Be accepting. You don't have to like or agree with the situation, but you need to be accepting of it because that's how it is. Every ounce of pressure you bring to bear on it will bear on her, and she will be defensive and closed off for as long as she has to be. You can best disable her defenses by showing her she doesn't need them. Once she no longer feels the need to defend the situation, she'll see the situation more clearly, and be more open to discussing alternatives.
This is how I have been dealing with her for a while now. I used to try to talk sense into her, she just got more crazy. So I have been accepting her, and loving her. Not accepting what she is doing. IF she brings it up, we just state she knows how we feel and we love her. Anytime she wants or needs something we treat her with love. We do not cater to her, but we try to be very loving and open to her coming home and letting her know she is welcome. Tell her we can not make the choices for her, she has to do that. We love her and are praying for her. No more pushing her, or riding her. Just makes it worse.
It was another good visit. She has been coming more and more. Each visit is getting better than the last. The wife and I need to get in the same accord on a lot of things. We are coming up on our 16th year, oh yeah! I want us to be closer than we ever had. This seems to help the daughter as well.
Lord God, I come before You with iron and his family, asking that You look upon them and their lives. As iron asked for wisdom and peace, may Your Spirit so gift him and more. I pray discernment, and knowledge be also given, and that Your Spirit would provide direction. Lord set angels about their home tonight, to occupy the enemy and push them back. May even more of Your host be set inside, to minster to and bear them all up. Lord God, we know You already know these things, and that You care enough to let us come before You about them, and we praise You for that and for Your intercession. And so I lay these things before You, in the Name of Your Son who enables me to, amen.