and conduct, and what they deem most important, and if these are at odds the two of you will either be in conflict all your married life, or one will bow to the will of the other (neither of which is healthy). So it is important they two of you a walking in the same direction, and share the same core beliefs and principles, otherwise you will likely run into trouble (and not harmony, at least not a uncoerced, free and truly loving one).

I understand. But when I realize that my core beliefs and principles are so unique it's highly unlikely anyone else in the world has them too. Maybe if someone understands my beliefs, doesn't necessarily agree with them at the moment but loves me anyway, who's to say she won't be changed to believe the same down the road?

 

[NightRevan]

I understand. But when I realize that my core beliefs and principles are so unique it's highly unlikely anyone else in the world has them too. Maybe if someone understands my beliefs, doesn't necessarily agree with them at the moment but loves me anyway, who's to say she won't be changed to believe the same down the road?

I wouldn't give up hope, you have very far to go yet, and God is infinitely dynamic and creative, I suspect there is a woman of God out there who shares your core beliefs and principles (the world is wonderfully full of amazing and different people ) , so I think it is a little soon to call time on the idea you won't meet someone who will share your core views, be different yet compliment you, and you her .

That said, I don't think if we are talking about core beliefs, the things that guide your life, that you should marry someone who disagrees with them, she may love you and understand going in, but the two of you are binding your lives together. And that means walking the same road, not different roads tied by a rope that ever strains as you both fight to walk down your different individual paths. And what you say, about her changing is bringing up the very danger I warned of, of her having to bow before your beliefs over hers, suppressing her true views and core values because of you, and that isn't self-less love or support and being one, that is however unintended and out of her devotion to you and your marriage is both a form of slavery, and is not a true, loving or healthy relationship or marriage, instead she becomes a mask in the marriage not her real person. Bitterness and heart-ache for both of you would be the eventual result, whether the marriage lasted or not, it would not be a living and thriving marriage but one of hurt and deep trouble. She would not be freely changing her mind on these deep issues, but being coerced into it by the pressure of the conflict and marriage relationship.

So I personally don't think this would be a healthy option to go for.

 

[kennethcadwell]

I understand. But when I realize that my core beliefs and principles are so unique it's highly unlikely anyone else in the world has them too. Maybe if someone understands my beliefs, doesn't necessarily agree with them at the moment but loves me anyway, who's to say she won't be changed to believe the same down the road?

As long as there is true love there it will work, which is where patience comes into play. Jesus tries to have us be patient cause over time is when things develop. When you rush or try to force that is when the problems arise. No one completely changes over night. Even with God we have to take time to assure ourselves back in a proper relationship with Him through study, worship, praying and trying the hardest we can to stay on the right path.

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

I wouldn't give up hope, you have very far to go yet, and God is infinitely dynamic and creative, I suspect there is a woman of God out there who shares your core beliefs and principles (the world is wonderfully full of amazing and different people ) , so I think it is a little soon to call time on the idea you won't meet someone who will share your core views, be different yet compliment you, and you her .

That said, I don't think if we are talking about core beliefs, the things that guide your life, that you should marry someone who disagrees with them, she may love you and understand going in, but the two of you are binding your lives together. And that means walking the same road, not different roads tied by a rope that ever strains as you both fight to walk down your different individual paths. And what you say, about her changing is bringing up the very danger I warned of, of her having to bow before your beliefs over hers, suppressing her true views and core values because of you, and that isn't self-less love or support and being one, that is however unintended and out of her devotion to you and your marriage is both a form of slavery, and is not a true, loving or healthy relationship or marriage, instead she becomes a mask in the marriage not her real person. Bitterness and heart-ache for both of you would be the eventual result, whether the marriage lasted or not, it would not be a living and thriving marriage but one of hurt and deep trouble. She would not be freely changing her mind on these deep issues, but being coerced into it by the pressure of the conflict and marriage relationship.

So I personally don't think this would be a healthy option to go for.

I like what you said first. As for the bottom part, I'm not talking about starkly contrasted view that our live on different paths. I'm talking about a woman who is after God's heart but doesn't know she's going after the wrong one. Her core beliefs and principles are similar to mine, but I am aware that her god isn't the God she thinks. This woman is hypothetical by the way, just thought I'd throw that in there so no one gets confused! Hahahah. Satan is in the Church people and he is disguising himself as God to many of us. I can prove it. So back to my woman; if I did marry her and began illuminating her understanding of God, who's to say her beliefs won't change?

