I'm supposed to have a date today

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DarlinNadia

Guest
#1
#1
A couple of days ago, I agreed to go on a date today. Now, I'm like .blah... I do not really feel like it. I feel like I need to keep my word but I also feel like I'll be rotten company because my heart isn't really in this.

I agreed to it because I'm under the impression I self-sabotage my own happiness... I plan on letting this guy know my heart isn't really in it and see if he lets me off the hook.

I wonder if I'm ever going to be ready to go out with someone. Perplexed on what to do. I already checked to make sure he was Christian... well, I was not overly thrilled with his response because I asked, "Where are you with God?" He replied, "Christian" I suppose I was looking for a more elaborate answer like, Well God has me in fill in any book in the Bible . and I'm working on fill in anything God has you working on.

Sigh, I wish I was more excited about doing this but it feels like a chore... the kind I want to procrastinate about .. like cleaning out the garage for example.
 
BIBLECOMPARER

BIBLECOMPARER

Junior Member
#2
Jan 8, 2012
18
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#2
[h=3]Proverbs 6[/h]Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

[h=3]Dangers of Debt[/h]6 My sister, don’t make yourself responsible for the debts of others. Don’t make such deals with friends or strangers. 2 If you do, your words will trap you. 3 You will be under the power of other people, so you must go and free yourself. Beg them to free you from that debt. 4 Don’t wait to rest or sleep. 5 Escape from that trap like a deer running from a hunter. Free yourself like a bird flying from a trap.
 
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SparkleEyes

Senior Member
#3
Mar 23, 2013
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#3
Go - you never know what could happen...........:cool:
 
MartyrNdaMaKn

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
#4
Jan 22, 2013
4,482
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#4
Honesty is the best policy, but also keeping your word is too.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
42,555
17,025
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Tennessee
#5
DarlinNadia said:
A couple of days ago, I agreed to go on a date today. Now, I'm like .blah... I do not really feel like it. I feel like I need to keep my word but I also feel like I'll be rotten company because my heart isn't really in this.

I agreed to it because I'm under the impression I self-sabotage my own happiness... I plan on letting this guy know my heart isn't really in it and see if he lets me off the hook.

I wonder if I'm ever going to be ready to go out with someone. Perplexed on what to do. I already checked to make sure he was Christian... well, I was not overly thrilled with his response because I asked, "Where are you with God?" He replied, "Christian" I suppose I was looking for a more elaborate answer like, Well God has me in fill in any book in the Bible . and I'm working on fill in anything God has you working on.

Sigh, I wish I was more excited about doing this but it feels like a chore... the kind I want to procrastinate about .. like cleaning out the garage for example.
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Or taking out the trash. My advice: stay home and watch a movie by yourself. Make popcorn.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#7
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
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#7
If you don't want to date, or you aren't ready to, there is absolutely no reason to be dating. You've spent enough of your life trying to do and be what others want. I realize this is probably too late for this situation but for future reference unless the guy is someone you have to interact with frequently, calling him and saying "I'm really sorry but as the time approaches I realize I'm not ready to date anyone right now" is acceptable. Happiness is not found by dating or marrying the right person.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
DarlinNadia said:
I already checked to make sure he was Christian... well, I was not overly thrilled with his response because I asked, "Where are you with God?" He replied, "Christian" I suppose I was looking for a more elaborate answer like, Well God has me in fill in any book in the Bible . and I'm working on fill in anything God has you working on.
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Well, this doesn't mean anything bad. Some people just naturally answer that way. I tend to be the same way. I don't feel compelled to give a small sermon, share a testimony or give a statement of faith. I just say 'i'm a Christian'. Though i won't claim this is my motive behind that response, but, it actually can work to helping create a chance to talk more with the person. It opens up a whole slew of questions available to ask them about their faith, their church and you can get More information about how important their faith is this way. Anyone can give an impressive, pre-made speech about how spiritual they are. And then you will accept that as a good sign and be happy. But when you ask questions, it puts more pressure for them to share where they Really are.
It could easily be flipped around on you as well. Someone could say 'wow, all i had to say was Christian and she was fine with that, she didn't even ask anything deeper'. Then they could look at you with a 'i wasn't impressed in this area' attitude as well. After all, the whole idea here is to get to know the person and talk and communicate with them. Not read their application and think that tells you anything about them really.
But you actually have to care and be interested for all of this to work. You obviously don't care at all about this guy, not in that way. So i'd suggest calling him back, explaining your feelings (in a nice way) and saying if he'd still like to go out as a 'non-date' then you'd be willing. This way you don't back out of your commitment (as others have pointed out it being important) but at the same time it doesn't commit you to an awkward situation that may lead this guy on. It lets him know in advance where you stand, allows you to keep your commitment and gives him the option to decide based on what you say.
 
