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S
Ya. I agree with crossnote and the truth is... This is more about you than it is your bride. It's tough to get to the meat of what's going on here but I'll give you my take. You are a fairly new believer and you are seeing things thru rose colored glasses. The tough part of this journey you are on is yet to come. Things are gonna get real for you and if you have really made a transaction with Jesus, his polishing wheel is about to start its work on you. Pray for a soft heart cuz that's the soil your gonna need for Gods truth to take root in you and it's gonna reveal a whole lotta stuff you don't see yet. Prepare yourself for 5 to 10 years of sometimes painful growth.
M
I appreciate your insight. I've had "the veil" pulled back to let me "see" sin. To "see" evil and the effects of disobedience. Just as I walk with an awareness of Him at my side im also aware of the devil around every corner to trip the unexpected up. This Blessing is why I've been able to keep my shoulders square with His purpose and plan as I pass right by Satan and His lies. Now my wife is outside of His protection and I am powerless outside of my example to rescue her. This whole thread is to conclude if my direction is forward or a deviation from the path laid out before me to continue trying to rescue the unwilling. This must be what crossnote was referring to as "playing the Holy Spirit" which is what im trying to avoid. As I believe some battles are for the Lord to fight. Sirk, thank you and I hope to continue this dialog.
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Just based on what you shared, my opinion, as someone who doesn't know the whole story, is you probably don't have any kinds of grounds to divorce her, not if there isn't something you don't know about or something you haven't shared or something I'm not seeing.
The Bible does not say to divorce your wife because she isn't a Christian. Paul's advice for a man in this situation was to stay together. But if you asked for the separation, are you doing that? Paul also says not to give any offense, either to the Jews, the Gentiles, or the church of God. Offense in this sense means to trip someone up to sin. A husband is supposed to provide his wife with food, clothing, and sex. Separating from her could tempt her to be unfaithful.
I know if your wife isn't serving the Lord, divorcing her and finding someone who will might seem like the natural thing to do. But actually read some of the things Jesus said about divorce and remarriage, for example in Matthew 5 and 19. He who divorces his wife, except it be for fornication, commits adultery, and he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery.
Sometimes the right way to serve the Lord is difficult and involves struggles and suffering. For Jesus, serving God meant the cross. For Paul, it meant enduring beatings. Some Christians have had to put up with an unbelieving spouse. God uses difficulties and trials to mold us into the image of His Son.
The Bible does not say to divorce your wife because she isn't a Christian. Paul's advice for a man in this situation was to stay together. But if you asked for the separation, are you doing that? Paul also says not to give any offense, either to the Jews, the Gentiles, or the church of God. Offense in this sense means to trip someone up to sin. A husband is supposed to provide his wife with food, clothing, and sex. Separating from her could tempt her to be unfaithful.
I know if your wife isn't serving the Lord, divorcing her and finding someone who will might seem like the natural thing to do. But actually read some of the things Jesus said about divorce and remarriage, for example in Matthew 5 and 19. He who divorces his wife, except it be for fornication, commits adultery, and he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery.
Sometimes the right way to serve the Lord is difficult and involves struggles and suffering. For Jesus, serving God meant the cross. For Paul, it meant enduring beatings. Some Christians have had to put up with an unbelieving spouse. God uses difficulties and trials to mold us into the image of His Son.
I
Sounds like your wife is depressed and unhappy about her life, so she's looking to "pleasure spending" as means to comfort herself, rather than turn to Jesus as the Savior of her soul. I wouldnt give up on her, brother, she seems lost and confused the same way we all were before salvation. I pray you will find grace to be patient and forgive her, take her back, and commit her into His hands. It is very possible the Lord is using her breakdown as means to bring her to the cross for a genuine conversion. Pray for her to be convicted of her sins and for her to desire truth. God bless.
S
Maybe you can make a clean break from your marriage but like I stated in a earlier post, marriage is the highest institution in this world. Just look at how much emphasis was put on the bond of marriage in regards to Adam and Eve. Look at how Christ compared His church to the marriage bond. As yoda would say....a big deal marriage is.....mmmmhmmm.
