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K
Was not christ battered and abused more than any man that has ever lived? Did you ever see him defend himself or say that he did not derserve.it? All im hearing are opinions and people speaking words of human love that are apposed to the true love of God. After all he endured he continued to seek God and be used of him in every way to save souls. We have suffered nothing. It is hard to endure trials and testings but we must trust that the lord has given us no more than we can bear, as the word says.
Think about it. Are we willing to suffer as christ did?
Think about it. Are we willing to suffer as christ did?
K
Ugly,
Everything you say is apposed to the very words of Christ. Get on one side or the other. Live to please yourself or.live.to please God. I say this with the Love of Christ. I pray that you call on him and stop trying to persuade men with words that have no life. God longs to use those that are willing.
Sincerely,
Kate
Everything you say is apposed to the very words of Christ. Get on one side or the other. Live to please yourself or.live.to please God. I say this with the Love of Christ. I pray that you call on him and stop trying to persuade men with words that have no life. God longs to use those that are willing.
Sincerely,
Kate
Suffering for the cause of the gospel is one thing, suffering because of a violent man who should be loving his wife is quite another. I posted the important scripture that concerns this OP, and you chose to ignore it. You also have never been battered, when you sink lower and lower, bending over to please a man who has no love of any type in his heart, to the point of suicide, because it seems you have no options.
Spousal abuse (whether a man to a woman, or a woman abusing a man) is a warning sign for something worse, and the sign to leave the marriage as soon as possible. Personally, from the description here, my thought is that this man will never change, and the OP is better off making a good life for her child apart from this angry, abusive man.
I have counselled so many abused women, and taken training in it. It is a marriage breaker, especially if the violent spouse refuses to even admit they are the biggest part of the problem. The OP spent a lot of time explaining how she had bent over backwards to try and meet his needs, and was met with more abuse, and even stealing their daughter's diapers and leaving her with nothing.
God loves the helpless, the hurting and he will be a father to this fatherless child, and a husband to this husbandless wife. I still can't believe how hard your heart is Kate. God's love needs to be demonstrated by the husband, ALL the time. Instead, she gets anger which is a sin, and an unrepentant heart.
"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Gal 5:19-21
Spousal abuse (whether a man to a woman, or a woman abusing a man) is a warning sign for something worse, and the sign to leave the marriage as soon as possible. Personally, from the description here, my thought is that this man will never change, and the OP is better off making a good life for her child apart from this angry, abusive man.
I have counselled so many abused women, and taken training in it. It is a marriage breaker, especially if the violent spouse refuses to even admit they are the biggest part of the problem. The OP spent a lot of time explaining how she had bent over backwards to try and meet his needs, and was met with more abuse, and even stealing their daughter's diapers and leaving her with nothing.
God loves the helpless, the hurting and he will be a father to this fatherless child, and a husband to this husbandless wife. I still can't believe how hard your heart is Kate. God's love needs to be demonstrated by the husband, ALL the time. Instead, she gets anger which is a sin, and an unrepentant heart.
"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Gal 5:19-21
Let's keep in mind, the OP said nothing about her husband being violent toward her (that I recall at least.)
It's a very unpleasant thing to spend time around someone who degrades you all the time. And it must be even worse to be in a marriage where that happens. But there are people who say things like this who never become violent. I know some of the people involved in domestic violence centers have a model which they took from one abusive person, and extrapolate that on all abusers. There are people who talk down to their spouses but never hit. At I know of no solid evidence that if someone is 'verbally abusive' that the person will become physically abusive. Some of the DV characterize relatively normal, if somewhat unpleasant behavior as abusive, and demonize or dehumanize a man who does behaviors in their model. If a man is verbally abusive (or given that label by the organization's model), he is assumed to be on the verge of being physically abusive. A bleak picture is presented where it is almost impossible for him to change his behavior. If a man doesn't give his wife money, he may be labeled an abuser. If he controls the purse strings, he's called an abuser. If he gives her a look or quotes scripture, he may be considered an abuser. If you get help from a secular domestic violence center, beware that their philosophy may not line up with the word of God, and their goal may not be to help marriages heal.
