Abstinence & Celibacy in relationships in 2014

[G4JC]

I am happy to see at least some here agree in abstinence, it an issue which I feel strongly for - and I believe scripture does too. It is certainly not very popular here as pre-marital sex is trending even in the churches. It is quite sad, people are shacking up and doing the sinful acts.
See Also: What Does the Bible Say About Shacking Up?

This leads to broken families, broken relationships, STD's, and unwanted pregnancies, of which some liberal theologians are accepting of abortion. In order to provide a healthy upcoming generation, the building blocks must be layed in the current generation. We must not give into sin, and we must endure in the faith until the end. Only then can we turn our own families around, our society, our politics, our churches, and our world.

[h=3]1 Corinthians 13:4-8b[/h]New King James Version (NKJV)

[SUP]4[/SUP]Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; [SUP]5 [/SUP]does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; [SUP]6 [/SUP]does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; [SUP]7 [/SUP]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

[SUP]8 [/SUP]Love never fails...

 

[GreatScott]

Everyone's boundaries are different, but I do believe in not awakening love before it's love. I have to admit I hate that my pastor told me that once because it has really stuck with me. When I kiss someone, I develop feelings for them from the intimacy, before I'm really in love with them. Over time and from the years of being lost I developed a habit of only being able to have feelings for someone if there was intimacy, unlike the innocence of my childhood where I would have a crush on someone I was friends with, and then a year later ask them if it was ok if I kissed them at the sock hop. I feel I am getting back to that point. A girl came in town for the Holidays from college and began attending church just during the break and we talked a good bit and I had an innocent crush just like high school, so I feel some of my purity coming back and the cloud of lust being lifted. It's a real freedom not to be obsessing over a woman and enjoy my independence and singleness.

 

[SabbieWabbie]

Everyone's boundaries are different, but I do believe in not awakening love before it's love. I have to admit I hate that my pastor told me that once because it has really stuck with me. When I kiss someone, I develop feelings for them from the intimacy, before I'm really in love with them. Over time and from the years of being lost I developed a habit of only being able to have feelings for someone if there was intimacy, unlike the innocence of my childhood where I would have a crush on someone I was friends with, and then a year later ask them if it was ok if I kissed them at the sock hop. I feel I am getting back to that point. A girl came in town for the Holidays from college and began attending church just during the break and we talked a good bit and I had an innocent crush just like high school, so I feel some of my purity coming back and the cloud of lust being lifted. It's a real freedom not to be obsessing over a woman and enjoy my independence and singleness.

[h=3]Song of Solomon 8:4: "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
[/h]
One of my favorites too

 

[Jonathan1977]

We have to be careful not to treat those who have "made mistakes" like the enemy or like a disease. We are not perfect, and we do make mistakes. God forgives those mistakes if we ask, so shouldn't we do the same?

 

[Maggie-Cat]

Unfortunately nowadays its really difficult to keep your standards and not be judged. In my case I do believe that having physical intimacy should wait till marriage with the man you love but im also ok with kissing, hugging and holding hands, even lying on the same bed while watching a movie or a show as long as nothing else happens.

However my close friends and sisters put a lot of pressure in me saying I shouldn´t wait and just have fun and that im too old to be acting like that. Have you ever had pressure like that too? It´s a bother most of the time.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Unfortunately nowadays its really difficult to keep your standards and not be judged. In my case I do believe that having physical intimacy should wait till marriage with the man you love but im also ok with kissing, hugging and holding hands, even lying on the same bed while watching a movie or a show as long as nothing else happens.

However my close friends and sisters put a lot of pressure in me saying I shouldn´t wait and just have fun and that im too old to be acting like that. Have you ever had pressure like that too? It´s a bother most of the time.

A lot depends on the company that we keep.

God bless your local fellowship.

 

[Animus]

However my close friends and sisters put a lot of pressure in me saying I shouldn´t wait and just have fun and that im too old to be acting like that. Have you ever had pressure like that too? It´s a bother most of the time.

I was under a lot of pressure in my last relationship (she was obviously not a Christian (bad idea I know)). I heard just about everything: the "have fun" ones such as, "It's so easy", "It's honestly not a big deal", "You should just try it", and then there's the ones that are like, "God's not real", "you're acting like a child", "it's pathetic that you're acting like this", "you need to grow up", "God's not going to send you to hell for having sex". It's usually not a rational argument that leads people away from God, but just this type of constant barrage of stupidity. And I worry about the people out there that start to believe it, because they never hear anything different, and they start to wonder if they are alone, and their conscience is wrong. I think that this is one reason why the church (as a body of believers) and the Bible are so important. At church you will be reminded that you are not alone, and in the Bible you will be reminded that this sort of pressure has always been placed on believers.

