Courting

[lil-rush]

Am I the only one on CC that is into this? It seems like there are quote a few threads about dating, but none about courting.

To avoid any confusion, my idea of courting is as follows:

-Ideally, a person will only court one person in his life. Courting is, afterall, a preludge to engagement, which is in turn a prelude to marriage, and since one should only get married once (unless the spouse dies) than one need only court once.

-A person shall not kiss or partake and any sexual activities while courting.

-A chaperone comes along on every outting a couple that is courting goes on.

-The relationship should be centered around Christ.

-Courting should come after friendship, and be prayerfully thought out before embarked upon.

Those are just the main points of my idea of courting. So anyone else support courting, or are y'all just into the dating scene?

 

[SonOfAdam]

I'm courting.
Well... engaged now lol.

I'd add one extra item to your list. If you feel God is telling you that you are spiritually incompatible with the person you are courting then you should end it as friends. Not everyone agrees on infant baptism, for example. If you married that person and had kids then you'd be in disagreement on how to spiritually raise your children. You start courting with the intent to marry if spiritually compatible, but with the intent to end it if you are not. It is not dating, it is getting to know the person and what they believe.

Also, I keep in mind the fact that God tells the husband to love his wife. It doesn't tell him to try to love her... it tells him to actively do it. An action. Something that the person either deliberately does or does not do.

Just my few cents

 

[lil-rush]

Good point. Hopefully one would not have to end a courtship though. That is why I'd promote being good friends with a person before courting them. That way you would know a good deal about them before you started the relationship. But definitely, if God is telling someone to end it they better end it.

 

[Baptistrw]

Am I the only one on CC that is into this? It seems like there are quote a few threads about dating, but none about courting.

To avoid any confusion, my idea of courting is as follows:

-Ideally, a person will only court one person in his life. Courting is, afterall, a preludge to engagement, which is in turn a prelude to marriage, and since one should only get married once (unless the spouse dies) than one need only court once.

-A person shall not kiss or partake and any sexual activities while courting.

-A chaperone comes along on every outting a couple that is courting goes on.

-The relationship should be centered around Christ.

-Courting should come after friendship, and be prayerfully thought out before embarked upon.

Those are just the main points of my idea of courting. So anyone else support courting, or are y'all just into the dating scene?

All of the dating experts I have heard and read call courting and dating the same thing. It's just a difference of terms to most.

 

[SonOfAdam]

They use the same terms but mean different things. I define dating as 'Window shopping, Try before you buy, Money back guarantee'. Lots of trying stuff for fun but no commitment.

As for courtship, there is a conditional commitment to marry made right at the beginning before you even get to know the person in a marital context. A commitment that if they are compatible then they will marry. They will have fun, but a different type of fun.

They aren't exactly the same thing when looked at from that perspective.

 

[opulentwoman]

I beleive in courting.......to many that seems like such an old fashioned term. However, I think 'courting' is beautiful and takes on a much more serious tone I think, than 'dating'. Having a solid friendship before courting I think is very important. In being friends you learn about their spiritual life and life in general which is best done in the company of friends/mutual friends/families.

However, I also think time alone when 'courting' in a 'controlled' environment is not a bad thing. For example, going out to dinner or a day outing to a place of interest. If as christians a man and woman TRUELY respect one another and TRUELY honour God in all they do...they won't compromise themselves, they won't want to dishonour God. If a courting couple know that being alone would be an issue - even if going shopping or grabbing some lunch....then yes take a chaperone - but I don't think it should be a rule.

 

[MahogonySnail]

No kissing? hmm. Is that to avoid possible spread of diseases eg cold sores?

 

[Baptistrw]

Kissing is a seal of a marriage, and the first act of intimacy between a married couple on the alter.

 

[lil-rush]

Baptistrw- kind of a paradox for dating experts to define courting, but like SonofAdam pointed out there is that point of difference in the level of commitment between the two. If I were the dating type, I would feel no obligation to marry any man I dated. In courting, however, the man I date will be the man I think I will be marrying.

opulentwoman- in that sense I'm really old-fashioned about courting. Chaperones may not be necessary, but I believe they should be present just because that is how it used to be.

