M
When I was 16 I was working at my first job in a residential care home and an older woman aged 26 began showing romantic interest in me and we began to spend time together, as you can imagine things quickly began to deteriorate and I ended up infatuated with a woman who had long moved on and hadn't really cared about me to begin with, it's the nearest I have come to a broken heart and emotionally I have never felt more lost and disconnected.
At the time a friend of mine went to speak to her without my knowldege but I happened to be in a position to overhear the conversation, not the best behaviour but at that time morals weren't high priorities for me, she asked her to be honest with me and tell me clearly how she felt and what the situation was so that I could resolve the feelings.
I remember hearing her say that if someone's romantic experience is a negative one it is likely to mean they will have another negative experience the next time because they will only know to treat others how they have been treated.
I understood the point she was making but I never fully agreed with her, I believed at the time that people were capable of seperating one experience from another and not hold the next person accountable for the actions of another.
But as I have gotten older and become more educated on attitudes within society it seems this is very rarely the case, so many women I've known, believers and otherwise have said things like 'men are all the same' and I've known men with similar attitudes, a good friend of mine is essentially refusing to marry his long-term partner because his first marriage went badly wrong, he is only engaged because he knew she was waiting to be asked, he assumes that the realtionship aside the marriage will be bad simply because that is all he has ever known marriage to be.
I realise I don't know what others have experienced but despite being hurt when I was young and being treated with complete disregard by someone almost 10 years my senior I have never been resentful of women or fearful they would all be the same, despite the fact there was nothing positive at all in my experience I am always reminding myself not to take it out on the next.
I hear a lot of talk about how people will always let you down or dissapoint you, but surely that's only half the story, for while that's true won't people also exceed your expectations and surprise you, go above and beyond when you fear they will walk away, at some point in our lives haven't we all only seen one side of that and been waiting for the other.
I fear that so many amazing women will never be a part of my life because they fear I am just the same as every other man they have ever known, I find it hard enough to form friendships but when I meet people closed off and defensive because someone now consigned to their past did them wrong it makes me wonder what I could possibly do to get them to trust me or at least open up, how can I answer for what other men have done?
At the time a friend of mine went to speak to her without my knowldege but I happened to be in a position to overhear the conversation, not the best behaviour but at that time morals weren't high priorities for me, she asked her to be honest with me and tell me clearly how she felt and what the situation was so that I could resolve the feelings.
I remember hearing her say that if someone's romantic experience is a negative one it is likely to mean they will have another negative experience the next time because they will only know to treat others how they have been treated.
I understood the point she was making but I never fully agreed with her, I believed at the time that people were capable of seperating one experience from another and not hold the next person accountable for the actions of another.
But as I have gotten older and become more educated on attitudes within society it seems this is very rarely the case, so many women I've known, believers and otherwise have said things like 'men are all the same' and I've known men with similar attitudes, a good friend of mine is essentially refusing to marry his long-term partner because his first marriage went badly wrong, he is only engaged because he knew she was waiting to be asked, he assumes that the realtionship aside the marriage will be bad simply because that is all he has ever known marriage to be.
I realise I don't know what others have experienced but despite being hurt when I was young and being treated with complete disregard by someone almost 10 years my senior I have never been resentful of women or fearful they would all be the same, despite the fact there was nothing positive at all in my experience I am always reminding myself not to take it out on the next.
I hear a lot of talk about how people will always let you down or dissapoint you, but surely that's only half the story, for while that's true won't people also exceed your expectations and surprise you, go above and beyond when you fear they will walk away, at some point in our lives haven't we all only seen one side of that and been waiting for the other.
I fear that so many amazing women will never be a part of my life because they fear I am just the same as every other man they have ever known, I find it hard enough to form friendships but when I meet people closed off and defensive because someone now consigned to their past did them wrong it makes me wonder what I could possibly do to get them to trust me or at least open up, how can I answer for what other men have done?
