sexual abuse question....

[storrmie]

well i have not gone through and read the answers yet, but i dont believe that because a person was sexually abused as a child, that they will end up being an abuser.Of course some people do, but i think everyones different and you can just assume they will abuse because they have been abused. I went through 10 years of it by my grandfather--ages 5-15, it was horrible, i still dont understand why I would pray and pray and god wouldnt answer..and he used objects on me, knives, rifles, he would get hot dogs really hot and use them on me. it was horrible. it still affects me, but i would no way EVER abuse a child. Its gross, why would i want to put the hurt i was subjected to onto someone else? And thats just gross, i cant even understand how people have that kind of attraction to kids. But i do believe that sex offenders dont rehabilitate well, the recidivism rates are extremely high. And no i have not forgiven him and i probably never will!!! He spent one night in jail, i have spent at least 25 days in jail (not all at once) throughout my life and its been for petty crap like walking out of a bar with my cup of beer

 

[BeanieD]

If a person molests children , do they ever just stop? do they always have that impulse?? Are children who have been abused that way more likely to abuse kids themselves when they are adults??

I was molested by my Dad from the age of 4 to 15. I think that some may get away from it but most won't. All the grandchildren are never allowe with him alone. I am not an abuser, and I think it is because God was with me all along. I had a number of very hard years, but once I really gave myself over to God, and learned to forgive, I am at peace, and love being there for others who have been through this.

 

[Jhana]

If a person molests children , do they ever just stop? do they always have that impulse?? Are children who have been abused that way more likely to abuse kids themselves when they are adults??

People who have been abused aren't more or less likely to sexually abuse others. Victims of sexual abuse may be prone to verbal, physical or emotional abuse, mainly through neglect. Someone who has been abused generally has trouble forming emotional bonds because their early experiences of deep emotions were so negative, thus they are less likely to form special bonds with their children.

that doesn't mean that people who are abused abuse children. It just means they may inadvertently be neglecting a child's emotions.

And to your first question, people who sexually abuse children will likely always have that impulse.

 

[biscuit]

[h=1]What Jesus said about people who abuse children[/h]By Susan Campbell on May 5, 2010 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

As interpreted by Matthew S. Rindge, who teaches religious studies at Gonzaga University. He wrote:

Jesus' following saying seems especially pertinent to the current Vatican sex abuse scandal. Referring to children as "little ones," he warns, "If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matt 18:6).
To those who might hurt a child, Jesus offers suicide as an alternative and perhaps surprising course of action. The intent of his instruction here is not retributive. The goal is not punishment of the abuser but protection of potential victims. Taking one's life is preferable, he claims, to harming a child. So, too, it seems, is self-mutilation. Jesus considers harming children so vile that he claims hell awaits those who "put a stumbling block" before them. One can, however, avoid this "eternal fire" by cutting off one's body parts that might damage a child (Matt 18:7-9).
Allowing Matthew 18 to speak meaningfully today does not require a literalistic insistence that (potential) abusers take their own lives or mutilate themselves. But the text insists upon exploring every possible option before harming a child. Thousands of children's lives could have been saved if abusers had explored alternatives. They explored instead the lives, bodies, and souls of vulnerable little ones.
​

You can read the rest here.

 

[DeniseLynn1984]

People who have been abused aren't more or less likely to sexually abuse others. Victims of sexual abuse may be prone to verbal, physical or emotional abuse, mainly through neglect. Someone who has been abused generally has trouble forming emotional bonds because their early experiences of deep emotions were so negative, thus they are less likely to form special bonds with their children.

that doesn't mean that people who are abused abuse children. It just means they may inadvertently be neglecting a child's emotions.

And to your first question, people who sexually abuse children will likely always have that impulse.

I do not agree with your statement that sexual abuse survivors have difficulty with bonding with their own children. The opposite is true. Abused parents are often over-protective of their children. I found that in myself, having been sexually abused by my father for 16 years. My daughter is my life and I love her with all of my heart. We have a wonderful bond. I also have protected my nephews.

 

[Jhana]

I do not agree with your statement that sexual abuse survivors have difficulty with bonding with their own children. The opposite is true. Abused parents are often over-protective of their children. I found that in myself, having been sexually abused by my father for 16 years. My daughter is my life and I love her with all of my heart. We have a wonderful bond. I also have protected my nephews.

I never said they always had trouble forming bonds. I said there is more chance that they wont form the correct bonds. You are not the same as someone else, but not everyone is the same as you either. I just know that, generally speaking, someone who has gone through such a horrible ordeal, as you have, may find it hard to express certain emotions in productive ways and is more likely to have problems with communication and emotional regulation. It's not a sentence or a condemnation. I'm not saying people who are abused are bad parents, certainly not. But often they have a lot to be dealing with.