 

[NightRevan]

I like what you said first. As for the bottom part, I'm not talking about starkly contrasted view that our live on different paths. I'm talking about a woman who is after God's heart but doesn't know she's going after the wrong one. Her core beliefs and principles are similar to mine, but I am aware that her god isn't the God she thinks. This woman is hypothetical by the way, just thought I'd throw that in there so no one gets confused! Hahahah. Satan is in the Church people and he is disguising himself as God to many of us. I can prove it. So back to my woman; if I did marry her and began illuminating her understanding of God, who's to say her beliefs won't change?

I can see what you are saying, but still my concerns would remain for me. The key point here firstly is to remember none of us is perfect in theology, doctrine yet, we all see through a glass darkly, after after the resurrection shall we know as we are know. So a problem is (with this hypothetical situation) that she is totally wrong or has a really wrong view of God, also that her unique way of relating to Him might be different to you causing it to be expressed differently. And I guess this would be extended by you (in this hypothetical scenario) going into the marriage with the intention of convincing her of your views, that you would hope her to be illuminated, and again whether you intend it or not, she would that pressure (and you would either battle when or if those views caused very different views on what decisions my might have to be made in some situations) or due to the pressure from the relationship to prevent conflicts and tension in one way, she just bows to your views, but doesn't ever really accept them. She just stops and lets your views dominate your married life. There would always be a strong danger that she isn't being illuminated or choosing your views freely, but rather just bowing to your views and your will.

That would not really be as I would see it a way to truly respect and love someone, rather if you love someone and you have really different views, then remain as her friend and discuss and relate to her that way, then there is no pressure on that person to change because they are married to you, and if they were ever to come around to seeing your way of things, of God, they would and it would be truly freely chosen, without pressure to change from other sources.

Well that is my take, but I think anymore and this could go around in circles lol, so take it as you will (it's hardly an total, all-wise authoritative statement just my take on things, only you can know the realities of the situation if you find yourself in one, and what you should do. Just make sure to always act in God's love in such a situation (if it ever arises and you should be fine

Interesting discussion, thanks

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

I can see what you are saying, but still my concerns would remain for me. The key point here firstly is to remember none of us is perfect in theology, doctrine yet, we all see through a glass darkly, after after the resurrection shall we know as we are know. So a problem is (with this hypothetical situation) that she is totally wrong or has a really wrong view of God, also that her unique way of relating to Him might be different to you causing it to be expressed differently. And I guess this would be extended by you (in this hypothetical scenario) going into the marriage with the intention of convincing her of your views, that you would hope her to be illuminated, and again whether you intend it or not, she would that pressure (and you would either battle when or if those views caused very different views on what decisions my might have to be made in some situations) or due to the pressure from the relationship to prevent conflicts and tension in one way, she just bows to your views, but doesn't ever really accept them. She just stops and lets your views dominate your married life. There would always be a strong danger that she isn't being illuminated or choosing your views freely, but rather just bowing to your views and your will.

That would not really be as I would see it a way to truly respect and love someone, rather if you love someone and you have really different views, then remain as her friend and discuss and relate to her that way, then there is no pressure on that person to change because they are married to you, and if they were ever to come around to seeing your way of things, of God, they would and it would be truly freely chosen, without pressure to change from other sources.

Well that is my take, but I think anymore and this could go around in circles lol, so take it as you will (it's hardly an total, all-wise authoritative statement just my take on things, only you can know the realities of the situation if you find yourself in one, and what you should do. Just make sure to always act in God's love in such a situation (if it ever arises and you should be fine

Interesting discussion, thanks

You must understand that a person doesn't choose freely based upon their own decision. If someone's understanding is illuminated and they become aware of the Truth, if they are one of God's Elect, they will believe it. Of course, I would marry someone with an inadequate understanding of God unless I was sure she would be open to further expanding her understanding of Him. As long as that option is on the table and active, then I see no reason not to marry her.

 

[BeanieD]

Just curious, What would she be getting in return?

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

Just curious, What would she be getting in return?

A faithful, loyal, honest, respectful, loving husband who would encourage her to be closer to God[:

 

[IloveyouGod]

I think he meant if you cannot protect yourself from temptations and if you cannot control your desires in a celibacy life, then it's better for you to marry. That's how I understand it.

When Paul says "it is better to marry than to burn with passion", what exactly is being said here? This verse keeps coming to mind (at least once a day for the last few months,..)

 

[rachelsedge]

I don't think Paul means that if you burn with desire you are then allowed to marry whoever you want. You still have to take into consideration the other verses about marriage, about love and submission on both parts, on not being unequally yoked, all of those that Paul also talked about.