The Bible does say, "let not the wife depart from her husband" so we should be careful not to advise people to split up their marriage over such things, especially after hearing only one side of the story.
Proverbs 18:17
"The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."
It's also possible for someone to take a detail here and there of what another person said or did over the course of a long period of time and paint that person in a very negative light, which doesn't present a true picture of what that person is like. It's also possible to do that without an intention to misconstrue what the other person is like.
Recently, I read a post that described a conversation on a Catholic married forum where a woman complained of her husband not paying attention to her and their child, saying he had a video game addiction. Some of the posters were advising her to leave him as a wake-up call. Then he posted, explaining how he believed he managed his time well between a CPA exam and spending time with his family. One weekend, he had finished a certification test and wanted to blow off some steam playing a video game, which he did not do often. His wife then posted that message. He was hoping she wouldn't leave him after receiving the bad advice from the forum. Moderators posted a message that the forum was to be in line with church teachings and they took down the thread. I've seen other cases where you just don't get a complete picture from reading one posters' post.
I certainly hope no counselor advises separation based on words exchanged in a marriage without hearing both sides. I think I've heard that sort of thing done on the radio, and in my opinion, it is rather unprofessional unless something extreme is going on.
The sermon on the mount is an important passage for marriage. Jesus quoted a verse about not murdering, and then warned against calling your brother 'raca' and 'thou fool.' Christian couples have to be very careful to follow this principle of not calling each other insulting names in their marriage. A good Christian counselor or pastor may be able to talk through these issues with the couple. It's also possible for a marriage to change when one husband or wife changes his or her behavior and starts interceding for the other.
It's a very unpleasant thing to spend time around someone who degrades you all the time. And it must be even worse to be in a marriage where that happens. But there are people who say things like this who never become violent. I know some of the people involved in domestic violence centers have a model which they took from one abusive person, and extrapolate that on all abusers. There are people who talk down to their spouses but never hit. At I know of no solid evidence that if someone is 'verbally abusive' that the person will become physically abusive. Some of the DV characterize relatively normal, if somewhat unpleasant behavior as abusive, and demonize or dehumanize a man who does behaviors in their model. If a man is verbally abusive (or given that label by the organization's model), he is assumed to be on the verge of being physically abusive. A bleak picture is presented where it is almost impossible for him to change his behavior. If a man doesn't give his wife money, he may be labeled an abuser. If he controls the purse strings, he's called an abuser. If he gives her a look or quotes scripture, he may be considered an abuser. If you get help from a secular domestic violence center, beware that their philosophy may not line up with the word of God, and their goal may not be to help marriages heal.
The Bible does say, "let not the wife depart from her husband" so we should be careful not to advise people to split up their marriage over such things, especially after hearing only one side of the story.
Proverbs 18:17
"The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."
It's also possible for someone to take a detail here and there of what another person said or did over the course of a long period of time and paint that person in a very negative light, which doesn't present a true picture of what that person is like. It's also possible to do that without an intention to misconstrue what the other person is like.
Recently, I read a post that described a conversation on a Catholic married forum where a woman complained of her husband not paying attention to her and their child, saying he had a video game addiction. Some of the posters were advising her to leave him as a wake-up call. Then he posted, explaining how he believed he managed his time well between a CPA exam and spending time with his family. One weekend, he had finished a certification test and wanted to blow off some steam playing a video game, which he did not do often. His wife then posted that message. He was hoping she wouldn't leave him after receiving the bad advice from the forum. Moderators posted a message that the forum was to be in line with church teachings and they took down the thread. I've seen other cases where you just don't get a complete picture from reading one posters' post.
I certainly hope no counselor advises separation based on words exchanged in a marriage without hearing both sides. I think I've heard that sort of thing done on the radio, and in my opinion, it is rather unprofessional unless something extreme is going on.
