Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[zeroturbulence]

i dunno if she is.
i've been through a spate of doctors over other chest pain (they say i have a 'good' heart, yay! as if they know - but healthy!) but they always ask if my ankles have been swelling or tender.

i hope no chest pain =]
just felt obligated to put that out there.

Oh ok. I hope shes not having chest pains either. The combination of chest pain and swelling legs or ankles could point to a serious heart condition. But the heart condition dwouldnt cause pain in the legs or feet, just swelling I think.

 

[Pipp]

I've been a loner for so long, I don't really know how let anyone in. My background, my home town, my family, my so called friends, my B.S., my beliefs, my emotions, all of it. I don't know how to properly share with people. I don't know how to openly say "Hey, I'm a native guy from a little indian reservation in North-West Ontario!" I don't know how to tell people that I was raised by a single mother whom I got my Christian beliefs from. She would take me to a little gray building that had a wood stove and no restroom, where they would share and have fellowship. Then that little church building soon evolved in to a larger structure with two floors, his and her restrooms, kitchen, and a full musical set of drums, acoustic guitars, electric guitars, bass, and a keyboard. I didn't always like going to church because sometimes it got boring when the other kids weren't there. But, I did grow accustomed to the music, to the out of tune singer, to the talented guest singers, to the large crowd that showed up on special occasions. I did get used to playing downstairs with my cousins, I did get used to coloring at Sunday school. I did pick up who Jesus was and the stories that followed. I do know some of the stories of the Bible through children's books. I remember the stories my mother shared with me at nights before bedtime. I do remember hearing her pray. I do remember her "feeling" the Holy Spirit within her. I do remember all those people that used to go there. And I still see the "Faithful Few" that strive to keep the church alive.

I don't know what to say about myself as of now. I'm trying to sing, but I got no vocal training. So, I kinda suck. I do try to play guitar, but I know only a few chords, and I'm not patient with myself. So, I kinda suck at that too. But recently, I've been trying to write songs and performed a few events and people have been telling me my so called singing is alright.

I try to sing because my mother sings. She's been singing since she was a teenager. I once asked her when and how she started, and only laughed as she told me how one of the adults at the time just asked her to sing at church. And she's been singing ever since. I remember singing with her at a young age, when we would go to bed. And one night as we sang, I heard my voice out of tune and stopped. I wasn't as good as my mother.

But today I excel in chord vocabulary. I still envy her range and her talent to awe the local people.

I'll just leave it at that for now. But now some of you know a bit about me.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

 

[Taith]

If I ever get myself some real, genuine friends, I'm setting standards. I'm not someone that would hang around trouble makers but if I keep hanging out with people who do the same thing to me over and over then something has to change.

Setting standards is very good. But the thing is the friends keeping those standards. Otherwise it does not really matter. In fact, I just lost my gf and good friend because she did not hold to what she said she would do.

Good morning everyone.

Just a side thought I wanted to talk about and see what you all think. I have a heart full of love, like I literally cannot hate people even if they hate me. I just can't, I love haha.
But.. I love with this feeling that I will be hurt. Everyone in my life I have loved has hurt me. And now I love knowing I will be hurt. I have been like this a long time. But after this break up, it seems to be even worse. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
It almost feels like a fake love, like "I love you, but you will hurt me and this love will not matter" Of course its real love, but not full love.
Its confusing me, and I really don't know what to do..

 

[Immawildthing]

My wedding is just a month away... I seriously feel like I'm just going to lock myself in the bathroom on my wedding night and have a good cry... It'll be all over soon.

 

[MissCris]

Setting standards is very good. But the thing is the friends keeping those standards. Otherwise it does not really matter. In fact, I just lost my gf and good friend because she did not hold to what she said she would do.

Good morning everyone.

