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I'm sorry to you guys about the happy family scenario's. I feel kind of guilty. Just so you know and I'm sure you all do, sometimes things aren't as pretty as they seem.
Sunday for example was not a good day, but we had to all put on smiles for these picnic's we went to. I mean we had a nice time and everything was OK, but it wasn't a great day at home and of course finances are tight right now. So it's not always what it seems on the surface.
Sunday for example was not a good day, but we had to all put on smiles for these picnic's we went to. I mean we had a nice time and everything was OK, but it wasn't a great day at home and of course finances are tight right now. So it's not always what it seems on the surface.
M
Under the category of Being a "Fat" Girl...
I have been "bigger" all my life. Taller. Heavier. Thicker. And it drove me crazy. I haaaated my stupid fat body, even as a little girl. People made fun of my chubbiness, my tummy roll, my round cheeks, my height, how much and what I ate...nothing about my appearance was exempt from ridicule, even from my family. I've been told I look weird. I've been called the Jolly Green Giant. I've been told I'm built like a line backer. I've been called a fat chick, an Amazon woman, a whale, and a waste of fat and flesh. My mom used to try to get me to go on diets with her. Boyfriends (and a husband...or two...) have suggested I should lose some weight. I've felt insecure around tiny, skinny girls, and like I could hide behind bigger girls. I've hated my clothes and hated having pictures taken and cried because I felt so hideous.
I've lost weight. I've gained weight. I've looked good in jeans and I've looked terrible in everything I put on. I've changed my weight, changed my hair, changed my clothing style...countless times. Even at my skinniest, I wasn't good enough, I was still made fun of for something.
I have my moments of insecurity still, but you know what?
I am 5'9", and I weigh over 200 pounds, and I do stupid things with my hair and I wear what's comfortable and I eat what I want to eat and I exercise because it feels good to do so...
And I LIKE me.
And the more I like me, the less other people say about how I look.
I am pleasantly surprised to be able to say that I am actually confident in my appearance...tummy roll and all.
Ladies..."fat" girls...you're just as beautiful, just as precious, just as valuable...as those leggy, thin models that make you feel bad about yourself. Don't buy into what the world wants us to believe is the only way to be attractive.
I have been "bigger" all my life. Taller. Heavier. Thicker. And it drove me crazy. I haaaated my stupid fat body, even as a little girl. People made fun of my chubbiness, my tummy roll, my round cheeks, my height, how much and what I ate...nothing about my appearance was exempt from ridicule, even from my family. I've been told I look weird. I've been called the Jolly Green Giant. I've been told I'm built like a line backer. I've been called a fat chick, an Amazon woman, a whale, and a waste of fat and flesh. My mom used to try to get me to go on diets with her. Boyfriends (and a husband...or two...) have suggested I should lose some weight. I've felt insecure around tiny, skinny girls, and like I could hide behind bigger girls. I've hated my clothes and hated having pictures taken and cried because I felt so hideous.
I've lost weight. I've gained weight. I've looked good in jeans and I've looked terrible in everything I put on. I've changed my weight, changed my hair, changed my clothing style...countless times. Even at my skinniest, I wasn't good enough, I was still made fun of for something.
I have my moments of insecurity still, but you know what?
I am 5'9", and I weigh over 200 pounds, and I do stupid things with my hair and I wear what's comfortable and I eat what I want to eat and I exercise because it feels good to do so...
And I LIKE me.
And the more I like me, the less other people say about how I look.
I am pleasantly surprised to be able to say that I am actually confident in my appearance...tummy roll and all.
Ladies..."fat" girls...you're just as beautiful, just as precious, just as valuable...as those leggy, thin models that make you feel bad about yourself. Don't buy into what the world wants us to believe is the only way to be attractive.
I don't think my brother understands what "grounded" means, or how much I'm trying to help him. He's very much grounded, but the only exception is if he's with me, which is why going on a double date is okay with my parents. Just this morning we were discussing our plans for today, and he seemed to be looking forward to it. I went about my business doing some chores downstairs, and when I came up an hour later, my brother was gone. Just gone. He took the bike out. He didn't tell anyone where he's going, and since my mom confiscated his phone, I have no way to reach him. Today's his day off so I know he didn't go to work. If my dad finds out about this, our double date might get canceled. UGHHH. This boy. He is not helping.
W
Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to live in this ruthless world. I can't be mean to anyone, or even stand up for myself without feeling guilty about it. Boy oh boy, my mother sure knows how to make me feel like a bad person. What's happening is.. I started working in March... and I've been saving all the money so that I can get my visa.. She keeps making me spend unnecessary money on stuff we don't need and always gets really angry when I speak about it.
My sister gave me $600 to buy her an item, I didn't find it so I gave the money to my mom for safe-keeping. She spent it and guess who was the pushover who had to repay my sister? Yes, that's right me. I see stuff all the time that I want to buy for myself, a new phone... an Ipad.. but I don't. Why? Because I'm saving... yet for some reason I have to buy her $20.00 sundaes every evening after work, or take my family out to dinner. Since I've been working all I've bought myself was a mouse. Yes, that's right a mouse.
I checked my balance yesterday and from the $6000 that I worked for I have $4500 and I bought nothing for myself. I may seem selfish but I am really hurt because when I spoke about it she made me feel like a horrible daughter. Is it really so wrong to want to be able to go see someone who has been a part of my life for the past 2 1/2 years which is why I am trying so hard to get my documents which is why I need money in my account?
