Stay Classy My Friends

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#21
#21
Donkeyfish07 said:
+1 Jules, completely with you on that. Only gray area there is if someone asks why your last relationship went down the pooper and the answer sounds bad. I was asked once when talking about how great a time I had with an ex (by a friend), and he was like well why did you guys split up? The honest answer was "Because she was a control freak, and would flip out every time I wouldn't do what she wanted me too.....which was pretty much all the time". That sounds like bashing, but that's exactly why it ended. lol. I still love her to this day though, regardless of all that. It just wasn't healthy for either of us.

To be fair, not only is that true about her.....but I'm very stubborn and I don't believe in compromise, no matter how small the issue. A bad combination there obviously, lol.
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I agree. When things don't work out, we may confide in someone privately. We need that. We all NEED to vent from time to time. Even then, I think it's important to be careful. We might say the person had control issues. We might say they had a drinking problem, that they were unfaithful, that they were abusive, whatever it might be. We might even discuss those behaviors privately in greater detail. But the name calling and venom is another matter, as is lashing out at non-involved parties because of it. We're accountable and the passages Shouryu posted clearly show us the power that is in the tongue. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#22
Aug 2, 2009
24,643
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#22
Jullianna said:
I went to a basketball game this evening and the people behind me were so annoying, bashing their former significant others.

Tacky, tacky, tacky

Sometimes bad things happen. I get that. But when I hear someone slamming an ex around like that, I doubt very seriously that the downfall of the relationship was one sided. It also causes me to question their judgment in choosing to be with someone so horrible. If a person is that much of a jerk, seems like a red flag or two mighta popped up a time or two, you know?

We've all been in relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. Leave them in the past and move on to better things. Don't let them drag you and the words that come out of your mouth into the gutter. When you badmouth or gossip about an ex, it says more about you than it does about them. Just...don't.

/end rant

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Bugs Bunny, yay!! :D and I was expecting the most interesting man in the world..

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B

biscuit

Guest
#24
#24
Jullianna said:
I went to a basketball game this evening and the people behind me were so annoying, bashing their former significant others.

Tacky, tacky, tacky

Sometimes bad things happen. I get that. But when I hear someone slamming an ex around like that, I doubt very seriously that the downfall of the relationship was one sided. It also causes me to question their judgment in choosing to be with someone so horrible. If a person is that much of a jerk, seems like a red flag or two mighta popped up a time or two, you know?

We've all been in relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. Leave them in the past and move on to better things. Don't let them drag you and the words that come out of your mouth into the gutter. When you badmouth or gossip about an ex, it says more about you than it does about them. Just...don't.

/end rant

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"But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:8)
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#25
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
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#25
"You were supposed to be the chosen one!"
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#27
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
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Georgia
#27
I have no ex to bash.. problem solved :p

(Not that I would if I did have one)
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#28
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
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#28
The real crime here is that people don't know how to keep their mouths shut and just enjoy a game. I mean, part of the reason why these things exist is so we can take three hours and enjoy life without thinking of exes, bills, violent crime, men who wear skinny jeans, etc, etc, etc.

That and prudence tells us to not go too far in speaking ill of someone, even if they do deserve it. Why? It will come back to bite us.

Good call, Jullianna.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#29
Apr 26, 2012
2,592
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#29
One thing I'd like to add. I have heard from numerous couples who are in the midst of a breakup, and sometimes I think one (or both) of them is lying. But often I think both of them are telling the truth. Yet they are only telling their side. They are looking so hard at the other's faults, they don't regard their own. And this seems sadder to me than the couple who is lying about the other.

Always look to your own heart first, good folks. This is not to say that it is always your own fault, and I would never think that someone deserved to be beaten, for example. (I heard that talk about Rhianna, after being beaten by Chris Brown, and it was repulsive.) Nevertheless, in a normal give-and-take relationship, there are always two sides.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#30
#30
JimJimmers said:
One thing I'd like to add. I have heard from numerous couples who are in the midst of a breakup, and sometimes I think one (or both) of them is lying. But often I think both of them are telling the truth. Yet they are only telling their side. They are looking so hard at the other's faults, they don't regard their own. And this seems sadder to me than the couple who is lying about the other.

Always look to your own heart first, good folks. This is not to say that it is always your own fault, and I would never think that someone deserved to be beaten, for example. (I heard that talk about Rhianna, after being beaten by Chris Brown, and it was repulsive.) Nevertheless, in a normal give-and-take relationship, there are always two sides.
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My dad used to say that there is normally a his side and a her side, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. I agree that abuse cases are another matter. That's a given.