I just don't think it is very possible to have a "clean break" from a marriage. No matter how right you think it is, it is ripping apart an institution that God puts in a very high regard. In my experience, divorce opened up a pandoras box of family of origin generational sin brokenness stuff and it was no where near just the severing of a relationship. You married and made a vow to that girl....now you are considering going back on that vow. Thats a big deal and will not be without its own consequence.
Some other factors to consider....is there any amount of money involved? Money makes people crazy. No matter how right you think you are...any friends you have are gonna be confused and will scatter and will inevitably choose sides. You will lose friends and create discomfort within your friend group.
I just don't think it is very possible to have a "clean break" from a marriage. No matter how right you think it is, it is ripping apart an institution that God puts in a very high regard. In my experience, divorce opened up a pandoras box of family of origin generational sin brokenness stuff and it was no where near just the severing of a relationship. You married and made a vow to that girl....now you are considering going back on that vow. Thats a big deal and will not be without its own consequence.
Some other factors to consider....is there any amount of money involved? Money makes people crazy. No matter how right you think you are...any friends you have are gonna be confused and will scatter and will inevitably choose sides. You will lose friends and create discomfort within your friend group.
M
The truth is we were ungodly when we shacked up. our marriage was nothing more than getting a drivers license. I never conferred with Jesus if this is the one for me. I was rapped up in selfish desires. God may have allowed me to make a bad decision but this decision wasn't brought to Him first. So maybe the last six years have been the consequence of an ungodly decision and therefore we aren't bound by God. This in turn makes me question even more because im with a woman He hasn't chose for me. Every time I have or will "bed" her is adultery. Im starting to believe no marriage is a valid marriage unless two Christians stood at the alter "under God". Otherwise a marriage certificate is that, just a drivers liscense.
There are no accidents or surprises with God. You are right where you should be. Divorce will not free you from your responsibility to this woman. You need to pray for her. You need to be in a good church and have them pray for the both of you. You are experiencing the consequences of sin. You are saved from the penalty of sin but there are still consequences of sin while we sojourn in this life.
Don't quit but work to make the best of what you have and glorify God in what He will do to produce good fruit from the ashes.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
Don't quit but work to make the best of what you have and glorify God in what He will do to produce good fruit from the ashes.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
M
No sir. Im not saying that at all. Both of us were fresh out of divorce and hers not even final. having sex with a woman still married. we wedded first. Hardly believe God had a hand in that. All of that was outside the will of God. Being saved six months into the marriage didn't erase the consequences of an ungodly decision that Im still suffering for today. Ive accepted that. But Ive learned the Grace of God works all things together for the good for those that love Him. Romans 8:28 And ive also learned that God never forces anyone to accept the healing and wholeness He offers......So no I don't think God made the mistake, we did that on our own without Him, however I DO think He holds accountable for our actions.
He who has, more will be given. He who doesn't, even what he thinks he has it will be taken from him.
He who has, more will be given. He who doesn't, even what he thinks he has it will be taken from him.
G
Did you ever consider that that purpose filled life from God IS the one your on?? Maybe your purpose is to be patient, endure, and be the example of the husband that god wants you to be. My story is not exactly the same but there are similarities. My husband and I were both saved years ago. The past few years my husband began to Display emotional abuse with a righteous undertone. He would never take responsibility or humble himself to admit it was a problem and hence I began to emotionally disconnect myself. Subsequently we are now separated and soon to be divorced. I have wanted reconciliation and he has gone on to have two oter relationships. The later with a woman from out church. All this has severely shattered myself and my children. He tells me and my children that it is not adultery. He goes against everything he has preached, lived, and exemplified as a Christian husband and father all those years. You can imagine how angry, betrayed, and saddened we all are. He claims that for the last few years he prayed that his wife (me) would come back around emotionally and want to be married. When I did he is now gone. It's truly a mess. All I know now is that God works, God answers, God wants reconciliation. We all battle with temptations and those consequences. Please pray for her and you and know that God works on HIS TIME not ours.