I think the reason that non-believers will often put pressure on you, when it seems they have nothing to gain, is that they suppose this to be the case:
1. If you have an impulse that you have no reason to suppress, you will act on it.
2. Everyone has this impulse.
There are two conclusions you can draw from someone who is abstinent. Either they can't, or they won't. More so with guys, people will try to convince them that they are just those that can't, and so they will feel they have something to prove. If you are a "won't" then they want to know what your reason is. Ultimately, your reason is either good or bad, and since they have already had sex, they want very much so to believe that it's a bad reason, since if it is, objectively speaking, a good reason, then they have made a terrible mistake. And as soon as you've had sex then they can forget about whether or not the reason was good or not because well who cares anymore right, as long as everyone's in the same boat.

Although it's unpopular, I think the best way to combat the pressurers is to not just express it as a personal preference, but as a moral absolute (which it is). People will be much more aggressive if you say, "I'm saving it for marriage" then if you say, "Sex outside of marriage is a sin". They are fine with trying to talk you out of your preferences, but they probably don't want to talk about God or morality. And then instead of talking about sex you end up talking about God, and the reliability of the Bible, which is probably territory that they are uncomfortable in. They won't want to bring it up if it is going to end in the whole thing turning on them and convicting them. The best defense is a good offence.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I was under a lot of pressure in my last relationship (she was obviously not a Christian (bad idea I know)). I heard just about everything: the "have fun" ones such as, "It's so easy", "It's honestly not a big deal", "You should just try it", and then there's the ones that are like, "God's not real", "you're acting like a child", "it's pathetic that you're acting like this", "you need to grow up", "God's not going to send you to hell for having sex". It's usually not a rational argument that leads people away from God, but just this type of constant barrage of stupidity. And I worry about the people out there that start to believe it, because they never hear anything different, and they start to wonder if they are alone, and their conscience is wrong. I think that this is one reason why the church (as a body of believers) and the Bible are so important. At church you will be reminded that you are not alone, and in the Bible you will be reminded that this sort of pressure has always been placed on believers.

I think the reason that non-believers will often put pressure on you, when it seems they have nothing to gain, is that they suppose this to be the case:
1. If you have an impulse that you have no reason to suppress, you will act on it.
2. Everyone has this impulse.
There are two conclusions you can draw from someone who is abstinent. Either they can't, or they won't. More so with guys, people will try to convince them that they are just those that can't, and so they will feel they have something to prove. If you are a "won't" then they want to know what your reason is. Ultimately, your reason is either good or bad, and since they have already had sex, they want very much so to believe that it's a bad reason, since if it is, objectively speaking, a good reason, then they have made a terrible mistake. And as soon as you've had sex then they can forget about whether or not the reason was good or not because well who cares anymore right, as long as everyone's in the same boat.

Although it's unpopular, I think the best way to combat the pressurers is to not just express it as a personal preference, but as a moral absolute (which it is). People will be much more aggressive if you say, "I'm saving it for marriage" then if you say, "Sex outside of marriage is a sin". They are fine with trying to talk you out of your preferences, but they probably don't want to talk about God or morality. And then instead of talking about sex you end up talking about God, and the reliability of the Bible, which is probably territory that they are uncomfortable in. They won't want to bring it up if it is going to end in the whole thing turning on them and convicting them. The best defense is a good offence.

"If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another". "Truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ." (1 John 1).

 

[eugenius]

But how do you get to know someone really well without living with them first? How do you make sure that you don't jump into marriage with someone you don't even know?

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Animus again." Brilliant post, brother.

Eugenius, I can understand your thoughts here. But once you've seriously dated someone for a while (a year or more) and really really gotten to know them, you should have already learned anything that is important to your marriage. Big stuff, and even some little stuff, will have been talked about between you. The little things aren't going to make much difference in the long run.

Marriage isn't successful because you both throw your clothes into the hamper after you shower. It's successful because you are both committed to one another and willing to make sacrifices for your marriage. If you don't have that kind of commitment when you are at "move in" stage, then you don't need to be moving in OR marrying. If you do have that kind of commitment, then moving in is pointless. Just go get married!