I've had some bad tales told about me in my life (even on CC), but a lot of folks choose to believe the first thing they are told. (Wouldn't it be cool if there was a Snopes for that? :) ) I know how it feels to have someone say mean nasties about you behind your back, so, true or untrue, I'm not going to do that. Life is too short to dwell on negativity. Pray for them. Turn it loose. Move on. And let fools believe as they wish. They will anyway.
 
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CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#31
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
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#31
..........
Jullianna said:
My dad used to say that there is normally a his side and a her side, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. I agree that abuse cases are another matter. That's a given.

I've had some bad tales told about me in my life (even on CC), but a lot of folks choose to believe the first thing they are told. (Wouldn't it be cool if there was a Snopes for that? :) ) I know how it feels to have someone say mean nasties about you behind your back, so, true or untrue, I'm not going to do that. Life is too short to dwell on negativity. Pray for them. Turn it loose. Move on. And let fools believe as they wish. They will anyway.
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J

Jullianna

Guest
#32
#32
I do want to clarify something. This is a forum for singles. This IS a place to come for input/advice from other singles, share struggles, etc. There's nothing wrong with that. But seeking/giving general advice in a respectful anonymous way is very different from name calling, lies, bitterness and downright spitefulness toward an ex. We need deliverance and healing from those things. They are toxic.
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#33
#33
Jullianna said:
My dad used to say that there is normally a his side and a her side, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. I agree that abuse cases are another matter. That's a given.

I've had some bad tales told about me in my life (even on CC), but a lot of folks choose to believe the first thing they are told. (Wouldn't it be cool if there was a Snopes for that? :) ) I know how it feels to have someone say mean nasties about you behind your back, so, true or untrue, I'm not going to do that. Life is too short to dwell on negativity. Pray for them. Turn it loose. Move on. And let fools believe as they wish. They will anyway.
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Complete Geek out here,but the band Extreme did a concept type album back in the day called III Sides To Every Story. It was broken up into those 3 parts...with the last part,the truth,being God's truth.
Not a "Christian" band but the idea was there.

So true though...whenever there is a break-up,no matter if it's dating or a married couple,both have their own "view" on how thing's went down. No matter how we feel or perceive the situation,sometimes it's so hard to look at things objectively,which is why it's so important to have the mind of Christ when it comes down to it.

We have to give our sadness,and pain & anger over to Him...even if we are in the right,it's still not our place to trash talk the other party. I'll admit,while I had been fairly successful in not holding bitterness towards my ex and doing all I could to make peace with what had happened,I notice that when friends & loved ones share with me how their spouses have mistreated them or whatever,I tend to have fight the feeling of wanting to put those people down for hurting those I care for. For me it can be hard to separate the sin from the sinner if it has hurt someone dear to me.

Obviously something I need to work on & keep in check,asking God to assist me in my thinking I have some sort of righteous position to be that way because of how other's behave.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#35
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#35
Jullianna said:
I do want to clarify something. This is a forum for singles. This IS a place to come for input/advice from other singles, share struggles, etc. There's nothing wrong with that. But seeking/giving general advice in a respectful anonymous way is very different from name calling, lies, bitterness and downright spitefulness toward an ex. We need deliverance and healing from those things. They are toxic.
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This happens on this forum? Well, thanks for the fair warning.
 
A

abbiejean

Guest
#36
#36
Jullianna said:
Some people also make assumptions about what has or has not occurred in the life of another person simply because that person chooses to keep such things to themselves. We should ALL be careful with assumptions.
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Amen and Amen.

Can I add...if something is to be shared, there's a proper time and place to do it. God can lead and will lead for that time, place and to whom. Also if a person entrusts you with something, be what they were hoping you would be - confidante - and keep it to yourself and pray about it, asking the Lord to work in the situation. If the person gives you permission to share, then that's different. Keeping confidences and being loyal are some of the traits that are at the top of my list when I consider making and yes, keeping, friends. Trust is important. I don't ask of my friends something I am not willing to do myself. In other words, you tell me something and say, "Abbie, keep it between us." It's gonna stay there until you tell me otherwise.

Bible says quite a bit about discretion and wisdom when speaking/talking and also, I believe, in sharing a.k.a. opening up.

God is good.

With a thankful heart,
Abbie Jean
 
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