Does having sex make you married?

[IloveyouGod]

No, of course not. Having sex does not make one married. And also for two to become one, they didn't become one because they had sex.

In the Coptic Orthodox church marriage is a sacrament. So after the marriage ceremony in the church this mysterious unity happens and the two become one. So BEFORE having sex they became one FIRST. They committed themselves in a covenant NOT a contract. A covenant with God and THAT'S what made them married.

This seems to come up a lot in this forum. Let's discuss. Scriptural references appreciated.

 

[MidniteWelder]

Theres something else to consider
If sex, meaning consensual sex between 2 adults, does not constitute marriage, which be definition is the joining of two things to become one...
This verse may help clear up a little more gray area in not randomly physically joining ourselves to people without considering ourselves married.
I don't see where One can claim the rights reserved for marriage and not consider themselves married.(joined as one)



1 Cor 6
15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!
16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?
For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”

We see here with even a prostitute, a one night stand, someone they may never see each other again.
The bond is still the same. Certificate, vows, dedication / or not
The two become one flesh. Which is why sex is the one sin which is the sin against ones own body and can be so damaging unless delivered from it through Christ.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

The way I see it, because in her heart, she did not consider him her husband.
Therefore Jesus had to agree with her, because she possibly knew not the sin she was committing.

If we look at the first wording Jesus used
[SUP]16 [/SUP]He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
let's stop right here and ask ourselves.
Would Jesus be wrong? Would Jesus used trickery to open up conversation?



[SUP]17 [/SUP]“I have no husband,” she replied.
Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. [SUP]18

[/SUP]What I am noticing is that Jesus is agreeing with her voicing what her heart speaks.
It's kinda like...oh he's not your husband, Ok I accept that.
So either she was living in sin and admitted what she was, or she hadn't had sensual relations yet with current man.
although, this would mean she would be a good girl, yet after having had 5 husbands and now has another man whom she denies is her husband, that seems unlikely she was suddenly changed in her ways, considering Jesus was calling her to him right then and there to begin with.
We see her heart is receptive, so why make a fuss over her sin at the moment.
at any rate, Jesus was calling light to her actions yet not making a point to correct her at that time until drawing her to him first.



The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

Kinda like...Hmm yes I see, ok fine he's not your husband, if thats the way you wanna play it. But thats even worse.

I doubt Jesus called the man her husband at first in error until she revealed her heart in denial of this.

But hey, maybe Jesus just used trickery to strike up convo with this one. Who knows.

Anyway, you guys hash it out, the point I believe is paramount is Jesus made it clear he had divine insight into her life which could have only came from God.
And because of this fact, it allowed her to trust him and listen to his words.

No Jesus does not use trickery nor does Jesus lie. It's simple really. Her husband she with now is not her husband cause she not married in cultural wedding ceremony of her time thus she answer No. Her husband she's with now is her husband cause he sleep with her but he not her husband because he's guy number 5 and technically he's an adulterous affair which would have nullified her first marriage to guy #1 by reason of adultery and them breaking up (or him putting her away in legal divorce.)

 

[MidniteWelder]

No Jesus does not use trickery nor does Jesus lie.

Very true

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Heh also like you goodly pointed out, not to focus too much on her sin, merely use as learning device. Ultimate lesson to learn here is how no matter her sins how Jesus was kind and forgiving towards her.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I have a hard time seeing the co-habitation and fornication that goes on even in Christian circles as holy matrimony in God's eyes.

So do I.. Unless I can get alimony for my shady past.

IF a man and a woman come together before God. ... [...edit...] When my husband and I married, we married before God . with God as our witness .. we made vows. to God.. I took mine much more seriously than did my atheist husband that left me for another woman BUT the point [...edit...] was something completely different.. it brought the marriage to completion. it is apples and oranges... both are fruits but totally different flavors.

 

[MidniteWelder]

Heh also like you goodly pointed out, not to focus too much on her sin, merely use as learning device. Ultimate lesson to learn here is how no matter her sins how Jesus was kind and forgiving towards her.

Good point, I also notice that her attitude was open and receptive to Jesus' words.

Interestingly, the ones who were not receptive to him, and challenged and argued him, he seemed to take a different attitude toward.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Good point, I also notice that her attitude was open and receptive to Jesus' words.

Interestingly, the ones who were not receptive to him, and challenged and argued him, he seemed to take a different attitude toward.

Indeed, I had noted that too. Quite a re-occuring theme really throughout the Gospels. Not even so much his reaction to them though but the overall reaction of the various types of people to Him.

Jesus is right and righteous even in his rebukes and anger such as overturning the moenychanging in the Temple. He even rebuke the Apostles from time to time with pretty stiff language. Though in fairness they were the apostles after all, I am sure they could handle some rebuke plus their responsibilities require a more stern teaching approach.

