Calling all divorced Christians?

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M

MyPottersClay

Guest
#1
#1
Six year ago my wife and I were married and non-believers. Six months later I was saved and I turned away from the many vices of my life. My new life rubbed off on her and she began to "sound" like a Christian. I wanted to believe we were beginning this new found purpose I'd been given. Well as the Bible story goes, the couple running from the burning city were told by the Lord to not look back, and my wife could not keep from turning. Ive tried endlessly to the point that I have no more fight left in me to turn her from her ways. The lies and cover ups just keep mounting and although I care for her safety and wellbeing I no longer see her as a wife. She is not the Christian woman that I thought she had become. My question I pose is this: Is it possible for the Lord to call you out of a marriage? If the Lord has a great purpose for His children and puts them in the best situation to fulfill this purpose could He possibly call you out of a marriage from one who is continuously destructive and disobedient to his way of life?
We are 1 month separated.
 
K

keepholdinon

Guest
#2
#2
pray about it. i cant tell you if its right or wrong i just went through a divorce myself. god made a way for mine to go through i prayed a long time over it. i dont work and i didnt tell anyone and one day the money was in my hand. so pray for gods will in this and see what the answer is if she is with someone else than you are free to get the divorce.
 
M

MidniteWelder

Guest
#3
#3
MyPottersClay said:
Six year ago my wife and I were married and non-believers. Six months later I was saved and I turned away from the many vices of my life. My new life rubbed off on her and she began to "sound" like a Christian. I wanted to believe we were beginning this new found purpose I'd been given. Well as the Bible story goes, the couple running from the burning city were told by the Lord to not look back, and my wife could not keep from turning. Ive tried endlessly to the point that I have no more fight left in me to turn her from her ways. The lies and cover ups just keep mounting and although I care for her safety and wellbeing I no longer see her as a wife. She is not the Christian woman that I thought she had become. My question I pose is this: Is it possible for the Lord to call you out of a marriage? If the Lord has a great purpose for His children and puts them in the best situation to fulfill this purpose could He possibly call you out of a marriage from one who is continuously destructive and disobedient to his way of life?
We are 1 month separated.
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I feel for ya Bro,
this sort of situation can be very trying on a person being forced to pull the larger weight of the yoke.
The one two are linked to and often results in the one following the master's lead dragging the other along... sometimes kicking and screaming they want to go this way and that way instead of the directed narrow path.
I'll remember you in my prayers.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#4
#4
Lots of unanswered questions. Kids? Abuse? Drugs? Has an effort been made to reconcile? My path thru divorce lasted 6 years and it stirred up a crapstorm in my soul which I am still sorting out.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#5
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#5
I don't believe God "calls" anyone out of a marriage. Does that mean you should not leave? Not necessarily. If she is literally committing adultery on you, you have strong grounds to leave.

I'm very sorry you are in this situation. I think once you put your hand on the plough, you should not look back either (Jesus' words). It seems like your wife was just trying a new fad on for style. When it did not fit, she threw off the harness.Yet Jesus yoke is easy, and she will find herself weighed down by the evil burdens of this world if she does not carry Jesus yoke!

Do try marriage counseling, even while you are separated. Praying you can find restoration in your marriage.
 
crossnote

crossnote

Senior Member
#6
Nov 24, 2012
30,779
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#6
Who is leaving who?

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?


I would pray for her conversion and your reconciliation and quit playing Holy Spirit. You set the example, it's God's job to convert.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#7
#7
The reality is is that marriage is the highest institution this side of heaven.
 
M

MyPottersClay

Guest
#8
#8
No kids in the house. She has a grown daughter from previous marriage. As for drugs, idk. It was in our past. tens of thousands of $'s are unaccounted for as well as credit debt she has accumulated. she told me its a spending problem and when I could no longer take it I asked for a separation. She then told me it was drugs and a few days later retracted that statement because she thought it would make me feel sorry for her. Its tough. I cant help her if she isn't honest with me. I no longer trust her and honestly have no feelings for her. As for infidelity idk either. I would like to think no but what can I believe.
 
M

MyPottersClay

Guest
#9
#9
Sirk said:
Lots of unanswered questions. Kids? Abuse? Drugs? Has an effort been made to reconcile? My path thru divorce lasted 6 years and it stirred up a crapstorm in my soul which I am still sorting out.
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No kids in the house. She has a grown daughter from previous marriage. As for drugs, idk. It was in our past. tens of thousands of $'s are unaccounted for as well as credit debt she has accumulated. she told me its a spending problem and when I could no longer take it I asked for a separation. She then told me it was drugs and a few days later retracted that statement because she thought it would make me feel sorry for her. Its tough. I cant help her if she isn't honest with me. I no longer trust her and honestly have no feelings for her. As for infidelity idk either. I would like to think no but what can I believe.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#10
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
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#10
Have you considered the possibility she might be mentally ill? Whenever I hear about spending sprees and unaccounted for money, I am always reminded that is a symptom of bipolar disorder. If she cannot tell you the truth about the money, perhaps it is time for her to see a psychiatrist. With the right medication, you might save your marriage after all. And yes, it is just that simple, when you are talking about controlling a disease!
 
