Modesty – it IS a breath of fresh air

[Sarah_D]

Wonderful article for women, young and old. Be Blessed x

Modesty – it IS a breath of fresh air

FEBRUARY 28, 2013 ·

She paraded right in front of me so many times that night. I was 6 or 7 rows up on the bleachers and she was on the front row down below. It was as if she was on display. I had my one dear husband to my right and three of our four dear boys to my left. And she just kept walking there, back and forth, the whole long night through, right in front of us all. I actually felt sad for her. And yet, I’m sure my full-grown husband and “still pretty innocent” fast-growing boys never had a chance to feel “sad” for her. But I’m sure they felt plenty. She was such a young girl, probably 17 at most, and she was, indeed, beautiful to look at. However, some of our beauty should be kept for one man, that for her, she probably has not even had the chance to meet yet. I wanted to offer her my coat and kindly ask her to cover-up but that is not, nor will it ever be, the right thing for me to do. What was the right thing to do? It’s not like this is the only time this has happened. But oh how I wish it was.

Modesty.
It is like a breath of fresh air.When I see young girls, taking the risk, daring to NOT look like everyone else, stylish yet sweet, covered and yet eye-catching, it is good for my soul.I know many girls like this personally and inside I am applauding them. I am clapping for them and cheering for them and making them banners with glitter-glue and neon paint inside my head. I see them at our church and at school events and all around our small town. It is so refreshing. I hope we are telling these young, precious girls (and each other) how much we appreciate that. It is most definitely NOT an easy choice to make. I am a girl. It is not easy. We all like to feel pretty and stylish and the styles and trends are sadly – to bear it all. Wear it tighter. Wear it shorter. Wear it lower. Or…just barely wear it at all.These girls simply want to be noticed. Most likely, they are not getting the attention they need from those that they love the most. They are insecure. They are desperate. They are needy – just like you and me. And sadly, they ARE getting noticed. My boys will never have to step far out of our home to find a girl who is willing to show them too much of her outward beauty – beauty that is sacred and special and unique to them and to be shared with only one other.So today, while I am concerned like every other mother of a growing boy, I am also thankful. I am thankful for the many girls and women that surround my family – the ones who reveal to us only their inner beauty – the beauty that comes from inside of them and spills out all over them and completely covers them like a breath of fresh air. I am blessed with BEAUTIFUL friends. (actually – sometimes it feels more like a curse but for purposes of today’s post – I am happy they are beautiful

) And I am thankful for their high standards with modesty – it is lovely. They are lovely. May we all be an example of the beauty that is meant to be shared. And… I am thankful that it is NEVER too late to do the right thing. What a promise. What a gift. May our Heavenly Father protect our dear little boys, and guard their hearts and their eyes, and keep their minds pure in a world where purity has grown dim.And to my young and old, beautiful readers – thank you in advance for being that breath of fresh air to this mom, who despite her best efforts of trying not to blink, has four, precious, growing older boys.
​

 

[Searching4Truth]

Depends on the fabric. Can you breathe in it? Is it not constraining you? Does it make show off my muffin top? Is it loose enough? Tight enough? Does pink bring out my eyes?

Ohhh, the questions and possibilities.

 

[Tintin]

Modesty is very good but it's not merely physical. It's also concerned with the condition of the heart, the character of the person and their values. Also, there is nothing wrong with recognising someone is attractive, the problem starts when you lust over/after them.

 

[G4JC]

Modesty is very good but it's not merely physical. It's also concerned with the condition of the heart, the character of the person and their values. Also, there is nothing wrong with recognising someone is attractive, the problem starts when you lust over/after them.

Agreed on the first part, the condition of the heart is critical. I think the point the OP is trying to make is that SOOOO SOOO MANY girls/women (no exageration where I come from), are intentionally trying to get people to lust after them. That's where modesty comes in, trying NOT to make people lust after you. I respect the OP for taking a stand on the matter. I can't think of anyone locally who believes that. Actually I've been told simply for mentioning such things that I'm a mennonite cult trying to make women wear burkas. lol....

So yeah, the thing is true beauty is those who are pure in heart - not amazing in outward-body.
1 Timothy 2:9-10 - In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
Teaching Christian Ladies to Dress Modestly

To clarify, I am not even an extremeist dress-only individual. I just don't want you showing me your deep-v neck t-shirts, your tight littles sister jeans, tank top tomb raider, or miniscule miniskirts and biknis. Is that so much to ask?

 

[Tintin]

I don't think braided hair or jewelry is ungodly, only when it's used for the wrong purposes. As for the rest of your post, no, that's not asking too much of girls.

 

[BrownIedgal]

Well said. Amen

 

[Loveneverfails]

Wonderful article for women, young and old. Be Blessed x

Thank you for sharing. Did you write this? If not, do you remember who did? Just curious. It was indeed a blessing!

