age differences in relationships

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J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#1
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#1
since you are all so good at giving insightful feedback, i'm eager to hear some feedback on a subject i've been giving much thought to of late.

in the last couple years i've noticed, every (seemingly appropriate) guy who's asked me out or shown interest is quite a bit younger than i am (5-10+ years). at first i thought it was a quirk, but now it's a definite trend. for example, the guy i've been out with twice recently just turned 32.

ladies: do you have any personal/relevant experience dating younger guys and how that's worked for you. obstacles? has anyone else noticed this as a trend?

guys: do you have any relevant experience, advice or suggestions? also, why are (seemingly) all the christian guys my age going out with younger women, instead of women their own age?

all: what kind of "age difference" obstacles and advantages have you experienced/observed?
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#2
#2
I dated a 38 year old when I was 19 successfully. Older women were more interesting to me than girls my age at the time. 35ish is still my favorite age. I can't speak for older guys going for younger ladies, but who knows. I might do the same thing when I get to that age. Perhaps it's because you can only realistically pull that off for another 5 years or so when you hit 40 (maybe 10 if your lucky). A "last chance" type of thing.
 
R

Raine

Guest
#3
#3
I think a lot of it has to do with culture as well. I personally prefer guys my age and older because they are usually more mature and wiser. On the other hand this isn't always true. I tried dating a guy 8 years older than me and what ended up happening was that are values and lifestyle were just too different. He was too culturally traditional for me. So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think age itself determines if a relationship works out but it definitely has a great influence on life experience and values.

Side note: Sometimes I think younger guys looking for older woman can be because they are looking for someone to fill their "mom" role in their life.
 
W

ww_21

Guest
#4
#4
My age cap is 5 years older than I am. Anymore would make me feel uncomfortable. 5 years is enough to get maturity without too much of a significant difference.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#5
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#5
oooh! Good questions! I got nothing to offer, but am curious about the responses as well.

I don't get big age differences; I think I would prefer someone close to my age. I kind of have a "+ or - 5 years" rule. There have been a few ladies on CC that if they were to fit that criterion, I would find a way to fly to their part of the country to take them out for coffee or something and see how things go, but since the age gap is more than my "rule," I self-friendzone (yes, grammarians, "friend zone" is now a reflexive verb!)

Besides....this is not a dating site! (iTore....that's your cue.....)
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#6
#6
just_monicat said:
since you are all so good at giving insightful feedback, i'm eager to hear some feedback on a subject i've been giving much thought to of late.

in the last couple years i've noticed, every (seemingly appropriate) guy who's asked me out or shown interest is quite a bit younger than i am (5-10+ years). at first i thought it was a quirk, but now it's a definite trend. for example, the guy i've been out with twice recently just turned 32.

ladies: do you have any personal/relevant experience dating younger guys and how that's worked for you. obstacles? has anyone else noticed this as a trend?

guys: do you have any relevant experience, advice or suggestions? also, why are (seemingly) all the christian guys my age going out with younger women, instead of women their own age?

all: what kind of "age difference" obstacles and advantages have you experienced/observed?
Click to expand...
It is really about maturity between the couple more than age. My sister married at 21 to a guy 37 and they will be celebrating their 38th year of marriage. We can take a look at mary & joseph 14 & 45 (?) and etc. Have seen some very mature 18 to 21 and some really childish men & women at 35 & 40.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#7
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#7
I've never dated significantly younger men, though I'm not opposed to it. I just need them to cross that threshold of 30 because it seems to make a difference in the kind of woman and the kind of relationship they are looking for.

I'm not male, but I have heard several men say that the reason they like younger women is because they are easier to lead, control, etc. I think that biologically, men are drawn to younger (aka. fertile) women; and of course there are those who don't wish to act their age. I've also heard that women mature faster and want to marry sooner so they have to find an older guys who want the same things. Lots of theories, mostly generalities. I'm interested in what the men have to say.

I think the biggest age difference was 13 years, but I never felt unequal in any way. That's probably because I was 32 at the time. I was 18 when X turned 26, and he constantly lorded that over me. Maybe it's more important that you are in the same stage of life than the same age.
 