 

[Markum1972]

Came on this morning to see where things have progressed.

The posts since I left really helped to sum it up for me.

It appears that no matter how we define marriage, that the act of sex joins two as one. I can see how understanding this could have prevented me from sin in the past. Had I known this, I would have had restraint and wisdom.

Too many times I see people that have "willingly" joined as one leave one another because "we weren't married after all".

I don't blame anyone for this as I understand as the prophet Hosea said, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." (Hosea 4:6) Now that I know better. I now have accountability and am further encouraged to resist the sin of fornication. I also understand that I am forgiven for my past trespasses.

I think this is a very important topic as Revelations 17 and 18 talks about the harlot of Babylon sharing her cup of fornication with all nations of the world. While we understand that this speaks about fornicating with other gods, we also know that relationships display the relationship we have with God, and that this therefore also refers to fornication among men and women. We can certainly see this throughout all nations of the earth. It has become more common in the United States since the bible was removed from schools and the nation turned its back on God.

I was seeing marriage as "that joining together as one". Adam and Eve were given in marriage by God and there was no confusion as to who they should remain with. Many things later had to be clarified by God as to how he intended things to be. I am seeing scripture later display marriage as more of an agreement (vow, promise, commitment) and a blessing by others to do so. This commitment appears to be based on what Jesus said when saying "forsake all others; let no one divide you apart". It would appear that parents made that decision for children at one point and it was up to the children to follow through with it. This is probably where we get the tradition "ask the father's blessing" and the father giving away the bride at the altar.

So in conclusion, I see that "joining as one" also joins that person to God. Doing so outside of the way God intended is sin against one's own body. Two people should be married (agree to forsake all others and not be separated) before this act or do so after this act in the case that it was not yet discussed. In either case, as long as they forsake all others and let no one divide them, it is pleasing to the Lord. One is good and the other is better.

I was thinking last night about these scenarios and what Jesus might say. Which of these is more pleasing to the Lord?

1. Two people that commit to remain together and forsake all others, become one flesh, but then leave one another.

2. Two people that become one flesh, then commit to remain together and forsake all others, and then do so.

Think about it for a moment before moving on.

Now try the two above scenarios with some variations:

1. a. The two marry, have sex, then divorce. b. The two make a promise to one another, have sex, then leave saying "well, we weren't really married".

2. a. The two have sex, then marry, and remain as such. b. The two have sex, then make a promise to one another (God witnesses this as he sees and hears all), and the two honor their word to one another (making them to not be liars).

Last question...
If two came to Jesus and said, "We have lay with one another and would like to marry." What might Jesus say?
A. You are too young to understand love and to be married.
B. So be it. No one should forbid them to marry.
C. I don't think you are good for one another. You should see other people before you decide this.
D. You should focus on your education and career first and then maybe consider this later.
E. None of the above.

Just some things I was thinking and wanted to share for consideration.

 

[secularhermit]

I will answer this based on personal experience for me it would mean YES because I intend to keep my virginity till I am MARRIED.

I agree to what the others above me are saying as well though. This is just my personal preference.

Virginity is a safeguard.

Those who are not, have to deal with more problems... It is like being Veggie, against those who eat whatever thing in the market... I wish I had being Veggie.

 

[eugenius]

No it doesn't. You get married when you make an agreement with the other person in front of God and your family members. If you did something you were supposed to do after marriage, but you did it before marriage, you just did something wrong, but you are most certainly not married.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

So in conclusion, I see that "joining as one" also joins that person to God. Doing so outside of the way God intended is sin against one's own body. Two people should be married (agree to forsake all others and not be separated) before this act or do so after this act in the case that it was not yet discussed. In either case, as long as they forsake all others and let no one divide them, it is pleasing to the Lord. One is good and the other is better.

We know that the Lord judges by heart and intention. So I suppose in these cases, he would look at heart and intention to judge whether "it is good". I am not able to think of a godly and selfless reason for a typical couple to consummate a marriage before discussing and performing the marriage. Waiting until after marriage truly honors the Lord and one another. I know that this happens frequently, but I cannot call it "good".

Regardless, wonderful discussion!

 

[DuchessAimee]

And what about the lust issue? The bible says that if you've lusted after someone you've slept with them.


Ugly has a point. Apparently I'm a polygamist too. I wonder how many sister wives I have...

 

[DarlinNadia]

Last question...
If two came to Jesus and said, "We have lay with one another and would like to marry." What might Jesus say?
A. You are too young to understand love and to be married.
B. So be it. No one should forbid them to marry.
C. I don't think you are good for one another. You should see other people before you decide this.
D. You should focus on your education and career first and then maybe consider this later.
E. None of the above.