The phase I'm currently in when it comes to modesty is the "don't be too judgmental, but rather lead by example" phase. My understanding of modesty, specifically modesty of clothing, has changed drastically over the last 3-4 years (and it will probably continue to evolve as God continues to teach me things!). I used to dress in a way that I would now consider immodest, but I honestly had no bad intent whatsoever. I literally just thought it was kinda cute and I didn't understand why my sweet mama was always trying to add more layers to my outfits. The thing is she never really explained the beauty of modesty to me - she just told me that I needed to cover up. I learned more about the benefits and loveliness of modesty on my own later, and I prayed about it a lot, and I decided completely on my own to start changing the way I dressed. I think that because I "owned" my decision to dress modesty rather than just complied with someone else's rules, I really took it to heart and appreciated it more.

My point is, now when I see younger teen girls dressing immodestly, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they might just not know any better, that they're just trying to look cute and fit in. So I withhold judgmental thoughts and glances and just try to lead by example and develop relationships with them. Sometimes, they ask me questions about why I dress the way I do, and that has lead to some pretty cool teachable moments.

 

[zaoman32]

With me I really find less is more. As in, the less showing, the more attractive.

Thanks for posting

 

[SparkleEyes]

Thank you for sharing. I wish every girl (and boy) would hear this. Adults could use some education in this area, too!!

 

[just_monicat]

Thank you for sharing. Did you write this? If not, do you remember who did? Just curious. It was indeed a blessing!

The phase I'm currently in when it comes to modesty is the "don't be too judgmental, but rather lead by example" phase. My understanding of modesty, specifically modesty of clothing, has changed drastically over the last 3-4 years (and it will probably continue to evolve as God continues to teach me things!). I used to dress in a way that I would now consider immodest, but I honestly had no bad intent whatsoever. I literally just thought it was kinda cute and I didn't understand why my sweet mama was always trying to add more layers to my outfits. The thing is she never really explained the beauty of modesty to me - she just told me that I needed to cover up. I learned more about the benefits and loveliness of modesty on my own later, and I prayed about it a lot, and I decided completely on my own to start changing the way I dressed. I think that because I "owned" my decision to dress modesty rather than just complied with someone else's rules, I really took it to heart and appreciated it more.

My point is, now when I see younger teen girls dressing immodestly, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they might just not know any better, that they're just trying to look cute and fit in. So I withhold judgmental thoughts and glances and just try to lead by example and develop relationships with them. Sometimes, they ask me questions about why I dress the way I do, and that has lead to some pretty cool teachable moments.

i'm sorry to say that at your age, modesty was possibly the furthest from my mind. i think it's amazing that you have such a remarkable view, approach and understanding of the others. not everyone's mother is encouraging them to "cover up" and a lot of girls/young women don't even think about how their choices might affect another. it sounds like you had a good mom too. : )

 

[Loveneverfails]

Thanks! I definitely still have a lot to learn, but I credit a lot of my attitude to my sweet mama ^_^

 

[Misty77]

I gotta say that I have kind of a knee-jerk reaction when I hear people start talking about modesty. My upbringing was influenced by the Gothard cult (as indeed it is), though thankfully my father's facial hair was one of the reasons that we could never get too indoctrinated. When I hear "modesty" I go back to that place where any thoughts that paraded through a perv's head must have been my fault. I remember the rulers on the hemlines, the "three-finger" necklines, and having someone snap at me for my blouses "cupping" under my DD breasts. I was made to feel like an object, that my body was a vessel of sin.

In my bad marriage, X would get angry if I looked attractive in anything. He always called me fat and made me feel ashamed. But at the same time, he would accuse me of making other men sin if I wore clothes that were actually my size instead of swallowing me up. How I could be both repulsive and overtly sexual, I will never really understand.

As a mostly healthy adult, I guess you could consider me modest. My dresses don't go higher than my knee. There is sometimes a bit of cleavage, but that happens to busty ladies. I am no longer ashamed of my body. I do, however, dress with care especially because I work around a lot of married men; and I am incredibly respectful of marriage. As a divorcee, I know not to ever take that for granted. But I'm also not going to wring my hands about whether someone lusts after me or not. I have done my part so now it is in their hands, or minds, in this case.

 

[just_monicat]

I gotta say that I have kind of a knee-jerk reaction when I hear people start talking about modesty. My upbringing was influenced by the Gothard cult (as indeed it is), though thankfully my father's facial hair was one of the reasons that we could never get too indoctrinated. When I hear "modesty" I go back to that place where any thoughts that paraded through a perv's head must have been my fault. I remember the rulers on the hemlines, the "three-finger" necklines, and having someone snap at me for my blouses "cupping" under my DD breasts. I was made to feel like an object, that my body was a vessel of sin.

In my bad marriage, X would get angry if I looked attractive in anything. He always called me fat and made me feel ashamed. But at the same time, he would accuse me of making other men sin if I wore clothes that were actually my size instead of swallowing me up. How I could be both repulsive and overtly sexual, I will never really understand.