The sermon on the mount is an important passage for marriage. Jesus quoted a verse about not murdering, and then warned against calling your brother 'raca' and 'thou fool.' Christian couples have to be very careful to follow this principle of not calling each other insulting names in their marriage. A good Christian counselor or pastor may be able to talk through these issues with the couple. It's also possible for a marriage to change when one husband or wife changes his or her behavior and starts interceding for the other.
H
My dear brothers and sisters I am so thankful and appreciative to all of you who took the time to respond to my thread. I was so desperate when I posted it and I didn't know what to do or who to talk to. I have been praying and asking God for his grace power and guidance. Since that happened my husband and I still have not communicated (3 days). I have been meditating for the past couple of days and it has been really hard for me, but the Lord has been giving me the strength to keep going and focus on my baby daughter and my own self growth.
I have to say that I am definitely not perfect and I also have my ups and downs. There are times when I can be irritating or in a bad mood toward those around me also just like my husband and my temper may grow and I may say things I shouldn't specially when I have PMS. But with the Lords help I have been trying to change and I have recognized the need to. Since then I have been growing and becoming more and more humble, still it is not something that happens overnight. I have been trying my best to understand my husband and his needs and be the best mother and wife I can be but no matter how much I try or what I do it does not please my husband and I feel very unappreciated, and hurt. I admit, sometimes I make mistakes and say things I shouldn't say or don't mean to hurt the other because at the time I do not realize how it may be taken by offence from the other person. But still that doesn't make it right for them to backlash on me like a whip with words that scar. I do agree though that I have not been submissive as I can/should but the reason is because in the past when I was submissive he would then use me or belittle me even more, so now as a defense I have put on like a hard turtle shell over me and I am just afraid of being submissive because of what he will do if I totally am. So I try to defend myself and I do talk back at him which I know is not good and I agree I have fault in this also. It also has to do with trust issues from my childhood but that's something else. I just can't trust him anymore.
Even with all this I still feel the same way toward my husband since the day we married. He was my first real love and when I met him I knew he was the one I wanted to get married to. All I ever wanted was his love , understanding, care and tenderness. I have always forgiven him and I have forgiven him for this (never said I was not going to) also but I just don't feel like I can be near him or with him until he changes his behavior. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I don't think I can take more pain and hurt coming from him. I just feel like running away and never seeing him because I am afraid he will hurt me again, not because I don't want to be with him or because of unforgiveness. My greatest wish is for us to be the God honoring family that is full of God's love and Light. I have been [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]trying and I feel helpless and frustrated and hurt. My once healthy ego and sense of pride has slipped away and my sense of self-worth is slowly shattering. I have even begun losing confidence in myself and my abilities with all the things he has said to me. The only thing that keeps me going is God's love/hope and my baby daughter.[/FONT]
For those that asked about the diapers, He did return them to the store. I went to the store and asked them. After that put my pride aside and called him and kindly asked him to please return the diapers because the baby needed them and I have no money to buy them which he already knew. That is when he told me he didn't care and that I had to wait until he could. Note, that he also has money saved in the bank so those $15 where not going to leave him bankrupt. He did it because he wanted to humiliate me and control me and to "punish" me for the argument we had had before. Note, this isn't the first time he uses money to put me down and try to manipulate me. In the past he has threatened me with not giving me the weekly cash he gives me for the baby whenever we have an argument. Thankfully my mother out of the little she had gave me to buy the diapers that night. This is why I am looking for a job so I wont have to rely on him and so I can help support my daughter. I also never had plans to be a stay at home mom forever. God willing I would like to go to college and get a degree which was one of my goals before marriage and I also have plans to start my own group family day care. But even though I have told him these things he doesn't understand or acknowledge it in anyway, I feel like he doesn't believe I am able to do these things.
