You know, I'm pretty self aware... I think I know what a jerk looks like. What one acts like. I'm not as openly caring as some. Not so... loving or tender as others. I tried to be at one point. But you know? People walked all over me. Used me. This just didn't help with the bitterness I tried to let go of.
Brother maybe yopu are putting your dependency in the wrong place, on self and others to react nice back, you know they should we are taught to love neighbor as self and get spit on, trampled over, leaving a bad taste in our mouths and we react badly in __________________ and then the blame game hits not worthy, the above worthy, pride and arrogance which is all of evil not the love of God
So maybe, just tell God you are thankful you are not worthy seeing this is why God came to earth as a man to redeem us, because no one is worthy but Christ
And God asks you to ask God for The Christ life in participation after you see you can't do the imitation, as you tried and got slapped and knocked down
So maybe ask God for the Christ who desires to live through you, the one that can take all adversity and not effect you, in place of the one we all get caught up in to try and imitate, yet can't and get beat up as is what I hear you expressing.
It is like you were invited to a game at 3:00 PM. And you said wow, right on and you showed up for this game in your Tennis shorts with racket and ball, only to see it is a football game.
Now if you go out and play, what happens being in Tennis shorts and a racket?
So this game of liofe here on earth is not a Tennis game it is a football game and we the believers need full uniform
[h=3]Ephesians 6:10-20[/h]Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)
[SUP]10 [/SUP]Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. [SUP]11 [/SUP]Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. [SUP]12 [/SUP]For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high
places. [SUP]13 [/SUP]Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. [SUP]14 [/SUP]Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; [SUP]15 [/SUP]and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; [SUP]16 [/SUP]above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. [SUP]17 [/SUP]And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: [SUP]18 [/SUP]praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; [SUP]19 [/SUP]and for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, [SUP]20 [/SUP]for which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
The above was from Paul to us all,
Pray you are hearing with those Spiritual ears given to you from Father through Son
No matter though love you anyway as in 1 Cor 13:4-7, that is the type of Love God has shown the whole world by Son
I stopped being an imitator and asked to be a participator, hoping you see the difference as well?