Sure, maybe she will change her mind the more you talk with her about it. But what a huge maybe. Desire and passion will fade, and if what you have left is not a cohesive relationship built on the foundation of Christ, then what are you left with?

 

[kayem77]

I don't think Paul means that if you burn with desire you are then allowed to marry whoever you want. You still have to take into consideration the other verses about marriage, about love and submission on both parts, on not being unequally yoked, all of those that Paul also talked about.

Sure, maybe she will change her mind the more you talk with her about it. But what a huge maybe. Desire and passion will fade, and if what you have left is not a cohesive relationship built on the foundation of Christ, then what are you left with?

I agree with this. If we put all the verses talking about marriage and obedience in perspective, then I believe what Paul is saying is, don't willingly postpone marriage so much that you end up sinning of lust. For example, nowadays is very common (especially in the world) to hear about couples who have been dating for 11 years and keep postponing marriage 'till they ''feel ready'' to take the next step. I met a guy who told me this today at work .

For a Christian it could be similar. Some Christians believe they have to do all these things from their bucket list, and THEN get married. As if getting married meant that you die and all your dreams and desires are now a thing of the past. Or some have been so hardened from past relationships or pain that they very much reject the idea of love, even while still desiring to get married. Both situations which make it easier for them to lose hope and just start committing fornication.

I'm not saying being single is a sin of course, I myself am single, but I do believe some people unecessarily prolong their singleness for no good reason. Either way though, both singleness and marriage are blessings, and we should honor God in the season of life that he has given us.

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

Thank you everyone for your help[: again, my concern is HYPOTHETICAL. I'm not in any particular situation where I'm pursuing a relationship.
Thank you very much Karla for those words of insight we all need into consideration. I've seen it all too much and when I try to correct people in that situation (family members) they turn ugly and start to hate me. So we just have to observe as God carries out His will. At any given situation, whatever the moment, I act according to God's will. My will may not always be I harmony with His but nevertheless His overpowers mine. So with the current options I have regarding a relational situation, I don't feel like if I were to engage in either of them that it'd be glorifying to The Lord. So until an option comes that convinces me that it would glorify God to be in a relationship with that person, I'll remain to burn with passion in my singleness,..

 

[Desdichado]

I fend off the same temptation being single too,..

You think it's tempting now. Just wait.

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

You think it's tempting now. Just wait.

I'm very well experienced when it comes to temptation so I know how it gets. I was actually in a situation where I was literally, physically unable to control myself. I had to watch through my own eyes as sin took hold of me. God put a fear in me then that will never leave,..

 

[Jullianna]

I don't think Paul means that if you burn with desire you are then allowed to marry whoever you want. You still have to take into consideration the other verses about marriage, about love and submission on both parts, on not being unequally yoked, all of those that Paul also talked about.

Sure, maybe she will change her mind the more you talk with her about it. But what a huge maybe. Desire and passion will fade, and if what you have left is not a cohesive relationship built on the foundation of Christ, then what are you left with?

Yes, THIS. The alleged divorce stats among those claiming to be believers are just as high as those among non-believers. Perhaps a lack of understanding of the above is one of the main reasons for that.

WORST PROPOSAL EVER:

"Will you marry me so I won't burn with desire?"

What female heart wouldn't swoon at that?

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

"Will you marry me so I won't burn with desire?"

^Lol! I would never say that. Nor would that be the only reason I'd marry someone. That'd just be ridiculous! XD

 

[BeanieD]

"Ok, I understand that. But what if my desire for companionship conflicts with the requirements for a mate?"

If I am wrong I apologize, but sounds like you are more interested in a partner for sex. What does this statement mean?
Requirements for a mate?

Not being rude, just want to get a feel for where you really are

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

"Ok, I understand that. But what if my desire for companionship conflicts with the requirements for a mate?"

If I am wrong I apologize, but sounds like you are more interested in a partner for sex. What does this statement mean?
Requirements for a mate?

Not being rude, just want to get a feel for where you really are

Sex has a lot to do with it. But it's not everything,.. If I were to marry someone, it would not be for the sole purpose of having sex. I'd have to be intimately attached to her. Which (unfortunately) isn't hard for me. I'm one of those that they say "wears their heart on their sleeve",.. I'm a very loving person, sometimes to my own fault. But if I were married to someone who is intimately attached to me as well, I feel it'd be better for me. Even if she doesn't share the same exact religious beliefs as I do.