As for my body, After I gave birth I was overweight but have since lost almost all of that weight except for 15 pounds which is not much. I joined the gym (2 weeks ago ) and have been working hard to lose this remaining weight and get fitter but he has not recognized this, instead he made comments like "You think being a wife is only about taking care of the baby looking pretty and going to the gym" referring to me not having the job yet. No matter what I do to please him he always finds something to argue about. There is no single day (not exaggerating) where when we go outside together or he comes over to visit where he won't find time to put me down or remind me that I am a "worthless lazy mediocre government leech good for nothing" like he says. Which is not true at all because first I never wanted to get help from the government and never had before but when I gave birth things where so tight that we just couldn't do it without getting help and as soon as I have a job I will asked them to cancel the help. I have also worked after that in a cafe store and then the old job I had which I quit because of the problems I described in my first post. I have never been lazy, if I don't do something its because of something else but never because of laziness. I am a very determined person. Things just haven't worked out like I wanted them too and he just doesn't understand. I have tried sitting with him nicely and kindly and tell him sweetly to please give me space and let me find the job and he just doesn't stop. 2 days later he is on my case again this has been wearing me down to the point where I am doubting myself.
Now every time he is near me I feel like i'm walking on egg shelves, anything I do or say could make him explode in offensive/defensive anger and whiplash me with his words. It's really exhausting and it does my soul no good at all. I have even refrained myself sometimes from even touching him in fear that he will reject me or do or say something that will make me hurt. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore like he has lost interest or never was in love with me. It saddens me greatly because I do love him and I have fought for this 'love' even to the point of having my relationship with my family change because of being with him, I didn't listen to my mother and my family when they told me he wasn't my type. My mother and I still argue about me being with him even to this day she and him do not get along. But even besides all this I didn't let their comments separate us and I choose to believe in his love and marry him, now I feel like I was cheated or denied that love and joy that you are supposed to receive when you are newlyweds. I don't feel happy at all.
Thank you for all you advice which I have been meditating on and thank you so much proverbs35 and Angela53510 for the links. I have been reading and absorbing the wisdom that you shared with me. I will keep praying about this and I have trust in God that everything will work out for good in the end.
I have to say that I am definitely not perfect and I also have my ups and downs. There are times when I can be irritating or in a bad mood toward those around me also just like my husband and my temper may grow and I may say things I shouldn't specially when I have PMS. But with the Lords help I have been trying to change and I have recognized the need to. Since then I have been growing and becoming more and more humble, still it is not something that happens overnight. I have been trying my best to understand my husband and his needs and be the best mother and wife I can be but no matter how much I try or what I do it does not please my husband and I feel very unappreciated, and hurt. I admit, sometimes I make mistakes and say things I shouldn't say or don't mean to hurt the other because at the time I do not realize how it may be taken by offence from the other person. But still that doesn't make it right for them to backlash on me like a whip with words that scar. I do agree though that I have not been submissive as I can/should but the reason is because in the past when I was submissive he would then use me or belittle me even more, so now as a defense I have put on like a hard turtle shell over me and I am just afraid of being submissive because of what he will do if I totally am. So I try to defend myself and I do talk back at him which I know is not good and I agree I have fault in this also. It also has to do with trust issues from my childhood but that's something else. I just can't trust him anymore.
Even with all this I still feel the same way toward my husband since the day we married. He was my first real love and when I met him I knew he was the one I wanted to get married to. All I ever wanted was his love , understanding, care and tenderness. I have always forgiven him and I have forgiven him for this (never said I was not going to) also but I just don't feel like I can be near him or with him until he changes his behavior. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I don't think I can take more pain and hurt coming from him. I just feel like running away and never seeing him because I am afraid he will hurt me again, not because I don't want to be with him or because of unforgiveness. My greatest wish is for us to be the God honoring family that is full of God's love and Light. I have been [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]trying and I feel helpless and frustrated and hurt. My once healthy ego and sense of pride has slipped away and my sense of self-worth is slowly shattering. I have even begun losing confidence in myself and my abilities with all the things he has said to me. The only thing that keeps me going is God's love/hope and my baby daughter.[/FONT]
For those that asked about the diapers, He did return them to the store. I went to the store and asked them. After that put my pride aside and called him and kindly asked him to please return the diapers because the baby needed them and I have no money to buy them which he already knew. That is when he told me he didn't care and that I had to wait until he could. Note, that he also has money saved in the bank so those $15 where not going to leave him bankrupt. He did it because he wanted to humiliate me and control me and to "punish" me for the argument we had had before. Note, this isn't the first time he uses money to put me down and try to manipulate me. In the past he has threatened me with not giving me the weekly cash he gives me for the baby whenever we have an argument. Thankfully my mother out of the little she had gave me to buy the diapers that night. This is why I am looking for a job so I wont have to rely on him and so I can help support my daughter. I also never had plans to be a stay at home mom forever. God willing I would like to go to college and get a degree which was one of my goals before marriage and I also have plans to start my own group family day care. But even though I have told him these things he doesn't understand or acknowledge it in anyway, I feel like he doesn't believe I am able to do these things.