MahogonySnail - lol, no. I actually believe romantic kissing is a form of sexual foreplay(thus making it a part of the sex process), and as such should not be partaken in outside of marriage.

 

[MahogonySnail]

and the first act of intimacy between a married couple on the alter

I would hope, that no further acts of intimacy take place on the alter.

I actually believe romantic kissing is a form of sexual foreplay

Does this mean a couple is engaged in sexual foreplay in the church at their wedding? *shock*.

 

[minnesotablu]

haha snail! *gasp*

 

[goth4god]

and thats why im saving my first kiss for my wedding day! cuz kissing leads to other things... lol

 

[Christianrkchk89]

so does dancing. *giggles like a schoolgirl* lol sorry..inside joke.

 

[lil-rush]

Does this mean a couple is engaged in sexual foreplay in the church at their wedding? *shock*.

One could look at it that way, yes, but it's the truth. What does a couple do before consummating a marriage? The kiss and foddle, thus making kissing sexual foreplay. Granted some forms of romantic kissing aren't as intense as others, and I think that for the less intense one can partake in it publically without making an inappropriate specticle of himself. And by less-intense I mean closed-mouth, less-than-5-second kisses.

 

[IChThUS]

It is a long time since I heard anyone use the term Courting. When I was a lad, the term dateing was not known.

Going out with a membe of the opposite sex was always termed as courting. It was not necessarily (then) looked upon as being a more than a temporary relationship.

In current day terms I would see a first (2nd/3rd/??) as being a date. As it became more regular I would think of it as a courtship.

Even that would not constitute an immediate step before marriage. That would come when courtship became more serious and an engagement took over.

In my view, for Christians at least, intimate relationships should not even be considered until AFTER the ceremony and all celebrations of the event over. [Kissing is not included in that category. One can kiss without being intimate in any way.]

But who am I to make such bold statements

I am (almost) an old man. I have never been married, I have never been engaged, I have never got round to courting . I may admit to an occasional date but even that never reached the 3rd night out.

 

[Cori26]

I believe in courtship over dating and like goth4god I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day!

 

[iraasuup]

Unless you ride a dinosaur to work.. I think courting is so outdated and well just unrealistic really. How can you make a conditional commitment to marry someone before you even know them?? That's just asking for trouble... and well could lead to unecassary pain. I am married, and I dated a few guys before I met my husband, all of whom hurt me in their own loser-ish type of way. I don't think courting would have made any difference! Now, I'm married, and it's no bed of roses either. SOA made a really good point about God telling a husband to love his wife! Whether you court or date you either love the person or you don't! No-one wants to be caught in a loveless marriage, but sadly it can happen.. and I really don't think you could alter the outcome by simply having courted one person rather than dating a few!

 

[lil-rush]

As I said Ira, friendship before courtship is a must. That is how you get to know someone. I mean, who do you know better than your best friends? I know my best friend pretty well and I've never dated her, but I do know that if she was a dude and asked me to court her I'd say yes. It is not necessary to date someone in order to know if you'd be willing to marry them or not.

 

[Baptistrw]

Unless you ride a dinosaur to work.. I think courting is so outdated and well just unrealistic really. How can you make a conditional commitment to marry someone before you even know them?? That's just asking for trouble... and well could lead to unecassary pain. I am married, and I dated a few guys before I met my husband, all of whom hurt me in their own loser-ish type of way. I don't think courting would have made any difference! Now, I'm married, and it's no bed of roses either. SOA made a really good point about God telling a husband to love his wife! Whether you court or date you either love the person or you don't! No-one wants to be caught in a loveless marriage, but sadly it can happen.. and I really don't think you could alter the outcome by simply having courted one person rather than dating a few!

I think because I dated and had a few really bad experiences it has matured me and made me to be a better husband someday. if I had "courted" one person, I doubt I would have ever gotten to the point I'm at now. You learn from your mistakes, and they help you grow.

 

[lil-rush]

I really don't think those mistake learning experiences are necessary for everyone (altough they are a plus in some cases). I mean, there are people who marry their high school sweethearts, and that is the only person they ever dated. There are also people who court and lead successful marriages.