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agirlandherguitar

Guest
#9
#9
DarlinNadia... dating IS a chore! I wish it was fun and easy but it isn't always like that. Hopefully you have a good time though, hun. You never know. Don't keep your heart so tightly closed. And if you listen to God then it'll be pretty obvious pretty fast what's going to happen with this guy.
 
garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#10
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#10
awww DarlinNadia try it hope you hv blessed one n enjoy it amen. we never knows about what will happen right?? God bless you amen
 
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notshaken67

Guest
#11
#11
Let the Holy Spirit direct your path. Yield n surrender to His wisdom n guidance. Lean not on your own understanding, but by every word that comes from Our Lord.
 
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DarlinNadia

Guest
#12
#12
We never went out. But, he contacted me today and asked if we could meet tonight. I explained my side.. that my heart wasn't it and I felt it wasn't fair to him because I really feel indifferent about the whole thing while leaning towards the Nope. He said he only wants to buy me a dinner.. that's it. I am gonna go eat and see what happens... perhaps he's a friend in disguise.

Edit: he directed me to James 1:17
 
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SabbieWabbie

Guest
#13
#13
Enjoy your dinner and don't overthink things, go as a platonic friend. Pay for yourself, so he understands you don't consider it a date or anything. Smile and have fun!
 
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GodIsSalvation

Banned
#14
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#14
DarlinNadia said:
We never went out. But, he contacted me today and asked if we could meet tonight. I explained my side.. that my heart wasn't it and I felt it wasn't fair to him because I really feel indifferent about the whole thing while leaning towards the Nope. He said he only wants to buy me a dinner.. that's it. I am gonna go eat and see what happens... perhaps he's a friend in disguise.

Edit: he directed me to James 1:17
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Heh, now this sounds like a good plan. Enjoy your dinner date sister Nadia.
 
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just_monicat

Senior Member
#15
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
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#15
i'm sort of with sabbie on this.

while i have never really thought of dating as a chore, i do worry about how to handle awkward scenarios. the whole POINT of dating is to figure out who you are compatible with, and who you're not. and as you said, there's nothing wrong with making a friend.

if it were me, if he asked me to dinner and i already committed to it, i'd probably go unless i had a really strong reason not to (i don't consider indifference or apathy as good reasons). for future reference, i almost never go to dinner for a first date -- more like coffee, unless i already know him pretty decently.

i sort of feel like dating sometimes is as much about the other person as it is our own learning/experience--even if you're only on the same journey for an hour or so. maybe God will use you in some way in this guy's life?

even if you're not the right person for him, your date with him might be a benefit to him in some way. first dates sometimes teach me a lot about who i don't want to be with, which sometimes is as helpful as who i DO want to be with. : )
 
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hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#16
May 10, 2014
552
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#16
When you do go out to dinner with this gentleman, just please remember, we guys, generally are not as verbally gifted as you ladies. I understand that he gave you the one word "Christian" answer, but don't let that factor into any decision you make about him in trying to gauge his faith. Some of us just aren't as verbal (I can ramble on forever about most anything, but not all of my brothers in Christ can). You may be someone though who desires someone who can better convey their faith and is more "wordy," and if that's the case, he may not be the one for you.

Also, it seems like you're in a middle ground place about dating. I agree with just_monicat about the coffee meeting. The first get-together should really be more casual and doesn't need to go too deep. I will usually find some casual activity for the two of us to meet and go participate in or something simple.

This also goes with what is being said here, and the ladies can correct me if I am wrong. Unless he really has red flags now, I think you should give the guy at least his initial chance. Here is my simple, I think, reasoning. Very few (and I mean miniscule) number of women connect instantaneously with that guy they end up having a good relationship with. It takes some time. You may know after dinner that he isn't for you, but don't completely dismiss him because there isn't a spark already.

Hopefully that all made sense.
 
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Nodmyheadlikeyeah

Guest
#17
#17
Dating is a chore. You have to like, shower and put on clothes that match... Then you have to talk and that's where everything gets ruined. I want to go on a silent date where we don't talk and just watch t.v.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#18
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
2,608
113
#18
Nodmyheadlikeyeah said:
Dating is a chore. You have to like, shower and put on clothes that match... Then you have to talk and that's where everything gets ruined. I want to go on a silent date where we don't talk and just watch t.v.
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Don't assume we ALL do that.

: )
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#20
Mar 13, 2014
42,555
17,025
113
69
Tennessee
#20
Nodmyheadlikeyeah said:
Dating is a chore. You have to like, shower and put on clothes that match... Then you have to talk and that's where everything gets ruined. I want to go on a silent date where we don't talk and just watch t.v.
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Sounds like a stay at home movie date. With Popcorn. Sea Salt only.
 
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