Just a side thought I wanted to talk about and see what you all think. I have a heart full of love, like I literally cannot hate people even if they hate me. I just can't, I love haha.
But.. I love with this feeling that I will be hurt. Everyone in my life I have loved has hurt me. And now I love knowing I will be hurt. I have been like this a long time. But after this break up, it seems to be even worse. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
It almost feels like a fake love, like "I love you, but you will hurt me and this love will not matter" Of course its real love, but not full love.
Its confusing me, and I really don't know what to do..

I think this is a good topic/question to start a thread about

 

[MissCris]

I've been a loner for so long, I don't really know how let anyone in. My background, my home town, my family, my so called friends, my B.S., my beliefs, my emotions, all of it. I don't know how to properly share with people. I don't know how to openly say "Hey, I'm a native guy from a little indian reservation in North-West Ontario!" I don't know how to tell people that I was raised by a single mother whom I got my Christian beliefs from. She would take me to a little gray building that had a wood stove and no restroom, where they would share and have fellowship. Then that little church building soon evolved in to a larger structure with two floors, his and her restrooms, kitchen, and a full musical set of drums, acoustic guitars, electric guitars, bass, and a keyboard. I didn't always like going to church because sometimes it got boring when the other kids weren't there. But, I did grow accustomed to the music, to the out of tune singer, to the talented guest singers, to the large crowd that showed up on special occasions. I did get used to playing downstairs with my cousins, I did get used to coloring at Sunday school. I did pick up who Jesus was and the stories that followed. I do know some of the stories of the Bible through children's books. I remember the stories my mother shared with me at nights before bedtime. I do remember hearing her pray. I do remember her "feeling" the Holy Spirit within her. I do remember all those people that used to go there. And I still see the "Faithful Few" that strive to keep the church alive.

I don't know what to say about myself as of now. I'm trying to sing, but I got no vocal training. So, I kinda suck. I do try to play guitar, but I know only a few chords, and I'm not patient with myself. So, I kinda suck at that too. But recently, I've been trying to write songs and performed a few events and people have been telling me my so called singing is alright.

I try to sing because my mother sings. She's been singing since she was a teenager. I once asked her when and how she started, and only laughed as she told me how one of the adults at the time just asked her to sing at church. And she's been singing ever since. I remember singing with her at a young age, when we would go to bed. And one night as we sang, I heard my voice out of tune and stopped. I wasn't as good as my mother.

But today I excel in chord vocabulary. I still envy her range and her talent to awe the local people.

I'll just leave it at that for now. But now some of you know a bit about me.

For the record, I was completely shocked to see this long post next to your name, and more surprised by what it contains. You've got a unique history, and a way of sharing it that made me smile. It's kinda stinkin' awesome to hear a little about your life...hopefully you'll feel like you can share more here (no pressure! Well, a tiiiiny bit of pressure, I'm all intrigued by what you wrote...but yeah, no pressure )

 

[lil_christian]

So. Bored.

 

[homwardbound]

No one should mock anyone, that's wrong. I think this woman will act out like a child in anger, or an immature adult.

Don't we all at and in some form or another, so who has the impingement, we or the disabled?
We supposedly born normal, when normal really are the disabled, needing life in Spirit and truth, not even trusting the self, kind of like flesh spelled backwards without the H in it
Or dog backwards is God, and a dog is loyal to his master, as God is loyal to love us through it all, never leaving us nor forsaking us, always there of us, and never interferes with the free will choices given us, as we all know we have and could do again as we see others doing the same it makes it very difficult to walk by Faith, Just drive down the road and get cut off and get angry, and see how easy it is for our self flesh to get in our way over others, and we react back in the same way we got from them, evil we get, evil we give back?
Should this be? sweet water out of our mouths when in Church, acting all Holy and believing, step outside of those doors, and into the world, and immediately we are different, and act out the same as the unbeliever,
Sweet water and then sour, should not be should it?
So what can we do about it? How can we change? Have we not been trying? Is that not good enough having a contrite heart?
It is a start as in being water Baptized a desire to do right, yet find we can't? So we try find out we can't and hide behind closed doors as if we will be punished by others, if they only knew, we lust for all things in and of this world. That is in out nature?
So what is the only way to change, to be able to stop our guilt and pride, guilt, we fail and hide, pride we boast in and out onto the world.

