I talked to my one girl friend who isn't really a friend, and she actually sort of listened to me tonight. I tried to explain the lonely feeling, and her advice? "So be with somebody. You need a boyfriend."
I hate that any of this is even on my mind currently. Of course it's not always there, but the very idea of any future romantic anything makes my head spin and I start freaking out a little.
I tried to explain that to my friend. I think it came out as gibberish, because she just said she had to go and hung up.
Maybe it's just this vast, unknown future stretching out before me that's got me all sick to my stomach. Maybe I inhaled a moth or something. I need to install an off switch for my mind. It's way too hot in here. It would help if my mom would stop trying to comfort me by saying that after my divorce is final, I'll meet a nice man and get married again.That's not comforting, it's terrifying.
Attention world: Boyfriends do not solve loneliness. Let Miss Cris deal with and get over getting out of an abusive marriage without suggesting that she needs a new relationship. Future romance is not required of her in order to live a happy life.
I got your back. Also I would suggest that part of the crazy is learning to deal with making your own decisions and being your own person instead of letting some controlling person live your life for you. It's learning a new skill and you are going to feel uncertain and awkward at times. That's ok. Oh and we don't mind your meltdowns, sometimes you just need to get that stuff out. Better to let the crazy out in small controlled doses than let it build up until it comes out as an incapacitating explosion.