As a mostly healthy adult, I guess you could consider me modest. My dresses don't go higher than my knee. There is sometimes a bit of cleavage, but that happens to busty ladies. I am no longer ashamed of my body. I do, however, dress with care especially because I work around a lot of married men; and I am incredibly respectful of marriage. As a divorcee, I know not to ever take that for granted. But I'm also not going to wring my hands about whether someone lusts after me or not. I have done my part so now it is in their hands, or minds, in this case.

like you, my family bears the scars of the gothard-ites. luckily for me, i'd left home before that became en vogue, but my baby sister still bears the scars.

i can certainly understand how the word, modesty can have a negative ring to it, considering your background.

me, on the other hand as a young girl was raised by a woman who constantly inferred, implied and flat out said that my value as a woman could be directly computed based upon my physical attraction. through high school my mother put me on diets until she felt i was "just right". clearly, i bought into the message rather early in life.

i was one of those girls who understood the power of a halter top way before i understood why i shouldn't be squeezing myself into a tiny little outfit because i thought i looked cute in it. being rather naive, i wish someone would've covered me up when i was heading out of the house.

thankfully i've been set free from that... but i have a lot of compassion for women who are still loathing themselves. some in immodest dress. and others covering it up.

i'm so sorry you had such awful experiences. i can certainly understand why the word "modesty" would cause you to bristle.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I gotta say that I have kind of a knee-jerk reaction when I hear people start talking about modesty. My upbringing was influenced by the Gothard cult (as indeed it is), though thankfully my father's facial hair was one of the reasons that we could never get too indoctrinated. When I hear "modesty" I go back to that place where any thoughts that paraded through a perv's head must have been my fault. I remember the rulers on the hemlines, the "three-finger" necklines, and having someone snap at me for my blouses "cupping" under my DD breasts. I was made to feel like an object, that my body was a vessel of sin.

In my bad marriage, X would get angry if I looked attractive in anything. He always called me fat and made me feel ashamed. But at the same time, he would accuse me of making other men sin if I wore clothes that were actually my size instead of swallowing me up. How I could be both repulsive and overtly sexual, I will never really understand.

As a mostly healthy adult, I guess you could consider me modest. My dresses don't go higher than my knee. There is sometimes a bit of cleavage, but that happens to busty ladies. I am no longer ashamed of my body. I do, however, dress with care especially because I work around a lot of married men; and I am incredibly respectful of marriage. As a divorcee, I know not to ever take that for granted. But I'm also not going to wring my hands about whether someone lusts after me or not. I have done my part so now it is in their hands, or minds, in this case.

I'm sorry that your background has led you to associate modesty with those memories, Misty. I can't judge you or blame you for that. From what I have been able to tell, you've got a good head on your shoulders and a heart that is devoted to Christ. I'm sure you are indeed modest, and I think you're setting a great example. "Doing your part", but not stressing over things we can't control - like the thought life of men. Thanks for sharing

 

[mystdancer50]

I can recall something that happened when I was in my mid-twenties. My best friend at the time told me that she wanted to give me a makeover. I permed my hair that day and she picked out a low-cut tank top with a jacket and pants and I wore them as we met up with her husband, brother-in-law and their male roommate. As we sat in Village Inn and I was being flirted with by the roommate and brother-in-law, God spoke clearly to me, "If you're future husband walked in here today and saw you, he would never look your way again." The rest of the night I was ashamed of my clothing choices and I never wore those clothes again.

Modesty is so very important and it is forgotten and rejected this day and age. It is really sad.

 

[Tintin]

Gothard and his ilk have some much to answer for! I didn't realise they were so popular. I'm so sorry to hear of what you two ladies went through. It's heartbreaking! I praise God that you're truly free in Christ.

 

[amaryllis]

I love modesty. It is beautiful.

 

[Coil]

I gotta say that I have kind of a knee-jerk reaction when I hear people start talking about modesty...When I hear "modesty" I go back to that place where any thoughts that paraded through a perv's head must have been my fault... I was made to feel like an object, that my body was a vessel of sin.

I agree and can very much relate! I grew up in a very conservative, Christian school that scared all the girls into being so modest to the point that we were ashamed of our bodies because we thought they were sinful. When we tell young girls to "cover up," that's the message we're sending them: "cover up your body because it is bad and sinful." Also, it implies that someone else (men, boys, or older (perhaps jealous) ladies) have some kind of right to tell young girls what they can wear. The thought it kind of ridiculous.

There has to be a better way to teach girls about modesty.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I agree and can very much relate! I grew up in a very conservative, Christian school that scared all the girls into being so modest to the point that we were ashamed of our bodies because we thought they were sinful. When we tell young girls to "cover up," that's the message we're sending them: "cover up your body because it is bad and sinful." Also, it implies that someone else (men, boys, or older (perhaps jealous) ladies) have some kind of right to tell young girls what they can wear. The thought it kind of ridiculous.

There has to be a better way to teach girls about modesty.

It's not about men policing others.

It's about everyone being sensible.

 

[jeremyPJ]

Yes modesty is truly a breath of fresh air. Makes you appreciate all things more, in my view anyway.