So what is the only way to see? As we all go up and down in our roller coasters of life here on earth?

Could it be new life in Spirit and truth by the resurrected Christ, given to us by Father?
Which gives life the Father by Christ in the Spirit or by water baptism, the sign of a repentant heart?
Just some food for thought Sister, I see a born child that is considered deformed a blessing for us to ponder on, knowing this child has life forever, not being able to choose right or wrong, but what others teach them, is not on them it is on the one that teaches them to do wrong, that know the difference and yet think funny to cause trouble in others to others
Okay I quit rambling on.

 

[homwardbound]

I hunted down my copy of 'She's Come Undone'. I haven't read it in a few years. I forgot how unsettling it is...just the way this guy writes...disturbing and fascinating.

If we do not come undone, will we find the new life offered in and through the Son?

 

[homwardbound]

Hehehe.

You know God is a fire that burns flesh up, not the Spirit of God or his children born in Spirit and truth by Son's finished work for them?
Matthew 3:11
“With water I baptize those who repent of their sins; but someone else is coming, far greater than I am, so great that I am not worthy to carry his shoes! He shall baptize you with the Holy Spirit* and with fire.

 

[Searching4Truth]

So. Bored.

There is a thread dedicated to these proclamations. jk

Woke up. Put some music on. Ran a cup of coffee. Popped my toast. Took a cat out. Swallowed my pills. My morning ritual give or take some minor details. I'm so thankful for +6 hours of sleep. Turning off my T.V. and laptop has been helping.

 

[homwardbound]

I agree, my parents had friends that have a son with downs syndrome. When my parents would go visit and take me I'd love hanging out with him. He was about 10 years older than me but he and I had so much fun together. He was a special sweet person. My friend who I grew up with has an older sister with Downs, I still see her from time to time, she would always sit outside and talk to us on the way home from school, if kids made fun of her, we'd throw rocks at them, pebbles, OK now I know that's wrong, but she never really cared about people teasing. She's this sweet spirit who loves cows and her little brother and life.

You see re-read what you said I know that is not right, and she don't care, but we do and act out. We are the ones with impingement's in our heads of being taught right and wrong told to do right, and what do we do?
Yep, was this down syndrome ever told to do right over wrong? Nope and I see the love of God that comes out from these children as you do also, wow and woe is me?
Father change me to see truth over error, show me humility as is what is key to love and Mercy to all, that changed me, and keeps me changed, and charge no one no more, just bring them your love, trusting you to speak through me and all that believe to prayerfully do the same as in Matt 10:16-20, for as I see these passages do not stop at just your Son's disciples,. but are for all your Children

 

[homwardbound]

Welcome back. Of course grown ups stink... why do you think perfume is so popular??? It's our way of covering up being too grown.

And so there it shows the word itself "Makeup" Is making up oneself as if, when it might not be?

 

[Fenner]

Right now...I am struggling with what God wants me to do. I think I want, well GOD wants me to be a youth leader and a worship leader...but, there's so many other people that are so much better than me. SO MUCH better. I'm just average. I am NOTHING special. I have just an okay singing voice, and I can't do anything crazy awesome on guitar, even though I've been playing for 7.5 years now. While I'm pretty good for being a teenage girl on guitar...I feel like I could be SO much better. Especially doing lead guitar. I probably need worship training.

With that being said, "I'm not good enough," has never been a valid enough reason for God. Bah.

You know I often feel a bit under achieved when I work the Sunday School kids. The woman before me is an actual teacher, teacher. She was very organized and really good. She taught SS for years. Not me, I got thrown in. It was like,, oh great you're human, you breath, you're not to scary, you can teach Sunday school. In other words, it's very hard to find volunteers. So I go, and I do my best. It's not even a big class, but I still feel like, how will I keep there attention?

