S
Okay so I am not sure how to write this. But I will try my best. I dont come from a very happy family. Some would say it is broken. How do I put this. I am afraid a big part of me hates my family. I am 25 but when I was about 12-13 my brothers and I were taken away by the state. Ultimately I am grateful for it. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if this hadn't he happened. Though where my mother is concerned I am still harboring a lot of resentment. She has always in my eyes favored my brothers. I feel I always get the short end of the stick. It's difficult to even be civil with her. I am having a very hard time describing this. I just dont know how to put it into words. This whole "family" situation has me so down sometimes I contemplate more permanent ways out. I always feel ashamed for even thinking this way. I will be moving soon for school and for some reason in am scared to leave this place because its a comfort zone. Albeit not a healthy one. I want to leave but I have no confidence in myself. I am even seriously considering leaving and just cutting them out of my life completely. Am I just running away from my problems? Or am I allowing myself the time and space I need to take care of myself and really gain that healthy loving wonderful relationship with God that I want so badly. I want to be the best that I can be and I know that someday i will have to forgive my family but at this point it just seems impossible to me. Im not sure if im a good enough person to do it. I dont know if I know how to do it. I know im not telling this like I would like to but for some reason I just cant find a way to describe this overwhelming sadness and loneliness that I am feeling. I know that God is always therethere and maybe that is why I have been watching the Passion so much. Its just nice to be reminded that even though I dont feel any love from the people who should love me that Jesus loves me enough to die for me and everyone else just so we can have a chance to be happy.
Any advice here would be wonderful
Any advice here would be wonderful