As for my body, After I gave birth I was overweight but have since lost almost all of that weight except for 15 pounds which is not much. I joined the gym (2 weeks ago ) and have been working hard to lose this remaining weight and get fitter but he has not recognized this, instead he made comments like "You think being a wife is only about taking care of the baby looking pretty and going to the gym" referring to me not having the job yet. No matter what I do to please him he always finds something to argue about. There is no single day (not exaggerating) where when we go outside together or he comes over to visit where he won't find time to put me down or remind me that I am a "worthless lazy mediocre government leech good for nothing" like he says. Which is not true at all because first I never wanted to get help from the government and never had before but when I gave birth things where so tight that we just couldn't do it without getting help and as soon as I have a job I will asked them to cancel the help. I have also worked after that in a cafe store and then the old job I had which I quit because of the problems I described in my first post. I have never been lazy, if I don't do something its because of something else but never because of laziness. I am a very determined person. Things just haven't worked out like I wanted them too and he just doesn't understand. I have tried sitting with him nicely and kindly and tell him sweetly to please give me space and let me find the job and he just doesn't stop. 2 days later he is on my case again this has been wearing me down to the point where I am doubting myself.
Now every time he is near me I feel like i'm walking on egg shelves, anything I do or say could make him explode in offensive/defensive anger and whiplash me with his words. It's really exhausting and it does my soul no good at all. I have even refrained myself sometimes from even touching him in fear that he will reject me or do or say something that will make me hurt. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore like he has lost interest or never was in love with me. It saddens me greatly because I do love him and I have fought for this 'love' even to the point of having my relationship with my family change because of being with him, I didn't listen to my mother and my family when they told me he wasn't my type. My mother and I still argue about me being with him even to this day she and him do not get along. But even besides all this I didn't let their comments separate us and I choose to believe in his love and marry him, now I feel like I was cheated or denied that love and joy that you are supposed to receive when you are newlyweds. I don't feel happy at all.
Thank you for all you advice which I have been meditating on and thank you so much proverbs35 and Angela53510 for the links. I have been reading and absorbing the wisdom that you shared with me. I will keep praying about this and I have trust in God that everything will work out for good in the end.
Words like "controlling" "unable to please" "lazy" and withholding money are all signs of an abuser. You simply cannot submit enough to make him happy.
He is not going to change without powerful motivation and counseling. Verbal abuse is more damaging sometimes than physical abuse, because it damages the spirit and soul.
You know your self esteem is dropping, so keep going to the gym. Not because of what your body looks like, but because it makes you feel better because of the extra endorphins produced when you exercise. And you will feel better about losing the "baby" fat.
As for responding back in anger, that is a normal response! I know God is going to help you learn to speak softly.
"15 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1
If he still yells at you when you respond quietly, you will know it is about him, not you. Also submission is something that comes as a result of the love of the husband, as Eph. 5 points out so clearly. Keep on trying, but not when he abuses you. Stand up for yourself, meaning do not allow him to continue to systematically verbally abuse and demean yourself.
I am praying for you to live a life filled with God's peace and joy. That may mean staying away from a man who has no respect or love for his wife. But God can work miracles! Just don't go back to him, unless you are sure the miracle has been done!
