She wants me to let go and I can't! Losing my Faith!

[LostandAlone]

I am ever so sorry that you are going through something so tragic in your life. At this point you are finding it so hard to move because you don,t know anything else except that you don,t want her to leave.
i can,t give you all I want to say here, but if you want to, I am happy to help you each step.
your partner is moving on, because of what you have done in the past and maybe even more, however all is not lost. I can and won,t tell you that it will end the way you want it to end, but by starting at page one, who knows how the last page may reveal.
I am talking from experience some personal, so you need to be motivated from page one and not page two or three.
God is not punishing you, because why would God give you the freedom to experience life and then when something goes wrong punishes you. NO, he gave you free will to experience and learn.
Lost and Alone, you need to embrace God. Ask Him for help, maybe because you feel He is now close is because your heart is partially closed. Faith is a strong component that we all have, but to put faith in someone you feel may have caused this is hard. God will not let you down. He will support you.
my advice, and it's my advice and not necessarily the correct way, is to ask your partner to sit down and agree to have a talk without blame.
Maybe make a drink, but not alcohol.
Set boundaries and agree that when someone is talking, the other does not interfere. Decide on something that you value in the house. Maybe a cup that you bought or a piece of jewellery something that you can hold. When the person holding this item speaks, the other can.t until the item is passed to the other, then you are free to talk. Don,t blame but if you have things to say, say them without blame. Remember keeping calm is of most important.
overall you need to keep calm, don.t look angry and remember that you did love each other, and finding where it went wrong is more important that trying to stop her from moving.
keeping calm, showing that you are willing to talk without blame.
however the first step is to accept what is currently happening as if you try to stop her from moving on, the more you tighten the reigns, the tighter she will pull to move away making any chance zero.
being human, being rational, showing that you still want to be friends keeps you in discussion.
i have said enough at the moment as I don,t want to give you false hopes, but starting over is sometimes a great idea. You learn more about your past and your partner.
Children are always the losers in relationships, however change this around. Show then you care and are willing to share their life, homework etc. support them and they will respect you.
blessings. Jacorn.
Matthew 11.28
Hebrew: 11.16. Faith...........

Jacorn I sent you a pm also

 

[presidente]

LostandAlone,

Reading the first page, I wondered if people were just accusing you for no reason, kicking you while you are down.

On the one hand, the drug addict who shows up at home occasionally, doesn't buy the milk for the baby half the time, etc. could have a wife that said the things your wife said. On the other hand, the decent, hard-working man who spends hours at the office trying to earn more money for his wife and kids whose wife is unappreciative and flighty could also say the same sort of things to her husband. She could blame him for all her emotional frustrations and possibly convince him that there is some big thing wrong with him that he can't quite get a clear grasp on. Based on what I've read, I couldn't put you in either category. And there might be some third category.

But then I read that you weren't married. If you didn't marry her, you don't really have much in the way of moral rights to stay with her. When I married my wife, I tried to do it in a way that honored her and God, in a way that society would consider us married. Her father gave her away to me in marriage in the ceremony. But if you only marry 'in your heart', and your wife says stuff like this, you can't bring up the wedding vows, the fact that she made a commitment before God to stay with you, and things like that if those things didn't happen.

If I were in that situation, I might wait a few days if my wife were saying that because she were exhausted, hungry, and hormonal and was upset. If she had really set her heart on divorce, I'd point out that divorcing me would be a sin. I would try to encourage her to do what is right in the site of God. How does God want her to treat me as a husband? Those would be the sorts of things I'd mentioned. And if I were falling short in some area, I'd want her to kindly and respectfully point that out and I could work on those areas.

But I could do that because we are both believers and we are married according to Biblical teaching and religious and social custom. She can't say we aren't married. Really, a boyfriend has no right to tell his girlfriend it's wrong if she doesn't stay with him.

Is your girlfriend a believer? Does she want to follow God? If she does, then you could propose the idea that you both get serious about your faith, repent, stop sleeping with each other until you get married.

