I see what you mean. I wasn't meaning you had to go out be a party animal or nothing like that. I meant maybe get to know new people within the community, foster some new friendships with people around you for the time being. You can still hang out with them one on one, but merely extend the pool of people you know one on one if you will. Impose on yourself a term of not even wanting to look for a date for a few months, a year, whatever you prefer. Use that time to get to know more people, you will get to know more variety of girls and what they are trully like thus able to make your decisions in dating much easier since you all ready will have a good idea what you want for the long term and how that graceful elusive womankind behaves better. Even if you do never have a girlfriend or wife, at least you'll have many friends and much greater wisdom and happiness. Use your time being single for now to get to know yourself, God, Jesus, and everything good in life better and you'll lift out of depressions of all kinds.
never had a gf. don't see much hope of ever getting one. any suggestions?
- Thread starter Arcynaculr
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F
I was going to say something along those lines so I'll just agree whole-heartedly.
But I'll also say that the Bible says to get your house in order in psalms.
Do you really think a woman is going to want to have to deal with depression whilst trying to develop a relationship? I don't think so.
What you need to do is this:
Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Can't do one without the other. God doesn't work like this.
In regards to depression:
Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. [SUP]29 [/SUP]Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [SUP]30 [/SUP]For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
I'm sure most people have depression. I've had it and I'm sure most people I know have to. You don't need to struggle alone with it. This isn't an issue with getting a girlfriend. It's about healing whatever is causing this then you can be free to go out and find that special someone.
But I'll also say that the Bible says to get your house in order in psalms.
Do you really think a woman is going to want to have to deal with depression whilst trying to develop a relationship? I don't think so.
What you need to do is this:
Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Can't do one without the other. God doesn't work like this.
In regards to depression:
Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. [SUP]29 [/SUP]Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [SUP]30 [/SUP]For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
I'm sure most people have depression. I've had it and I'm sure most people I know have to. You don't need to struggle alone with it. This isn't an issue with getting a girlfriend. It's about healing whatever is causing this then you can be free to go out and find that special someone.
Well there sir is the real problem I would say. How could a knight gain his damsel if he hates all the people in his land? To fix your problem simply get to know a few more people better jsut as friends. Your problem andh eart of your depression is you do not get along with other people. To solve this dark riddle and gain the solution of happiness you must thaw your hard-heart and get to know more people. I would advise get to know Jesus too because whatever you want to think of Jesus is up to you, but what the Jesus of the 4 Gospels has to say is the greatest way to deal with other people. Can't live all your life away from society unless you're a hermit brother, and those pesky people of the world have a knack for coming to you whether you like it or not even if you are lol.
I've read over some of your posts and here's the impression I get of you:
Depression is a serious illness. If you are going through this right now, the last thing that you should be thinking about is a relationship. I think you need to be closer to God and start developing your relationship with God first and foremost. Unless God pushes you directly to a group of people, a person, stop trying to make your own way and lean on God first. You should be asking God for help to deal with depression not seeking out a significant other to help you.
Also, your attitude is just so depressing to read. I started this thread, cringed and had to come back to it because it's so off putting. You seem to need quite a bit of help and you should start looking to God to improve your well being and general happiness before you hook up with someone just for the sake of having them and so they could help you.
It's time to do some self work and turn to God, ask God what He wants for your life and when He sees your ready, He'll give it to you. Don't turn away from what you really need to deal with though because i think it's bringing you down.
Depression is a serious illness. If you are going through this right now, the last thing that you should be thinking about is a relationship. I think you need to be closer to God and start developing your relationship with God first and foremost. Unless God pushes you directly to a group of people, a person, stop trying to make your own way and lean on God first. You should be asking God for help to deal with depression not seeking out a significant other to help you.
Also, your attitude is just so depressing to read. I started this thread, cringed and had to come back to it because it's so off putting. You seem to need quite a bit of help and you should start looking to God to improve your well being and general happiness before you hook up with someone just for the sake of having them and so they could help you.
It's time to do some self work and turn to God, ask God what He wants for your life and when He sees your ready, He'll give it to you. Don't turn away from what you really need to deal with though because i think it's bringing you down.
A
I see in your bio that you're a male. The number one reason why you're not getting dates is because you aren't networking with people and asking them out on dates. It's just that simple. The more people you meet and ask out, the better your chances are to get dates.
Of course, there's a lot you can do besides that to be effective in getting the dates you really want. Learning how to be effective at interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex would be the best of those. Appearance and communication matter.
Whatever you do, stay away from the feminist literature on dating. It's nonsense. What women say and think and what they respond to are often two completely different things. They'll tell you they want a "friends" cup of coffee but what they respond to is a charismatic alpha male sweeping them off their feet into romance. Coffee comes later. Coffee is for closers... lol.
If they try to put you in the "friends" box, argue with them. Be dominant and then dismissive. Action creates reaction and drama gets their juices and emotions flowing. I know it sounds strange but it worked for me time and time again when I was young and dating before I committed myself to work and education for twenty plus years as a celibate warrior monk... lol.
Don't be a beta male. Women only "settle" for beta males. A beta male is weak and unattractive. Understand that being an alpha male isn't about being physically powerful though if you have those genetics put it to work for you in the gym as it's a plus. Being an alpha is really about charisma, dominance, and intelligence. I know skinny alpha males that are intellectual and assertive. They are good negotiators. Every one of them is happily married. Women want alpha males though many aren't even aware of it.
If you were raised by a single mother, you're going to have to unlearn and learn a few things.
Of course, there's a lot you can do besides that to be effective in getting the dates you really want. Learning how to be effective at interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex would be the best of those. Appearance and communication matter.
