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Back story: I dated a fellow soldier for 3 years off and on after our deployment ended. We dated more off than on, I always wanted more, he always kept plenty of distance between us. Over time the distance became too great, I became closer to God and I let what little of him I had go. He never, in three years, could explain to me why the relationship was the way it was. He tries to keep contact in the most meaningless of ways about every other week, I'm pretty good at fending him off but I have, a couple times now, been guilty of being honest about missing him, to him. I am aware that he is in a fairly new relationship and have increased the resistance of his contact. I received the following message a few days ago:
"Criterion C symptoms have to do with withdrawal,avoidance,and emotional detachment, and are often the most difficult to address in the warrior's life. In some ways,these symptoms are reactions to criterion B symptoms-an effort to avoid any situation War time memories may come flooding back in.the desire to shut down,detach, and withdraw can be very strong after Combat. Warrior's want to be left alone.They may avoid going out because it puts them in situations that trigger strong reactions or reminds them of their deployment.Since many little things can cause reactions or lead to confrontations,the natural tendency is to avoid going any where.They also don't want to explain to people who may not understand why they react the way they do.This can lead to the Warrior not doing alot of things he used to enjoy doing,and can be extremely frustrating for loved ones and friends
The most detrimental aspect of Criterion C is emotional detachment-having difficulty feeling a full range of emotions; not being able to show love or other feelings towards others.
Shutting down emotions is a necessary skill in Combat, and it can sometimes be very difficult to turn them back on after coming home.warrior's often describe not being able to feel love,not caring about others, and feeling numb and detached."
I did respond to this message after a day of thinking. Not as an ex but as a friend because coming off a deployment I could relate to the message. It is a terrible thing to not have an ability to feel love. I have found God and am now on a path to feeling love again. We no longer share any mutual friends, as I chose a different lifestyle than the soldiers I deployed with. I never met his family, therefore I can not reach out to them either. I wrote back simply stating that maybe he should try something else. I suggested seeking God since it has worked for me. The day after I purchased him a bible and sent it by mail. Yesterday he made it seem as though he wanted to meet me and I made it clear that it would never happen and that all contact should cease. I do not know what to do at this point. I can not help him any more than I have, I provided him with as many good and reliable resources that I possibly can.
Is this the point where I put my faith in good that he will find healing? I'm trying to be very careful about not crossing lines of adultery. What are your thoughts?
"Criterion C symptoms have to do with withdrawal,avoidance,and emotional detachment, and are often the most difficult to address in the warrior's life. In some ways,these symptoms are reactions to criterion B symptoms-an effort to avoid any situation War time memories may come flooding back in.the desire to shut down,detach, and withdraw can be very strong after Combat. Warrior's want to be left alone.They may avoid going out because it puts them in situations that trigger strong reactions or reminds them of their deployment.Since many little things can cause reactions or lead to confrontations,the natural tendency is to avoid going any where.They also don't want to explain to people who may not understand why they react the way they do.This can lead to the Warrior not doing alot of things he used to enjoy doing,and can be extremely frustrating for loved ones and friends
The most detrimental aspect of Criterion C is emotional detachment-having difficulty feeling a full range of emotions; not being able to show love or other feelings towards others.
Shutting down emotions is a necessary skill in Combat, and it can sometimes be very difficult to turn them back on after coming home.warrior's often describe not being able to feel love,not caring about others, and feeling numb and detached."
I did respond to this message after a day of thinking. Not as an ex but as a friend because coming off a deployment I could relate to the message. It is a terrible thing to not have an ability to feel love. I have found God and am now on a path to feeling love again. We no longer share any mutual friends, as I chose a different lifestyle than the soldiers I deployed with. I never met his family, therefore I can not reach out to them either. I wrote back simply stating that maybe he should try something else. I suggested seeking God since it has worked for me. The day after I purchased him a bible and sent it by mail. Yesterday he made it seem as though he wanted to meet me and I made it clear that it would never happen and that all contact should cease. I do not know what to do at this point. I can not help him any more than I have, I provided him with as many good and reliable resources that I possibly can.
Is this the point where I put my faith in good that he will find healing? I'm trying to be very careful about not crossing lines of adultery. What are your thoughts?