M

MyPottersClay

Guest
#11
#11
Angela53510 said:
Have you considered the possibility she might be mentally ill? Whenever I hear about spending sprees and unaccounted for money, I am always reminded that is a symptom of bipolar disorder. If she cannot tell you the truth about the money, perhaps it is time for her to see a psychiatrist. With the right medication, you might save your marriage after all. And yes, it is just that simple, when you are talking about controlling a disease!
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I have thought about that from time to time. I cant say she is spending it b/c she doesn't have anything new. she has pawned Christmas presents a month after so its a need for money not stuff. as for bi-polar, she goes through cycles.2-3 days of crying, 2-3 of bubbly happy, then2-3 days of just trying to put up with her. She is on so much medication now she is zombie in the evenings. As part of the separation agreement she is to get counseling for her "addiction" and honestly I put that in there to see if she really is in tune to make changes. If she stays status quo' then I have lost hope in her and cant see myself dragging her to finish line if that isn't where she wants to go. It may just be the Lords battle. Every time ive thrown out a life ring she has swam away. That's why I wonder if the Lord can call someone out of a marriage, so the purpose filled life can be released from what is binding it.
 
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O

Ozgirl

Guest
#12
#12
That's how I should have worded my thread maybe then I wouldn't have been so judged. I'm going through a similar thing I hope you find peace and the answers you are seeking. :)
MyPottersClay said:
I have thought about that from time to time. I cant say she is spending it b/c she doesn't have anything new. she has pawned Christmas presents a month after so its a need for money not stuff. as for bi-polar, she goes through cycles.2-3 days of crying, 2-3 of bubbly happy, then2-3 days of just trying to put up with her. She is on so much medication now she is zombie in the evenings. As part of the separation agreement she is to get counseling for her "addiction" and honestly I put that in there to see if she really is in tune to make changes. If she stays status quo' then I have lost hope in her and cant see myself dragging her to finish line if that isn't where she wants to go. It may just be the Lords battle. Every time ive thrown out a life ring she has swam away. That's why I wonder if the Lord can call someone out of a marriage, so the purpose filled life can be released from what is binding it.
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crossnote

crossnote

Senior Member
#13
Nov 24, 2012
30,779
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#13
Can we hear her side of the story? I suppose not. I have no further comments.
 
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MyPottersClay

Guest
#14
#14
crossnote said:
Can we hear her side of the story? I suppose not. I have no further comments.
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If only she would come to this site. I don't know how else to explain my station in life without these details. I don't understand your angle. Please explain.
 
M

MyPottersClay

Guest
#15
#15
Also correct me on how I am "playing the Holy Spirit". I don't even know what that means. I live as pure as a life as possible. I don't drink alcohol just in case there is a moment that the Lord needs me as a vessel to offer encouragement, inspiration, correction, or direction, im available and I haven't been a disservice to Him. Im all in as a servant to Him.
Please clarify your comment sir.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#16
#16
MyPottersClay said:
No kids in the house. She has a grown daughter from previous marriage. As for drugs, idk. It was in our past. tens of thousands of $'s are unaccounted for as well as credit debt she has accumulated. she told me its a spending problem and when I could no longer take it I asked for a separation. She then told me it was drugs and a few days later retracted that statement because she thought it would make me feel sorry for her. Its tough. I cant help her if she isn't honest with me. I no longer trust her and honestly have no feelings for her. As for infidelity idk either. I would like to think no but what can I believe.
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Sounds like a mixed up girl. So what was it in you that was ok with her unhealth in the beginning?
 
M

MyPottersClay

Guest
#17
#17
I was a dope head and mixed up myself. Wasted my life away and needed to attach to something, she was out of a bad relationship and I was security to her and she was comfort to me. Quick marriage after six months, then six month later I broke down and surrendered my wretched life to Him to mold me into whatever He could salvage from what mess I made. Ohhhhh what He did with me was/is amazing.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#18
#18
MyPottersClay said:
I was a dope head and mixed up myself. Wasted my life away and needed to attach to something, she was out of a bad relationship and I was security to her and she was comfort to me. Quick marriage after six months, then six month later I broke down and surrendered my wretched life to Him to mold me into whatever He could salvage from what mess I made. Ohhhhh what He did with me was/is amazing.
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How long have you been a Christian?
 
L

livingepistle

Guest
#19
#19
Paul addressed similar marital challenges experienced by the Gentiles that were believers and not under the Hebraic Law in these verses:

1 Corinthians 7th Chapter Verses 10-17(King James Version)

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

Jesus spoke to the Jews that were under the Mosaic Law and addressed the subject of adultery in this manner:

Matthew 19:9 - And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

If your wife is committing fornication/adultery or any other act that would be classified as "fornication" you are free to divorce. Seek additional counseling but the Bible is clear concerning what to do and with options given without condemnation. Jesus must be first in your life and the question really is "Does Your Wife Desire To Remain In The Marriage; if so, this requires an entirely different decision making process?"
 
crossnote

crossnote

Senior Member
#20
Nov 24, 2012
30,779
3,681
113
#20
MyPottersClay said:
If only she would come to this site. I don't know how else to explain my station in life without these details. I don't understand your angle. Please explain.
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I hate giving this type of counsel without hearing both sides.
 
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