Whatever you do, stay away from the feminist literature on dating. It's nonsense. What women say and think and what they respond to are often two completely different things. They'll tell you they want a "friends" cup of coffee but what they respond to is a charismatic alpha male sweeping them off their feet into romance. Coffee comes later. Coffee is for closers... lol.
If they try to put you in the "friends" box, argue with them. Be dominant and then dismissive. Action creates reaction and drama gets their juices and emotions flowing. I know it sounds strange but it worked for me time and time again when I was young and dating before I committed myself to work and education for twenty plus years as a celibate warrior monk... lol.
Don't be a beta male. Women only "settle" for beta males. A beta male is weak and unattractive. Understand that being an alpha male isn't about being physically powerful though if you have those genetics put it to work for you in the gym as it's a plus. Being an alpha is really about charisma, dominance, and intelligence. I know skinny alpha males that are intellectual and assertive. They are good negotiators. Every one of them is happily married. Women want alpha males though many aren't even aware of it.
If you were raised by a single mother, you're going to have to unlearn and learn a few things.
D
Face to face is the way to do it. I know it's not easy when your shy but you can get used to it. You should try just making conversation with girls with absolutely no agenda, just to make conversation. That will help get you more comfortable with the idea and your not putting so much "pressure" on yourself. Being able to be comfortable and just have a good conversation is a good thing.
As far as having it work out meeting face to face, I usually just say when someone catches my eye "Hey, I think your beautiful and I wanted to come over and say hi". Sometimes the other person isn't interested in having a conversation but other times they smile and light up like a Christmas tree. You never know what's going to happen when your speaking to someone you don't know well/at all. The goal shouldn't be "having it work out" at that point, it's more of just going over there to see if you two connect or not. It's not a bad thing if you don't, it's impossible to connect in that way with everyone you meet.
I'm not saying you'll never be able to meet someone online and have it work,I'm just saying building a real social life and talking to actual people offline is a waaaay better approach. If you make an effort to talk to a lot of girls, your going to hit it off with one at some point. You just have to be willing to go through some uncomfortable situations and learn some social skills.
As far as having it work out meeting face to face, I usually just say when someone catches my eye "Hey, I think your beautiful and I wanted to come over and say hi". Sometimes the other person isn't interested in having a conversation but other times they smile and light up like a Christmas tree. You never know what's going to happen when your speaking to someone you don't know well/at all. The goal shouldn't be "having it work out" at that point, it's more of just going over there to see if you two connect or not. It's not a bad thing if you don't, it's impossible to connect in that way with everyone you meet.
I'm not saying you'll never be able to meet someone online and have it work,I'm just saying building a real social life and talking to actual people offline is a waaaay better approach. If you make an effort to talk to a lot of girls, your going to hit it off with one at some point. You just have to be willing to go through some uncomfortable situations and learn some social skills.
Ehh... Not all guys havta be a generic dominant alpha male type.
Nor all women a generic submissive princess type.
And while i may not be a dominant alpha male type, im still no pushover. i can stand up for myself as well as anyone.
I just dont wanna be an overbearing obnoxious prick around girls. so im very respectful and of course shy too... and i just leave everything up to them. i mean its their choice, not mine.
sometimes i wish girls would come to me and let me kno they're interested (if any even are) that would make it alot easier... bit they dont, probably cuz society has taught them they are not supposed to. Altho sometimes girls make the first move... so most likely no girls like me... and i usually dont act depressed when i try talking to them online so its not cuz of depression that they dont like me... maybe its looks... or that im so awkward... but there are also awkward girls too so maybe i just happen to be trying all the social butterfly types...
Nor all women a generic submissive princess type.
And while i may not be a dominant alpha male type, im still no pushover. i can stand up for myself as well as anyone.
I just dont wanna be an overbearing obnoxious prick around girls. so im very respectful and of course shy too... and i just leave everything up to them. i mean its their choice, not mine.
sometimes i wish girls would come to me and let me kno they're interested (if any even are) that would make it alot easier... bit they dont, probably cuz society has taught them they are not supposed to. Altho sometimes girls make the first move... so most likely no girls like me... and i usually dont act depressed when i try talking to them online so its not cuz of depression that they dont like me... maybe its looks... or that im so awkward... but there are also awkward girls too so maybe i just happen to be trying all the social butterfly types...
D
I'm just pointing out if you don't socialize and don't ever make any attempts to pursue someone for a relationship.....well what do you expect to happen? I haven't generalized or put anyone in a "mold" as you say so I don't know where your getting that from. By social life, I mean actually talk to people in the real world.....surely you can understand why that helps.
I guess our definitions of "social life" are different. i dont see a social life as just talking to one person. i see it as talking to many people.
If i get to know a girl online first and then meet her in real life, why do i need to talk to anyone but her if she knows and accepts me as a loner?
Only having one person you talk to on a regular basis may be being social, but its not a social life.
Just thought you meant "if you want a gf you gotta have a few friends" or "you gotta go out and talk to many girls" ... Sorry for the confusion.
If i get to know a girl online first and then meet her in real life, why do i need to talk to anyone but her if she knows and accepts me as a loner?
Only having one person you talk to on a regular basis may be being social, but its not a social life.
Just thought you meant "if you want a gf you gotta have a few friends" or "you gotta go out and talk to many girls" ... Sorry for the confusion.
this could actually be your calling and you may not see it now, but when all else fail... just believe in God and you will see a supernatural change that you never knew about it, you think i don't know depression, depression is what brought me to christ also when everything i tried was just failing and i was determined to find peace i was not really a christian although i grew up in a christian home, but i needed piece and i found the king of love and piece through my depression, i pray to God you do the same also my friend, and suicide is not the answer NOT SAYING YOUR THINKING It but just getting that out of the way that gets you into more trouble you think this life on the earth is bad? to be in hell is worst, so hang in there my friend
