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M
I...tried...to talk to my mom this morning. About what happened last night. I had been a little afraid to say anything because she's been pushing me so hard to just "simply fix" things with my ex. But I thought, well, she's my mom for crying out loud, she'll care, and maybe she'll kind of see a little better why I'm in this situation.
*sigh*
The whole thing kinda really blew up in my face.
The end of the conversation went like this:
Mom- "Well...you're still married to him-"
Me- "That's not my fault. He hasn't-"
Mom- "AND AS HIS WIFE-"
Me- "You can't be serious."
Mom- "You have to do some things you might not-"
*click*
Fun times.
*sigh*
The whole thing kinda really blew up in my face.
The end of the conversation went like this:
Mom- "Well...you're still married to him-"
Me- "That's not my fault. He hasn't-"
Mom- "AND AS HIS WIFE-"
Me- "You can't be serious."
Mom- "You have to do some things you might not-"
*click*
Fun times.
U
I, like the others, am sorry for all you're going through. But i'd like to reiterate how proud i am of you for taking chances, standing up to people and learning your self worth and not letting people, even your own mother, bully you verbally. You may not notice it now, but i can see the changes and growth in you and i'm thrilled to see it and hope you'll start recognizing and crediting yourself with it soon enough as well.
U
I just had a CC friend inquire about how i'm doing. I was giving a little bit of an explanation of the situation with my health this past week when something occurred to me. My 'levels' (creatin), after my transplant were pretty low (a good thing). The kidney took well and i never had any problems until the recent ones, which were based around lack of medications being adjusted, not any problems with the kidney itself.
In this issue my creatin went up. It was caught early and prevented from getting very high. The levels are still in a 'good' range. Just higher than my original 'base' range, which is pretty low. But really, this worked well for my body in one sense. If my creatin had been at a higher 'normal' level would they have gotten too high? I'm no doctor, i don't know, but it makes me wonder if it's possible. Or could i have had some minor effects on how i felt if they had gotten into a higher range? (the toll of kidney function on your body is not to be dismissed).
So, i could think 'great, why do i have to go through this?'. Or i could say 'wow, maybe God saw this coming and allowed my creatin to be lower initially so when this happened they would stay low'. Its not normal for me to think that way. I'm itchy, maybe i'm allergic to that kind of thinking. Hmm... but it makes me wonder still *scratch scratch...
And, a relevant piece of this is that the creatin will not drop back to my lower levels. So where they stop them now is the level they will stay at, which is still 'good'. So that kind of clears up the loose ends in my poorly worded explanation of the whole thing.
Hmm... no wonder i don't post my thoughts in here much...
In this issue my creatin went up. It was caught early and prevented from getting very high. The levels are still in a 'good' range. Just higher than my original 'base' range, which is pretty low. But really, this worked well for my body in one sense. If my creatin had been at a higher 'normal' level would they have gotten too high? I'm no doctor, i don't know, but it makes me wonder if it's possible. Or could i have had some minor effects on how i felt if they had gotten into a higher range? (the toll of kidney function on your body is not to be dismissed).
So, i could think 'great, why do i have to go through this?'. Or i could say 'wow, maybe God saw this coming and allowed my creatin to be lower initially so when this happened they would stay low'. Its not normal for me to think that way. I'm itchy, maybe i'm allergic to that kind of thinking. Hmm... but it makes me wonder still *scratch scratch...
And, a relevant piece of this is that the creatin will not drop back to my lower levels. So where they stop them now is the level they will stay at, which is still 'good'. So that kind of clears up the loose ends in my poorly worded explanation of the whole thing.
Hmm... no wonder i don't post my thoughts in here much...
I'm pretending it's a leisurely Saturday morning, even though it's Thursday. I have today off. An out of town rehearsal later this afternoon conflicts with my work schedule, so I requested today off way back in March. My boss, in a moment of weakness or benevolence (you pick) gave me tomorrow off as well, so I don't have to work until Monday! I got a few errands done, and had some peaches and nectarines that were getting too soft, so I baked them into a homemade coffee cake, which turned out abso-flippin-lutely amazing!
Talking to God while enjoying french roast and peach coffee cake - - life doesn't get any better than this!
Talking to God while enjoying french roast and peach coffee cake - - life doesn't get any better than this!
I met with a dear friend today, this was my first time seeing her after her 3 week mission trip to Thailand. She spoke with such passion and godly inspiration...I remember having that passion. I miss it. And I think that is why I have been feeling antsy and flighty. When I first moved here after South Dakota, I thought getting a kitten would help me. Then next a job. Then getting full time. And those things have made life better and made me happy. But now it's "If I had a better paying job. If I had a dog. If I had my own place." Yes, those things would likely make me happy, but when will it stop? When will I feel satisfied? I won't.
I think I have been afraid to have passion again after how it was squelched last time. But I think I'm ready again.
I think I have been afraid to have passion again after how it was squelched last time. But I think I'm ready again.
sigh, peach coffee cake. how lovely.
i really love peach season. i try to fill my freezer full of enough peaches to get me through the year until the following season. last fall, i failed miserably on account of that stupid injury.
which means i'll probably go way overboard during this season. peaches are my very favorite fruit, so i am sort of obsessed with those really scrumptious tree tripe peaches. i don't like them canned because i think it sort of ruins the texture, so i prefer to preserve and freeze them.
what to make for dinner
*opens freezer*
what do i have in here?
peaches and ice. hmmm
yes, i did that once. i filled both of my freezers with so much produce that i had to wait two months before i could fit anything else. but i am kind of that way in general. when i lived in the middle of nowhere, you "stocked up" and i guess i never outgrew that--a mild "prepper" without even trying. yeah. a couple friends tease me about coming to "shop" at my house. which i tell them is fine as long as they don't mess up my pantry organization system.
speaking of preserving, i'm making both preserved lemons and vanilla extract/vanilla bean paste this weekend, i think. my big batch of vanilla pods arrived today, and i have the grocer holding a case of meyer lemons for me in the back of my grocery. wheee!
i really love peach season. i try to fill my freezer full of enough peaches to get me through the year until the following season. last fall, i failed miserably on account of that stupid injury.
which means i'll probably go way overboard during this season. peaches are my very favorite fruit, so i am sort of obsessed with those really scrumptious tree tripe peaches. i don't like them canned because i think it sort of ruins the texture, so i prefer to preserve and freeze them.
what to make for dinner
*opens freezer*
what do i have in here?
peaches and ice. hmmm
yes, i did that once. i filled both of my freezers with so much produce that i had to wait two months before i could fit anything else. but i am kind of that way in general. when i lived in the middle of nowhere, you "stocked up" and i guess i never outgrew that--a mild "prepper" without even trying. yeah. a couple friends tease me about coming to "shop" at my house. which i tell them is fine as long as they don't mess up my pantry organization system.
speaking of preserving, i'm making both preserved lemons and vanilla extract/vanilla bean paste this weekend, i think. my big batch of vanilla pods arrived today, and i have the grocer holding a case of meyer lemons for me in the back of my grocery. wheee!
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