QUOTE=MyPottersClay;1532556]I have thought about that from time to time. I cant say she is spending it b/c she doesn't have anything new. she has pawned Christmas presents a month after so its a need for money not stuff. as for bi-polar, she goes through cycles.2-3 days of crying, 2-3 of bubbly happy, then2-3 days of just trying to put up with her. She is on so much medication now she is zombie in the evenings. As part of the separation agreement she is to get counseling for her "addiction" and honestly I put that in there to see if she really is in tune to make changes. If she stays status quo' then I have lost hope in her and cant see myself dragging her to finish line if that isn't where she wants to go. It may just be the Lords battle. Every time ive thrown out a life ring she has swam away. That's why I wonder if the Lord can call someone out of a marriage, so the purpose filled life can be released from what is binding it.[/QUOTE]
QUOTE=MyPottersClay;1532556]I have thought about that from time to time. I cant say she is spending it b/c she doesn't have anything new. she has pawned Christmas presents a month after so its a need for money not stuff. as for bi-polar, she goes through cycles.2-3 days of crying, 2-3 of bubbly happy, then2-3 days of just trying to put up with her. She is on so much medication now she is zombie in the evenings. As part of the separation agreement she is to get counseling for her "addiction" and honestly I put that in there to see if she really is in tune to make changes. If she stays status quo' then I have lost hope in her and cant see myself dragging her to finish line if that isn't where she wants to go. It may just be the Lords battle. Every time ive thrown out a life ring she has swam away. That's why I wonder if the Lord can call someone out of a marriage, so the purpose filled life can be released from what is binding it.[/QUOTE]
Well, PottersClay, that screen name is a good one.
"The truth is we were ungodly when we shacked up. our marriage was nothing more than getting a drivers license. I never conferred with Jesus if this is the one for me."
Why are you calling your married "shacking up" and a drivers license? Do you have some Bible justification for such a claim? The Lord has declared that the two become one, even if not saved. What God has put together, man may not put asunder. According to 1 Cor 7, if you are saved, then your wife is holy! Read it.
Proverbs says that He who gets a wife gets a good thing. Of course this is a generalization. But it is not limited to Christians.
You say, "I was rapped up in selfish desires. God may have allowed me to make a bad decision but this decision wasn't brought to Him first. So maybe the last six years have been the consequence of an ungodly decision and therefore we aren't bound by God."
It is noted that you quote not one verse to justify this. According to God's Word, if the wife wants to stay with you, you sin if you drive her off. If she freely leaves you, that is another matter. Do you mind my telling you that to me that last "rapped up in selfish desires" thing, looks like quite possibly a description of your current desire to get out of this marriage. Do you already have your eyes on another woman? We are obligated as Christian men to love our wives, regardless of whether or not we prayed before we got married.
Now if you sign a contract to buy a new car with a loan and get buyer's remorse, you may not go to the seller or lender and say, "I'm out of this contract because I bought it with selfish desires without bringing it to God first. So our contract is invalid."
" Every time I have or will "bed" her is adultery."
Potter's Clay, that is absurd. In fact if you refuse to bed her, you are defrauding her (1 Cor 7).
Potter's C says: "Otherwise a marriage certificate is that, just a drivers liscense."
You are making up things not in scripture.
Do you have your eyes on another woman?
Are you involved with another woman?
"Let no man deal treacherously against the wife of his youth."
"The truth is we were ungodly when we shacked up. our marriage was nothing more than getting a drivers license. I never conferred with Jesus if this is the one for me."
Why are you calling your married "shacking up" and a drivers license? Do you have some Bible justification for such a claim? The Lord has declared that the two become one, even if not saved. What God has put together, man may not put asunder. According to 1 Cor 7, if you are saved, then your wife is holy! Read it.
Proverbs says that He who gets a wife gets a good thing. Of course this is a generalization. But it is not limited to Christians.
You say, "I was rapped up in selfish desires. God may have allowed me to make a bad decision but this decision wasn't brought to Him first. So maybe the last six years have been the consequence of an ungodly decision and therefore we aren't bound by God."
It is noted that you quote not one verse to justify this. According to God's Word, if the wife wants to stay with you, you sin if you drive her off. If she freely leaves you, that is another matter. Do you mind my telling you that to me that last "rapped up in selfish desires" thing, looks like quite possibly a description of your current desire to get out of this marriage. Do you already have your eyes on another woman? We are obligated as Christian men to love our wives, regardless of whether or not we prayed before we got married.