One week I was feeling pretty crappy about it because I had a bad day, but then one of the kids hugged me and said, thanks for the rice crispy treats and letting us throw balls at you and each other.

OK, so I'm not perfect, but heck I'm the one who brings good food and doesn't mind being whacked with a ball. So I'm good with them and God.

 

[homwardbound]

I am faced with the same dilemma.

Sit still as you still go and you will know and if when you make the choice and find out is was the wrong one, you get to learn truly the voice of good when it is God, self or evil forces trying to derail you off the tracks of truth that set you free
It took Abraham 29 years to be sure to know the voice of God, and be sure it was God that told him to take his promised Child to sacrifice, and Brother that is Faith learned to know God's voice through trial and error, God will and does teach us all through them, ye your emotions want to take over and keep us from learning when we make mistakes.
Time to steal, kill and destroy Emotions you think? How by Christ death burial and resurrection for you personally between God and you?
He came to give you life more abundantly to kill the stress and worry to have Faith in all things good or bad to learn truth over error you think?

John 10:10
The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.

If our emotions of worry and stress, in deciding were out of the way in not leading, you think we would make better choices?
Emotions as I see them belong at the caboose of the train, the result of what we think, our engine the train
Now if the caboose leads a train, what happens?
Yep the same with our emotions, they can and do derail us from the whole truth in freedom with Father through Son

 

[homwardbound]

My son just came up to me and said, "I see you have a new canvas on your painter's easy-el. You can paint sumfing new now. I know you can do it! You will do really REALLY GOOD! And then I will say Yay mom you did so good!"

I guess I'd better paint something. Can't disappoint my biggest fan.

Awesome, absolutely awesome

 

[homwardbound]

Right now...I am struggling with what God wants me to do. I think I want, well GOD wants me to be a youth leader and a worship leader...but, there's so many other people that are so much better than me. SO MUCH better. I'm just average. I am NOTHING special. I have just an okay singing voice, and I can't do anything crazy awesome on guitar, even though I've been playing for 7.5 years now. While I'm pretty good for being a teenage girl on guitar...I feel like I could be SO much better. Especially doing lead guitar. I probably need worship training.

With that being said, "I'm not good enough," has never been a valid enough reason for God. Bah.

actually when one is weak then that one is strong, 2 Cor 12
So maybe glory in it so God strength is perfect through you, just maybe

 

[Fenner]

My wedding is just a month away... I seriously feel like I'm just going to lock myself in the bathroom on my wedding night and have a good cry... It'll be all over soon.

That's how I felt after my wedding. I was so happy that it was over. I had a nice time and was glad we planned everything, but boy it was relief not to have to think about it anymore.

 

[homwardbound]

Hey y'all. Please keep me in your prayers. I am going through a really hard time.
Like a really hard time. Like i wish my tears would show through the screen so people understand i am going through a hard time haha

Done for you in seeing through to joy, peace and righteousness while in the midst of this? And sorry you are going through this, yet somehow, someway you will see the purpose in this for your good in training we all go through in this world
Find the good, learn from the bad and move on in love above the emotional trauma Brother I pray for God does know what you are going through and without you seeing it God is protecting you
As it took me a long while to see in my last travail, God was and is protecting me, even though I cried like ____________

 

[homwardbound]

My mom likes to say, "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

David was very young when he was called to king, and he was "only" a shepherd before that. Mary was a virgin when told she'd be the mother of Christ. Moses was called to free his people and he even told God, "I'm terrible at speaking...you should probably find someone else." He questioned God's choice.

"Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" And God said, "I will be with you." (Exodus 3:11-12a)

Love you, lil. Glad you're back on CC, sharing your heart.

And truly we all are called, so can we just trust and learn to make right choices after bad ones? I like what is said from you Sister from Mom, wise