My husband manipulating and emotional abuse at the point of divorce

[proverbs35]

Hello HisLittleFawn,

I couldn't resist responding, though I am very new here. Reading your original post is actually what made me sign up.

You didn't say whether you have a regular body of believers, a church, that you attend, or if you have any women in your life with whom you can communicate? These will be vital as you grow in your Christian walk. The reason I know this is, when I was your age and newly married I did not avail myself of these important tools and found myself making decisions based on emotions and not on wisdom. You will find wisdom in those who have gone before you. Maybe a couple in your church you would like to pattern your marriage after?

Also, others have said it already, counseling together and also separately is really helpful. Picture yourself saying all the things you said here to your husband, but in the presence of a professional counselor/mediator.

Lastly, young men and women sometimes have stuff from their upbringing that can cause unrealistic expectations in a marriage relationship. You may want to explore some of this to get to know yourself better and find out how you WANT to behave, as opposed to how you naturally behave. Like others have said, paying attention to ourselves, changing our own behavior, is all we can control.

God Bless your honesty and sincerity in wanting to find help here. But really, people who can literally walk beside you and know you and your situation fully can be a powerful tool to help you grow in the Lord! And really, that's where the real strength is.

~Deb

Very solid advice - Deb. Welcome to Christianchat. I hope you enjoy the fellowship here.

 

[proverbs35]

The sermon on the mount is an important passage for marriage. Jesus quoted a verse about not murdering, and then warned against calling your brother 'raca' and 'thou fool.' Christian couples have to be very careful to follow this principle of not calling each other insulting names in their marriage.

Christian couples shouldn't CALL each other insulting names. That principle doesn't just apply to married couples. That's a general principle. As Christians, we shouldn't call anyone insulting names.

The Bible teaches us to recognize a tree by the fruit it bears. Luke 6:44, Mat 7:16

OT writers, David and Solomon, teach us how to recognize a fool. They list the characteristics of a foolish person for us. Not only does Solomon teach us how to recognize a foolish person, but he also teaches us how to respond to a foolish person with wisdom.

ALL Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Tim 3:16).

Therefore what David and Solomon wrote about how to recognize a foolish person and what Solomon wrote about how to respond to a foolish person are just as "God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness" as what Jesus taught on the sermon of the mount. Both lessons are useful.

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, 'Raca,' is answerable to the court. And anyone who SAYS, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell. Matthew 5:22

Jesus said that we shouldn't SAY, 'You fool!' to our brothers and sisters. From what I've studied of Psalms and Proverbs, I don't remember David or Solomon advising anyone to go around SAYING, "You fool!" to another person. Like I said before, David and Solomon teach us how to recognize a foolish person, and Solomon teaches us how to respond to a foolish person in a wise manner. They also teach us to examine ourselves to see if we are the ones behaving foolishly, and those are extremely important lessons. If those lessons weren't "useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness," they would not have been included in the Bible.

Some people have absolutely no problems with scripture quoting or using Biblical terminologies when they are used to describe women: foolish woman, nagging wife, contentious wife, rebellious, disrespectful. However, when similar scriptures are quoted and similar Biblical terminologies are used to describe men behaving badly, all of a sudden, it's referred to as "insulting" name calling.