Now if you sign a contract to buy a new car with a loan and get buyer's remorse, you may not go to the seller or lender and say, "I'm out of this contract because I bought it with selfish desires without bringing it to God first. So our contract is invalid."
" Every time I have or will "bed" her is adultery."
Potter's Clay, that is absurd. In fact if you refuse to bed her, you are defrauding her (1 Cor 7).
Potter's C says: "Otherwise a marriage certificate is that, just a drivers liscense."
You are making up things not in scripture.
Do you have your eyes on another woman?
Are you involved with another woman?
"Let no man deal treacherously against the wife of his youth."
Potter'sC:
posted: "Both of us were fresh out of divorce and hers not even final. having sex with a woman still married. we wedded first."
The last sentence seems to contradict the first.
Christians are obligated to love wives as self, and as Christ loved the Church.
But 1 Cor 7 is pretty clear on your issues.
If you are born again, read it and pray for wisdom.
posted: "Both of us were fresh out of divorce and hers not even final. having sex with a woman still married. we wedded first."
The last sentence seems to contradict the first.
Christians are obligated to love wives as self, and as Christ loved the Church.
But 1 Cor 7 is pretty clear on your issues.
If you are born again, read it and pray for wisdom.
S
In my case I was at my wits end with my very bitter and angry ex wife. I told her I wanted a divorce. I went to my church leaders and told them all about the situation. They told me I did not have grounds for divorcing her. I told my wife that I had to obey my church leaders and I couldn't divorce her. 3 days later she filed for divorce from me. The fact is that if there was no infidelity on her part you ain't gotta case friend.
A
I have to disagree. If you read the Bible there are many instances where marriages were valid but both people were not TRUE believers in God.
for example:
Judges 16
Samson and Delilah
Hosea 1:2 When the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea: “Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry And children of harlotry, For the land has committed great harlotry By departing from the Lord
I will pray that you make godly friends whom will uplift and encourage you in your walk with Christ.
Marriage is a big part of life but it should not be everything. Focus on your relationship with God and pray for your wife. Walk with the Holy Spirit and learn wisdom and how to truly love others as God loves you. Only then will you truly see a change in the lives of those around you: when you live God's love and pour out His words from the overflowing abundance of a heart completely given to Him.
for example:
Judges 16
Samson and Delilah
Hosea 1:2 When the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea: “Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry And children of harlotry, For the land has committed great harlotry By departing from the Lord
I will pray that you make godly friends whom will uplift and encourage you in your walk with Christ.
Marriage is a big part of life but it should not be everything. Focus on your relationship with God and pray for your wife. Walk with the Holy Spirit and learn wisdom and how to truly love others as God loves you. Only then will you truly see a change in the lives of those around you: when you live God's love and pour out His words from the overflowing abundance of a heart completely given to Him.
If He was "calling you out" OF MATRIMONY, He could take your wife away (passing her life by).
Eze 24:15 The word of the LORD came to me:
Eze 24:16 "Son of man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke; yet you shall not mourn or weep, nor shall your tears run down.
Eze 24:17 Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead. Bind on your turban, and put your shoes on your feet; do not cover your lips, nor eat the bread of men."
Eze 24:18 So I spoke to the people in the morning, and at evening my wife died. And on the next morning I did as I was commanded.
And, sadly too, Samson was used against his will. The one he married, was given to another, and you also can read that story.
What about DAVID, the inspired King? he sinned and spoiled another´s man life (Urias).
Eze 24:15 The word of the LORD came to me:
Eze 24:16 "Son of man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke; yet you shall not mourn or weep, nor shall your tears run down.
Eze 24:17 Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead. Bind on your turban, and put your shoes on your feet; do not cover your lips, nor eat the bread of men."
Eze 24:18 So I spoke to the people in the morning, and at evening my wife died. And on the next morning I did as I was commanded.
And, sadly too, Samson was used against his will. The one he married, was given to another, and you also can read that story.
What about DAVID, the inspired King? he sinned and spoiled another´s man life (Urias).
B
I would not tell you to give up on your marriage, just for the fact that you are not sure. However if your wife is an unbeliever and SHE walked out on you, and not the other way around, then the bible does allow for a divorce in that case. 1 Corinthians 7:15. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.