She even went to far as to say it's after work and I should shut up and buy her dinner because she's tired. Uhm.. I was at work all day as well. I'm tired too, mom. So yeah.. maybe I don't belong in a world like this.. where I feel guilty for even standing up for myself. I am literally in tears as I write this. I can't take it anymore.
My sister gave me $600 to buy her an item, I didn't find it so I gave the money to my mom for safe-keeping. She spent it and guess who was the pushover who had to repay my sister? Yes, that's right me. I see stuff all the time that I want to buy for myself, a new phone... an Ipad.. but I don't. Why? Because I'm saving... yet for some reason I have to buy her $20.00 sundaes every evening after work, or take my family out to dinner. Since I've been working all I've bought myself was a mouse. Yes, that's right a mouse.
I checked my balance yesterday and from the $6000 that I worked for I have $4500 and I bought nothing for myself. I may seem selfish but I am really hurt because when I spoke about it she made me feel like a horrible daughter. Is it really so wrong to want to be able to go see someone who has been a part of my life for the past 2 1/2 years which is why I am trying so hard to get my documents which is why I need money in my account?
She even went to far as to say it's after work and I should shut up and buy her dinner because she's tired. Uhm.. I was at work all day as well. I'm tired too, mom. So yeah.. maybe I don't belong in a world like this.. where I feel guilty for even standing up for myself. I am literally in tears as I write this. I can't take it anymore.
last year, i was devastated by an injury --it radically impacted every activity i did. from walking to sitting, to riding to something as benign as my tendency to sit indian style all the time. it was a time for God to teach me a lot of things, including gratitude about something i'd always taken for granted.
i guess i've always been content with my body, not that i thought it was perfect, but that it could do cool things.
i've always been one to seek validation from my words and actions, not my appearance. so compliments about such can easily embarrass me. when i was in my early 20s i forayed into that kind of attention-seeking territory, and it left me very unsatisfied with the kind of attention i'd get. no one heard a word i said. that annoyed me greatly.
it reminds me of those items that you buy and have so much packaging that you nearly require a chainsaw to extricate the item.
when you place so much value and emphasis on your appearance, you should be prepared that not every guy will bother to find a chainsaw.
what i always like to focus on is the gratitude i feel towards being functionally fit and capable. like, as much as its nice to have someone to help you or offer, i LIKE the fact that i can carry my own luggage, quickly and handily empty my vehicle, jog up a flight of stairs or swing up onto my horse when i go riding. i like that i'm not terrified of becoming hurt. or that my joy is in the adventure, not talking about my youthful fun when my body still could do things, like so many i know.
all around me are people who's bodies don't work. people who can't overcome their challenges, either physically or mentally. my dad has horrible back pain/nerve damage due to excessive sports injuries. i have a friend with MS whose life has been radically changed, from active to sedentary.
i cold go on and on about people who are somehow impacted in this way. i feel blessed that God has been so generous with me and so many others who are capable.
so stop focusing on what your body isn't. and celebrate what your body IS.
after all, using your body really is the best cure for any kind of body image issues.
i guess i've always been content with my body, not that i thought it was perfect, but that it could do cool things.
i've always been one to seek validation from my words and actions, not my appearance. so compliments about such can easily embarrass me. when i was in my early 20s i forayed into that kind of attention-seeking territory, and it left me very unsatisfied with the kind of attention i'd get. no one heard a word i said. that annoyed me greatly.
it reminds me of those items that you buy and have so much packaging that you nearly require a chainsaw to extricate the item.
when you place so much value and emphasis on your appearance, you should be prepared that not every guy will bother to find a chainsaw.
what i always like to focus on is the gratitude i feel towards being functionally fit and capable. like, as much as its nice to have someone to help you or offer, i LIKE the fact that i can carry my own luggage, quickly and handily empty my vehicle, jog up a flight of stairs or swing up onto my horse when i go riding. i like that i'm not terrified of becoming hurt. or that my joy is in the adventure, not talking about my youthful fun when my body still could do things, like so many i know.
all around me are people who's bodies don't work. people who can't overcome their challenges, either physically or mentally. my dad has horrible back pain/nerve damage due to excessive sports injuries. i have a friend with MS whose life has been radically changed, from active to sedentary.
i cold go on and on about people who are somehow impacted in this way. i feel blessed that God has been so generous with me and so many others who are capable.
so stop focusing on what your body isn't. and celebrate what your body IS.
after all, using your body really is the best cure for any kind of body image issues.
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M
Yes, yes, yes!
That's something I'm grateful for as well, and am learning since being on my own that this "fat" body is not only beautiful, but CAPABLE. It walks. It dances. It jumps and skips (and runs if I insist). It carried two babies and now cuddles those babies and comforts them. It has two hands that create beautiful things and can work hard and express love. I can fix things, build things, burn things, bake things, and carry two kids, a diaper bag, and groceries up 3 flights of stairs all at once under pressure.
I think that's an awesome perspective and I hope it's remembered
That's something I'm grateful for as well, and am learning since being on my own that this "fat" body is not only beautiful, but CAPABLE. It walks. It dances. It jumps and skips (and runs if I insist). It carried two babies and now cuddles those babies and comforts them. It has two hands that create beautiful things and can work hard and express love. I can fix things, build things, burn things, bake things, and carry two kids, a diaper bag, and groceries up 3 flights of stairs all at once under pressure.
I think that's an awesome perspective and I hope it's remembered