I am so sorry your dream of a loving marriage has turned into a nightmare!
He is not going to change without powerful motivation and counseling. Verbal abuse is more damaging sometimes than physical abuse, because it damages the spirit and soul.
You know your self esteem is dropping, so keep going to the gym. Not because of what your body looks like, but because it makes you feel better because of the extra endorphins produced when you exercise. And you will feel better about losing the "baby" fat.
As for responding back in anger, that is a normal response! I know God is going to help you learn to speak softly.
"15 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1
If he still yells at you when you respond quietly, you will know it is about him, not you. Also submission is something that comes as a result of the love of the husband, as Eph. 5 points out so clearly. Keep on trying, but not when he abuses you. Stand up for yourself, meaning do not allow him to continue to systematically verbally abuse and demean yourself.
I am praying for you to live a life filled with God's peace and joy. That may mean staying away from a man who has no respect or love for his wife. But God can work miracles! Just don't go back to him, unless you are sure the miracle has been done!
I am so sorry your dream of a loving marriage has turned into a nightmare!
@ HisLittleFawn
I wish I could hear how He revealed to you, whenever it might be possible for you.
I´m sorry for the battle field you have encountered.
I wish I could hear how He revealed to you, whenever it might be possible for you.
I´m sorry for the battle field you have encountered.
I hear this idea sometimes these days, that if a husband will love his wife as Christ loved the church that she will automatically submit to Him. But the Bible doesn't say that. From reading Revelation 2-3, we can see that the church does not always perfectly submit to Christ. And who could accuse Christ of a lack of love? Yes, in spite of it, His bride has not been perfect in her submission.
I Peter 3 tells wives, even those whose husbands do not obey the word, to submit to their husbands. If a husband doesn't love his wife properly, that is no excuse for her not to submit to him or reverence him. If a wife does not submit to her husband, that is no excuse for him not to love her and living with her in an understanding manner, honoring her as the weaker vessel.
If the husband refuses to love his wife until she submits to him, and she refuses to submit to him and respect him until he loves her according to some standard she has in mind, the relationship can easily get 'stuck' in a really bad state.
I Peter 3 tells wives, even those whose husbands do not obey the word, to submit to their husbands. If a husband doesn't love his wife properly, that is no excuse for her not to submit to him or reverence him. If a wife does not submit to her husband, that is no excuse for him not to love her and living with her in an understanding manner, honoring her as the weaker vessel.
If the husband refuses to love his wife until she submits to him, and she refuses to submit to him and respect him until he loves her according to some standard she has in mind, the relationship can easily get 'stuck' in a really bad state.
Stop pontificating Presidente and read her post. She is being abused. Until you have been through this yourself, you will never understand. Christ does not expect anyone to live in an abusive relationship with an unbeliever.
You keep bringing up hypothetical situations, but the reality is she is being abused and she needs to set some boundaries.
HisLittleFawn, Please get the books "Boundaries" and "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They are Christian counsellors and use the Bible and wisdom in these books.
You keep bringing up hypothetical situations, but the reality is she is being abused and she needs to set some boundaries.
HisLittleFawn, Please get the books "Boundaries" and "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They are Christian counsellors and use the Bible and wisdom in these books.
C
wow. this post really hits home. I personally tend to see husbands as our "crosses to bear" or "thorns in our sides"....some can be much more painful and deeper than others... but the pain or 'abuse' as some people might label it is relative to the sufferer(wife)
And yes, it goes both ways, many times men also suffer. I completely agree with Paul when he said it is better to be single. I wish I had listened.
And yes, it goes both ways, many times men also suffer. I completely agree with Paul when he said it is better to be single. I wish I had listened.