K

kennethcadwell

Guest
#8
#8
I have gone out with younger women that were 5 to 12 years younger then me most of my life and as i settled down in life, they did not though. They wanted to go out and party all the time, but i wanted to stay home and relax and build on a family. That led to being cheated on twice, so i moved to an older woman and she ended up wanting to change and control me. I became more of a slave in the house than a husband. That fell apart to, so i started just focusing on what made me happy, and ended up finding the woman i am with now. She is 5 years younger than me, but she is settled down and is not controlling. I believe for guys it is an ego issue, if they can get a older woman it becomes like a trophy to them. That does not apply to all men though some are genuinely looking for true love. As long as it is within a ten year old range rather older or younger, if you like each other age should not matter. Any older or younger than 10 years gets awkward.
 
A

Animus

Guest
#10
#10
Let x represent your age,
Anyone that falls between 8*x/10 and 12*x/10 is fair game, assuming x>18 and (8*x/10)>18.
 
A

akrick

Guest
#11
#11
Animus said:
Let x represent your age,
Anyone that falls between 8*x/10 and 12*x/10 is fair game, assuming x>18 and (8*x/10)>18.
Click to expand...
Was that for BananaPie? ;)
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#12
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#12
going by age alone is hogwash. while a 60 year old guy trying to "hook up" with a 18 year old girl would be sick across the board. (I think about everyone would agree to that)

when people start saying "oh i wont go any more then 5 years older/younger" well good luck cause the perfect person could have been 10 years older/younger and now you just missed out. its just like the crap I hear people say "oh if they dont make x amount of money they are a loser and not worth my time" well enjoy being unhappy.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#13
#13
Animus said:
Let x represent your age,
Anyone that falls between 8*x/10 and 12*x/10 is fair game, assuming x>18 and (8*x/10)>18.
Click to expand...
? I don't get it, Animus.
 
A

akrick

Guest
#14
#14
Tintin said:
? I don't get it, Animus.
Click to expand...
Just plug in the numbers... or call BananaPie... she'll present an expository seminar that will be most enlightening. :) :)
 
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Tintin

Guest
#15
#15
akrick said:
Just plug in the numbers... or call BananaPie... she'll present an expository seminar that will be most enlightening. :) :)
Click to expand...
Plug the numbers into what? I don't see a power-point anywhere. :D You're making my head hurt.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#16
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#16
Animus said:
Let x represent your age,
Anyone that falls between 8*x/10 and 12*x/10 is fair game, assuming x>18 and (8*x/10)>18.
Click to expand...
Tintin said:
? I don't get it, Animus.
Click to expand...
If I understand this correctly, Tintin, for you:

30 x 8 = 240

divided by 10 = 24 [this is the low end of your "range"]

30 x 12 = 360

divided by 10 = 36 [this is the high end of your "range"]

So according to this, a 30 year old should date people between 24 and 36. Is that correct, Animus?
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#17
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#17
wisebeardman said:
going by age alone is hogwash. while a 60 year old guy trying to "hook up" with a 18 year old girl would be sick across the board. (I think about everyone would agree to that)

when people start saying "oh i wont go any more then 5 years older/younger" well good luck cause the perfect person could have been 10 years older/younger and now you just missed out. its just like the crap I hear people say "oh if they dont make x amount of money they are a loser and not worth my time" well enjoy being unhappy.
Click to expand...
It appears that Animus' formula would agree with you. Maybe I should rethink that coffee...
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#18
#18
Many thanks, CatHerder. Maths does my head in and I didn't understand what the asterix represented.
 
Plowman

Plowman

Member
#19
Feb 15, 2014
86
7
8
#19
I don't find anything in the bible about what is an appropriate age difference. So for me it comes down to personal choice.

For me it is important for my partner to share most of my interests. I want a partner not a house keeper. And although age is not something I would necessarily consider, I have found that very very few younger woman share any of my interests, while quiet a few close to my age do. The Lord blessed me by bringing someone in to my life who shares very nearly all of my interests. And it is no surprise to me that she is the same age as me.
 
J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#20
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#20
you guys are all touching on part of why this is perplexing to me. before the last twoish years, i've stayed pretty close to my age range. i think i started out with that intention, but when the only remotely appropriate guys asking you out are more like 10 years younger, it's certainly given me pause.

in fact, until last year, i wasn't even sure i was capable of being led by a guy rather younger than me. but at least with the last couple guys i've gone out with, it's not been weird.

i'm not sure if it speaks of his maturity or my immaturity, but it hasn't feel like being with someone 10 years younger at all.

one thing that seems to be clearer to me is that certain times in life gaps in age have more significance that others, i.e. early adulthood.
 
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