Something else that could potentially make her re-think things is if you actually proposed marriage to her. She may respond with coldness if she's dead set on leaving. But if she warmed up to you and you did something special and proposed on one knee the traditional way and set a wedding date, who knows? I can't guarantee that will solve your problems, though.

My main advice would be to repent of all your sin, get right with God in any area of your life where you need to repent, trust in Christ's sacrifice for your sin and submit to His Lordship, believe that God raised him from the dead, and draw close to the Lord. Spend a lot of time in prayer. you can also pray about your situation. I'll pray for you, too.

 

[Atwood]

My partner of 12 years and mother to my child has told me we are done. She isn't in love with me anymore. She says I need to let go and see where life takes us. See if life will bring us back together. She is the only woman I have ever loved. I havn't been a good man to her. Ignored her needs, wants and desires. I havn't been a good father. Ignored her kids and my own. Now that I see the things I've done wrong she says it's to late to fix things. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost and scared. I need help and can't find it. I need my family as a whole unit and don't know how to fix this. They say to put it into gods hands and he will lead the way. I can't help but to feel that god is punishing me for failing my family. I'm losing my faith in love, hope, God and myself. I'm spiraling out of control and can't stop. I told her today that I would let go but I don't think I can and I'm just pushing her further and further away. Someone please help me!!

Read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough; maybe it is online.

Partner instead of wife?

 

[Atwood]

Love Must Be Tough - iTunes

I note that Dobson's Love Must Be Tough is available by iTunes. I don't know if it is on Focus on the Family website or YouTube. Dobson did give the gist of that book on the radio years ago.

 

[jacorn]

Whilst this person is asking for help, we need to remember that we are dealing with a persons feeling. Whether it be spiritual or not is not the major concern. The major concern is how BEST to offer help. I am more than happy to help as a trained counsellor in this specific area, however I do not want to butt in if you are already receiving help. You are in the US and I am in Australia so it may be a problem. I am more than happy to step back and be available if and when you need help, but you must feel comfortable with the person helping and guiding you. Remember it is important that you are empowered and not disempowered. Your partner needs time, she cares for you, there may be some hope, but first of all you need to find you. Give God a chance. I know it's hard. Been there done that, but it does work.
God bless.
JAcorn.

 

[Angela53510]

I don't totally understand how a person could claim to serve and love God, and not be married to the mother of his children. Partner? I don't find that word in the Bible.

You really need to find Christ, and then go from there. If you need to understand the way God saves us, PM me and we can talk. Please understand, I am not trying to be mean, but there are consequences to living your life in a way that does not please God. This life is not about pleasing ourselves, but pleasing God. And that ultimately leads to a relationship with Jesus Christ that lasts beyond the grave.

Praying you will come to know Christ and follow him. He will restore you, but not necessarily the way you expect.

 

[Ella85]

Separation isnt a bad thing all the time. It allows you to figure out what you want from your life.

 

[John_agape]

Esanta, I wish I had a fraction of your wisdom when I was twice your age.

 

[Esanta]

Esanta, I wish I had a fraction of your wisdom when I was twice your age.

I hope I have your humility when I'm yours.

 

[Elin]

I hope I have your humility when I'm yours.

Second that motion. (here)

 

[staralchemy]

If there is one thing I have learned recently...it is to let go. You can't control her decisions in life. (I know this because I'm learning it in my own situation) Keep your focus and energy on your relationship with God. Everything good will fall into place when you do that. It may or may not involve her, but you have to trust God and trust that He is going to care of you. He knows our deepest desires of our heart...He created them, so who else should we lean on and trust? That alone should help you feel secure in whoever He places into your life. Just keep on keeping on and if you need to talk...I'm here for you. I'm kind of in a similar sort of mess myself. The thing is...my mess almost killed me and it killed my only child. Just keep your focus where it matters most. God bless you.