My mother was abused and she was very over protective of me when I was a child. Although I see everything from her perspective now, when I became a teenager I felt smothered at times, as though my mother wanted her emotional comforts from me and that her hyper-protectiveness stifled my own social development.

I didn't mean to imply that abuse victims have a lack of any bond with their children, but sometimes it is not a healthy bond in certain ways. It is these particular, certain ways that I use the term 'neglect' to cover. Neglecting a child's own development of independence, for instance, would be a form of neglect, though it isn't intentional.

That is all that I meant.

 

[Mammachickadee]

it does usually affect women differently from men when it comes to childhood abuse repeating itself through the victim

 

[biscuit]

[h=1]What Jesus said about people who abuse children[/h]By Susan Campbell on May 5, 2010 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

As interpreted by Matthew S. Rindge, who teaches religious studies at Gonzaga University. He wrote:

Jesus' following saying seems especially pertinent to the current Vatican sex abuse scandal. Referring to children as "little ones," he warns, "If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matt 18:6).
​

 

[Mammachickadee]

I do not agree with your statement that sexual abuse survivors have difficulty with bonding with their own children. The opposite is true. Abused parents are often over-protective of their children. I found that in myself, having been sexually abused by my father for 16 years. My daughter is my life and I love her with all of my heart. We have a wonderful bond. I also have protected my nephews.

Each case is different when a victim of abuse grows into an adult life with responsibilities and relationships. Though it's true that there is a greater chance of an "abnormal" (I hesitate to use that word) bond to children and spouses due to exposure to abuse, there is a greater chance of being overly aggressive and abusive in cases where healing and counselling has not been obtained. My husband and I both experienced physical abuse as children: his in a quasi Christian home of not-quite biblical doctrine, and mine in a Christian home with psychologically faulty parents. One would think that constant exposure to proper biblical doctrine would effect a healing for me in and of itself, but currently my husband is the level-headed and gentle one and I'm usually the one that has to take extra time to check my anger at the door. The reason? My husband got anger management counselling as an adult and I have just dealt with things on my own with the occasional counsel from those who know my situation. Since the counselling also included addressing his sexual abuse his healing helped him to have a more normal relationship with his wife and daughters. No need for any abnormality or extreme counter-reaction.
Sexual abuse is a different animal altogether in regards to its likelihood of repetition, I think. In a normal mind even an simpleton would know that sexual abuse is bad, against the law, what have you. As a result, those who deal with a personal recognition of it will find it more unpleasant to address than just physical abuse. Sex is so much more personal and unique that being violated will have more personal and unique consequences. It's no surprise that a prior victim of sexual abuse would have a psychological repercussion in a personal and unique way from the associated unpleasantness. Sometimes just compartmentalizing and trying to block it off does more damage than good, so counselling for sexual abuse victims is a must for healthy proper relationships. Though it won't take the mental, physical, and emotional consequences away it will help the victim understand and accept that they were a VICTIM and not someone that needs to be ashamed; it will help them embrace the grace of understanding.

 

[presidente]

If a person molests children , do they ever just stop? do they always have that impulse?? Are children who have been abused that way more likely to abuse kids themselves when they are adults??

I believe God can redeem people, even from that. Some of the arsenokoite of I Corinthians 6 may have violated the underaged in the past. But the Bible says, "And such WERE some of you, but now ye are washed, now ye are justified, now ye are sanctified, in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God."

That doesn't mean I'm going to let a believer with a past like that babysit my kids.

 

[kim12345]

There is very True

I personally would never trust someone that ever did that to a child, no matter if they got help or not.That tramatizes a child for life, and you dont wanna take the chance of it ever happening again.. .... Most young children that are sexually abused have no memory of the event, There mind blocks it out to protect them. Although they produce signs of it .. feelings of worthlessness, low self esteem, shame a general hatred for themselves, if its a boy whos been abused that way, they have alot of sexual confusion, and are more likely to be gay or they go to the extreme and abstain from sex with a man or woman, For young girls they also tend to be sexually confused as well, some turn into tomboys or wish they were a boy. When they get older some go towards being promiquious to try and make up for their feelings of worthlessness, Or they hate men so much they go towards the same sex. Some even try to make themselves so unattractive that neither a man or woman would want them. This protects them from ever having to deal with any type of sexual feelings. For both men and women that have been through any type of sexual abuse.. having sexual addictions are most common, but not in the form or acting out and abusing other children, im not saying this never happens because it most certainly does, but its not as common as you think. Also as the sexually abused child grows up into an adult alot of them exhibit physical symptoms as well, anxiety, panic, stomach problems, nervousness those are just some of them. In my opinion this is one of the most damaging things that could ever happen to a child.