C
I also tend to believe Jesus' words about divorce...he was VERY clear that the only reason is when there is adultry or the spouse actually leaves you, but no other reason. why do so many churches dismiss Jesus' very clear instructions in the New Testament?? You can't just "pick and choose" what verses sound good to you. Believe me, I wish Jesus also said that "divorce is ok if you feel you aren't being treated right or fairly." But He did not. Some of us just need to deal with the choice (spouse) we have made. It is forever untill one of you die. period.
wow. this post really hits home. I personally tend to see husbands as our "crosses to bear" or "thorns in our sides"....some can be much more painful and deeper than others... but the pain or 'abuse' as some people might label it is relative to the sufferer(wife)
And yes, it goes both ways, many times men also suffer. I completely agree with Paul when he said it is better to be single. I wish I had listened.
And yes, it goes both ways, many times men also suffer. I completely agree with Paul when he said it is better to be single. I wish I had listened.
Second, as long as I think I have lived, I have seen abuse both sides, females and males and, very clearly saw my mother attacking my dad with a knife, in front of me, while I was a baby of less than 2 years.
I don´t think women or men are crosses, otherwise, "an iron cross" gave me two sons, a daugther and the little one who adopted me to be her "Dad".
C
Using my own labels is the only way i can survive and deal with my situation..i'm sorry to offend anyone using those words (thorn and cross) to describe spouses...because if i wasn't a believer i would've already rid myself from the planet long ago or divorced him because the world thinks life is all about being "happy."
I´m sorry too!
If there were a real or exact stats on that issue, any would know. And you are right (absolutely) because individualy each knows his/ her road.
In my case, before being divorced, I used to feel like an unachiever, and absolute loser, even if a give anything.
hope each make their own decisions without more guilt or pain. marriage was not meant to fight.
If there were a real or exact stats on that issue, any would know. And you are right (absolutely) because individualy each knows his/ her road.
In my case, before being divorced, I used to feel like an unachiever, and absolute loser, even if a give anything.
hope each make their own decisions without more guilt or pain. marriage was not meant to fight.
D
Hello HisLittleFawn,
I couldn't resist responding, though I am very new here. Reading your original post is actually what made me sign up.
You didn't say whether you have a regular body of believers, a church, that you attend, or if you have any women in your life with whom you can communicate? These will be vital as you grow in your Christian walk. The reason I know this is, when I was your age and newly married I did not avail myself of these important tools and found myself making decisions based on emotions and not on wisdom. You will find wisdom in those who have gone before you. Maybe a couple in your church you would like to pattern your marriage after?
Also, others have said it already, counseling together and also separately is really helpful. Picture yourself saying all the things you said here to your husband, but in the presence of a professional counselor/mediator.
Lastly, young men and women sometimes have stuff from their upbringing that can cause unrealistic expectations in a marriage relationship. You may want to explore some of this to get to know yourself better and find out how you WANT to behave, as opposed to how you naturally behave. Like others have said, paying attention to ourselves, changing our own behavior, is all we can control.
God Bless your honesty and sincerity in wanting to find help here. But really, people who can literally walk beside you and know you and your situation fully can be a powerful tool to help you grow in the Lord! And really, that's where the real strength is.
~Deb
I couldn't resist responding, though I am very new here. Reading your original post is actually what made me sign up.
You didn't say whether you have a regular body of believers, a church, that you attend, or if you have any women in your life with whom you can communicate? These will be vital as you grow in your Christian walk. The reason I know this is, when I was your age and newly married I did not avail myself of these important tools and found myself making decisions based on emotions and not on wisdom. You will find wisdom in those who have gone before you. Maybe a couple in your church you would like to pattern your marriage after?
Also, others have said it already, counseling together and also separately is really helpful. Picture yourself saying all the things you said here to your husband, but in the presence of a professional counselor/mediator.
Lastly, young men and women sometimes have stuff from their upbringing that can cause unrealistic expectations in a marriage relationship. You may want to explore some of this to get to know yourself better and find out how you WANT to behave, as opposed to how you naturally behave. Like others have said, paying attention to ourselves, changing our own behavior, is all we can control.
God Bless your honesty and sincerity in wanting to find help here. But really, people who can literally walk beside you and know you and your situation fully can be a powerful tool to help you grow in the Lord! And really, that's where the real strength is.
~Deb