how fast do you emotionally invest in a relationship?
- Thread starter just_monicat
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Not sure it's good to be a quick emotional investor, high risk and like they say "Easy come easy go" deep relationships that lasts for ever requires long emotional investing in them. 
But I know what you mean still.
But I know what you mean still.
I am a quick type, yet i also form very strong connections with people as well. And can be long lasting. There is risk that the other person may not invest as quickly, though chances are two quick investors will come together and recognize the connection that forms fast and be on similar levels. But i have enjoyed some very close friendships and romantic relationships that leave you feeling like long time friends in a short time.
I read a study online that confirmed a lot things for me.
Basically men and women fall in love very differently (duh)
The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do
Basically I do develope interest quickly, but I know now that women in general do not. It takes time.
And I'm sort of in a Pseudo Relationship right now. There is a girl who I go running with almost every day. He planner looks like a color coordinated map of every second she is supposed to be somewhere, yet she spends most of her free time with me.
I asked her out, with flowers and the whole burrito but, she said no, she is not in a place in her life where she should be in a relationship. Since then, she has been a lot closer, communicates more, comes over more and plans more things for us to do together.
We do all of the relationshippy type things. Go get yogurt, exercise together, see movies together, whenever one of us does something the other is there. Even at church a lady asked if I was her husband. I was flattered. She snickered.
But here's the other thing, she lets me pay for everything, she gives the best hugs in the world and she legitimately cares about every detail of my life. If we were in a relationship, it wouldn't be very different from how we are now.
Basically men and women fall in love very differently (duh)
The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do
Basically I do develope interest quickly, but I know now that women in general do not. It takes time.
And I'm sort of in a Pseudo Relationship right now. There is a girl who I go running with almost every day. He planner looks like a color coordinated map of every second she is supposed to be somewhere, yet she spends most of her free time with me.
I asked her out, with flowers and the whole burrito but, she said no, she is not in a place in her life where she should be in a relationship. Since then, she has been a lot closer, communicates more, comes over more and plans more things for us to do together.
We do all of the relationshippy type things. Go get yogurt, exercise together, see movies together, whenever one of us does something the other is there. Even at church a lady asked if I was her husband. I was flattered. She snickered.
But here's the other thing, she lets me pay for everything, she gives the best hugs in the world and she legitimately cares about every detail of my life. If we were in a relationship, it wouldn't be very different from how we are now.
I
I think I emotionally invest fairly quickly in relationships..no matter if it's a male or female friend. I don't as quickly now as I did when I was say,20-ish...but still,I'm the type to be all in or all out. No matter what level the friendship or romance is at. Maybe it's a bad thing. I dunno.
If it's someone I am romantically interested in,it rarely ever starts out as anything other than pure friendship. I can only recall a few times in my life where the foundation of the relationship with a woman was some crazy highly emotional overload right off the bat. Those type of thing's tend to be lust driven,or "passionate" in nature,and really are not how I am at my core,so it's rare & strange when I've been like that,and thankfully it's never lasted too long.
I'd like to say that I never let my emotions get the best of me,but that would be a big fat lie. When I care for someone,anyone...it seems I do it intensely,even without meaning to at times. When I say intensely,I guess I mean that I try to be fully aware,giving all...not smothering...just wholehearted. Maybe my transparency is too much,maybe it's too emotionally invested...maybe it's wrong. I'm really not sure anymore. I just know for me,I can't be in any relationship where I can't be who I am,or the other person feels they can't be who they are. Yep. Rambling again.
If it's someone I am romantically interested in,it rarely ever starts out as anything other than pure friendship. I can only recall a few times in my life where the foundation of the relationship with a woman was some crazy highly emotional overload right off the bat. Those type of thing's tend to be lust driven,or "passionate" in nature,and really are not how I am at my core,so it's rare & strange when I've been like that,and thankfully it's never lasted too long.
I'd like to say that I never let my emotions get the best of me,but that would be a big fat lie. When I care for someone,anyone...it seems I do it intensely,even without meaning to at times. When I say intensely,I guess I mean that I try to be fully aware,giving all...not smothering...just wholehearted. Maybe my transparency is too much,maybe it's too emotionally invested...maybe it's wrong. I'm really not sure anymore. I just know for me,I can't be in any relationship where I can't be who I am,or the other person feels they can't be who they are. Yep. Rambling again.
Another thing I was going to add to this, was in my experience, "Don't try hard."
All of the long lasting relationships worked out in the beginning because I didn't have to try, I was simply there and in my own comfort zone, letting someone be apart of that too.
Its when I take the advice of what a lot of women say they want, and I pursue, chase or romantically try to convince someone to be with me, that it all blows up in my face.
You shouldn't have to cross Hell's half acre, just to make someone happy. They should be able to enjoy your company as you are, where you and the feeling should be mutual. That way anything above and beyond is taken as special, and not taken for granted.
All of the long lasting relationships worked out in the beginning because I didn't have to try, I was simply there and in my own comfort zone, letting someone be apart of that too.
Its when I take the advice of what a lot of women say they want, and I pursue, chase or romantically try to convince someone to be with me, that it all blows up in my face.
You shouldn't have to cross Hell's half acre, just to make someone happy. They should be able to enjoy your company as you are, where you and the feeling should be mutual. That way anything above and beyond is taken as special, and not taken for granted.