Just some things I was thinking and wanted to share for consideration.

You forgot: (this is best read in a sarcastic tone)

F. Oh by the way Lord, he's either an Atheist or Agnostic .. I'm not sure which but Boy he sure is fun in Bed. I am going to be completely selfish here Lord, skip your one little rule about being equally yoked, (how bad can it be), I'm commanded to cleave to him... and well, I know there are no other Gods before you Lord.. but yeah.. he IS going to be my husband, I'm sure it will all work out.. after all we have a baby together You're cool with this right?? cause like well we had sex and he's going to make an honest woman of me.. we will marry and I'll just do that one thing.. where I just pray for the rest of my life for his salvation and hope he doesn't leave me cause I'm a Jesus Freak ...and well, he simply can't understand this.. I mean I know it's foundational and all but .. what's the big deal.. at least *I* can fix my sin by marrying the dude... Who needs you anyway God. ... 2 years later. Hey God remember me, I know you are a graceful and forgiving God .. so um.. sorry I haven't prayed for the last two years... my husband says it makes him uncomfortable and it's his house and well... I AM cleaving to him... Guess what Lord, I've cut my Bible up and just grabbed some cool things like cleave to my husband and you are forgiving .. well I made a whole new Bible that suits my lifestyle...you're cool with that right? Awesome, You are an Awesome God, Ok I'll be back to pray when I need something... PS, Don't forget to watch out for me and my husband oh and all of our children.. Remember I said he was fun in Bed.. Oh and God help us with provisions.. times are hard ... Don't forget about me if I don't get back to you in a couple years or so.. OHHHH but I fully intend to go to church on Christmas and Easter Services!!! Cause you are my God and I love you and thanks for Loving me.. Hopefully, my husband will let me attend those services.. you know he is the Man of the house.. Whew. It sure is hard being a Christian. Ohh by the way.. can you help save my kids... their dad doesn't like any GOD talk and I think the kids are straying away from you and I can't seem to keep up.

And what about the lust issue? The bible says that if you've lusted after someone you've slept with them.

Ugly has a point. Apparently I'm a polygamist too. I wonder how many sister wives I have...

I'm telling you there's gotta be alimony somewhere in the midst of all this. I'd be RICH with CASH everywhere... especially if we count the movie stars I've lusted/married too!!

 

[Fenner]

Ok..I have a question first. Does a piece of paper stating you are married,make you married?
lol ok..srsly though...
When man & woman have intercourse,the two become one flesh,right?
I don't see how that makes one married,although spiritually something happens much deeper that unifies those two people,the physical act is just the outward manifestation or expression of what has happened inwardly. OR...is it the other way around?
I don't have any scripture references for you,but it seems to me,just because 2 people have sex,it hardly qualifies them as being married. There's also adultery. I've heard of spiritual adultery as well as physical. Obviously God desires Sex and marriage go hand & hand,but many of us have had sex long before we were married,so does this mean we are "spiritually" still bound to our first sexual partner?

I hope not.

 

[jjtj22]

ugly,

That polygamist comment is too funny!

 

[Fenner]

If I had used better judgement before I was married, I may have been a virgin, but I wasn't. I don't feel bound to past boyfriends. I don't feel bitter towards them, I made choices, the wrongs one's, but no one forced me. I struggled with this before I was married, I felt that I should be ashamed and I was. I talked to my Mom who helped me to feel better.

I don't understand this idea of the born again virgin thing. Once you've slept with someone you're not a virgin anymore, so you can't get it back, that whole re virgin thing confuses me.

I will have conversations with my kids about waiting, I have in a way a 7 and 8 year old can understand. But having sex with someone doesn't make you married to them.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I don't understand this idea of the born again virgin thing. Once you've slept with someone you're not a virgin anymore, so you can't get it back, that whole re virgin thing confuses me.

I will have conversations with my kids about waiting, I have in a way a 7 and 8 year old can understand. But having sex with someone doesn't make you married to them.

Ahhhh the old Virgin by Default Program...after a period of time... you qualify for the Virgin by Default program and can make the claim..

I am a virgin by default. yeah . no.

 

[Godslonelyhero]

I'm in that program lol

 

[Markum1972]

We know that the Lord judges by heart and intention. So I suppose in these cases, he would look at heart and intention to judge whether "it is good". I am not able to think of a godly and selfless reason for a typical couple to consummate a marriage before discussing and performing the marriage. Waiting until after marriage truly honors the Lord and one another. I know that this happens frequently, but I cannot call it "good".

Regardless, wonderful discussion!

I meant good in the sense as Paul said that if they cannot control them selves; it is "good" for them to marry. I did not imply that it was good they had not discussed marriage first. It would be "better" that they had discussed it first.