 

[JustifiedandSanctified]

Life is messy and hard, filled with bondage. You must know who you are in Christ and what the Holy Spirit did for you. You must reckon these things in a way that you mind them and you see yourself as so. You must know that you are dead to sin as Christ died to crucify the body of sin. You must know that you are justified by faith through our Lord Jesus Christ and have peace with God. As you mind them, the Holy Spirit will dwell in you and mortify the body of sin in you. As you begin to focus on your relationship with God through Jesus Christ our Lord, you will be led by the Spirit and bondage that is keeping you from finding peace will leave.

What can one say? Do you need to be accused for what you are already condemning yourself for? Sin has you in bondage and the goodness of God leads to repentance. The freedom from the bondage of sin is believing that Jesus is who he says he is and that He did what He said He did. If you think following a set a rules will fix your life, you will fall in to bondage again. This is the law of the flesh. It has no power other than to condemn you. It is the law of the mind, the law of God, the law of the Spirit of Christ, that can lead you into a sanctified life. God has done all the work. All you have to do is believe.

Your focus is on your wife but she can't save you, fix you or change you. You need to seek God. God didn't offer you salvation just to save you. He is offering the spirit of adoption. Adoption in the biblical sense was what God has always wanted, a son or daughter who wants the wisdom of God, to think like Him, act like HIm and labor like HIm. Adoption was when a father chose a child to take over the family business, this could be his own child or one that was not his own. God's business is taking back the earth and the heavens from the adversary. When God created Adam, Adam didn't have any wisdom. He was naked and didn't understand he was. God showed Adam all the animals and had Adam name them as a way to teach Adam that having a help met was good. Adam was learning from his Father. God didn't want them eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because He wanted to teach His wisdom and knowledge to Adam. God's wisdom can not be put inside us. It has to be learned. God gave us His Word that we could learn His wisdom. The competing wisdom (the knowledge of good and evil) is vanity as the book of Ecclesiastes says. There is another wisdom, God's, that He wants to teach you that is laid out in Romans through Philemon. This wisdom will have you thinking like God, acting like God and laboring with Him.

You will find that God has everything ready to show you that will bring you peace and the ability to make wise decisions right now in this life and all this is to prepare you for the work you will have when our bodies our redeemed. To know God's will, you must learn to think like Him. This is the first step. What to do about your wife and children will come and you are living in God's grace so that you can learn from Him what you need to do. This grace allows you the freedom from condemnation so that you aren't held in bondage of fear. Adam was naked and God gave him grace because He hadn't taught Adam about clothes yet. Know that you have this grace so that you can learn in the way that God in His wisdom has laid out for you. If you need an earthly father to point the scriptures out to you, I highly recommend Dr. Mike McDaniel on YouTube. He has hundreds of free videos that walk you through God's curriculum of wisdom found in God's Word.

may the peace of God through Christ be with you.

 

[hope4us]

You've gotten a lot of responses. I don't know if more is too overwhelming. I haven't read them all. I offer my input as a woman in a similar place, perhaps, to your partner. (My husband and I have been together 4+ years, married 3. We have kids, but not together. He treated me poorly and I left. We are trying to reconcile but he is not treating me a whole lot better. In fact, he has cheated since.) Here's what I know. She must love you. She may not feel love for you, but she must love you. 12 years and children are a big deal. I still love my husband. She must be committed to have remained with you for that long despite being treated poorly. I am still committed to my husband. I agree God is not punishing you but free will is in motion, as someone stated. Our behaviors have consequences. This is the conseqence of your behaviors. BUT, if she loved you and if she was committed, it might not be all gone. She said she wants to see if life will bring you back together. She must have hope.
This is what I need to see from my husband. Maybe she needs the same: Action. Proof. Evidence. CONSISTENTLY.She, like me, may be sick of the (meaningless) words. I think the love dare is a good idea. Or anything thing else you can DO that demonstrates you have changed. I don't know how you specifically hurt her or ignored her, but you do. Any chance you get to do those things differently, do so. EVERY time.
Praying right now for you and for my marriage.

 

[BeanieD]

God is not punishing you, but He wants you to learn a few things. Looks like you are on your way with that, so give her some time and show her. Fire proof is a really good book but it requires us to sometimes give what we don't think we can. But when God is in the equation, He gives us the strength and will to do what we need to do.